humour

snarkview: Hit The Floor, seasons 1-3 (VH1), part two


This is longer than intended so I need at least one person to read all of it. You’ll get a prize!

The series follows Ahsha Hayes (Taylour Paige), the talented yet naive daughter of single mom Sloane Hayes (Kimberly Elise). She joins the NBA cheerleading/dance team called the Los Angeles Devil Girls. She quickly discovers that her mother lied and kept secrets involving life as a Devil Girl herself. Unsure whom to trust, Ahsha must navigate her own way through the dangerous and temptation-filled world of pro basketball. Derek Roman (McKinley Freeman) tries to lure Ahsha away from her boyfriend, German Vega (Jonathan McDaniel). The more she resists his advances, the more persistent [and tempting] he becomes as German’s insecurity overwhelms him. Ahsha’s teammate, Kyle Hart (Katherine Bailess), tries to bring him to his senses and reveals her own agenda as she explains how the world works and how she’s making that world work for her. Ahsha’s father, Pete Davenport (Dean Cain), knows firsthand how difficult that life can be as a former all-star player for the Devils. He becomes the new head coach and discovers that his past is even more complicated than he thought. Players and dancers are forbidden to date, which only makes breaking the rules more tempting as history seems to repeat itself. Devil Girls’ team captain, Jelena Howard (Logan Browning) is dating player Terrence Wall (Robert Christopher Riley) flouting the rules as the classic “mean girl” trying to keep Ahsha off balance because she sees her as a threat

Oh, where do I start! I’ve been joking that I could just post this with a blank page and it would make no difference but that’s mean and incorrect. This show has an abundance of plot. It’s just that most of it was… well, let’s get into it.

First of all, this is one of those shows where I’m instantly hardwired to dislike the main character. The actress is fine (for VH1, lol) but the character is just, well talented but naive is an understatement. She’s just stupid and annoying.

I love you, stupid

Season 3 sees Raquel now married to Kyle for green card purposes (this is after Kyle spends all of season two ripping people off so she can get her divorce papers from some loan shark, but okay).

Oscar is in jail due to Sloane handing in a recording that incriminates him in a murder case.

Lionel is running the team but… Jelena and Terrence are trying to buy it from her. Or the League are forcing a sale. I have no fucking clue.

Anyway, also, Zero and Jude get back together, go public and they’re very cute, but oddly (haha, well, sort of) disconnected from all of the other characters bar Lionel and Jelena. It was like having a show within a show. On one hand, it’s good because they seem to be the only characters living on Earth and having normal interactions, on the other, it mean that they had little screen time. Ruuuuude
(more…)

snarkview: Hit The Floor, seasons 1-3 (VH1), part one


This is longer than intended so I need at least one person to read all of it. Part one and two. LOL.

The series follows Ahsha Hayes (Taylour Paige), the talented yet naive daughter of single mom Sloane Hayes (Kimberly Elise). She joins the NBA cheerleading/dance team called the Los Angeles Devil Girls. She quickly discovers that her mother lied and kept secrets involving life as a Devil Girl herself. Unsure whom to trust, Ahsha must navigate her own way through the dangerous and temptation-filled world of pro basketball. Derek Roman (McKinley Freeman) tries to lure Ahsha away from her boyfriend, German Vega (Jonathan McDaniel). The more she resists his advances, the more persistent [and tempting] he becomes as German’s insecurity overwhelms him. Ahsha’s teammate, Kyle Hart (Katherine Bailess), tries to bring him to his senses and reveals her own agenda as she explains how the world works and how she’s making that world work for her. Ahsha’s father, Pete Davenport (Dean Cain), knows firsthand how difficult that life can be as a former all-star player for the Devils. He becomes the new head coach and discovers that his past is even more complicated than he thought. Players and dancers are forbidden to date, which only makes breaking the rules more tempting as history seems to repeat itself. Devil Girls’ team captain, Jelena Howard (Logan Browning) is dating player Terrence Wall (Robert Christopher Riley) flouting the rules as the classic “mean girl” trying to keep Ahsha off balance because she sees her as a threat

Oh, where do I start! I’ve been joking that I could just post this with a blank page and it would make no difference but that’s mean and incorrect. This show has an abundance of plot. It’s just that most of it was… well, let’s get into it.

First of all, this is one of those shows where I’m instantly hardwired to dislike the main character. The actress is fine (for VH1, lol) but the character is just, well talented but naive is an understatement. She’s just stupid and annoying.

(more…)

Upside Down (or, yet another product that we really don’t need)


Greetings, snarklings!

I’m back with another wacky Japanese product. This one is truly astounding.

Unbrella.

