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HELLO!

Hey all, welcome to my blog.  

If you’re here because you’re tired of Supernatural and the cast- I have a lot of posts that will be of interest to you. Way too many. I kind of wish they’d retire the show and their stupidity. If you’re wondering why I’m trash talking your favourite show – there’s an explanation post here.

Please read the rest of this post if you’re wondering where the Supernatural recaps have gone.

If you have a general comment about Supernatural, the cast or whatever, I now have an open thread!

Continue reading “HELLO!”

Batman Returns is NOT a good movie

Not too long ago, I watched “Batman” (1989) in full for the first time and I LOVED IT!

It took me a while to get around to the sequel, but I regularly tell people Batman Returns is my favourite Batman movie. Liking it all over again was just a formality, right? How can I not enjoy a movie I saw before I was too old to understand it?

In my mind, I truly believed I knew what the movie was about, but I’ll be honest I still don’t know what it’s about.

Okay, now THIS I loved!

I sat down to watch it (for the first time in over fifteen years) and it is a hot mess. It’s not even a Batman movie, he just so happens to be there. The most bizarre thing is that it’s completely child inappropriate, but that didn’t register to me as a child. I was just like, YAY BATMAN! EW PENGUIN! YAY CATWOMAN! YAY ALFRED! WAH SOUNDTRACK!

I didn’t remember most of it. There are iconic scenes I did remember (Christopher Walken and Michelle Pfeiffer + window, duh), but that’s to be expected. The entire second hour was a mystery to me. And not a good one. I’ll be honest, it’s a terrible movie. Absolutely terrible. I was staring at my screen wide-eyed wondering how this movie is still considered one of the better Batman movies. The dude is barely in the movie.

Although, I get the sense that was the point. It was a character study of the villains… and it just so happened to have Batman in the background. The problem is that… none of the characters are appealing. Even Bruce Wayne is reduced to simpering mess, ripping off his Batman mask (symbolism? The final act is telling us that actually this was never a Batman movie, this was just the mask this messed up character chose to wear) to tell Selina Kyle that they’re both messed up (see!).

I remember thinking that scene was romantic. He was unmasking himself for her! Now? LOL. Their entire relationship was weird.

Penguin… I absolutely remember Penguin being brought up by penguins from back in the day, but…as an adult… well, it just doesn’t fly. I don’t remember him running for Mayor and being exposed when Bruce Wayne plays a recording of him monologuing about his bad notions. I do not remember his giant duck car (which can ride up stairs!). Or him teaming up with Catwoman to take down Batman.

I vaguely remember Batman being framed. At the time of writing and having seen this movie three days ago, I don’t remember what he was framed for. Something to do with the Batmobile mowing down people? I think they hacked into it and while Batman was inside, they controlled the car.

Everybody knows Batman is supposed to have contingency plans – but maybe not this Batman?

Anyway, this is basically an alternate universe take on Batman. At this point, if you want a true Batman story, you have to do the rest of the movies post-Burton or the animated series. Even Batman Begins (which I love and watched after this, and while it has its flaws, it never tries to be more than what it is).

Keaton is still my favourite Batman, though. Out of all the ones I saw growing up, he’s the one I remember. The one who made me like the character. His suit is cool. His gadgets are cool. His Bruce Wayne is a hot mess, but there’s enough cool to balance things out.

In a weird way, I still consider this to be my favourite Batman movie too. It’s a movie about nothing, but it got me into Batman. I can’t abandon it now! I’m not sure why the general consensus is that this is a good movie, though. Nostalgia? If it was so good, why didn’t Tim Burton do another movie? I’m just saying.

Although, we went from Burton to Joel Schumacher. I don’t think there was any upgrade there, but the Schumacher movies were fun to laugh at the very least. Burton’s were kooky and adventurous, if not an indication that he was uninterested in the source material. Nolan took a darker approach but retained the spirit of Batman. Snyder…I am on record as saying that Keaton is better than Batfleck. I think Zach Snyder’s universe strips away why people like heroes so much in the first place.

We have “The Batman” coming soon featuring Robert Pattinson. It will be dark, gloomy and the fans will love it until they don’t. Just my two cents.

Anyway, this was a lesson in how perception can change when you grow older. And how some things just aren’t timeless. Smallville, to name a superhero adaptation, has that kind of timeless feel to it because we’re seeing the characters over a long period of time – making them seem real and with clear-cut motivations.

