HELLO!


Hey all, welcome to my blog. Even though it’s called ‘Supernatural Snark’, I’ve opened my heart and I now snark about any and everything. I can also be found at HIP TO BE SNARK (which is a play on Hip To Be Square if you’re wondering).

Anyway, if you’re here because you’re tired of Supernatural and the cast- I have a lot of posts that will be of interest to you. Way too many. I kind of wish they’d retire the show and their stupidity. If you’re wondering why I’m trash talking your favourite show – there’s an explanation post here.

Please read the rest of this post if you’re wondering where the Supernatural recaps have gone.

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How To Plot Twist Your Way Into WTFVille (as told by Secrets and Lies Season 2).


s-v

Let’s start with the nice stuff first.

1. Black cast!!! BLACK CAST!

This was awesome to see even though they were surrounded by a sea of whiteness.

2. Michael Ealy.

I love his face. I love his acting. That is all.

3. Eric Winter.

Yes. Yes. Herbal Essences Yes. He looked gooood. That’s all that that came to mind when he popped up because his character was a jerk.

4. Mekia Cox

Every time she’s on TV I know her character will be up to some crazy shit.

5. Peter Mills!!

Need I say anymore? 

6. Edwin Hodge

Small role but he’s adorable so whatever.

7. He will always be John Locke to me


Now onto the snark…

Secrets and Lies Season 2: How To Plot Twist Your Way Into WTFVille

1. Start with decent plot.

Newly married to the beautiful Kate and set to inherit leadership of his family’s profitable Charlotte, N.C., equity firm, well-educated and hard-working Eric Warner seems to have it all. Everything changes in an instant when, while attending a party to celebrate his father, John Warner, officially passing the reins of the business over to him, someone murders his wife. Enter brilliant and unflappable homicide detective Andrea Cornell, as she leaves no stone unturned in her quest to uncover what happened and bring justice to the victim.

2. Depress us less than they did during season 1

Kate is made out to be this perfect, pretty woman who lied constantly – but for a good reasons. In fact, she was so perfect and understanding that I was wondering just who would want to kill her. I think the writers also struggled with that question. Anyway, given that this season was about shiny, rich people and set in a sort of glamorous big corp environment it was mich more entertaining that the suburban feel of season 1. The experienced cast also helped here.

3. Make it predictable 

Predictable isn’t always a bad thing. Kate was perfect apart from the fact that she had a secret child. She had a secret iPad. She had a secret mother who wasn’t dead like she said she was. Everything they revealed about her was no surprise. Coupled with the bright whimsical flashbacks of her being the perfect wife, girlfriend and friend – she was sort of boring. The most interesting scene she had was falling off the roof of a building.

The usual suspects were the tight-knit family members. Eric, the dreamy husband. Neil, his philandering best friend. Patrick, Eric’s drunken younger brother. Liam, the fraudulent assistant. John Locke, the conniving father in law. And so forth. 

4. Add a whole bunch of random subplots 


Halfway through the season, the writers decided to give us some insight into the main character’s life. The question was did the audience suddenly want a diversion away from the main story? One minute we’re wondering who killed Kate and the next…we’re watching as Cornell’s alcoholic daughter relapses and also suddenly expected to care that her partner was shot at some kind of police house visit. It was kind of random. 

Also falling into the random column was the case of Danny, a cop introduced to the story to reinforce their Saint Kate theme. His daugher ran away from home shortly before his partner killed himself but not before leaving a note confessing to abusing Danny’s runaway daughter. Somehow he manages to find a picture of his daughter at the party Kate was at. He confronts Kate and she texts him on the night she dies when she sees his daughter at Eric’s party. 

Okay, that’s fine and all but…the link was so tenuous that I couldn’t understand why Danny was in every episode. Until he ended up being Danny Ex Machina. 

