snarkview: real housewives of vancouver | season 1, eps 8-9 – these are my real cheeks. 

Important parts from episode 8
– Mary goes to Mexico with Christina and doesn’t invite Ronnie
– Christina and Mary claim that Jody cannot be selling new Hermes bags…even though, technically if she’s only just started selling them, they’re new but not new new. They’re vintage or as Mary puts it, Jody is someone ‘selling second hand goods in a boutique in West Vancouver.’
– Jody tells Ronnie that they’re in Mexico. Drama.

Episode 9

Vacation has given Mary a brain transplant. Vacation always changes a HW’s outlook on life until their return flight hits the tarmac. In Mary’s Ronnie undos it by sending her a nasty text. Uh oh.

Jody comments on Marika (party planner)’s dancing and yeah, Marika dances like she’s being possessed by an evil spirit. She looks like she’s trying to escape from her own body. That or she’s on hard drugs and needs help.

They’re doing a photoshoot for Mary’s stupid drink and that turns into an impromptu topless photoshoot…(insert obligatory ew).

Back in Vancouver…

Boring Reiko rides her boring eight thousand dollar bike to her dojang. She’s going for her green belt in. You’d think that she would have been smart enough not to ride her bike but hey, humblebragging > common sense.

Christina decides to find out why Jody hates Mary. When they have dinner, she wants to ask but Jody…basically spends the whole time bitching about Mary. Her main gripe seems to be that Mary called her store secondhand, and also she wants to cram Mary’s head down a toilet. Well. I’ve heard that Jody likes to sue people so I will leave you to have your own opinion on that.

Ronnie and Christina meet up. Ronnie is hurt that she’s just finding about Mary’s stupid blue drink. Mary falls into a trap and refuses to apologize (sigh). They start bitching about Jody. Mary wants to get a restraining order on Mia because she poked her (she called it physical assault but it was a poke.)

Ronnie’s son finds a graphic designer on Craigslist. Ronnie’s heavily augmented lip more or less curls with disdain. How dare this graphic designer work from home?! Also, Jhordan continues to prove that he’s far too sane for the show.

Jody and Mary meet up. Jody keeps her sunglasses on because she’s just had her eyes done. And I’m married to Leonardo DiCaprio (obligatory ew). They discuss the secondhand situation. Mary brings up the toilet comment and Jody denies it. Oh dear. Jody then brings up the fact that she’s commented on Mary having too much fuller in her cheeks.

This is one of my favourite scenes.

Mary: Jody, these are my real cheeks!


Jody: she swore on her children’s lives that she’s never had any facial surgery. I hope her kids are still alive.

Christina and Mia meet up and they’re…being nice to each other. Somehow, Christina is intrigued by Mia…these two are weird. I have no idea what this scene is. Why are they being nice to each other? Is this real? (Side note: Mia looked so much better with her old nose).

After drinks with Christina, Mia is MIA for the arrival of her clothes line (which also happens to be called MIA). Jody doesn’t find it amusing whatsoever but I do! LOL!

Anyway, Jody and Mia get into a fight about her not showing up. Mia tells Jody about the topless modelling in Mexico. Jody is cracking the eff up and she forgives Mia for being hungover at 25 because posing topless at 50 is much worse.

They’re at some place trying on clothes. Mia and Jody just sit there and look like sourpusses. Jody claims that she’s not here to shop. Uh oh. Jody says that she can’t sit there and watch Mary try on clothes that she can’t afford. At the top of her voice. LOL. She has no chill.

Ronnie comes in with her Mean Girl Detector and knows that something is up. Yeah, no shit, they’re not exactly being subtle.

Christina asks about somewhere Mary is taking them. Mary says that she’s providing transportation.

Jody: So, how are we getting there, by donkey?

Jody is too much. She’s so baaad. She basically says that she’s about to serve Mary with papers. Christina throws them out and they leave.

….but, TWIST!

They come back and serve Mary with a cease and desist letter, lmao.