snarkview: real housewives of vancouver | season 1, eps 6-7

Episode 6

Mary and Christina bitch about the hotel incident in the previous episode.
Jody and Ronnie bitch about the hotel incident in the previous episode.

Reiko and Christina’s conversation goes a little differently. Reiko remembers Mary going crazy. Christina remembers Ronnie going crazy. I remember both of them acting foolishly.

Meanwhile, Ronnie has 4 ‘wine making facilities’ Ronnie is making a new wine (of course) called Rehab. Her son, Jhordan, asks her how she plans to start everything.

Blank stare.

Some of the women go to Stanley Park and cycle the wrong way. A bunch of cyclists start yelling at them because you know, that’s what they do.

Reiko tells everyone that she’s walking the runway somewhere. No one cares, Reiko. And then they start talking about the hotel again. The only person that remembers everything is Christina, but she’s wasting her breath. Real Housewives law dictates that there be three different versions of events.

Ronnie calls Mary’s parents and sister to tell them that she’s unstable. LMAO.

Ronnie meets up with her son at the wine concept meeting and she’s not focused. She is texting Mary’s sister and Jhordan (her son) is just rolling his eyes because IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WINE. The advertising people are just like, ‘what’s the objective?’ Ronnie says it’s to ‘make money’. Lol! Well, she’s not wrong.

They try to get her to pick a niche and Ronnie wonders why they’d want it to have a niche (girl, you said you want it to make money? HELLO!).

They ask about the name and Ronnie reveals that she’s been to rehab. The advertisers start trying to build a story about the name and all of that and Ronnie and Jordan are just like…

…this is why you never see this shit on the shelves.
At Reiko’s event, Mary sits next to Ronnie in the front row (draaama)
Jody and Ronnie are just whispering away like schoolgirls

While watching Reiko model, Ronnie casually says that she ‘didnt think that Asians came in that height’. She also seems amazed that there are tall Asians….Ronnie, shut up, please. Jody says that Reiko doesn’t have a model’s body. SHE’S NOT A MODEL, JODY!

Meanwhile, Mary loses track of Christina and she’s on her own. In the drink’s tent, Jody says that she wants to ‘Bloody Mary’. When Mary shows up, they all leave after Jody says they should. Yo, that’s some stupid school bullying bullshit. How petty.

Episode 7

Ronnie’s son forbids her from dropping him off at school in a cougar shirt. Good on you, kid. They take a sea plane to his boarding school which looks amazing on the outside but just as shitty as any other dormitory on the inside. Ha!

Christina is on a date with some guy. Date number two ? Oh, I must have slept through the first one. They’re at a shooting range. Why is this a thing that people on TV do? And this isn’t even America! According to Christina, shooting a gun is what she ‘imagines having a penis is like’. Give it a rest, C. We get it.

This boarding school is niiiiiiice. I gotta Google this shit.

Anyway, school, school, school, yada.

Ronnie’s son Jhordan convinces her to invite Mary to her birthday party. I have no idea why he’s on the show, he’s too mature and sane for this. Free yourself, Jhordan. Return to sanity.

Back at the advert agency, Ronnie and Jhordan show up with wine from the vineyard…next to theirs. She has a cork trick to show people. It goes horribly wrong but she has a spare cork in her purse. Lol. This isn’t staged at all….The wine is horrible but Ronnie and Jhordan are insistent that it’s not their wine. Mhmm.

Ronnie wants people to have good ideas about rehab because when she went it was great and all that was missing was happy hour. People aren’t supposed to have good ideas about rehab, Ronnie. We’re all actively trying to avoid it. 

Oh god, this is the episode with Mary’s stupid blue drink. They ran out of drinks and mixed some shit up, it was blue and now they want to sell it. Of course. She also hopes that Ronnie doesn’t think she’s trying to steal her thunder. Mary, please.

Yada, yada, wine, wine. Basically, Ronnie and Jordan have made their wine a lower alcohol content because it’ll taste great, but have less calories and you can drink more.

I’m no connoisseur, but that doesn’t sound right to me.