An upside down umbrella.

Look, even if I wanted to buy one – and at $192, I’d rather eat my own hair – why would I when I could go out in the wind and bag myself a semi-free and real upside down umbrella. It’s not real unless you’re drenched and fighting with the umbrella. It’s not real until you admit defeat and close the umbrella and accept that you’re going to get soaked. It’s not real until a piece of metal is sticking out.


Okay, first of all, the wet part inside? Why would we want that? It makes sense for it to be outside because that way the—you know what, I’m over thinking it.

This is no gimmick or joke

Pedant’s corner says: ACTUALLY, IT KINDA IS!


….is this how people close their umbrellas? I never get wet when closing mine. Simple solution – hold it as far away from your person as possible. I love how they’re really trying to sell this, lol!

I bet the designer got back some dodgy umbrellas from the factory and they were like, ‘a ha! Want not waste not. Upside down umbrella. Boom. Unbrella. Boom. $192. Double boom.’

No one will forget you in the rain when you unleash this umbrella

Yes… because they’ll be wondering who the moron with the ridiculous umbrella is and why they’ve wasted their money on it.

Also, what happens if it’s windy and the wind turns the unbrella into an umbrella? No wait. An upside down unbrella. At least I assume that’s what will happen. It’s either that or it’ll erupt into a ball of glitter.

stupid and senseless: don’t pizza lecki off


It’s the General Election Day in the UK! Apparently the Conservatives are on course to win…

…and if they do I will probably join the circus. It was nice knowing you all!
It’s also Comey Testifies Day in the US! And World’s Oceans Day. And… World’s Brain Tumour Day (I didn’t know that!)

It’s also I need a break from politics and shitty life day.

So, I’m going to revisit my favourite person who I have neglected of late due to apathy and having better things to do.

Here’s a post about Jared Padalecki being stupid.

Now I want pizza

Long story short: Jared ordered food using Favor. It didn’t turn up. He got pissed, huffed and puffed and took his complaints to Twitter.

I have no idea what happened past that his food didn’t show up, and he was annoyed.

Somehow he got talking to customer service and this tweet happened:

Dearest @ Favor “Kobe” at customer support needs to be fired. I’m sure he’d land happily with @united.

First of all dearest? What is this a greeting card? A letter to a long list friend? How courtship began in the 1950s? How do you waste seven out of one hundred and forty characters on dearest? His Twitter game is all the way off. Personally, I would have gone for a succinct ‘Yo’ or ‘Oi’. There’s passive aggressiveness and then there’s concision. The latter is more important.

Also, why – why – is he posting this person’s name on Twitter? Hasn’t he learnt? Oh, that’s right. Dude doesn’t give a fuck.

The tweet was posted (and deleted) in April. I didn’t see it back then, although, I did hear about it. I didn’t realise he straight up said the dude needed to be fired. For something that’s probably not his fault. And the ‘land happily with @united‘. I can’t work out what that was.

He wants Kobe to be violently mishandled off or onto a plane or just in general?

Or he thinks Kobe will land a job at United due to his poor customer service skills?

Or he’s just an idiot who really didn’t need to bring up United at all?

Correct answer wins a prize.

I saw the Pada Defense Warrior League hard at work. They insisted that Jared would never wish violence on anyone and that he felt horrible about what happened to the man on that United plane. And that he was within his rights to complain, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Something tells me that Jared felt more vindicated than horrible* when he saw that video. He was probably thinking, “THIS IS HOW TERRIBLY THEY TREAT ME MINUS THE VIOLENCE AND STUFF!!!!!!!!!”.
Everyone on his contact list probably got that video plus an essay about his unfair treatment.

Dearest Friends, if you haven’t yet had an opportunity to see this disgraceful act, here you go. Much of this justifies my complaints over the years!!!!!! I mean, weather delays, being forced to check a bag and every other petty thing imaginable almost equals the severity of this video when you add them all up and take into account my pain and suffering!….

Jim Beaver was also going at it with some fan, claiming that Jared has a right to complain. People were surprised, but Jim Beaver is never the voice of reason. Ever. That dude has no sense. I know I should respect my elders but people like him make it hard

I’m sure Kobe is just fine, but I am truly disturbed (yet not surprised) that Jared has no problem belittling people in this way. I’m disturbed that so many people think this is okay.

He talks about treating people fairly and kindly but doesn’t do the same to people he deems unworthy. No one who works in customer service is paid enough to deal with the bullshit. Sometimes, there’s absolutely nothing they can do, and customers getting pushy won’t change that.

