Tag: review

Bad Moviethon #13: Batman and Robin (1997)


(POTENTIALLY)
BAD MOVIE MARATHON #12 

…in which I examine if bad movies really deserve their woeful rotten tomatoes score

Batman & Robin |imdb|1997

Plot: Batman and Robin try to keep their relationship together even as they must stop Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy from freezing Gotham City

Rotten Tomatoes score : 10%

Line of the movie:

Let’s kick some ice

 I love me some (relatively) old school Batman, but this has to be the worst superhero movie I’ve ever seen. Well. Maybe apart from Daredevil.

Anyway, first problem is George Clooney. He has more charisma in those Nespresso commercials than he does in this movie. In fact I’d rather watch a film about a coffee wielding superhero than Batman and Robin. It’s lameness has not been exaggerated, it’s just a poor movie.

First of all, I know that Val Kilmer was originally supposed to be in the movie, but they couldn’t find anyone better than Clooney? Secondly, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr Freeze. Mr Freeze is supposed to be desperately trying to save his wife, not happily spray painting himself blue and being the cheesiest villain of all time. Ironically, John Glover plays Dr Jason Woodrue in the movie but he would have been a better fit as Mr Freeze.

Speaking of him, he creates two more ridiculously over the top villains in Bane and Poison Ivy. The motives are generally the typical ones – kill everyone just for the sake of it. But like, only after Poison Ivy spends excessive amounts of time trying to persuade people to kiss her.

Somehow, she works her magic on Batman and Robin, who have been having an internal conflict throughout the movie. By that I mean that Robin is the whiniest, most egregious man child in this movie. He whines when Batman saves him, whines when Poison Ivy goes after them and tries to seduce them. He just whines, whines and whines. It’s too much. Chris O’Donnell was wronged by whoever wrote this script.

They manage to shoehorn in Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl. I think she was Alfred’s niece who despite studying in England (and Alfred being English) had an American accent. She also has a thing for bikes and somehow teams up with Batman and Robin at the end.

I really wasn’t paying attention. This is just a poor movie. However, the cheesiness and Batman factor make it somewhat watchable. 

Verdict: 3/10.

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American Assassin (2017)


American Assassin | 2017

I saw this last week Thursday and thought I’d write about it. I also just accidentally posted a YouTube video. Ignore it!

Spoilers ahead!

There seems to be mixed feelings about this movie but… I’m not sure why. No, it’s not going to set the world on fire (well…) and maybe a movie about terrorism isn’t what we need (but were any of the others needed?) but it’s called American Assassin. People get shot. Shit blows up. There are car chases. That’s all you can expect.

Anyway, the plot was fairly standard:

Mitch Rapp and his girlfriend are on vacation in Basque, Spain, when a radical Islamist jihadist cell lands on the beach and begins to attack the civilians with assault rifles. Amid the carnage, Rapp frantically attempts to find his girlfriend, but is unable to prevent her death at the hands of the terrorists.

Eighteen months later, Rapp, now consumed by his desire for vengeance, frequents an internet message board where the terrorist responsible for his girlfriend’s murder quizzes Rapp on aspects of Islam and jihad. Having secured an invitation to meet him face to face, Rapp prepares to take his vengeance on the man responsible for his girlfriend’s death.

When Cold War veteran Stan Hurley takes CIA black ops recruit Mitch Rapp under his wing, they receive an assignment to investigate a wave of random attacks on both military and civilian targets. After discovering a pattern of violence, Hurley and Rapp join forces with a lethal Turkish agent to stop a mysterious operative who wants to start a global war.

Thoughts:

The opening scene.

What. The. Fuck.

I’m torn between it being absolutely recklessly realistic and it being well, realistic. It definitely hooks you into the movie.

Even if I was slightly uncomfortable by that and what came after, it was interesting to see the terrorist cell stuff. If the entire movie had been about that, then, I’d complain but it was over fairly quickly. We moved onto the usual someone wants to build a nuclear weapon schtick blah, blah, blah and actually the movie sort of fell flat after that point.

The middle. Basically the CIA turn up and Rapp is trained into a super spy assassin kind of thing. His test scores are off the charts etc. Anyway, once we move off that we’re introduced to Ghost, a former protégé of Michael Keaton (who leads some kind of special ops team or something). Ghost has just obtained some plutonium for some Iranians.

