TV

snarkview: Hit The Floor, seasons 1-3 (VH1), part two


This is longer than intended so I need at least one person to read all of it. You’ll get a prize!

The series follows Ahsha Hayes (Taylour Paige), the talented yet naive daughter of single mom Sloane Hayes (Kimberly Elise). She joins the NBA cheerleading/dance team called the Los Angeles Devil Girls. She quickly discovers that her mother lied and kept secrets involving life as a Devil Girl herself. Unsure whom to trust, Ahsha must navigate her own way through the dangerous and temptation-filled world of pro basketball. Derek Roman (McKinley Freeman) tries to lure Ahsha away from her boyfriend, German Vega (Jonathan McDaniel). The more she resists his advances, the more persistent [and tempting] he becomes as German’s insecurity overwhelms him. Ahsha’s teammate, Kyle Hart (Katherine Bailess), tries to bring him to his senses and reveals her own agenda as she explains how the world works and how she’s making that world work for her. Ahsha’s father, Pete Davenport (Dean Cain), knows firsthand how difficult that life can be as a former all-star player for the Devils. He becomes the new head coach and discovers that his past is even more complicated than he thought. Players and dancers are forbidden to date, which only makes breaking the rules more tempting as history seems to repeat itself. Devil Girls’ team captain, Jelena Howard (Logan Browning) is dating player Terrence Wall (Robert Christopher Riley) flouting the rules as the classic “mean girl” trying to keep Ahsha off balance because she sees her as a threat

Oh, where do I start! I’ve been joking that I could just post this with a blank page and it would make no difference but that’s mean and incorrect. This show has an abundance of plot. It’s just that most of it was… well, let’s get into it.

First of all, this is one of those shows where I’m instantly hardwired to dislike the main character. The actress is fine (for VH1, lol) but the character is just, well talented but naive is an understatement. She’s just stupid and annoying.

I love you, stupid

Season 3 sees Raquel now married to Kyle for green card purposes (this is after Kyle spends all of season two ripping people off so she can get her divorce papers from some loan shark, but okay).

Oscar is in jail due to Sloane handing in a recording that incriminates him in a murder case.

Lionel is running the team but… Jelena and Terrence are trying to buy it from her. Or the League are forcing a sale. I have no fucking clue.

Anyway, also, Zero and Jude get back together, go public and they’re very cute, but oddly (haha, well, sort of) disconnected from all of the other characters bar Lionel and Jelena. It was like having a show within a show. On one hand, it’s good because they seem to be the only characters living on Earth and having normal interactions, on the other, it mean that they had little screen time. Ruuuuude

(more…)

snarkview: Hit The Floor, seasons 1-3 (VH1), part one


This is longer than intended so I need at least one person to read all of it. Part one and two. LOL.

The series follows Ahsha Hayes (Taylour Paige), the talented yet naive daughter of single mom Sloane Hayes (Kimberly Elise). She joins the NBA cheerleading/dance team called the Los Angeles Devil Girls. She quickly discovers that her mother lied and kept secrets involving life as a Devil Girl herself. Unsure whom to trust, Ahsha must navigate her own way through the dangerous and temptation-filled world of pro basketball. Derek Roman (McKinley Freeman) tries to lure Ahsha away from her boyfriend, German Vega (Jonathan McDaniel). The more she resists his advances, the more persistent [and tempting] he becomes as German’s insecurity overwhelms him. Ahsha’s teammate, Kyle Hart (Katherine Bailess), tries to bring him to his senses and reveals her own agenda as she explains how the world works and how she’s making that world work for her. Ahsha’s father, Pete Davenport (Dean Cain), knows firsthand how difficult that life can be as a former all-star player for the Devils. He becomes the new head coach and discovers that his past is even more complicated than he thought. Players and dancers are forbidden to date, which only makes breaking the rules more tempting as history seems to repeat itself. Devil Girls’ team captain, Jelena Howard (Logan Browning) is dating player Terrence Wall (Robert Christopher Riley) flouting the rules as the classic “mean girl” trying to keep Ahsha off balance because she sees her as a threat

Oh, where do I start! I’ve been joking that I could just post this with a blank page and it would make no difference but that’s mean and incorrect. This show has an abundance of plot. It’s just that most of it was… well, let’s get into it.

