Category: Bad Inventions

huggable life companions


Here at Supernatural Snark, I’ve posted about many different things. 

There were three seasons of Supernatural recaps. 

There was a recap of the Killer Pet Dog SyFy movie (which is a surprisingly popular post of mine). 

I snarked about Trump for a good three months. 

I’ve even spoken about BET shows. 

It’s been a mixed bag. Somewhere along the line, I discovered Japan Trend Shop and from time to time you’ll see me post the items that I can’t quite wrap my head around.

Today is no different. 

Today I present to you the Japanese Cotton Wife.

Japanese Cotton Wife

Bride-shaped foam cushion by Bibi Lab

Price: US$ 428

bib-lab-japanese-cotton-wife-cushion-1

Looking for that special someone to snuggle up to? Look no further than wacky Japanese home items maker Bibi Lab and their new Japanese Cotton Wife. This bride-shaped cushion feels realistic to the touch, so you can hug and dress her up to get a unique household companion experience.

What. The. Hell. 

What is this? More importantly, why? Why would someone want a wife made out of cotton? What happens when you spill something on her? You’d have to dry clean your wife. That’s grounds for divorce. Irreversible differences. 

You know what would make this even better? Bad jokes.

Keen-eyed observers will spot that this is essentially a parody of real “hug pillows”, which are often decorated with sexy anime characters. The Cotton Wife comes in a washable, skin-colored spandex cover and in two sizes. Needless to say, the taller version has a larger, well, bust than the smaller model.

Bigger fake boobs. Wow. Imagine that. There’s room for improvement, though. How about…a video?

This video made me lose it. THE DANCING. THE MUSIC. I was terrified and amused at the same time.

arnold-schwarzenegger-suspicious-true-lies-squint-not-sure-if-serious-14064209608

This is unbelievably creepy. I can’t understand why any sane or rational thinking person would buy one of these. Just get a teddy bear?

That being said, I can see a scenario where some Supernatural fan buys two of these and creates their own huggable Jared and Jensen. Or [insert crazy fan] creates their version of [insert object(s) of affection].

Welp.

Not to be outdone, Bibi Labs have come up with another design in the same vein. I hope that this one DOESN’T have a video.

Cotton Wife and Husband Hug Pillows

Huggable life companions

cotton-wife-husband-wata-danna-yome-1

Called in Japanese the Wata Yome and Wata Danna, the Cotton Wife and Husband Hug Pillows by Bibi Lab are unique companions for whenever you need a hug. We’ve seen plenty of hug pillows in Japan before but these have the most attractive and, well, huggable designs so far. These spouses have limbs and a torso, while the springy materials are really addictive.

Limbs and a torso…what the…well, that makes these sex cushions perfectly normal then.

These unique pillows are nearly life-size too. Dress them in clothes for the most realistic results. Then you will really get the benefit of hug when you are lonely and you’ll never be short of a dinner partner again. The set includes a brown, anti-static fleece cover.

Imagine turning up to a dinner party and your host’s significant other isn’t real. I would be out of there faster than you say ding ding chicken wing.

cotton-wife-husband-wata-danna-yome-3
I think they’re trying to recreate the spiderman kiss

Oh dearie me. I’m done. 

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blue mist and leg angels


Oh no, they say he’s got to go go go Godzilla
Oh no, there goes H20 go go Godzilla

–originally by Blue Öyster Cult with one word changed because…

What. The. Actual. Fuck. 

What a weird combination. Godzilla, who destroys buildings and air moisture, which destroys your stuff if you don’t deal with it.
Seriously, though, a Godzilla humidifier that breathes blue mist. On one hand, it is kind of cool, but on the other…

Why? It’s creepy. LOOK AT THE FEET. 

Also, a humidifier is like a bladder for your house (or wherever). It collects water. It doesn’t need to be fancy, it just needs to be a container of some sort. 

Onto the beauty section and….

Leg shaping? Is this a real thing? Do people wake up one day and think I need to reshape my legs? 

Light, as if your leg is floating? 

That doesn’t sound remotely pleasant. That sounds like something I’d go to the doctor for.  Uh. Just wear tights, it’s cheaper and less headache inducing. Or do leg exercises. Oy. 

Surround Sound Gone Mad


I was perusing my favourite gadget and beauty products website when I saw this:

First question: what kind of douchebag would use this thing?

Yeah, but why does it have to go around the neck? Why not just normal speakers? No one on this Earth needs neck speakers. If we want to pick up audio things that we’ve missed, that’s what earphones are for.  

Look at how ridiculous he looks! So douchey. It looks like some kind of hipster neck pillow. 

Netflix and chill gone mad. I’m telling you. They could at least come up with a double neck speaker option. This looks so stupid. If I catch any of you with this…

Not to be outdone, Panasonic seem to be vying with Sony in the dumb gadgets stakes. 

….

Or people could just wash their clothes. What difference does it make if you leave something festering overnight. It’s still going to stink and why spend four hundred dollars when you can just Febreze it later (and that’s only if you really don’t want to just wash it). 