Sigh.

Anyway, the action moves to Italy and we discover that Ghost is really angry at the US and Michael Keaton because he was left behind on the battlefield. Something about him not following orders.

After a gratuitous scene in which fingernails are extracted and an ear is bitten, it transpires that he has built a nuclear bomb in order to take out some kind of warship in the ocean. Ooookay.

Anyway, the build up to that scene was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen. Rapp somehow finds a car underground, drives it through a tunnel in order to break open a gate. And the the car gets stuck and causes a huge fireball…. WHILE THE PLUTONIUM IS METRES AWAY. That entire building should have been toast. Anyway, somehow, they manage to switch between a housing project to the ocean in about two minutes.

It was very confusing.

Rapp and Ghost have this really odd fight on a boat. I could see that they repeat he same sequence a few times. The fight was also oddly anticlimactic. However, it was what came next that was really baffling. Rapp throws the nuclear bomb into the water and it goes off. Everyone should have been toast. Instead there was a huge water vortex that lasted for a minute and a helicopter was blown about until it wasn’t. Everyone lived! Except for Ghost.

Okay then.

The ending shows Rapp going after another Iranian who was also involved in the plutonium deal. I wonder why the director included that. Or the writer. It’s not like the sequel (if any) is going to pick up there. Minor issue, though.

The main issue with the movie is the lack of character progression. We know Rapp is messed up, but we don’t see it. It’s all tell, tell, tell with little showing. I personally would have made the whole terrorist cell thing a very minor backdrop and focused on seeing his life after his girlfriend died and in general after the attack (he was shot several times but made a full recovery!). Watching him punch someone excessively wasn’t enough. With regards to the villain – Ghost is just plonked in the movie and boom, this is the bad guy. It was, well, bad. The Turkish agent also had some stuff going on but by that point, the plot was so convoluted that when she killed herself I forgot that she even existed.

Anyway, Michael Keaton is always a delight. I don’t care that all he did was yell a lot. IT’S BATMAN! Sanaa Lathan did her best with the limited script. Dylan O’Brien is definitely one to watch. I thought he was really good, probably the best part of the movie even though he was limited by the unadventurous script. And I’m glad to see he’s doing okay after his accident on the Maze Runner set. Taylor Kitsch… well, at least he’s still getting work?

Verdict: 6/10. Entertaining but predictable. However, it wasn’t overly long or worse than your typical action movie. There are some really nice scenes in terms of the cinematography and fight/action scenes. Also – Dylan O’Brien isn’t hard on the peepers. 😝

I’m also going to check out the books as well now, so there’s that. Yes.

Thank you for reading!

Lethal Weapon (FOX) 


Rebooting the hit movie franchise of the same name, “Lethal Weapon” follows Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh as they combat crime in Los Angeles. Following the death of his wife and their unborn child, ex-Navy SEAL Riggs moves to California in search of a new start at the LAPD, where he is paired up with Murtaugh, who recently suffered a near-fatal heart attack. The newcomer’s tendency to not look before he leaps clashes with Murtaugh’s more considered technique, but when they look past the surface friction, they see the partnership might give them what they need.

Technically, this is snarkview. I saw adverts for the show on TV, but it wasn’t until I actually saw the promo on YouTube randomly that I was sucked into watching it. 

The show is, well, charming in its own way. The pilot episode was absolutely horrible, but there’s enough in it to make you continue. That being said, there’s only so much disbelief that I can suspend. 

That the LAPD would continue to allow Riggs and Murtaugh to work together is ridiculous. That we’re supposed to be okay with the whole Riggs wants to die/or does he?! thing is just as ridiculous when his half of his recklessness is just random. I get that he’s the crazy one, but it’s a lot easier to digest in a two hour movie. The entire show is ridiculous. Depending on where you look, people either love it or hate it. 

Take this review on IMDB (where this show has a rating of 8.7/10? LOL)…

I always read the 1/10 reviews because they’re entertaining. And much less annoying than those 10/10 reviews. 