First of all, this is one of those shows where I’m instantly hardwired to dislike the main character. The actress is fine (for VH1, lol) but the character is just, well talented but naive is an understatement. She’s just stupid and annoying.

(more…)

Common Law (USA, 2012)


I just rewatched Common Law and I couldn’t find anything I’d written about it. Wait. Let me Google it before I speak on it. Nope. There’s diddly squat. I’m sure I did. I’ll look again after I post this.

Plot:

TV has had its share of odd couples through the years, and odd couple is the best way to describe LAPD detectives Travis Marks and Wes Mitchell. Marks is a former juvenile delinquent and a maverick ladies man while Mitchell is a former lawyer who sacrificed his marriage to become a cop. The pair has a seven-year track record as two of the finest detectives in the department’s Robbery-Homicide Division, but the two have a problem — each other. When their bickering starts to have an impact on their work, their new-age captain sends them to couples’ therapy in an attempt to reignite the flame in their “work marriage.” Enter Dr. Ryan, a tough-as-nails therapist tasked with helping Marks and Mitchell understand and resolve their conflicts in order to enhance their ability to continue solving crimes.

Basically buddy-cop with a twist.

The buddy cop genre has been around for a while. There’s Rush Hour. Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop, 48 Hours, Bad Boys (Bad Boys, what you gonna do!), 21 Jump Street.

Tango and Cash.

I haven’t seen that in years.

TV-wise, you have a few here and there. Like the Lethal Weapon show. I want to watch that but after Rush Hour, I need it to be on season 2 first.

Anyway, back onto Common Law.  (more…)

10 Observations About ‘Being Mary Jane’ Season 4A


Does anyone else watch this show? Nope? Just me? Well, I enjoy talking to myself anyway, so here we go!

Spoiler Alerts ahead. 

1. We’ve come along way from Turkey Baster times.

2. Michael Ealy. Once I heard he was on the show, I was all over this season like a Beyhive member in a Twitter fight.

Allllllllll over it

3. This season is much, much better now that we’re out of Atlanta? Is it just me? It’s a shame that we don’t see her family as much but the change of scenery is good. I don’t miss all of the post it notes. Definitely not.

4. Lee Truitt, Mj’s boyfriend. Oh, gosh, where do I start. He’s British-Nigerian (tick), he’s got two kids (tick), he’s divorced (tick), he has an unconventional job (comedian, tick), his ex-wife is a lesbian (tick), he’s from Primrose Hill (tick). Said ex-wife wanted him to be her sperm donor (tick).

I suppose I should be like YAY, someone I can relate to but…. Primrose Hill.

That accent.

Nope.

I’m mostly kidding.

5. Not here for PJ’s ‘my older, mature, white mentor is in love with me and gave me a Rolex/her daughter is brat’ storyline. Or the Rhonda vs Mary Jane storyline. The actress who plays Ronda is so dramatically over the top that I can’t take her seriously. Although, I can barely take Gabrielle Union seriously, so….

6. Detective Luke from Sleepy Hollow is on this season! (Again, I need to catch up on Sleepy Hollow). Anyway, his scenes with Kara in episode 4 were EXCRUCIATINGLY BAD. I’ve never before felt compelled to move my screen out of view, but that’s what I did.

7. Niecy’s character progression was nice. They didn’t have to make her lose all of the money, though. Can’t a girl keep her coins?

