Author: supernaturalsnark

I snark about things. I'm also a señorita who used to have picture of D-List actors as her avatar. Now it's a pen. So... expect greatness from me. Or something.

when you’re too smart for your own good

I’ll be honest, 2018 has gotten off to a shaky start and I haven’t been keeping up with the news much. It’s been Trump, Trump, Trump for a year and it’s become rather tiring. 

That being said, it’s time to check back in and this week didn’t disappoint. 

We have Melania and her Einstein visa, Hope Hicks and her wife-beating ex-boyfriend, and her resignation. We have Jarvanka getting their security clearances downgraded. Gen. Kelly appears to have gone power mad. Sessions and Trump are like two old pensioners who spend their time arguing with each other. Sarah Huckabee Sanders is still the resident WH Bullshitter. It’s been a long week for Trump.

Oh and Roy Moore has no money. 

Former U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore is pleading for money to pay for his legal bills as he fights a lawsuit against a woman who says he molested her when she was 14.

Moore said on a campaign Facebook page Thursday that his “resources have been depleted.”

Maybe he should auction off his guns? Just a suggestion. 

However, what caught my attention was an ethics story. We have whistleblower drama, extravagant furniture and feigned ignorance.

The worst thing about smart people is that they can easily go rogue and end up with a severely inflated opinion of themselves. Being an expert in their field means that they can do anything. Yet, they struggle with basic tasks like operating a toaster. Maintaining budgets, being able to talk about what they do. Or, not being smart enough to know that they have no business running a governmental department. 

Yes, these musings are in honour of Ben Carson. Ben Carson is one of those frustrating black people who had his black membership revoked a long time ago. He’s an embarrassment as far as I’m concerned. The kind of person that misuses the good fortune they’ve been given. His comments on people on welfare are disgusting. His comments about slavery are even worse. He truly has no shame. 

However, people like him are always the ones that are thrifty with their money while playing fast and loose with other people’s.

Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson is under fire spending $31,000 on a lavish dining set for his office.

Call me crazy, but why does he need a dining set at all? Are we supposed to believe that there are going to be enough working lunches and dinners that’s it’s a requirement? Not only that, it’s custom made. Supposedly the order has been cancelled but somewhere out there there’s someone with half a dining set who’s probably not happy.

I know that government officials think they’re above the rest of us, but what’s wrong with IKEA? Maybe Ben Carson can get a team of people on welfare to assemble it for him, seeing as how poverty is a ‘state of mind’ and all that.

I think the most ludicrous part is that the actual budget for redecorating was $5,000. That’s still a lot of money. However…

Carson’s wife, Candy, said that “$5,000 will not even buy a decent chair”.

Carson’s department also signed a contract last year to spend $165,000 on “lounge furniture” for its Washington headquarters from the retailer OFS Brands of Huntingburg, Indiana, according to federal procurement records.

All of this amidst the fact that they stand to lose at least six billion dollars of funding. Oh, wait. Ben Carson couldn’t care less about housing. That might be because you know, he’s a brain surgeon with absolutely no experience and also someone with no basic human compassion or understanding of how people less fortunate than him live. 

Naturally, Ben Carson is denying all knowledge of this. I guess he just signed off on a bunch of papers that he read but only comprehended after the ink dried (that’s actually plausible). 

To conclude: Ugh.

Meanwhile in the UK….

Theresa May’s Mansion House speech on Britain’s future relationship with EU was dismissed as vague and unworkable

…not much has changed.

The big news this week was the collapse of Maplin and Toys’R’Us.

Two of the UK’s best-known retailers, Toys R Us and the electronics specialist Maplin, have collapsed into administration on the same day, putting 5,500 jobs at risk.

…another sign of how Brexit will be good for the UK, surely?

“The business [Maplin] has worked hard over recent months to mitigate a combination of impacts from sterling devaluation post-Brexit, a weak consumer environment and the withdrawal of credit insurance.”


To conclude: DOUBLE UGH.

Over in Nigeria, the government took a week to admit that yes, 110 girls were kidnapped by a terrorist group they’ve absolutely failed to do anything about. 

Infinity ugh. 


Valentine’s Days gifts that you SHOULD have bought!

I’m on something of a hiatus at the moment, but I figured that I’d swing by and give you some love. By the way, if you went to see Fifty Shades Freed in honour of Valentine’s Day non-ironically, there’s something wrong with you. 
What you should have done instead is bought one of these….

The Brassiere Eye Mask

This is literally some shit out of Fifty Shades of Fuck No. 