Daman Wayans is a hack who should never have been picked to play Murtaugh.
1/10 | 5 Jul 2017
This show is a sad attempt to imitate a fairly decent movie franchise. Clayne Crawford is barely adequate as Riggs. He’s not even remotely convincing as a bad ass, despite the show’s desperate attempts to portray him as such.
And that accent is just plain annoying. Also, the hair. WTF is that hair about? Speaking of hair, or rather, lack thereof, Daman Wayans was a horrible choice for Murtaugh. He minces and prances through the show like a drag queen reject. His treatment of his new partner reeks of outright contempt, nothing like the grumpy, but ultimately good-natured Murtaugh of the movie. He also is not remotely convincing as a cop. He wouldn’t be convincing as a meter maid. Face it, he’s just a bad comedian who’s also a bad actor and it’s a shame that a fine character like Murtaugh was wasted on this hack. This show needs to be cancelled and the creators need to apologize for ever making it to begin with. But then, that’s me.

I love the last line. Anyway, let me address the most important part. 

Riggs’s hair….

When a character spends half of the time flicking back their hair, it’s distracting. Especially if their haircut kinda sucks. 

Anyway, that review is harsh. I probably wouldn’t have cast Damon Wayans, but he isn’t bad on the show. None of them are except for maybe Hilarie Burton, but that’s only because I feel like she sucks the life out of everything. 

Murtaugh on the show can’t seem to decide whether or not he likes or loathes Riggs. I’m not sure if all episodes aired in the correct order but it was weird for him to be all we’re family in one episode and then the man is nuts in the next. I practically had whiplash. 

Anyway, to sum up season 1:

  • Riggs’s heavily pregnant wife dies while he’s in the middle of investigating a drug cartel related to someone called Tito Flores
  • Six months later, he’s a mess and clearly unfit to work but transfers to LAPD anyway (something to do with his father in law yadda yadda).
  • Murtaugh has heart issues and is just returning back to work, he also has a baby daughter and two kids
  • They argue, Riggs jumps out of buildings a lot. Riggs drinks a lot
  • They’re family
  • They hate each other
  • —-(Therapy sesh x 200 because they wanted to be seen as taking the whole thing seriously (despite making it a running gag – somehow it worked better in the movies)).—
  • They’re fam–no, wait, they hate each other
  • ‘We are faaaamilyyyyy but I want a new partner!’
  • ‘We will save Riggs’s alcoholism with our love!!’
  • Christmas episode – maybe Riggs’ wife’s death wasn’t an accident? Maybe they killed her because he was going after their drug cartel. The cartel leader says ‘You’re [Riggs] not that important’. I was hoping that they would leave it at there but nope.
  • It turns out that the cartel did kill her, but only to get to her father who’s the state attorney (or something) in LA. It was very convoluted. 
  • Along the way, Riggs meets Hilarie Burton and they fall in lust blah blah blah blah. 
  • Murtaugh and his family are cute
  • …. and, after Riggs learned that his FIL knew who killed his daughter the entire time, he turns him in and then goes to Mexico to kill the cartel leader. 
  • Before all of that Riggs kidnaps some guy called Gideon (who is a torturer for the cartel) from police custody. He takes him to his RV, and then up to a cabin and shit gets real and Murtaugh shoots Gideon. Gideon falls down a huge waterfall and washes away. 
  • Two scenes later, Gideon is fine. I honestly thought maybe he had a twin brother but no. The whole gunshot and drowning thing just super turbocharged him. 
  • The finale was crazy bad basically. 

    That’s fine but…

    • Murtaugh, who has three kids and wife decides to follow an unhinged Martin Riggs to Mexico.
    • Bruh. 
    • After spending the entire season bitching about how this dude is going to get you killed you follow him?
    • Even with your three kids. 
    • Your wife.
    • Your pacemaker. 
    • YOUR PACEMAKER. 
    • It was ridiculous but #family
    • Oh and Riggs makes a point of calling the cartel guy to let him know that he’s going to kill him. Doesn’t seem like a smart move but I’m sure Riggs knows Mexico better than the cartels do. They’ll never find him!

    All in all it was entertaining.  I’d recommend it if police procedurals don’t drive you nuts and you’re not someone who’s too good for network TV (you’re only edgy if you’re always watching something on Netflix 😂). 

    Verdict: 6/10

    Side note: I think McG loves CGI explosions almost as much as I love boybands. 

    snarkview: The Quad & Zoe Ever After (BET)


    Note: this was orginally written and forgotten about in May. I’ve decided to set it free, lol. 