8. Garrett is Tyler from Revenge. Remember that show? Started off great, became a snoozefest after five episodes.

9. They’re going to put Mary-Jane and Justin together aren’t they? All those ticks for Lee were TV red flags. Just saying. Also, that kiss. I was just like no no no nooooo well, I don’t blame her. ETA: THEY WENT THERE. On the morning show desk no less. Painful viewing. Literally. They were in a room full of cameras. A room where anyone could have seen them. Einstein’s got nothing on them.

10. Is it bad that I don’t like Kara? She irks me. She’s irksome. (Spot The Mentalist reference!). It sucks that she lost her job, though.

Anyway, I think there’s a second half of this season so I will be back with a proper review later. Maybe.

Housekeeping (Blog Update)


It’s May already. Where does the time go?!

Many months ago, I contemplated leaving this blog. It served its purpose and I was ready to move on. I haven’t watched Supernatural since 2015. That’s a miracle given that I’ve watched it every year from 2005 to 2015. I persevered and I finally weaned myself off that show.

But, I kind of like having somewhere to ramble about TV/movies/current affairs/whatever. My other blog is more of a personal space, so I think this blog is a good place for all of that randomness. And I’m always ready to call out Jared Padalecki. Stupid and senseless will always have a home here.

Just to clarify – there are no new SPN recaps on the way. At least not until the show has an end date. See what I did there? Anyway, I have some Lifetime Snark coming up. A couple of TV posts. Maybe I’ll finally get around to watching RIPD. I will be hating on more things (of course).

Regarding the Trump posts, they’re not going to be weekly anymore.

The outcome of the healthcare bill they passed is grim. That a country that claims to be as open and free (well sort of) and have values, and actually care about its patriots can be so blasé about a basic human right (good healthcare) is appalling.

So, yeah, I’m not bothering with a post this week.

It’s just depressing, and now that there’s an upcoming election in the UK, I’m focusing on that (I would post about it but it’s…too depressing).

That being said, I’m going to try and post something political every other week at least. One good thing that’s come out of it is that I am far more knowledgeable than I was before. I definitely think it’s good to keep up with everything, just in case something personally affects you. Or you can just turn into a news junkie like me 😛
Anyway, yes.

Random aside: I watched the Teletubbies opening theme yesterday and I was CRYING. It was so bloody bizarre. And hilarious. Why do they have TVs on their screen? Who do they live in a weird isolated community? Why is the Sun a BABY? Why was this considered normal? LOL, I had so many questions, you don’t even know…What a throwback that was.

The New Edition Story (BET)


I finally got around to watching this and I honestly have nothing bad to say about it. The acting was good, the music was good, the clothes, the authenticity of each time period was well executed, the Let’s Get Married (Remix) by Jagged Edge usage was on point (that song is my jam, I just heard it again for the first time in ages so I was super happy to hear it on the miniseries)! (more…)

snarkview: ‘paternity court’ and ‘hot bench’


Quick note: To anyone that I owe a reply to – I am the world’s slowest replier to comments but I always get around to them eventually 🙂

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After a year long hiatus from reality TV, I have returned to it because I’m watching an actual TV for the first time in a long time. Mostly it’s been cooking shows, but I have stumbled upon the court based reality shows. Obviously Judge Judy is one but meh. I love her eye roll but not how she rolls (if you know what I mean).

I decided to do a post about them because technically this blog is about me watching bad television. Let’s call this my on-topic post of the month 😀

Anyway, first up we have… (more…)

How To Plot Twist Your Way Into WTFVille (as told by Secrets and Lies Season 2).


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Let’s start with the nice stuff first.

1. Black cast!!! BLACK CAST!

This was awesome to see even though they were surrounded by a sea of whiteness.

2. Michael Ealy.

I love his face. I love his acting. That is all.

3. Eric Winter.

Yes. Yes. Herbal Essences Yes. He looked gooood. That’s all that that came to mind when he popped up because his character was a jerk.

4. Mekia Cox

Every time she’s on TV I know her character will be up to some crazy shit.

5. Peter Mills!!

Need I say anymore? 

6. Edwin Hodge

Small role but he’s adorable so whatever.