Poking fun at Japan’s rather unfair reputation for harboring too many men with strange fetishes, the Brassiere Eye Mask is an amusing way to catch some shut-eye. We’ve all heard those tales of used panties and underwear thieves. Sure, there are a few out there, but the media would have us think that the whole nation was engaged in these, ahem, hobbies. The truth is rather more mundane. Fortunately for fans of the bizarre, Village Vanguard is here with a hilarious eye mask (available in three colors) in the shape of a miniature bra that sits snugly over your face. When you say you got it from Japan, all your coworkers and friends’ questions will be answered!

Oh dear.

The next item is even more bizarre. 

Toilet Noise Blocker Flushing Sound Gadget

It is one of the peculiarities of the Japanese (mostly women, but also men): they’re very self-conscious when it comes to the noises they make when they are on the toilet. Many Westerners are too, of course, but not to the extent that they create a device that makes the sound of flushing water to cover the sound their bodies make. Yes, the On Serebu Toilet Noise Blocker is one such gadget!

Mate, I don’t give a crap what people are doing in the toilet. I think the constant sound of flushing water would drive me berserk, though. WEIRD. 

The next item is for those of you have crazy cat lovers in your life. 

Cat Tail Jeans

The Cat Tail Jeans is your new way to have fun with your pet. Created by cat-themed brand fashion Felissimo and Rinrin Yamano, a manga artist whose cute illustrations have appeared on many Felissimo products, the jeans are especially thick so kittens and cats can latch onto your legs with their claws without causing physical pain to the wearer. And your cat will love trying to get at the mini tail that you attach to the jeans so it swings as you move, attracting their attention. There are also long, pleated pockets that your feline friend will enjoy trying to climb up. The jeans are available in six sizes.

You know what, let us move on because I have nothing to say. 

Exposed Butt T-shirt

This is a shirt for women, right? I’m going to pretend that this is for your average hen do or bachelorette party…No?

Give yourself the, ahem, butt of your dreams, whether you are a guy or a girl, with this Mousou Exposed Butt T-Shirt. On the front of the white shirt sits a cute female rear in panties, exposed to the whole world for all to see… on your chest. This hilarious parody clothing will be a big hit at parties, when walking down the street, or whenever you really want to surprise your coworkers.

…surprise your co-workers? Where does this potential stupid shirt owner work? Frats’R’Us?

Onto our last product which has to be the second most bizarre…

Toenail Art Polish Stockings

In Japan Toenail Art Polish Stockings are taking over in the same way that “tattoo leggings” did a few years ago! Led by retailers like Belle Maison, girls around Tokyo are leaving their nail polish in the drawer and instead slipping on these “fake toe nail” stockings that create even more striking effects on their feet than regular cosmetics! Here you can choose between six types of “pre-painted” stockings: Paint, Line Candy, Tile Flower, Mermaid, Flamingo, or Sunny Shower. There are also two sizes. And since the stocking have separate toes they are more comfortable to wear and better for your feet.


Stockings with separate toes?? With nail art. Put enough liquor in me and I could possibly get to the stage where I have to enter my PayPal details. Hopefully, I would have sobered up by the point. 

Anyway, yes. Feel free to splurge. 

Happy Belated Valentine’s Day!

Bad Products, cont.

Once again, I have ventured onto my favourite website. Once again, I’m shocked, amazed and slightly grossed out.

1. Upskirt Umbrella.

Yes. You read that correctly.

We’re not going to pretend this is a mainstream trend in Japan but even the puritans among us have to admit: it’s a fun idea. The Upskirt Umbrella (or An-burera, a play on the words for “underpants” and “umbrella”) by Million Girls Project might be the most original umbrella you ever buy. Please just be careful not to get arrested when using it, though! The Upskirt Umbrella is a very tongue-in-cheek spin on Japan’s reputation for turning schoolgirls into sex objects. Well, it might not improve that image but it certainly makes for a novel way to keep the rain off your head!

Oh, yeah, it’s tongue in cheek and not at all creepy. What normal person would even buy this? I can’t even remember the price but anyone who does should probably be on a watch list somewhere.

2. Lap Pillow Mini Skirt

I don’t even have anything snarky to add here. Just read the text that they have added themselves.

This new version of the now legendary Hizamakura Lap Pillow will no doubt do nothing for Japan’s “wacky” reputation in some corners, but we still reckon it’s an awesome and fun way to get some shut-eye anyway. If you want that maternal feeling of resting your weary head on the legs of a woman, then prop yourself on the Hizamakura.