5. Build on the random subplots by adding even more ridiculous subplots. 

  • First, we find out that Patrick (drunken baby bro) has committed major fraud
  • Said fraud leads to him and his wife opening a whore house
  • VICE just happen to be monitoring said house
  • John Locke is a bigamist with a secret son that tried to blackmail his first son with wife #2
  • His first wife has cancer which is why he disappeared for half of the season
  • John Locke loses everything because he conveniently used wife #2’s money to build his company and he was never legally married to her.
  • Eric is the reason why his mother is in a coma – he pushed her downstairs. 
  • …but only because she was an alcoholic and somehow Patrick doesn’t remember this until he does (this wasn’t ridiculous but it was surrounded by ridiculousness)
  • Somewhere between that they manage to suspect that Kate’s son’s adopted mother killed her and we see the son and stepfather
  • Neil slept with Eric’s sister Amanda whose marriage broke down because she can’t have children — although this ended up counting in the end.
  • Danny’s daughter is found at another whore house and he gets a happy ending? Whee, I guess. 

6. Make the killer obvious but leave us in the dark regarding the motive

After the first episode, my money was on Amanda because they showed her sweating and popping pills. However she seemed genuinely distraught so I was thinking hmm, the reason must be something shocking like Kate having an affair! 

That was before the whole Saint Kate nonsense so by the end I had a bad feeling. We learn more about Amanda’s fertility than we do about her. She’s also a lawyer, so all of her animosity towards the police is to be expected. However the writers made it sort of obvious that it was her by:

  • Having her leave a cigarette butt right in front of the detective who is investigating her family for murder
  • Having her freely admit to dry cleaning the clothes she wore on the day of the murder – this was a lie but that any lawyer would claim to tamper with evidence is suspicious. 

And fair enough. It had to be somebody. However, in what has to be the most ridiculous twist, the police arrest Eric for Kate’s murder. And this is after a lot of talk in the crime lab about it “being the wrong jacket” and there being “skin cells from China” on the jacket. They then manage to match the blood at the crime scene to a mystery person but I was just thinking — we already know that a specific character gave you clean clothes! 

Anyway, so all of that nonsense aside, they essentially use some weird psychology to get Eric to remember who wasn’t at the party in the moment when Kate disappeared. We then see a flashback of everyone but Amanda. After some denials, she basically admits that she did it. 

The reason? Because Kate was pregnant. Yes, the heavily medicated infertile woman pushed another woman off a roof because she was jealous. 


And the ridiculousness doesn’t even end there because it turns out that Amanda isn’t infertile. She’s actually pregnant! 

I literally said to myself, “Fucking, really? Da fuck is this shit?”
It was just so stupid.

In the end she agrees to plead guilty but only if Eric agrees to look after her child. Neil has three ex-wives and a tendency to bail on people as evidenced by his no-show when he is meant to visit Amanda in prison. Eric walks out on her so we never know if he agrees to look after the kid. 

The show ends with Eric calling Kate’s son because, well. They wanted to end on a happy note after all of the fuckery.

Wait

The show decides to end with more fuckery. Cornell arrives home to find her daughter drunk/drugged up amd her gun missing. There’s a noise and then a gunshot rings out. 


Verdict: 7/10. Despite the silliness, I enjoyed it and it’s only ten episodes so I recommend it. Sort of.

The Girl Who Hates Everything | greek yogurt


9. Seriously? 

Yes. Well. No. I don’t hate it. I just don’t get it.

10. It’s yogurt. What’s there to get?

Well, apparently it’s healthy. It’s also now used as a substitute in almost everything. At this point we can eat, bathe in and moisturise with greek yogurt but that doesn’t hide the fact that it still tastes kind of…awful? Although everyone claims it’s delicious and I’m just like…

11. Sigh.

All I’m saying is that people have some funky taste buds!

The Girl Who Hates Everything | inspirational quotes



I’ve decided that there’s no harm in talking about things that I don’t like, so welcome to my latest soon-to-be abandoned blog series. I’m also aware that it should be ‘who’ and not ‘that’ but I’m not changing the picture because I’m lazy.