7. He will always be John Locke to me


Now onto the snark…

Secrets and Lies Season 2: How To Plot Twist Your Way Into WTFVille

1. Start with decent plot.

Newly married to the beautiful Kate and set to inherit leadership of his family’s profitable Charlotte, N.C., equity firm, well-educated and hard-working Eric Warner seems to have it all. Everything changes in an instant when, while attending a party to celebrate his father, John Warner, officially passing the reins of the business over to him, someone murders his wife. Enter brilliant and unflappable homicide detective Andrea Cornell, as she leaves no stone unturned in her quest to uncover what happened and bring justice to the victim.

2. Depress us less than they did during season 1

Kate is made out to be this perfect, pretty woman who lied constantly – but for a good reasons. In fact, she was so perfect and understanding that I was wondering just who would want to kill her. I think the writers also struggled with that question. Anyway, given that this season was about shiny, rich people and set in a sort of glamorous big corp environment it was mich more entertaining that the suburban feel of season 1. The experienced cast also helped here.

3. Make it predictable 

Predictable isn’t always a bad thing. Kate was perfect apart from the fact that she had a secret child. She had a secret iPad. She had a secret mother who wasn’t dead like she said she was. Everything they revealed about her was no surprise. Coupled with the bright whimsical flashbacks of her being the perfect wife, girlfriend and friend – she was sort of boring. The most interesting scene she had was falling off the roof of a building.

The usual suspects were the tight-knit family members. Eric, the dreamy husband. Neil, his philandering best friend. Patrick, Eric’s drunken younger brother. Liam, the fraudulent assistant. John Locke, the conniving father in law. And so forth. 

4. Add a whole bunch of random subplots 


Halfway through the season, the writers decided to give us some insight into the main character’s life. The question was did the audience suddenly want a diversion away from the main story? One minute we’re wondering who killed Kate and the next…we’re watching as Cornell’s alcoholic daughter relapses and also suddenly expected to care that her partner was shot at some kind of police house visit. It was kind of random. 

Also falling into the random column was the case of Danny, a cop introduced to the story to reinforce their Saint Kate theme. His daugher ran away from home shortly before his partner killed himself but not before leaving a note confessing to abusing Danny’s runaway daughter. Somehow he manages to find a picture of his daughter at the party Kate was at. He confronts Kate and she texts him on the night she dies when she sees his daughter at Eric’s party. 

Okay, that’s fine and all but…the link was so tenuous that I couldn’t understand why Danny was in every episode. Until he ended up being Danny Ex Machina. 

5. Build on the random subplots by adding even more ridiculous subplots. 

  • First, we find out that Patrick (drunken baby bro) has committed major fraud
  • Said fraud leads to him and his wife opening a whore house
  • VICE just happen to be monitoring said house
  • John Locke is a bigamist with a secret son that tried to blackmail his first son with wife #2
  • His first wife has cancer which is why he disappeared for half of the season
  • John Locke loses everything because he conveniently used wife #2’s money to build his company and he was never legally married to her.
  • Eric is the reason why his mother is in a coma – he pushed her downstairs. 
  • …but only because she was an alcoholic and somehow Patrick doesn’t remember this until he does (this wasn’t ridiculous but it was surrounded by ridiculousness)
  • Somewhere between that they manage to suspect that Kate’s son’s adopted mother killed her and we see the son and stepfather
  • Neil slept with Eric’s sister Amanda whose marriage broke down because she can’t have children — although this ended up counting in the end.
  • Danny’s daughter is found at another whore house and he gets a happy ending? Whee, I guess. 

6. Make the killer obvious but leave us in the dark regarding the motive

After the first episode, my money was on Amanda because they showed her sweating and popping pills. However she seemed genuinely distraught so I was thinking hmm, the reason must be something shocking like Kate having an affair! 

