humour

Bad Moviethon #10 – A Cinderella Story (2004)


(POTENTIALLY)
BAD MOVIE MARATHON #10

…in which I examine if bad movies really deserve their woeful rotten tomatoes score.

A Cinderella Story

IMDB | 2004

Plot:

Sam (Hilary Duff), a teenager in California, is obliged to work as a janitor and dishwasher in the diner of her stepmother (Jennifer Coolidge). After a cell phone mix-up, Sam begins an anonymous text-messaging and e-mail relationship with a boy. They agree to meet at a school dance, but when Sam finds out that her secret pen pal is none other than Austin Ames (Chad Michael Murray), the cutest boy in school, she panics and looks for a way to make herself cooler.

Review Excerpts:

You can say of this movie, truly, that they took the most famous tale in the world and broke it.

Let me get quickly to the word that best describes this movie. It is horrible.

Haaaaarsh.

Technically, I refuse to call this a bad movie because it’s a classic, but it has a rating of 11% on Rotten Tomatoes.

On behalf of Chad Michael Murray’s astounding acting ability, I am offended. Heck, Hilary Duff doesn’t deserve that either.

Anyway, I loved this movie when I was a kid. I learnt how to make DVDs with this movie. Actually, I have a VCD with this movie on it. If you don’t know what a VCD is, you haven’t lived. This movie basically set me up for a life where I could use computer software without getting confused. I will cherish it forever. 

Plot wise, this movie is uh, well, I’ll give you a brief recap.

Recap

The plot of this movie is basically – Chad Michael Murray and Hilary Duff have been texting and Iming each other but they don’t know what they look like. In real life, he’s the star quarterback and popular guy and she works at the diner her Dad owned before he died, has an awful stepmother and two terrible stepsisters.

They agree to meet on Halloween at a dance. Sam is unable to go until the last last minute when she turns up as Cinderella, complete with a face mask that does little to disguise who she is.

Despite that Austin has no idea who she is. Once it hits midnight, she runs back to the diner and conveniently drops her cellphone.

In true creeper fashion, Austin puts up posters requesting that people call him if they know anything about Cinderella. Cue lots of girls trying to make out likd they’re Cinderella just to get with Austin.

Eventually, Sam’s sisters find out, tell Austin’s ex-girlfriend, and they group together to humiliate her and Austin in front of the entire school by reading their emails out loud and revealing that Sam is Cinderella. Shock horror, the star quarterback is secretly in love with diner girl!

By the way, we keep hearing about a drought throughout the movie….

Classic line

…so…fast forward to the end and Austin skips out on The Biggest Game Of His Life™ to stop Sam from leaving and the skies open and it rains like it’s never rained before.

They go to Princeton together and live happily ever after.

Woo!

I see three main reasons why it got an 11%

1. The script sounds like it was written by someone who had never stepped foot in a high school.

2. The acting leaves a lot to be desired. Hilary is on point (let’s face it, she’s always on point) and Chad Michael Murray is good looking enough for me to overlook any less than stellar performance (plus his brooding pensive look is also on point), but the rest of them kind of sucked.

3. They used a terrible cover of a Jesse McCartney song, unless that was him singing and there’s something wrong with my ears.

4. Teenage love ending the drought? Really? Seriously? Cringe alert.

5. Somehow Sam manages to work before school and after school and whenever her stepmother requires it and still be a straight A student. I’m not saying that’s impossible, but it’s a stretch.

6. The annoying best friend was annoying.

7. It’s a comedy, but it’s more of a laugh at the movie than laugh with the movie kinda deal.

8. Most of the movie doesn’t make any real sense. The premise is that Austin ends up looking for Sam, but she didn’t disguise her voice and her eyes were all that was covered. The next time he sees her, he should recognise her. If he had selective hearing, I’d get it, but he’s the star quarterback with perfect grades, perfect cheekbone structure and perfect eyesight. There’s no reason why he wouldn’t know it was her.

9. She dropped her cellphone. I get it, that’s the modern equivalent of leaving your shoe behind, but once again, all Austin had to do was call a number on the phone to figure out who his mystery girl was. Maybe Sam didn’t have any minutes, but she definitely has texting credit (and presumably texts from other people). It’s a bit like having a key for three doors. You have to try them all to figure out which door they key is for. That’s commonly known as common sense, but I guess that doesn’t translate well on-screen.

10. I love how I said three main reasons and then wrote nine. Anyway, the most visible teacher in this movie was some odd woman who has a crush on one of the students, is generally incompetent and serves no real purpose in the movie.