Resembling the “lap” of a woman, complete with red skirt, this takes you right back to that blissful period of nurture, when someone was watching over your every move. The legs this time are foam, thus making for a more comfortable experience. A great gift for guys, for bachelor parties and more.

This time they’re foam? What the heck were they before? I’m scared to find out so I’m going to move on here.

3. Vegetabrella Lettuce Umbrella

WHY. This is umbrella abomination of the highest order and I am personally offended that they chose lettuce. After two days lettuce ends up soggy. That’s not what I’m looking for in an umbrella. At all. Ever.

4. Pancake Playing Cards

I don’t hate these as much as I should.

Now I want pancakes. Time for me to click off this site. Not that I’d buy anything. Everything is extremely expensive in the sense that it’s not free.

The Ranch (Netflix)

Ashton Kutcher stars in this Netflix-original sitcom as Colt, who returns home to his family’s ranch in Colorado after his semi-pro football career ends in failure. Colt plans to run the ranching business with his older brother, Rooster, and his father, Beau (Sam Elliott), whom he hasn’t seen in 15 years. In addition to proving himself to his father and navigating family dynamics, Colt is torn between his current girlfriend and his high school sweetheart, Abby (Elisha Cuthbert), when she expresses doubts about her fiance.

I reviewed the pilot episode of this show a while back. The post is no longer up (because I have standards or something, idk!) but the snark was strong.

Based on the pilot, the summary of this show is basically ‘Youngest son returns home after failed football career to find that his father is still a redneck farmer that hates everything.’

The laugh track doesn’t help this show because as people are ‘laughing’, I’m wondering if I’m having a terrible dream. There are wise cracks about Ashton Kutcher wearing Uggs. The first one was so painful that the writer treated us to another. The opening conversation is about Ashton Kutcher’s character slipping when peeing into the mouth of an ice statue. He ended up flashing Shania Twain while he was up in Canada. The following exchange happens:

Brother: I bet she said that ‘don’t impress me much’.

: No, she said, ‘man I feel like a woman’.

Laugh track
: ha ha ha ha ha we’re sobbing on the inside.

By the end of the episode, Ashton Kutcher’s character has supposedly failed his football tryout. He asks his father if he can stay and tries to give him money. His father says no and zzzzZzzzzz. Is this a sitcom or weird family drama? Oh and Ashton and his father manage to end a fifteen year drought by arguing. As this happens a song with the lyrics ‘Rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey. Whiskey makes my baby freaky’ (or something along those lines) plays and I was silently screaming SOMEBODY SAVE ME.

Clearly, I don’t care enough about ranches and hoedowns to like this show. Oh, and I just looked up the reviews and apparently the internet agrees that this show is terrible. Well, some of the internet. Apparently it gets better. Or is it that the pilot is so woeful that it can’t get any worse?

As someone who genuinely liked Undateable (which was a terrible, terrible show), I should probably give this show a few more episodes on that basis. However, if I do, I’m only doing so because I like Elisha Cuthbert.

I’m still mostly watching the show for Elisha Cuthbert. The jokes are so-so and it’s basically a predictable soap opera.

The biggest issue while watching the show was Danny Masterson. His jokes were along the lines of the Shania Twain joke. Insensitive and not very funny. I was also aware of the accusations against him so it was super uncomfortable. He left the show eventually (well, they fired him) so…I don’t know. Perhaps the show can focus on actual humour and discard the cheap laughs.

Or not.

The only major criticism I have is that it’s very repetitive and it looks cheap. I think I read that they shoot it on a soundstage in Burbank (in front of a live audience who apparently laugh at the many, many, f-bombs). Yeah. It shows.

I also hate all of the country music they keep subjecting me to. I don’t think I’m the show’s target audience AT ALL.

And I am not sure why ‘fuck, yeah‘ comes up so many time in the scripts. If they’re ad-libs then…fuck, no. Swearing is a lazy punch line that doesn’t really sound good when it’s a half an hour show. It also sounds so forced on the show at times that I automatically roll my eyes.

Other than that it kind of grows on you. I don’t love it but I don’t hate it either.

It’s harmless background noise and perfect for those nights when you can’t fall asleep, lol.

Verdict: 5/10

ETA: I finished season 2 part 2/season 4 and ugh. Predictable. That and everyone seems to have undergone asshole transplants. Elisha’s character was just annoying which means that my viewership may end sooner rather than later. They need to give her better material. Or maybe just get her to come back as Alex Kerkovich.


“shithole countries”

I will say it as simply as I can. Fuck Donald Trump.