Batman Returns fails on that basic level.

There is no story here. We get a back story for Penguin, but it doesn’t help us understand why he wants to kill Batman.

In the end, we’re left with a broken Batman that we never really explore. The better title for this movie would have been Batman Exists (Barely).

Someone came to the same conclusion before I did – most of us haven’t seen the movie for so long we don’t know how bad it is. It’s kind of funny in a way.

This entry from the notes they made says it all:

After Penguin receives a note from Batman stating that his plot was foiled, the movie jumps the shark as Penguin gives a motivating speech to an auditorium full of penguins. Because penguins fucking understand English. Penguin has all of his penguin-troops armed with missiles, and instructs them to go above ground to kill all the children of Gotham. Meanwhile Batman is traveling in his Bat Boat underground in search of Penguin. Trust me, I really am trying to appreciate this movie.

Penguin literally has henchmen penguins in this movie.

Rating: 5/10. I wasn’t quite sure what I was watching, but I made it until the end. I also like Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman a lot, so… it gets extra points for that.

Has anyone seen Batman Returns recently? What did you think of it?

I also want to watch Casper for the first time since the early 2000s but now I’m scared, LOL.

Bad Moviethon – #36 – The Choice

PBMM

YEAR
[The Choice] [2016] [11%]
Travis Shaw (Benjamin Walker) is a ladies’ man who thinks a serious relationship would cramp his easygoing lifestyle. Gabby Holland (Teresa Palmer) is a feisty medical student who’s preparing to settle down with her long-term boyfriend (Tom Welling). Fate brings the two together as Gabby moves next door to Travis, sparking an irresistible attraction that upends both of their lives. As their bond grows, the unlikely couple must decide how far they’re willing to go to keep the hope of love alive.

I made it 11 minutes into this before I started cackling away at Tom Welling. Why is he here? Why did he agree to this? To pay his mortgage I’m assuming because… his screen time overall is probably less than 15 minutes. Which is good for him because his suffering was kept to a minimum.

[Still, how did he find time to do this movie but not put on the Superman suit?]

The rest of the cast… well, let’s get into it. This movie checks a lot of my low budget boxes. The main make lead has a horrible fake Southern accent and a haircut worse than Jared Padalecki’s in the last ten seasons of Supernatural. There are weird forced interactions. You know how you watch those low budget movies and the cast have to act like they’ve known each other for years, but none of them can act and it’s so awkward.

That.

Continue reading “Bad Moviethon – #36 – The Choice”

Bad Moviethon – #35 – Fatale

PBMM

YEAR
Fatale 2020 47%
After a wild one-night stand, a successful sports agent watches his perfect life slowly disappear when he discovers the sexy and mysterious woman he risked everything for is a determined police detective who entangles him in her latest investigation. As he desperately tries to put the pieces together, he falls deeper into her trap, risking his family, his career, and even his life..

I haven’t done one of these since I watched Playing For Keeps. Wait. It was Desperados I did last, I just forgot to number it!

Anyway, it’s Valentine’s Day, so you get two movies – a thriller and a straight-up romance.

First up is Fatale, a relatively new movie released at the end of last year.

This movie has a 47% so it meets my below 50% requirement. It may change when more people review it, but…I always have time for Michael Ealy (and it’s still a bad movie. Sorry, Michael).


The beginning of the movie is all very sleek and shot like a never-ending music video. These are well-off people living a decent life.

Except, our leading man Derek and his wife, Tracie, are having trouble. Naturally, his best friend takes his ring at a Vegas party and encourages him to have a fling.

Somehow, Derek is intrigued by Hilary Swank’s terrible dancing. They proceed to dance terribly together and even though there is limited chemistry, something sparks and they spend the night together. Next morning, she puts his phone in a safe and refuses to tell him the combination until he gives her ‘more’.

Instead of calling security and getting the heck outta there, he obliges. See now, Derek, anything else that happens to you after this point is your own damn fault.