11. At the end of the movie, something ‘drops’ out of a book that Sam’s father gave her. His original will. This just conveniently happens after she snags herself a boyfriend. Apparently Chad Michael Murray is the key to finally being able to claim your inheritance, who knew? It seems odd that she’d have that book for years and never drop it, but that’s just me seeing things through my clumsy lense.

All of that being said, the movie is still entertaining and I feel like it aged well. It deserves way more than 11%! I’d give it 50 at least. I mean, the epic kiss at the close of the movie ENDED THE DROUGHT! You’ve got to give them props for that. True love conquers all. Even the weather.

Verdict: 5/10

Too Mooch, too soon


Good news everyone!

White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci has been fired after fewer than 10 days in the post.

I’m sorry, but I have to go all Channing Tatum up in here. 

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. 

Oh no he diiiiiiiiidn’t

This is too much. 

This man missed the birth of his child to attend that embarrassing Boys Scout event and this is how Trump pays him back? He even got served with divorce papers because his wife was unhappy with his level of ass kissing. Still, that wasn’t enough to save him. 

That’s cold-blooded. I almost feel sorry for him but he’s still a rich, privileged man. He will be fine. 

I’m guessing it all went down like this. 

Trump: Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the craziest and Presidential of them all!

Mirror: You are the craziest no more but Presidential you are!

Trump: What? No longer the craziest Lemme guess, Crooked Hillary has finally shown her true colours?

Mirror: No, sir, the honour has been bestowed on The Mooch! His legend grows and grows and he’s the talk of the talk shows and fake but also real news!

Trump; The who?

Mirror: Anthony Scaramucci, sir. 

Trump: Yeah, I know that guy, but who’s The Mooch?

Mirror decides to speed the process up.

Mirror: The Mooch threatens all that you’ve worked hard for, sir. He’s taking away all of the attention!

Trump: Sad! How dare he? He’s finished in this town. Nobody makes crazy, inane statements but me, and occasionally Sean Spicer and that woman who replaced him – you know, the six point five – but also ME!!!!! 

Mirror: He even threatened Priebus via Twitter, sir. It seems that he wanted to emulate you, sir. 

Trump: NOBODY SENDS OUT RIDICULOUSLY HAM-FISTED TWEETS BUT ME!! 

Mirror: Raise hand slowly, sir and let’s say the magic words together…

Trump stretches out his unnecessarily long tie and raises his hand, his finger curling as they say:

Trump/Mirror: You’re fired!

Of course, Gen. John Kelly was the one who actually fired Scaramucci. You see, when you push out the previous chief of staff who you don’t report to, you really need to make sure that the same applies for his replacement. 

Scaramucci, you are the weakest link. 
Goodbye! 

#tbt – that time I wanted to FedEx my diary…


I am always finding old diaries of mine and they have one thing in common. Pages and pages and pages and pages and pages of nonsense about Supernatural. Where I found the time, I don’t know. However, in between the facepalming, there’s always some good laughs to be found, such as this passage:

Linkin Park ‘Shadow Of The Day’s is such a rad song! I love it. Hehe. I just had an idea. I could fill up this book and like FedEx it to Jared and Jensen. Ha. It’s very unlikely but it’s an idea, right? AAGH. I’m going insane. I want to watch SPN.

I think watching SPN was part of the problem. (more…)

The Kellyanne Conway Story: Official Trailer 


Hilarious.

“I haven’t cursed in 40 years, but fuck you!”

It’s time to go back to the tower, Melania.”

I’d pay money to see this if it was real! Or would I? Watching it play out in real time is entertaining (and horrific) enough. 

(Link is here if you’re reading via email).

stupid and senseless: aaron carter (na na na na na na na na)


Oh, Aaron, what are we going to do with you? That video is still one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever seen, lol.

Anyway!

Ooh Wee

Aaron was in the news recently for his DUI arrest and subsequent fifteen minutes of fame. He milked that arrest like it needed to be delivered the next morning. Damn. He called Nick out (this is all Aaron does when it comes to Nick, but that’s related to other shit), he said people were body shaming him. We didn’t know the truth. The truth would come out.

This statement had me rolllllllling. Arrested for being a celebrity? Oh and he wasn’t under the influence even though…

arresting officers witnessed the Aaron’s Party singer ‘driving all over the road and running into the median’ while operating a white Chevy Suburban with no tags

Alright, boo.

I know that you’re all dying to see a close up of that neck tattoo so here it is!

