snark

snarkview: ‘paternity court’ and ‘hot bench’


Quick note: To anyone that I owe a reply to – I am the world’s slowest replier to comments but I always get around to them eventually 🙂

s-v

After a year long hiatus from reality TV, I have returned to it because I’m watching an actual TV for the first time in a long time. Mostly it’s been cooking shows, but I have stumbled upon the court based reality shows. Obviously Judge Judy is one but meh. I love her eye roll but not how she rolls (if you know what I mean).

I decided to do a post about them because technically this blog is about me watching bad television. Let’s call this my on-topic post of the month 😀

Anyway, first up we have… (more…)

The Real World: Trump Administration, Week 4: A Whole Lotta Backpfeifengesicht


 

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First things first, I love that the Germans have a word for just about everything.

Backpfeifengesicht: a face in need of a slap

Second of all, there may not be a week 5. I am sorely tempted to just bury my head in the clouds and binge watch reality TV. I need a holiday from real. We’ll see! (more…)

The Versatile Blogger Award


the-versatile-blogger-award

decorative-line-black-transparentThe rules:

  • Display Award.
  • Thank the person who gave this award (and include a link to their blog.)
  • Share 7 things about yourself
  • Nominate 15 bloggers and let them know you nominated them

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So, first of all I was nominated by the awesome J-Dub! Please go and check out her blog – she always has interesting things to share with everyone 🙂 That anyone likes my random blog let alone nominated it is an amazing feat and much appreciated! I will wear this honour like a badge that I never take off. 🙂 Thank you!

(more…)

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The Real World: Trump Administration, Week 3



This week’s episode is shorter because the bullshit is occurring at a rate that not even I can (or really want to) keep up with.


3-0

Trump loses appeal court bid to reinstate travel ban!! 

Fuck yeah! Of course, the big baby had to have his say via Twitter.


Apparently, he won’t rush to appeal, so.

(more…)

The Real World: Trump Administration, Week 2


It’s been another crazy week full of lies, lies, lies and more lies and the most bizarre Black History Month address I’ve ever read. Oh and Trump wants women to ‘dress like women’ probably so that he has maximum pussy access.

Ongoing Development

The Muslim Ban™ is also now in jeopardy.

Federal Judge James Robart ruled against government lawyers’ claims that US states did not have the standing to challenge Mr Trump’s executive order.

Trump’s response:

Well, his grammar is good at least. Everything else reeks of bullshit.

They filed an appeal and failed miserably. SAD.


Sigh.


In this week’s Donald Duck segment (wherein Trump dodges another campaign policy): he reneged his pledge to lower the price of drugs.

On Jan. 11, Trump said: “Pharma has a lot of lobbies, a lot of lobbyists and a lot of power. And there’s very little bidding on drugs. We’re the largest buyer of drugs in the world, and yet we don’t bid properly.”

Naturally, he’s now changed his mind.


When They Go Low, We Go High

Sally Yates sparked controversy after she refused to back the President’s travel ban which halted admission to refugees and as well as immigrants from seven Muslim-majority countries.

After a federal judge ordered a review of the policy, Ms Yates announced that her staff at the Justice Department would not seek to defend it in court as she objected on grounds of conscience, writing in a letter to her staff that she wasn’t “convinced that the defense of the executive order is consistent with these responsibilities, nor am I convinced that the executive order is lawful.”

Naturally, Trump fired her. (more…)

The Girl Who Hates Everything | backtracking 


12. Wait. You hate backtracking or you’re backtracking? 

A little bit of both.

13. Fine. Let’s start with why you hate backtracking. 

I don’t necessarily hate backtracking, I just find it an undesirable quality in certain people. You know, you spend hours trying to say, convince someone to stop using a particular cream that causes a rash. They argue and tell you you’re wrong and then…

Some time later they will inform you that the cream is the worst ever and act like you didn’t even say anything.

It’s basically backhand backtracking.  At least own it! I won’t judge you. (more…)

The Girl Who Hates Everything | oversharing


I’m not even going to interview myself for this one. Some people need to buy a diary, find a pen and let the magic happen. I get it, freedom of expression and whatnot but damn. No one needs a blow by blow of your life and you definitely don’t need to document every single thing that happens. 