New York Daily News, January 12th 2018.

“Shithole countries” is what the US president calls countries of Black and Brown people.

On January 11th 2018 President Trump said:

“Why do we want all these people from Africa here? They’re shithole countries … We should have more people from Norway.”


“Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out.”

“Shithole” is a vulgar term for anus.

Trump reportedly believes all Haitians have AIDS and that most if not all Nigerians live in huts.

Nigerians returning to their huts.

The New York Times said Trump’s remarks were:

“the latest example of his penchant for racially tinged remarks denigrating immigrants”

The Daily Stormer, a racially-tinged neo-Nazi website:

“This is encouraging and refreshing, as it indicates Trump is more or less on the same page as us with regards to race and immigration.”

Twitter user Educating Liberals (@Education4Libs) said:

“Trump just…

View original post 406 more words

Bad Moviethon #15-17



…in which I examine if bad movies really deserve their woeful rotten tomatoes score

Let’s Be Cops | 2014

Plot: Two struggling pals dress as police officers for a costume party and become neighborhood sensations. But when these newly-minted “heroes” get tangled in a real life web of mobsters and dirty detectives, they must put their fake badges on the line.


Happy New Year + 2017 roundup. 

Last year I posted… uh, well, not a lot. Or it wasn’t structured or cohesive at any rate.
That’s not going to change.

Supernatural watchers, I’m still on a hiatus/neveragainatus. However, all of the posts will remain up because a lot of them are still quite popular. I guess that’s either a testament to my great wit or the garbage that masquerades as the show these days. If you’d like to discuss the show, there’s an extremely dead open post on the sidebar and you can contact me via email (spnsnark[at]gmail etc).

There will be more movie and TV reviews on the way when I find something that doesn’t put me to sleep. I might even read a book! Or two.

Potentially Bad Moviethon lives on! Send me your recommendations.

The Girl Who Hates Everything does not live on. I love everything now. Seriously.

The Real World: Trump Administration…is on hiatus, much like the administration’s common sense. Same goes for the other political posts. I toyed with making a political blog but then I came to my senses. Life is depressing enough. Two blogs that do a better job than I ever did are Mock Paper Scissors and Trumptimestamp. Brexit no longer exists to me.

Most Popular Posts of 2017

Surprisingly (or not), they’re mostly Supernatural related. Ironically, I had my most views in a calendar year in 2017 despite posting about my blog topic sporadically. Life. 

Here’s a selection:

1. The Real World: Trump Admin, Week 1. Back when we could laugh about it.

2. How To Straighten Your Nose in 3 Minutes. I highly recommend this.

3. Stupid and Senseless: Dean Cain

My ex-TV husband is currently languishing on BET and SyFy. And the CW. Maybe he should become a liberal.

4. Stupid & Senseless: Part Infinity, Jared Padalecki Treats [insert customer service representative] like shit. 

Another ex-TV husband. I think I have bad taste in fictional husbands.

5. Killer Pet Dog Movie. 

They most show this quite often? The best worst thing that Rob Morrow has ever done.

6. Stupid & Senseless: Jared Treating Someone Else Like Shit


My favourite post of 2017 is probably…

Too Mooch Too Soon & this delightful gem but I might be biased.

You know what, here’s everything I posted in 2017 for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

I’ll catch up with you guys later!

5 wonderful christmas gifts…

…for idiots (because they’re people too)!

1. Novelty MAGA brick.

For the Trump supporter that you happen to know (and maybe secretly detest!). This novelty foam brick will be perfect. It can be interpreted in many ways. They can throw it at ‘MSM/libtards’ or it can be thrown at them and maybe knock some sense into their heads? 

Wishful thinking. 

2. Custom Gold Business Card 

For someone who wants to go that extra (douche) mile. Why be incompetent on simple card when you can be incompetent in gold. 

This little light of mine…

3. Memory Enhancing Chewing Gum

….For those of you who happen to know any government officials in the UK/US because these so called world leaders appear to have lost their damn minds. 

This is also handy for those who voted these people in. When everything is a huge mess (more so than it is already) they will try to rewrite history. Hold your close (or not to close) ones accountable today with this memory enhancing chewing gum!

4. Chicken Leg Pants

For the fashion conscious. Have some more angles:

I feel like this would be part of a really good (or bad) Oompa Loompa clothing range. 

5. Hello Kitty Diving Dry Suit

… this one doesn’t require any explanation does it? 

Honourable mentions:

– Fluffy Kitten Underwear

…For the rabid cat enthusiasts in your life.