On the flip side, yes customer support workers can be flippant and they shouldn’t be, but I probably would be too. You’re basically listening to people complain all day long. Sometimes as a human being (who breathes oxygen), you have to consider that the other person is just doing their job and that job doesn’t involve kissing your ass.

Like I’ve said before, the common denominator in Jared’s bad customer service experiences is him.

Anyway, if it’s alright for Jared to do it, I’m going to tweet the CW** and demand that they fire Jared because he’s annoying.

Hopefully he lands happily @ somewhere far away from any television screen.

*I’m joking, wildly speculating, opinion, didn’t happen, please don’t sue, or leave abusive messages etc etc. 

**Not actually going to do this. See above. 

bad captions 


Bad Captions 

‘Cause I like to complain about everything. And I’m bored.

Not THIS kind of caption. Trump’s bad caption would be #TIFU #Covfefe #FakeNews.

I’m talking about social media captions. I’m not the best caption writer, but some people go overboard.

We’ve got:

the random quote

…. Thank you? Half of the time, the quote is completely unrelated to the picture posted. I don’t see what your face has to do with people finding themselves. Do the respectable thing and post a stock photo. Or your own quote. Or none of the above. (more…)

Common Law (USA, 2012)


I just rewatched Common Law and I couldn’t find anything I’d written about it. Wait. Let me Google it before I speak on it. Nope. There’s diddly squat. I’m sure I did. I’ll look again after I post this.

Plot:

TV has had its share of odd couples through the years, and odd couple is the best way to describe LAPD detectives Travis Marks and Wes Mitchell. Marks is a former juvenile delinquent and a maverick ladies man while Mitchell is a former lawyer who sacrificed his marriage to become a cop. The pair has a seven-year track record as two of the finest detectives in the department’s Robbery-Homicide Division, but the two have a problem — each other. When their bickering starts to have an impact on their work, their new-age captain sends them to couples’ therapy in an attempt to reignite the flame in their “work marriage.” Enter Dr. Ryan, a tough-as-nails therapist tasked with helping Marks and Mitchell understand and resolve their conflicts in order to enhance their ability to continue solving crimes.

Basically buddy-cop with a twist.

The buddy cop genre has been around for a while. There’s Rush Hour. Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop, 48 Hours, Bad Boys (Bad Boys, what you gonna do!), 21 Jump Street.

Tango and Cash.

I haven’t seen that in years.

TV-wise, you have a few here and there. Like the Lethal Weapon show. I want to watch that but after Rush Hour, I need it to be on season 2 first.

Anyway, back onto Common Law.  (more…)

What Could Go Wrong?


Picture this.

You’ve just gotten home. You’re bursting to use the toilet. You rush in, there’s no toilet paper and if you’re me, you utter every swear word in existence…

…and mutter something about how stupid humanity is…

omg what is this hair

….before somehow finding one last burst of energy to sort of shimmy over to where the spare rolls are kept.

If you’re one of those people that keeps spare rolls in the toilet, well…you might need to put a BOLO (be on the lookout) on the white thing that’s actually toilet paper.  (more…)

My Discovery of Hick Hop


First of all, what the ever loving Reba Kid Rock Blake Shelton (all the country artists I know) fuck is Hick Hop?

Country rap is a subgenre of popular music blending country music with hip hop-style rapping, also known as hick-hop or rural rap.

Oh.

But…

WHAT IS THIS.  (more…)

Dumb Moment of the Day


I forgot my name. I’m not even going to go into a long witty preamble. I straight up forgot my name.
Someone asked me and I was like, ‘oh, I don’t have my name tag’. Looked down. 

Tag was there. 

And even if I don’t have the tag, do I need a tag to answer the question? Apparently so. 

So, then I read my name off the tag like I’d never heard it before.  Seriously, it was like, ‘s…n…ark?’ In my defense, the name I go by and the name I’m known by are occasionally different, but truly, there’s no excuse. I’ve given myself so many different names over the years that I should be able to parrot them back at any time.

I used to think I’d make a kick ass super spy hero agent, but clearly not. 

When prompted for my last name, that was a struggle as well. 

It was really hot at the time, so maybe I was just flustered but damn that was a low moment even for me. 

I’m a moderately special snowflake ❄


So, I was nominated for the Mystery Blogger Award again by JM (silentfall). Thank you for the nomination! Please be sure to check out her blog, it’s far more interesting than mine!

Anyway, I figured I’d at least answer the questions!

1. Name one thing that you do that always feels right, no matter what?

Snark. Like, 99% of the time. I have a draft saved about how bad I sometimes feel about my snarking, LOL. I haven’t posted it because I have a rep to maintain. You’re not doing snark right if you feel bad about it.  (more…)