Continue reading “Bad Moviethon – #35 – Fatale”

Draft Day (2014)

Draft Day (2014)


Sonny Weaver Jr. (Kevin Costner) is the general manager of the Cleveland Browns. One of pro football’s most important days, NFL draft day, is drawing near, but Sonny has much more on his mind than just which players to recruit. His lover (Jennifer Garner) is pregnant, and the team’s owner (Frank Langella) wants to fire him. After Sonny accepts a deal with Seattle that nets him that team’s first-round pick, he immediately wonders if he has made the right choice for himself and the Browns.


This movie is basically a two hour long NFL commercial. And being that I have no interest in the NFL, I should have given up after half an hour, but I didn’t. Actually, I kind of enjoyed it. I’m biased because I’m a sucker for sports movies, but I found the draft day aspect interesting.

I’m more of a soccer (football!) fan, and with that we have transfer periods. Nothing as complicated or complex as draft day. Team A buys a player from Team B. Unless Team C offers more money at the last minute and hijacks the deal. That’s basically it. The direct comparison to draft day would be the transfer deadline day where you see all kinds of crazy deals taking place, or in some cases, players driving to a prospect team only for the deal to fall through.

I’m sure most of what Draft Day depicted was bullshit in terms of accuracy, but I enjoyed it. Kevin Costner giving up three first draft picks just to get the number one pick only to get all picks back and basically render the entire movie pointless? Yes, please.

Kevin Costner (or Sonny) spends much of the movie trying to figure out why the Seahawks gave him a player that they apparently wanted all along. Eventually, he lands on money and ends up getting all the two players that he wanted (who weren’t exactly in demand either, but okay).

The plot careens into joke territory when they tease us with a reveal on why Sonny doesn’t want to go with Bo Callahan and it turns out that he’s an asshole because no one went to his birthday party and he lies? That was literally the only reason the writers gave us. Even though one of Sonny’s other picks literally put a man in hospital.

Maybe Draft Day is an accurate reflection of the NFL, I don’t know.

There are a lot of decent actors in the film too.

Chadwick Boseman (RIP) plays Vontae Mack, who ends up being the number one pick. It was bittersweet seeing him on screen after his untimely passing, but I’m yet to see a performance of his that I didn’t like! The moment when he’s picked was probably the best in the movie.

Jennifer Garner plays Sonny’s girlfriend, and there’s a whole romance angle that I sort of daydreamed through. Sam Elliot shows up. David Ramsey is in this (THE DIGGLER!). Tom Welling plays an older quarterback who’s making a comeback.

P. Diddy is also present. Along with Terry Crews and probably a bunch of other people I missed.

All in all, I’d give it a 5/10. It was entertaining and passed the time, but I wouldn’t watch it again.

Cobra Kai: Season 3, Episode 1 “Aftermath”

Last season: Kreese came back and inexplicably took over Johnny’s dojo and nobody found it weird. Both, Johnny and Daniel used a bunch of kids to hash out their personal differences. There was some high school drama that led to an all out brawl leaving Johnny’s protégé, Miguel, in a coma. Daniel’s daughter was left with injuries the pointy end of the love triangle she was in with Robbie, who is Johnny’s son/the reason why Miguel is in a coma.


Aftermath

I didn’t care for this episode. Something was off. It held my interest, but it seemed like a rehash of what we’ve seen before. Johnny drinking and getting into fights. Daniel feeling maudlin about how everything has gone wrong. John Kreese rubbing his hands in all his villain glory and basically spelling out the season for us.

There was a glimmer of hope at the end when Daniel and Johnny are hopefully about to team up to find Robbie, but I found it annoying they had Johnny go out of his way to sneak into see Miguel meanwhile Daniel is trying to find his son. Has the character regressed that badly?

Miguel is still in the episode via a mixture of dream and flashback sequences where he’s doing karate and it got extremely cheesy after the first two times. By the time he woke up I could only release a suffering sigh.

Rating: 2/5.

Smallville: Season 6, Episode 16 “Promise”

Smallville: Season 6, Episode 16 – Promise

Clark has second thoughts about Lana marrying Lex, Lana starts to have the same concerns. Meanwhile… the doctor involved in the secret behind Lana’s pregnancy threatens Lex with his knowledge.

I’m not going to review all episodes of Smallville, just the ones that were shockingly bad. The first time I watched it I was basically in flailing over Tom Welling mode, but I’m back now. The snark is back.

First of all, can I just say that Lana Lang is terrible. It’s not a fresh take but they really went out of their way to make her unlikeable (maybe for good reason? Wait. That’s giving the writers way too much credit).