(more…)

Iron-Woman


Hello, snarklings. I hope you are all having a good weekend.

I was going to post about that Donald Trump Jr. fiasco that broke this week but I already knew that he was an idiot. That we now have evidence is just a mere footnote. Okay, well, not really. ‘I LOVE IT!’? And Kushner and Manafort were there too? I think I just heard an echo of Putin laughing away evilly in the distance.

Oh and Kellyanne…

When will you stop embarrassing yourself on TV? I’d say that agreeing to meet the Russians in order to collect dirt on Hilary sounds a lot like collusion. (more…)

OMFG, We’re Shadows! Part 2


It’s getting far too serious around here, so here’s some humour for you!

I started this before I became more active on WordPress, so to explain, it’s like a mock supernatural themed TV show that isn’t solely based on Supernatural (the show that my blog was originally about).

Part one is here. This series kind of fell by the wayside, but good news! Untitled Unrealistic Teen Drama is on it’s way back. I just need to write it and stuff, but… yeah, watch this space. Or casually observe it from time to time.


Omfg, We’re Shadows 2

FADE IN:

INT. APARTMENT DAY

Tactless is eating his breakfast while Senseless completes his ‘How To Win Her Back’ paper. Senseles happens to be wearing a labcoat

TACTLESS

(sexy frown)

Hey, Dexter, what’s with the lab coat?

Sensitive ignores Tactless and takes a sip of his kale and spinach smoothie.

Tactless grabs a bread roll and throws it at Sensitive

SENSITIVE

Dude, what are you, twelve?

TACTLESS

FYI. My childish antics add to my sexiness levels. Anyway, we can talk about me later. Explain the coat

SENSITIVE

Sometimes I can’t believe that we’re related.And I’m getting ready to make some more visibility elixir because SOMEBODY keeps using it to get laid

TACTLESS

I have it on authority that I’m God’s gift to women. Using that elixir is me doing everybody a great public service

SENSELESS

You have no shame. Need I remind you of Jill?

TACTLESS

(sexy frown)

There’s no H-O-T in shame. So yeah, you’re right about that.Besides, Jill was a special case. What if she and Jack are the convenient legend that we’re yet to determine?

2.

SENSITIVE

I’m still looking into those two. Now…are you going to help me make this elixir?

TACTLESS

Last time I helped we were neon for a week. There’s a reason why you’re the smart one. And even though I’m secretly envious,I’m going to wait until the most inconvenient moment to bring it up. Right now, I’m gonna head to the gym and work on me guns.

Tactless flexes his biceps and barely manages to duck when Sensitive lobs the bread roll back at him.

INT. GYM

CUT TO:

Tactless is doing his soon to be patented sexy-wink walk on the treadmill

He’s smiling at a random woman when he catches sight of a familiar head of blonde hair

TACTLESS

(sexy, angry eyes)

Jill?

Jill looks up, her eyes widening when she sees Tactless. She takes off, leaving Tactless to splutter unintelligently

TACTLESS (CONT’D)

(sexy frown)

HEY, GET BACK HERE!

He tries to run after her but forgets that he’s on the treadmill. He goes down like a ton of bricks and ends up in a heap on the floor.

TACTLESS (CONT’D)

I am far too good looking to have these kind of complications in my life.

EXT. SHADOW UNIVERSITY GARDENS

CUT TO:

3.

Sensitive is sitting on a picnic table, talking to his girlfriend Stacey when Tactless walks up them. Stacey is still a humanoid carrot, although they’ve finally figured out how to make her look less orange.

TACTLESS

Oh, hey, Gi–Stacey? How’s it going?

STACEY

Fine. I guess I’ll leave you two to talk. I know that I’m probably not hot enough to be in your presence

TACTLESS

(smirks)

Hey, if I was into humanoid carrot chicks, I wouldn’t turn you down.

Stacey flips him the bird and kisses Sensitive goodbye and leaves.

SENSITIVE

Dude, what have I told you about speaking to my girlfriend?

TACTLESS

I have no idea. Besides, she hates me for no reason.

SENSITIVE

(eye roll)

You’re the reason why she’s a humanoid carrot thing. You can’t just expect her to forgive you because you’re ‘hot’.

TACTLESS

Whatever. I have a bigger problem. I just spotted Jill. You know the crazy chick that pushed me down a hill. We have to do something!

SENSITIVE

Like what? Take on a murdeeous sibling duo by ourselves?

TACTLESS

Yes, but only after we go through an extended training montage.

SENSITIVE

Wait, what?

4.