I’m going to continue from where I left off

7. So…let me guess, you have an issue with inspirational quotes?

8. Care to elaborate?

Nah. 


Coming up next: Backtracking

We’re waiting for a train


…and it just won’t come.

Even though we all knew it would happen, season 13 is officially a go. WOOOOOOO!!!!! And many more charity campaigns will be on the way too, I’m sure. Congratulation$, fandom.

I’ve lost interest in drumming up any outrage over this show, so I’ll leave any willing takers to do so on my behalf.

Or not.

At this point, we all have better things to be doing!

How To Bore Your Audience (As Told By ABC’s “Secret & Lies US”*)


secrets-and-lies-us-54f73ac73ec65-1

*This post is based on season 1. Spoilers ahead!

Season 2 is shaping up to be just as silly but some of my favourite people are in it. DORIAN (Michael Ealy). O’LAUGHLIN (Eric Winter). PETER MILLS (Charlie Barnett). LEM (Kenny Johnson). Wait. Those are fictional characters. Anyway.

Ben Crawford is a self-employed contractor, married to Christy with whom he has two daughters, Natalie, 16, and Abby, 12. His best friend, Dave, lives in their summer house. They have a neighbor, Jess, who is estranged from her husband Scott, who is in the military. Jess and Scott have a five year old son named Tom.

While out for an early morning run, Ben discovers Tom’s body; he was evidently taken from his bed into the woods and killed by six blows to the head from a flashlight.

Detective Cornell is convinced Ben is the killer, Ben cannot prove his innocence because he suffered a blackout after going out drinking with Dave following a fight with Christy over her suspicion of an affair with Jess.

Here’s how to bore your audience.

1. Lull us into a false sense of Ryan Phillippe being attractive enough to keep us watching 

He’s not.

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The Girl That Hates Everything | intro


So, it has come to my attention that not liking things that other people like means that I hate everything. Or that talking about what I don’t like means that I hate everything. I know that I don’t hate everything and I actually don’t like being known as the person that hates everything. I’m quirky and weird, dammit. I listen to 90s music. That is a sure sign that I love everything.

Well…maybe that’s a slight exaggeration.

Anyway, I’ve decided that the best way to figure this shit out is to interview myself, so here goes nothing.  (more…)

Alternative New Year Resolutions


January is always accompanied by a bunch of new years resolutions that nobody keeps up with. Gym CEOs sit behind large desks and rub their hands with glee because ‘lose weight‘ is usually number one on the list. And fair enough, that’s a reasonable resolution. Or y’know, a personal goal people probably had before January 1st. Let’s be honest, a lot of resolutions are things that people should and probably will be doing anyway. And in light of 2016, nobody who wanted to be a better person last year was truly successful.
So here’s my alternative list of suggestions for people.

**Be Less Of An Asshole**

This one goes out to the deplorables, liberals, brexiteers, remainers, bigots, racist, general assholes. Just try to turn it down a notch and *listen* to other people. Even if you don’t like what they’re saying, acting like a bunch of school girls won’t help anybody. Being a bully doesn’t help anybody. (more…)

2016 Roundup + my blog turned 5 in December!


Happy New Year, snarklings!!!! Here’s hoping that 2017 is good to all of us.😊
I’d like to thank everyone who has commented over the years, particularly Trish, JoJo and JM. And to my friends who’ve had to deal with me sending them links over the years 😂

So I thought I’d do a roundup post of sorts! And then babble for a bit.

Stats:

Most popular posts from 2016

1.The one where the Jared set his Pada Warriors on someone who didn’t deserve it

2. The one where I compared Rapunzelecki to Trump

3. Charity stuff

4.Jared’s love affair with McDonalds 

Most popular posts this year that were not posted in 2016

1. Unsurprisingly, it is my Open Letter To Jensen. I’ve posted all of three posts specifically about him so…slim pickings …although, he almost got one for Zeppelin and Arrow. 