Example: I was leaving work one day and I saw a couple engaging in PDA. The girl ran towards the guy and jumped into his arms dramatically. That alone is fine. The third person taking pictures was a bit much. It had Snapchat/Instagram fodder all over it. And yeah, I guess there does need to be someone on hand to take these pictures but if a selfie stick won’t suffice, you’re doing too much. Bringing a third wheel along so they can be on picture duty is just unnecessary.

Obviously PDA is the opposite of being private but uh…I would like to be able to walk around without watching people try to eat each other’s faces off.

Other examples:

What you ate: Congratulations. You can afford food. And several meals. Fantastic. Taking a picture is fine. Posting it is…well it’s a choice that people could make less. Still. That’s just the world we live in. I took a picture of my first bubble tea. Of course, I was too busy drinking it to take a picture so it looked like this:

I was thirsty

Naturally, I didn’t post it. 

Every single outfit that you wear: We don’t need to see your outfit of the day every single day. Buy a scrapbook or open a Flickr account. 

Every thought that pops into your head: Take it from me, a former person who posted almost every damn thought I had, no one is that interesting and there are some things that only make sense to the person thinking it. Two days later it might not even make sense to them. 

A blow-by-blow of whatever episode of TV you’re watching: Just shut up. And I realise the irony given that I used to post blow-by-blow recaps of SPN but there’s that and there’s 30+ tweets about a 40 min show. One is more excessive than the other.

A blow-by-blow of personal crisis: This is just my personal opinion but if you’re going through some shit, go through it. From experience I can tell you that offering a constant account isn’t helpful. And also it makes people wonder how bad it really is when your first thought is to document it on social media. They ask questions. You get defensive. Rinse. Repeat. 

Selfies: We live in the age of narcissism. That’s cool and all but when will people get over the fact that they can take pictures of themselves and post them online?

So, yeah. I definitely hate oversharing. And I also find it ironic that the worst offenders are often talking about privacy. Unfortunately, they can’t have it both ways. 


This doubles as my response to this prompt.

How To Plot Twist Your Way Into WTFVille (as told by Secrets and Lies Season 2).


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Let’s start with the nice stuff first.

1. Black cast!!! BLACK CAST!

This was awesome to see even though they were surrounded by a sea of whiteness.

2. Michael Ealy.

I love his face. I love his acting. That is all.

3. Eric Winter.

Yes. Yes. Herbal Essences Yes. He looked gooood. That’s all that that came to mind when he popped up because his character was a jerk.

4. Mekia Cox

Every time she’s on TV I know her character will be up to some crazy shit.

5. Peter Mills!!

Need I say anymore? 

6. Edwin Hodge

Small role but he’s adorable so whatever.

7. He will always be John Locke to me


Now onto the snark…

Secrets and Lies Season 2: How To Plot Twist Your Way Into WTFVille

1. Start with decent plot.

Newly married to the beautiful Kate and set to inherit leadership of his family’s profitable Charlotte, N.C., equity firm, well-educated and hard-working Eric Warner seems to have it all. Everything changes in an instant when, while attending a party to celebrate his father, John Warner, officially passing the reins of the business over to him, someone murders his wife. Enter brilliant and unflappable homicide detective Andrea Cornell, as she leaves no stone unturned in her quest to uncover what happened and bring justice to the victim.

2. Depress us less than they did during season 1

Kate is made out to be this perfect, pretty woman who lied constantly – but for a good reasons. In fact, she was so perfect and understanding that I was wondering just who would want to kill her. I think the writers also struggled with that question. Anyway, given that this season was about shiny, rich people and set in a sort of glamorous big corp environment it was mich more entertaining that the suburban feel of season 1. The experienced cast also helped here.

3. Make it predictable 

Predictable isn’t always a bad thing. Kate was perfect apart from the fact that she had a secret child. She had a secret iPad. She had a secret mother who wasn’t dead like she said she was. Everything they revealed about her was no surprise. Coupled with the bright whimsical flashbacks of her being the perfect wife, girlfriend and friend – she was sort of boring. The most interesting scene she had was falling off the roof of a building.

The usual suspects were the tight-knit family members. Eric, the dreamy husband. Neil, his philandering best friend. Patrick, Eric’s drunken younger brother. Liam, the fraudulent assistant. John Locke, the conniving father in law. And so forth. 