    Before I start, I just have to ask. What would it cost for BET to have one sensible show. Just one. One. It’s bad enough that you have to pick through a sea of whiteness to find a POC character on other television networks. The one network where that isn’t a problem should have at least one decent show, but no. We get neck rolls and stereotypes. If I wanted to watch that, I’d stick to VH1’s reality line up.

    Anyway, I digress.

    Zoe Ever After | 2016 | BET (more…)

    Bad Moviethon #11 – Airplane vs. Volcano (2014)


    Movie: Airplane vs. Volcano
    Year: 2014

    Plot: When a commercial airliner is trapped within a ring of erupting volcanoes, the passengers and crew must find a way to survive – without landing. But when the relentless onslaught of lava and ash causes fear and distrust amongst those onboard, it isn’t just the volcanoes that are life-threatening. Everyone must learn to work together if they are to survive their epic flight of fire.

    IMDB rating: 2.6/10

    Moment at which I knew there was no coming back from this cinematic travesty:

    You are a big bitch

    Yes, that is an actual line from the movie. The poster claims that it’s based on a true story but I can’t and won’t even comprehend that, because in a real scenario, the pilot wouldn’t set the plane to autopilot (over a volatile volcano no less) and not leave the override codes anywhere. At least I hope not.

    Anyway, basically a volcano erupts just as a commercial plane is flying over. Somehow, the pilot and co-pilot end up indisposed because, you know, it’s more dramatic that way. Unfortunately the plane is stuck on autopilot but off duty pilot, Dean Cain, just happens to be on board to save the day. 

    Imagine that, Superman vs. Volcano. I’d actually watch that. Twice. 

    In a real scenario, we wouldn’t have Dean Cain ‘flying’ a plane that was permanently stuck in autopilot. He spends most of the movie in the cockpit steering the plane but… if the plane is on autopilot and the circuits are fried… that’s not possible? I mean, sure he could steer but I don’t know how effective it would be. Yet somehow he could move the plane… Just not enough to move it past the (world’s largest) volcano. 

    Anyway, not to be outdone, there was also some weird, sketchy foreign guy on the plane that seemed content on letting them all know that they’re going to die. At one point he tries to kidnap Dean Cain mid-air before threatening to kill some guy with a broken glass bottle. He wanted to do all of that because Dean Cain, a marshal and the flight attendant lied about the pilot being dead. I have no idea why this dude was here. I guess the whole HUGE VOLCANO!! thing wasn’t enough plot, we had to have a random villain thrown in for shits and giggles. 

    Oh, and also on the plane a volcano expert (not a coincidence) who got to say all of the science stuff for us. Yay. 

    I guess he just forgot his protective gear

    On the ground, we have an angry colonel who seems to be incompetent. He ignores Super Volcano Expert Robin Givens’ warnings and sort of stands around and yells a lot. In a real scenario, the first thing they would do is evacuate people and not wait for a huge gust of volcanic ash to fry a bunch of sunbathers first. But yeah, a bunch of people die before they realise that a volcano erupting is kind of a big deal. 

    We also have some guy getting sucked into a ball of fire when he exits the plane to unclog an engine. Oh, and having the door open didn’t cause any problems at all DESPITE THE HUGE FIRE BALLS that the plane has barely been dodging up until that point. Okay. 

    Anyway, somehow, the crazy foreign man manages to kill the marshal (this is after he vanishes for half an hour because they locked him in the toilet and no one needed to use it) and escape from the plane on a raft before getting blown up. Eventually everyone else on the plane is saved while Dean Cain sacrifices himself somehow in order to stop the volcano or whatever. I had no idea by the end, I was just being stubborn and determined to finish it. 

    I think the worst thing about this movie is Dean Cain. I know that the bills have to get paid, but why? Why? The second worst thing is that it’s far too serious. There’s no wink nudge ha ha this movie is pretty silly, it’s acted like they think they’re in some Scorcese flick. That made it very dull and boring. 

    Verdict: 0/10. 

    Bad Moviethon #10 – A Cinderella Story (2004)


    (POTENTIALLY)
    BAD MOVIE MARATHON #10

    …in which I examine if bad movies really deserve their woeful rotten tomatoes score.