This has to be one of the dumbest, most useless things I’ve ever seen. A deodorising hanger. I’m convinced that this site is just trolling at this point. 
 

Takes 5-7 hours to clean a garment

I rest my case.

Iron-Woman


Hello, snarklings. I hope you are all having a good weekend.

I was going to post about that Donald Trump Jr. fiasco that broke this week but I already knew that he was an idiot. That we now have evidence is just a mere footnote. Okay, well, not really. ‘I LOVE IT!’? And Kushner and Manafort were there too? I think I just heard an echo of Putin laughing away evilly in the distance.

Oh and Kellyanne…

When will you stop embarrassing yourself on TV? I’d say that agreeing to meet the Russians in order to collect dirt on Hilary sounds a lot like collusion. (more…)

Upside Down (or, yet another product that we really don’t need)


Greetings, snarklings!

I’m back with another wacky Japanese product. This one is truly astounding.

Unbrella.

An upside down umbrella.

Look, even if I wanted to buy one – and at $192, I’d rather eat my own hair – why would I when I could go out in the wind and bag myself a semi-free and real upside down umbrella. It’s not real unless you’re drenched and fighting with the umbrella. It’s not real until you admit defeat and close the umbrella and accept that you’re going to get soaked. It’s not real until a piece of metal is sticking out.


Okay, first of all, the wet part inside? Why would we want that? It makes sense for it to be outside because that way the—you know what, I’m over thinking it.

This is no gimmick or joke

Pedant’s corner says: ACTUALLY, IT KINDA IS!


….is this how people close their umbrellas? I never get wet when closing mine. Simple solution – hold it as far away from your person as possible. I love how they’re really trying to sell this, lol!

I bet the designer got back some dodgy umbrellas from the factory and they were like, ‘a ha! Want not waste not. Upside down umbrella. Boom. Unbrella. Boom. $192. Double boom.’

No one will forget you in the rain when you unleash this umbrella

Yes… because they’ll be wondering who the moron with the ridiculous umbrella is and why they’ve wasted their money on it.

Also, what happens if it’s windy and the wind turns the unbrella into an umbrella? No wait. An upside down unbrella. At least I assume that’s what will happen. It’s either that or it’ll erupt into a ball of glitter.

What Could Go Wrong?


Picture this.

You’ve just gotten home. You’re bursting to use the toilet. You rush in, there’s no toilet paper and if you’re me, you utter every swear word in existence…

…and mutter something about how stupid humanity is…

omg what is this hair

….before somehow finding one last burst of energy to sort of shimmy over to where the spare rolls are kept.

If you’re one of those people that keeps spare rolls in the toilet, well…you might need to put a BOLO (be on the lookout) on the white thing that’s actually toilet paper.  (more…)

A deliciously daring fashion accessory


If you’re wondering why my blog has turned into a random mess of posts – this is what happens when you lose interest in why your blog was initially based on! Even when they decide that they want to do a crossover with Scooby-Doo (see previous post) whom I love enough to want this crossover to die in a fiery pit of molten ash.

Anyway.

I don’t doubt that the Japanese love fake food samples so much but…$120. I don’t think so, mate. I’d need some actual food with my purchase and even then, I’d need a hundred dollar discount and free delivery.  (more…)

Fish Lips and Repetitive Vowel Sounds


Yes, it’s that time where I wonder why you can buy such nonsense on the web. 

I think the makers of this site are just fucking with all of us. 

Seriously

I gaped at this and was ready to move on when I read the description. Specifically this part.

The makers recommend you say vowel sounds out loud over and over again, producing regular and methodical exercises that will strength the twelve facial expression muscles in a comprehensive way

I’m snarkless at this point. Utterly snarkless. The fact that it looks like fish lips. The vowel sounds. The fact that they instruct you to ‘pop in’ the mold and then make mouth movements

Just. 

Bye. 

Hide your cats, hide your smile…


First of all, I’d like to thank Bow Wow for providing some much needed amusement today. Although, most people laughing away know damn well that they stunt for Instagram as well. That’s what Instagram is for. Showing off and constant pet pictures in case we forget what your cat looks like. 

Anyway, onto today’s discoveries. 
First up is this Cat Food Candle. 

Look. Unless someone wants crispy fried cat, I don’t think this candle is good idea (unless they don’t have a cat and want a cat food candle for some unexplained reason). 

Next we have a smile exerciser mouthpiece? 

This contraption SCARES me. But I guess it beats pumping all kinds of chemicals into your lips. Actually, I think both are terrible. We should be working to outlaw duck face and not promoting it. Since when was it style of face? And why would anybody want to have permanent duck face?

It even looks terrible on Batman

And isn’t the whole point of duck face that you’re not smiling? Maybe they should call this the Smile Evaporator Mouthpiece? 

I…I have officially run out of words. And now I’m making a duck face at my phone.