2.The original stupid and senseless

3.Misha’s stupid and senseless post

Other shizzle

Last recap:10×10

Snarkvestigation 3

Lifetime snark

My scripts 

Yes! I finally ticked off an item on my bucket list and wrote a script. And then I wrote six more. And sure, they’re not Hollywood standard but it still counts. 

So here they are!

Babble about how my blog helped me 

It was so long that it got its own page here.


It was a quiet year here on the blog but hopefully I will be able to post more next year. My next bad moviethon entry will be Playing It Cool which sounds truly awful. SPN recaps are still on hiatus for now. I’m sure there will be more Lifetime recaps. 

But most of all, there will be snark.

-peace

stupid and senseless: always keep fighting


First of all, Happy Christmas/Holidays/Can Anyone Be Bothered?, snarklings!

Onto the good stuff!

Recently I got a comment that claimed that the Supernatural fans are a family that comfort each other. They’re great people who are against bullying and they don’t offend anyone.

Perhaps that person can explain this 500+ word email that I received…

Name: UnimpressedAnon

Comment: OMG YOU NEED TO FUCK THE FUCK OFF. SHIT, I don’t think I have seen a more useless piece of garbage in my entire existence. I mean, who..what pathetic piece of shit would try start a blog for the sole purpose of badmouthing a television show.
I mean, seriously? Have people not told you this before, if you DON’T LIKE IT. STOP WATCHING IT. It’s that simple. Oh yeah, just try it, honey. God knows we don’t need any of you. The world doesn’t need any part of you. 
You have so much hatred and free useless time that you actually would take these thoughts and anger and use them against an actor or a show, and…I’m not even mad anymore. It’s just pathetic. And yeah..i should probably follow my own advice and leave it, but gosh, you have fucking compelled me to write this. ‘
SPN snark…stop encouraging this, you sick fuckup. This isn’t a huge global issue..like Donald Trump becoming President or the apparent rise in hate crimes, which I’m SURE don’t relate. BUt coming back to the topic on hand, People aren’t going to fall over and DIE because of this show, as far as I know, it’s a pretty good show ans the actors do a pretty damn good job of it, and this isn’t being said out of some blind devotion, or unyielding love. It’s the truth. And that’s my opinion and you have yours. There are things i don’t like either, know what the difference between you and me is, that I don’t have the stupidity or the audacity to actually start a hate blog about things I personally don’t like. So, guess what, suck it up and go do something positive with your life.(Some of the categories in your Other Stuff actually seem nice and sensible) and I don’t know for the life of me why those are included in the OTHER STUFF. You talk about distributing dignity, how is this, snarking, hating, getting together a community of haters to talk shit dignified or civil. IT’s not.
Do yourself a favour and just leave it, these actors/directors/writers do not care about your existence or rants. I doubt they even know you exist. They’re surrounded by love and care and they take that and they turn into good things, positive things. Campaigns,charities, Scavenger hunts. (Random Acts, Always Keep Fighting) 
But do you care about that, OH no ,because Jared’s twitter and Jensen’s fame and Misha’s popularity can only be used for trolling and stupid posts according to you. Look at them, actually look at them. They’ve made so much out of their lives, This particular show, infact has changed so many lives for the better. The entire SPN family has. How have you done that. How have your snark posts and hate comments changed any lives or transformed people. If they haven’t, It simply isn’t your place to talk shit about them.
Just help yourself, and stop encouraging this bullshit. And I obviously had a lot to say, you might not even read all of this . But if you do, I hope you can understand that this..THIS, isn’t just crap filled with sentences stating the perfection of the show fuelled by hormones or unwavering, blind love. Just advice.

I didn’t reply to UnimpressedAnon personally, but I have chosen to give them two things:

  • Their own stupid and senseless post.
  • The attention that Jared, Jensen and whoever will never give them.

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