japan

Upside Down (or, yet another product that we really don’t need)


Greetings, snarklings!

I’m back with another wacky Japanese product. This one is truly astounding.

Unbrella.

An upside down umbrella.

Look, even if I wanted to buy one – and at $192, I’d rather eat my own hair – why would I when I could go out in the wind and bag myself a semi-free and real upside down umbrella. It’s not real unless you’re drenched and fighting with the umbrella. It’s not real until you admit defeat and close the umbrella and accept that you’re going to get soaked. It’s not real until a piece of metal is sticking out.


Okay, first of all, the wet part inside? Why would we want that? It makes sense for it to be outside because that way the—you know what, I’m over thinking it.

This is no gimmick or joke

Pedant’s corner says: ACTUALLY, IT KINDA IS!


….is this how people close their umbrellas? I never get wet when closing mine. Simple solution – hold it as far away from your person as possible. I love how they’re really trying to sell this, lol!

I bet the designer got back some dodgy umbrellas from the factory and they were like, ‘a ha! Want not waste not. Upside down umbrella. Boom. Unbrella. Boom. $192. Double boom.’

No one will forget you in the rain when you unleash this umbrella

Yes… because they’ll be wondering who the moron with the ridiculous umbrella is and why they’ve wasted their money on it.

Also, what happens if it’s windy and the wind turns the unbrella into an umbrella? No wait. An upside down unbrella. At least I assume that’s what will happen. It’s either that or it’ll erupt into a ball of glitter.

What Could Go Wrong?


Picture this.

You’ve just gotten home. You’re bursting to use the toilet. You rush in, there’s no toilet paper and if you’re me, you utter every swear word in existence…

…and mutter something about how stupid humanity is…

omg what is this hair

….before somehow finding one last burst of energy to sort of shimmy over to where the spare rolls are kept.

If you’re one of those people that keeps spare rolls in the toilet, well…you might need to put a BOLO (be on the lookout) on the white thing that’s actually toilet paper.  (more…)

A deliciously daring fashion accessory


If you’re wondering why my blog has turned into a random mess of posts – this is what happens when you lose interest in why your blog was initially based on! Even when they decide that they want to do a crossover with Scooby-Doo (see previous post) whom I love enough to want this crossover to die in a fiery pit of molten ash.

Anyway.

I don’t doubt that the Japanese love fake food samples so much but…$120. I don’t think so, mate. I’d need some actual food with my purchase and even then, I’d need a hundred dollar discount and free delivery.  (more…)

Fish Lips and Repetitive Vowel Sounds


Yes, it’s that time where I wonder why you can buy such nonsense on the web. 

I think the makers of this site are just fucking with all of us. 

Seriously

I gaped at this and was ready to move on when I read the description. Specifically this part.

The makers recommend you say vowel sounds out loud over and over again, producing regular and methodical exercises that will strength the twelve facial expression muscles in a comprehensive way

I’m snarkless at this point. Utterly snarkless. The fact that it looks like fish lips. The vowel sounds. The fact that they instruct you to ‘pop in’ the mold and then make mouth movements

Just. 

Bye. 

Hide your cats, hide your smile…


First of all, I’d like to thank Bow Wow for providing some much needed amusement today. Although, most people laughing away know damn well that they stunt for Instagram as well. That’s what Instagram is for. Showing off and constant pet pictures in case we forget what your cat looks like. 

Anyway, onto today’s discoveries. 
First up is this Cat Food Candle. 

Look. Unless someone wants crispy fried cat, I don’t think this candle is good idea (unless they don’t have a cat and want a cat food candle for some unexplained reason). 

Next we have a smile exerciser mouthpiece? 

This contraption SCARES me. But I guess it beats pumping all kinds of chemicals into your lips. Actually, I think both are terrible. We should be working to outlaw duck face and not promoting it. Since when was it style of face? And why would anybody want to have permanent duck face?

It even looks terrible on Batman

And isn’t the whole point of duck face that you’re not smiling? Maybe they should call this the Smile Evaporator Mouthpiece? 

I…I have officially run out of words. And now I’m making a duck face at my phone. 

Yet another useful invention…


1. Why?

2. $35? Not in this lifetime. I could get a regular cap, glue on a phone case and hey presto. Boom. If anything, this is awakening my creative urges. I’m gonna buy a phone case and stick it onto toast.

Okay, maybe I need to go back to the drawing board. 

3. What happens if it suddenly starts raining? 

4. Seriously, why?!

5 Useful Inventions


Guys, I’ve officially run out of things to snark about. I don’t even hate watch anything anymore. I just read the news and watch things that I like. This is no way to live so I will have to rectify that.

*Googles ‘bad movies 2013’*

(more…)