Last but not least… 

– Leftover Bath Water

What the…

A mineral water themed after dirty bathwater???

Excuse me?!

I have no words for this. Apparently they’re poking fun at someone but I don’t know who nor do I really want to know who. 

Merry Christmas, y’all. 

Stay away from this weird shit. 

Enjoy your day, snarklings!

Everything on this list bar #1 is from © Japan Trend Shop

If Ed Sheeran had a song about cereal…

… I’m pretty sure that it would go like this:
Ed Sheeran – So Surreal (Cereal)

Woke up one day
It was raining
Water on the window pane
Slowly driving me insane
Went to the cupboard
Before you could say a word
I pulled out the box
Opened the fridge like a sly fox
Rummaging without fear
(Yeah yeah yeah)

Oh and I poured
I poured until I couldn’t pour anymore
Oh and I poured
Til I couldn’t pour anymore

This cereal (cereal)
Seems surreal (seems surreal)
Each bite reminds me (reminds me of you)
And I just can’t be (just can’t be)
Sitting here
Eating cereal (cereal)
I’ve got to move on
Lie under the sun
And think about brighter days
All our happy ways
Eating cereal (cereal)
Giiiirl, you’re so surreal

It was a Monday
Didn’t hear what you say
You looked sad
And I felt bad
Still I pushed you away
Cause every damn day
Went to the cupboard
Before you could say a word
I pulled out the box
Opened the fridge like a sly fox
Rummaging without fear
(Yeah yeah yeah)

Oh and I poured
I poured until I couldn’t pour anymore
Oh and I poured
Til I couldn’t pour anymore

This cereal (cereal)
Seems surreal (seems surreal)
Each bite reminds me (reminds me of you)
And I just can’t be (just can’t be)
Sitting here
Eating cereal (cereal)
I’ve got to move on
Lie under the sun
And think about brighter days
All our happy ways
Eating cereal (cereal)
Giiiirl, you’re so surreal

Bridge [needlessly backed by a gospel choir]

Rice Krispies
Oh yeah, when we had a ball
For when we wished we had it all
That night we danced in the hall
Honey Nut
Oh, girl you really made me fall
Coco pops
Oh, yeah you had me up against the wall
Cereal (oh na na na na naii)
Girl you had me standing tall


(Chorus) x 3

If you’re wondering why I penned this song (lmao), the answer is that I don’t get Ed Sheeran. He went from being a WGWG (White Guy With Guitar) to an overexposed and overrated WGWG. I actually liked his first album. Lego House. Give Me Love. A Team etc. Everything else that’s come after it – nope.
Shape Of You still makes me want to take a frying pan to the head.

It’s not unusual for someone to sell out the way he did, and whatever, get money.

I’d just like him to get money without irritating me with his bland, unexciting lyrics.

book recommendations…

Speaking of Nancy Drew, I read one of the books the other day.  It was TERRIBLE. I know that Carolyn Keene is probably fifty different people with different levels of questionable writing ability, but it was awful. Whose idea was it to retool the series?

The Nancy Drew Files, or the Nancy Drew Case Files, is a detective fiction series started in 1986 and released by Simon & Schuster, New York. It is a spin-off of the original series of novels featuring Nancy Drew, with a greater emphasis on adventure, malice and romance.

Lol, I wrote a little snarky thing on it after I finished it. I was supposed to review the first five books but that didn’t happen. Hasn’t happened. Yet. Never underestimate the depths of my boredom. 

Here it is:

The Nancy Drew Files

1. Secrets Can Kill (June 1986)

Plot: Nancy poses as a student and goes undercover to investigate a series of thefts at Bedford High.

Snarkified plot: Someone is stealing files and items at a high school in FuckedUpShitAlwaysHappens Heights and the police don’t care. Let’s hire 18 year old Nancy Drew! This time her car is red and not blue because this series is MODERN! 

After some top notch sleuthing (so sole guy being rude to Nancy) we discover that said guy was blackmailing the other students. He dies, no one cares and the case is solved!! 

But wait! 

He also happened to be blackmailing the super hot student that Nancy makes our with for no real reason. Oh, a hot guy! Oh, she might leave her not quite boyfriend, Ned, for hot guy! Oh, but wait, she’s just undercover as a high school student! It would never last. And OH NO, he might be a murderer! Oh, wait. He’s not. He’s just a Russian spy. 


Turns out that she was just confused and that she loves Ned after all…


Until the next hot guy she meets while undercover. 

Verdict: LOL.

So yeah, for 2018, I’m going to need some intelligent book recommendations.