That was before the whole Saint Kate nonsense so by the end I had a bad feeling. We learn more about Amanda’s fertility than we do about her. She’s also a lawyer, so all of her animosity towards the police is to be expected. However the writers made it sort of obvious that it was her by:

  • Having her leave a cigarette butt right in front of the detective who is investigating her family for murder
  • Having her freely admit to dry cleaning the clothes she wore on the day of the murder – this was a lie but that any lawyer would claim to tamper with evidence is suspicious. 

And fair enough. It had to be somebody. However, in what has to be the most ridiculous twist, the police arrest Eric for Kate’s murder. And this is after a lot of talk in the crime lab about it “being the wrong jacket” and there being “skin cells from China” on the jacket. They then manage to match the blood at the crime scene to a mystery person but I was just thinking — we already know that a specific character gave you clean clothes! 

Anyway, so all of that nonsense aside, they essentially use some weird psychology to get Eric to remember who wasn’t at the party in the moment when Kate disappeared. We then see a flashback of everyone but Amanda. After some denials, she basically admits that she did it. 

The reason? Because Kate was pregnant. Yes, the heavily medicated infertile woman pushed another woman off a roof because she was jealous. 


And the ridiculousness doesn’t even end there because it turns out that Amanda isn’t infertile. She’s actually pregnant! 

I literally said to myself, “Fucking, really? Da fuck is this shit?”
It was just so stupid.

In the end she agrees to plead guilty but only if Eric agrees to look after her child. Neil has three ex-wives and a tendency to bail on people as evidenced by his no-show when he is meant to visit Amanda in prison. Eric walks out on her so we never know if he agrees to look after the kid. 

The show ends with Eric calling Kate’s son because, well. They wanted to end on a happy note after all of the fuckery.

Wait

The show decides to end with more fuckery. Cornell arrives home to find her daughter drunk/drugged up amd her gun missing. There’s a noise and then a gunshot rings out. 


Verdict: 7/10. Despite the silliness, I enjoyed it and it’s only ten episodes so I recommend it. Sort of.

How To Bore Your Audience (As Told By ABC’s “Secret & Lies US”*)


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*This post is based on season 1. Spoilers ahead!

Season 2 is shaping up to be just as silly but some of my favourite people are in it. DORIAN (Michael Ealy). O’LAUGHLIN (Eric Winter). PETER MILLS (Charlie Barnett). LEM (Kenny Johnson). Wait. Those are fictional characters. Anyway.

Ben Crawford is a self-employed contractor, married to Christy with whom he has two daughters, Natalie, 16, and Abby, 12. His best friend, Dave, lives in their summer house. They have a neighbor, Jess, who is estranged from her husband Scott, who is in the military. Jess and Scott have a five year old son named Tom.

While out for an early morning run, Ben discovers Tom’s body; he was evidently taken from his bed into the woods and killed by six blows to the head from a flashlight.

Detective Cornell is convinced Ben is the killer, Ben cannot prove his innocence because he suffered a blackout after going out drinking with Dave following a fight with Christy over her suspicion of an affair with Jess.

Here’s how to bore your audience.

1. Lull us into a false sense of Ryan Phillippe being attractive enough to keep us watching 

He’s not.

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Alternative New Year Resolutions


January is always accompanied by a bunch of new years resolutions that nobody keeps up with. Gym CEOs sit behind large desks and rub their hands with glee because ‘lose weight‘ is usually number one on the list. And fair enough, that’s a reasonable resolution. Or y’know, a personal goal people probably had before January 1st. Let’s be honest, a lot of resolutions are things that people should and probably will be doing anyway. And in light of 2016, nobody who wanted to be a better person last year was truly successful.
So here’s my alternative list of suggestions for people.

**Be Less Of An Asshole**

This one goes out to the deplorables, liberals, brexiteers, remainers, bigots, racist, general assholes. Just try to turn it down a notch and *listen* to other people. Even if you don’t like what they’re saying, acting like a bunch of school girls won’t help anybody. Being a bully doesn’t help anybody. (more…)