4. Add a whole bunch of random subplots 


Halfway through the season, the writers decided to give us some insight into the main character’s life. The question was did the audience suddenly want a diversion away from the main story? One minute we’re wondering who killed Kate and the next…we’re watching as Cornell’s alcoholic daughter relapses and also suddenly expected to care that her partner was shot at some kind of police house visit. It was kind of random. 

Also falling into the random column was the case of Danny, a cop introduced to the story to reinforce their Saint Kate theme. His daugher ran away from home shortly before his partner killed himself but not before leaving a note confessing to abusing Danny’s runaway daughter. Somehow he manages to find a picture of his daughter at the party Kate was at. He confronts Kate and she texts him on the night she dies when she sees his daughter at Eric’s party. 

Okay, that’s fine and all but…the link was so tenuous that I couldn’t understand why Danny was in every episode. Until he ended up being Danny Ex Machina. 

5. Build on the random subplots by adding even more ridiculous subplots. 

  • First, we find out that Patrick (drunken baby bro) has committed major fraud
  • Said fraud leads to him and his wife opening a whore house
  • VICE just happen to be monitoring said house
  • John Locke is a bigamist with a secret son that tried to blackmail his first son with wife #2
  • His first wife has cancer which is why he disappeared for half of the season
  • John Locke loses everything because he conveniently used wife #2’s money to build his company and he was never legally married to her.
  • Eric is the reason why his mother is in a coma – he pushed her downstairs. 
  • …but only because she was an alcoholic and somehow Patrick doesn’t remember this until he does (this wasn’t ridiculous but it was surrounded by ridiculousness)
  • Somewhere between that they manage to suspect that Kate’s son’s adopted mother killed her and we see the son and stepfather
  • Neil slept with Eric’s sister Amanda whose marriage broke down because she can’t have children — although this ended up counting in the end.
  • Danny’s daughter is found at another whore house and he gets a happy ending? Whee, I guess. 

6. Make the killer obvious but leave us in the dark regarding the motive

After the first episode, my money was on Amanda because they showed her sweating and popping pills. However she seemed genuinely distraught so I was thinking hmm, the reason must be something shocking like Kate having an affair! 

That was before the whole Saint Kate nonsense so by the end I had a bad feeling. We learn more about Amanda’s fertility than we do about her. She’s also a lawyer, so all of her animosity towards the police is to be expected. However the writers made it sort of obvious that it was her by:

  • Having her leave a cigarette butt right in front of the detective who is investigating her family for murder
  • Having her freely admit to dry cleaning the clothes she wore on the day of the murder – this was a lie but that any lawyer would claim to tamper with evidence is suspicious. 

And fair enough. It had to be somebody. However, in what has to be the most ridiculous twist, the police arrest Eric for Kate’s murder. And this is after a lot of talk in the crime lab about it “being the wrong jacket” and there being “skin cells from China” on the jacket. They then manage to match the blood at the crime scene to a mystery person but I was just thinking — we already know that a specific character gave you clean clothes! 

Anyway, so all of that nonsense aside, they essentially use some weird psychology to get Eric to remember who wasn’t at the party in the moment when Kate disappeared. We then see a flashback of everyone but Amanda. After some denials, she basically admits that she did it. 

The reason? Because Kate was pregnant. Yes, the heavily medicated infertile woman pushed another woman off a roof because she was jealous. 


And the ridiculousness doesn’t even end there because it turns out that Amanda isn’t infertile. She’s actually pregnant! 

I literally said to myself, “Fucking, really? Da fuck is this shit?”
It was just so stupid.

In the end she agrees to plead guilty but only if Eric agrees to look after her child. Neil has three ex-wives and a tendency to bail on people as evidenced by his no-show when he is meant to visit Amanda in prison. Eric walks out on her so we never know if he agrees to look after the kid. 

The show ends with Eric calling Kate’s son because, well. They wanted to end on a happy note after all of the fuckery.

Wait

The show decides to end with more fuckery. Cornell arrives home to find her daughter drunk/drugged up amd her gun missing. There’s a noise and then a gunshot rings out. 


Verdict: 7/10. Despite the silliness, I enjoyed it and it’s only ten episodes so I recommend it. Sort of.