I actually didn’t mind her in the first two seasons, but from three onwards…sigh. I get the sense we’re supposed to be wowed by their amazing chemistry but every interaction is literally like this:

Lana: You don’t trust me

Clark: *long, meaningful stare* I’m trying to protect you.

Lana: *equally meaningful and long stare* From what?

Clark: *long, meaningful stare and pensive silence*

Lana: *angry glare*

Rinse and repeat until season 6 when she moved on, but also kind of not really.

Continue reading “Smallville: Season 6, Episode 16 “Promise””

24 (Season 1)

I have seen the first season of 24 before, but I don’t remember anything except a certain death. I think it holds up well enough… the only problem is that after a while the format holds the plot progression back. For instance, I had to watch more Misha Collins scenes than I’d like.

There are a lot of repetitive scenes (Senator Palmer and his wife). There’s a lot of Jack Bauer angrily yelling, ‘THIS IS AGENT JACK BAUER!’ down his 2001 era flip phone. There’s a lot of shifty eyes, as the show tries to keep us on our toes about the CTU mole.

Continue reading “24 (Season 1)”

Smallville Thoughts #1 | Clark and Lana

I should have posted my top five episodes from season 1 by now, but I just finished season 2 and this new series needs to be done. I need somewhere to vent my frustration with this show.

So, welcome to Snarkville!

I would tweet, but… no.

My first topic isn’t even about the relationship between Clark and Lana (SIGH), but their on-screen dynamic. More specifically, their kissing scenes. In all of my years watching low-brow television, they have the worst on-screen kisses I have EVER seen in my life.

Continue reading “Smallville Thoughts #1 | Clark and Lana”

Four Years Later…

Once upon a time I did political write-ups (and I’m surprised at how in-depth some of them are) before I turned my attention back to the mess in my own country (and watched Brooklyn Nine-Nine in full seven times).

I went back and read some of the old posts and I understand why I wasn’t at all surprised or shocked by the insurrection on Jan 7th. As far back as 2017, there was violence. I even mentioned deliberate coded messaging in terms of how Trump interacts with his supporters through the media.

Everything is more or less there.

I only blogged about it for a year, year and a half?

Yet, somehow it was allowed to get to the point where domestic terrorists stormed the Capitol building. The questions will be asked and answered, but there are a lot of people who’ve stood by and done nothing over the past four years and I hope they can live with themselves.

I hope Trump supporters receive the deprogramming they need.

Most importantly, I hope Trump is never allowed anywhere near the White House again.

Not only for the sake of democracy, but for transparency across the entire world.

I hope he’s never allowed Twitter again so that media can focus on holding all politicians accountable, and not just the ones who love attention.

I also hope he goes away quietly (but I know I’m just deluding myself!).

Professionals | Episode 7 “The Hunted”

Multi-billionaire Peter Swann (Brendan Fraser) is starting a satellite-supported project that aims to detect disease outbreaks at an early stage in order to be able to intervene more quickly. But the rocket that is supposed to take the satellite into space explodes shortly after it has been launched. His fiancée, doctor Grace Davila (Elena Anaya), then persuades him to hire security professional Vincent Corbo (Tom Welling) to investigate the incident.

S1, Episode 7: The Hunted

Previous recaps here.

In an attempt to escape, Vincent and Peter find themselves in an explosive situation and Peter’s life ends up in Vincent’s hands once again.


Points:

  • I think this episode has my all-time favourite scenes of the show.
  • I am now fully convinced this show is a spoof and will accept this from all involved if they at some point claim it was intended to be one.

We pick up where we left off, with Vincent not yet at the rendezvous point and Peter running off to find him sans weaponry. The chopper circles around briefly to see if it can pick them up. Unfortunately, Vincent finds himself caught by Saif and just as he’s about to surrender, Peter conks Saif on the head and knocks him out.

They run off and in the direction of the chopper, but Saif’s men catch up and try to shoot it down leaving them stuck. They manage to escape a gunfight, although Peter gets shot without realising.

Meanwhile, Grace is back in the village and demanding the pilot take them back. He’s rightly just like, “Uh, Ma’am there are fifty bullet holes in my chopper, it can’t take you anywhere!”

The entitlement. Continue reading “Professionals | Episode 7 “The Hunted””