INT. GYM

FADE TO:

There’s a long montage of Sensitive and Tactless working out. Tactless flirts incessantly while Sensitive looks uncomfortable. This compelling montage lasts for five unnecessary minutes.

INT. APARTMENT NIGHT

Tactless and Sensitive are sitting in their living room, researching shadow stuff.

TACTLESS

(peers at laptop screen)

According to this one hundred percent factual website, there are a group of people called the Shadow Twisters. They trick Shadows into doing their bidding and increase their strength at the same time.

SENSITIVE

(SEXY FROWN)

That makes no sense. According to the Shadow Book Of Shadows–

TACTLESS

The what now??

SENSITIVE

Oh, sorry. The Shadow Address Book. Alternatively, we can call it the magic book?

TACTLESS

No. No we can’t.

SENSITIVE

You never support my name choices.

TACTLESS

What are you, twelve?

SENSITIVE

I’m just saying.

TACTLESS

You’re too sensitive, buddy.

5.

SENSITIVE

And you’re too tactless. Anyway, like I was saying, the Shadow Address Book says that only shadows can control shadows. Which would mean that…

TACTLESS

Shadow Twisters are shadows!

SENSITIVE

And–

TACTLESS

Jack and Jill are like, dark side shadows! We need to find someone to stop them from hurting innocent people.

Sensitive raises an eyebrow.

SENSITIVE

We ARE the someone!

TACTLESS

I know that I’m supposed to be the dumb one but you need to reboot that sentence.

Sensitive rolls his eyes and gestures towaeds the laptop.

SENSITIVE

We are the ones who have to stop Jack and Jill, this is our destiny.

TACTLESS

But we’re REALLY bad at saving people.

SENSITIVE

You know what they say, it doesn’t matter if you fail, so long as you try to succeed.

Tactless blinks.

TACTLESS

Nobody says that.

SENSITIVE

Well, they should. I tried really hard on my How To Be A Bad Boy paper and I got a B+. What kind of grade is that?

This time, Tactless rolls his eyes.

6.

TACTLESS

A decent one?

SENSITIVE

I’m the smart one. TV history dictates that I shoukd be getting straight As!

TACTLESS

The past five minutes indicate that you were lucky to come away with a B+.

SENSITIVE

Like you can talk.

TACTLESS

I’m just saying!

CUT TO:

EXT. APARTMENT DOORWAY

Tactless is trying to sneak out of the apartment undetected.

Sensitive detects Tactless.

He switches on the porch light and glares at Tactless.

SENSELESS

(sexy glare)

Where do you think you’re going?

TACTLESS

Out.

SENSITIVE

With the elixir that I spent the entire morning making?

TACTLESS

Uh…Maybe.

SENSITIVE

I hate you.

TACTLESS

Save it for episode 3, Sens. Shirtless fight, remember?

SENSITIVE

I still hate you.

7.

Sensitive snatches the bottle of elixir from Tactless and slams the door shut.

TACTLESS

Dammit.

BACK TO:

INT. APARTMENT DAY

Sensitive is eating breakfast and working on his “What Kind Of Flowers Should I Get Her?” paper when Tactless stumbles in. His face is pale and his hair is stuck up in a million directions. He coughs slightly and Senseless wrinkles his nose.

SENSITIVE

Dude, are you getting sick?

TACTLESS

(SNIFF)

No. I’m just a bit poorly because someone stopped me from getting laid last night.

SENSITIVE

Seriously?

TACTLESS

I told you that getting laid was my superpower, Sens.

SENSITIVE

You’re an idiot.

TACTLESS

I’m not denying that, but even idiots need to get laid at some point.

SENSELESS

Look, let’s just deal with Jill and Jack–

Tactless interrupts.

TACTLESS

It’s Jack and Jill

SENSITIVE

Does it matter?

TACTLESS

Yes, you heathen, it matters!

8.

SENSITIVE

Do you even know what heathen means?

TACTLESS

Not really

Senseless sighs and leaves the room.

EXT. PARKING LOT NIGHT

Senseless and Tactless are loading their trunk with weapons that will be ineffective until the last minute.

TACTLESS

So what’s the plan?

SENSELESS

The plan is that we have no plan.

Tactless frowns and pauses.

TACTLESS

So we’re just winging it?

SENSELESS

That implies that we don’t have plan.

TACTLESS

That’s what you said!

SENSELESS

I said that we have no plan, not that we didn’t have a plan.

TACTLESS

I’m starting to see why your girlfriend is so unhappy.

Senseless ignores Tactless in favour of slamming the trunk shut.

CUT TO:

INT. GYM NIGHT

The interior of the gym is quiet and dark. They creep in quietly and use flashlights to see where they’re going

9.

TACTLESS (CONT’D)

(whispering)

Just a quick question. What makes us so certain that Jack and Jill will be here? Wouldn’t somewhere less public be a better lair?

SENSITIVE

Hey, would ya keep it down!

TACTLESS

I was quiet!

SENSITIVE

You were practically yelling

TACTLESS

I was WHISPER yelling. There’s a difference, Sens.

SENSITIVE

Don’t call me that

TACTLESS and SENSITIVE continue to argue and miss the fact that Jack and Jill have crept up behind them.

Jack takes out Tactless with a frying pan successfully. Jill attempts to take out Sensitive with a unicorn slipper and fails.

SENSITIVE (CONT’D)

(snorts)

Really? A fluffy slipper. That’s your weapon?

Jill shrugs and sucker punches Sensitive in the face. He goes down like a lead balloon and she dusts off her hands gleefully.

JACK

Someone needs to tell these pitiful shadows that they talk too much.

CUT TO:

INT. GYM BASEMENT NIGHT

SENSITIVE and TACTLESS are bound by their wrists and ankles. For convenience, their mouths have not been taped shut.

TACTLESS

I blame you for this.

10.

SENSITIVE

How is ANY of this my fault?

TACTLESS

You’re supposed to be the smart one.

SENSITIVE

That’s true, but hey, even Batman has an off day.

TACTLESS

(gasp)

Take that back. Don’t disrespect Batman like that.

SENSITIVE

You’re aware that Batman isn’t real, right?

TACTLESS

La la la la la can’t hear youuuu

Sensitive rolls his eyes and turns away. He sniffs at the air suddenly and his eyes widen.

SENSITIVE

Can you smell that?

TACTLESS

You mean, my cologne, Passionately Dim? It’s meant to last twelve hours.

Sensitive wrinkles his nose in disgust.

SENSITIVE

Yeah, that’s probably it.

A minute or so of silence passes by before Tactless sniffs at the air.

TACTLESS

Okay, yeah, that’s NOT coming from me. Dude, what’s wrong with you?

SENSITIVE

Look, I slept through my Noxious Smells class, okay? I can’t automatically know everything.

TACTLESS

Yes you can! That’s the very definition of being the smart one. Now, let’s just assume that they are trying to poison us, what do we do?

11.

Sensitive stares at Tactless blankly.

TACTLESS (CONT’D)

Oh, so you want me to get us out of this mess?

SENSITIVE

It’s not like you do much else. I make the potion. I get us out of trouble. It’s time for you to step up.

TACTLESS is confused.

TACTLESS

Look, either you get us out of here, or we die. It’s that simple. You have to think about Gina.

SENSITIVE turns to glare at Tactless.

TACTLESS (CONT’D)

Sorry, I mean Stacey.

SENSITIVE

Too bad. I’m on strike.

TACTLESS starts to cough heavily, and Sensitive follows suit seconds later.

They both fall unconscious.

TO BE CONTINUED….

snarkview: Hit The Floor, seasons 1-3 (VH1), part two


This is longer than intended so I need at least one person to read all of it. You’ll get a prize!

The series follows Ahsha Hayes (Taylour Paige), the talented yet naive daughter of single mom Sloane Hayes (Kimberly Elise). She joins the NBA cheerleading/dance team called the Los Angeles Devil Girls. She quickly discovers that her mother lied and kept secrets involving life as a Devil Girl herself. Unsure whom to trust, Ahsha must navigate her own way through the dangerous and temptation-filled world of pro basketball. Derek Roman (McKinley Freeman) tries to lure Ahsha away from her boyfriend, German Vega (Jonathan McDaniel). The more she resists his advances, the more persistent [and tempting] he becomes as German’s insecurity overwhelms him. Ahsha’s teammate, Kyle Hart (Katherine Bailess), tries to bring him to his senses and reveals her own agenda as she explains how the world works and how she’s making that world work for her. Ahsha’s father, Pete Davenport (Dean Cain), knows firsthand how difficult that life can be as a former all-star player for the Devils. He becomes the new head coach and discovers that his past is even more complicated than he thought. Players and dancers are forbidden to date, which only makes breaking the rules more tempting as history seems to repeat itself. Devil Girls’ team captain, Jelena Howard (Logan Browning) is dating player Terrence Wall (Robert Christopher Riley) flouting the rules as the classic “mean girl” trying to keep Ahsha off balance because she sees her as a threat

Oh, where do I start! I’ve been joking that I could just post this with a blank page and it would make no difference but that’s mean and incorrect. This show has an abundance of plot. It’s just that most of it was… well, let’s get into it.

First of all, this is one of those shows where I’m instantly hardwired to dislike the main character. The actress is fine (for VH1, lol) but the character is just, well talented but naive is an understatement. She’s just stupid and annoying.

I love you, stupid

Season 3 sees Raquel now married to Kyle for green card purposes (this is after Kyle spends all of season two ripping people off so she can get her divorce papers from some loan shark, but okay).

Oscar is in jail due to Sloane handing in a recording that incriminates him in a murder case.

Lionel is running the team but… Jelena and Terrence are trying to buy it from her. Or the League are forcing a sale. I have no fucking clue.

Anyway, also, Zero and Jude get back together, go public and they’re very cute, but oddly (haha, well, sort of) disconnected from all of the other characters bar Lionel and Jelena. It was like having a show within a show. On one hand, it’s good because they seem to be the only characters living on Earth and having normal interactions, on the other, it mean that they had little screen time. Ruuuuude

(more…)

snarkview: Hit The Floor, seasons 1-3 (VH1), part one


This is longer than intended so I need at least one person to read all of it. Part one and two. LOL.

The series follows Ahsha Hayes (Taylour Paige), the talented yet naive daughter of single mom Sloane Hayes (Kimberly Elise). She joins the NBA cheerleading/dance team called the Los Angeles Devil Girls. She quickly discovers that her mother lied and kept secrets involving life as a Devil Girl herself. Unsure whom to trust, Ahsha must navigate her own way through the dangerous and temptation-filled world of pro basketball. Derek Roman (McKinley Freeman) tries to lure Ahsha away from her boyfriend, German Vega (Jonathan McDaniel). The more she resists his advances, the more persistent [and tempting] he becomes as German’s insecurity overwhelms him. Ahsha’s teammate, Kyle Hart (Katherine Bailess), tries to bring him to his senses and reveals her own agenda as she explains how the world works and how she’s making that world work for her. Ahsha’s father, Pete Davenport (Dean Cain), knows firsthand how difficult that life can be as a former all-star player for the Devils. He becomes the new head coach and discovers that his past is even more complicated than he thought. Players and dancers are forbidden to date, which only makes breaking the rules more tempting as history seems to repeat itself. Devil Girls’ team captain, Jelena Howard (Logan Browning) is dating player Terrence Wall (Robert Christopher Riley) flouting the rules as the classic “mean girl” trying to keep Ahsha off balance because she sees her as a threat

Oh, where do I start! I’ve been joking that I could just post this with a blank page and it would make no difference but that’s mean and incorrect. This show has an abundance of plot. It’s just that most of it was… well, let’s get into it.

First of all, this is one of those shows where I’m instantly hardwired to dislike the main character. The actress is fine (for VH1, lol) but the character is just, well talented but naive is an understatement. She’s just stupid and annoying.

(more…)

Upside Down (or, yet another product that we really don’t need)


Greetings, snarklings!

I’m back with another wacky Japanese product. This one is truly astounding.

Unbrella.

An upside down umbrella.

Look, even if I wanted to buy one – and at $192, I’d rather eat my own hair – why would I when I could go out in the wind and bag myself a semi-free and real upside down umbrella. It’s not real unless you’re drenched and fighting with the umbrella. It’s not real until you admit defeat and close the umbrella and accept that you’re going to get soaked. It’s not real until a piece of metal is sticking out.


Okay, first of all, the wet part inside? Why would we want that? It makes sense for it to be outside because that way the—you know what, I’m over thinking it.

This is no gimmick or joke

Pedant’s corner says: ACTUALLY, IT KINDA IS!


….is this how people close their umbrellas? I never get wet when closing mine. Simple solution – hold it as far away from your person as possible. I love how they’re really trying to sell this, lol!

I bet the designer got back some dodgy umbrellas from the factory and they were like, ‘a ha! Want not waste not. Upside down umbrella. Boom. Unbrella. Boom. $192. Double boom.’

No one will forget you in the rain when you unleash this umbrella

Yes… because they’ll be wondering who the moron with the ridiculous umbrella is and why they’ve wasted their money on it.

Also, what happens if it’s windy and the wind turns the unbrella into an umbrella? No wait. An upside down unbrella. At least I assume that’s what will happen. It’s either that or it’ll erupt into a ball of glitter.