    A Cinderella Story

    IMDB | 2004

    Plot:

    Sam (Hilary Duff), a teenager in California, is obliged to work as a janitor and dishwasher in the diner of her stepmother (Jennifer Coolidge). After a cell phone mix-up, Sam begins an anonymous text-messaging and e-mail relationship with a boy. They agree to meet at a school dance, but when Sam finds out that her secret pen pal is none other than Austin Ames (Chad Michael Murray), the cutest boy in school, she panics and looks for a way to make herself cooler.

    Review Excerpts:

    You can say of this movie, truly, that they took the most famous tale in the world and broke it.

    Let me get quickly to the word that best describes this movie. It is horrible.

    Haaaaarsh.

    Technically, I refuse to call this a bad movie because it’s a classic, but it has a rating of 11% on Rotten Tomatoes.

    On behalf of Chad Michael Murray’s astounding acting ability, I am offended. Heck, Hilary Duff doesn’t deserve that either.

    Anyway, I loved this movie when I was a kid. I learnt how to make DVDs with this movie. Actually, I have a VCD with this movie on it. If you don’t know what a VCD is, you haven’t lived. This movie basically set me up for a life where I could use computer software without getting confused. I will cherish it forever. 

    Plot wise, this movie is uh, well, I’ll give you a brief recap.

    Recap

    The plot of this movie is basically – Chad Michael Murray and Hilary Duff have been texting and Iming each other but they don’t know what they look like. In real life, he’s the star quarterback and popular guy and she works at the diner her Dad owned before he died, has an awful stepmother and two terrible stepsisters.

    They agree to meet on Halloween at a dance. Sam is unable to go until the last last minute when she turns up as Cinderella, complete with a face mask that does little to disguise who she is.

    Despite that Austin has no idea who she is. Once it hits midnight, she runs back to the diner and conveniently drops her cellphone.

    In true creeper fashion, Austin puts up posters requesting that people call him if they know anything about Cinderella. Cue lots of girls trying to make out likd they’re Cinderella just to get with Austin.

    Eventually, Sam’s sisters find out, tell Austin’s ex-girlfriend, and they group together to humiliate her and Austin in front of the entire school by reading their emails out loud and revealing that Sam is Cinderella. Shock horror, the star quarterback is secretly in love with diner girl!

    By the way, we keep hearing about a drought throughout the movie….

    Classic line

    …so…fast forward to the end and Austin skips out on The Biggest Game Of His Life™ to stop Sam from leaving and the skies open and it rains like it’s never rained before.

    They go to Princeton together and live happily ever after.

    Woo!

    I see three main reasons why it got an 11%

    1. The script sounds like it was written by someone who had never stepped foot in a high school.

    2. The acting leaves a lot to be desired. Hilary is on point (let’s face it, she’s always on point) and Chad Michael Murray is good looking enough for me to overlook any less than stellar performance (plus his brooding pensive look is also on point), but the rest of them kind of sucked.

    3. They used a terrible cover of a Jesse McCartney song, unless that was him singing and there’s something wrong with my ears.

    4. Teenage love ending the drought? Really? Seriously? Cringe alert.

    5. Somehow Sam manages to work before school and after school and whenever her stepmother requires it and still be a straight A student. I’m not saying that’s impossible, but it’s a stretch.

    6. The annoying best friend was annoying.

    7. It’s a comedy, but it’s more of a laugh at the movie than laugh with the movie kinda deal.

    8. Most of the movie doesn’t make any real sense. The premise is that Austin ends up looking for Sam, but she didn’t disguise her voice and her eyes were all that was covered. The next time he sees her, he should recognise her. If he had selective hearing, I’d get it, but he’s the star quarterback with perfect grades, perfect cheekbone structure and perfect eyesight. There’s no reason why he wouldn’t know it was her.

    9. She dropped her cellphone. I get it, that’s the modern equivalent of leaving your shoe behind, but once again, all Austin had to do was call a number on the phone to figure out who his mystery girl was. Maybe Sam didn’t have any minutes, but she definitely has texting credit (and presumably texts from other people). It’s a bit like having a key for three doors. You have to try them all to figure out which door they key is for. That’s commonly known as common sense, but I guess that doesn’t translate well on-screen.

    10. I love how I said three main reasons and then wrote nine. Anyway, the most visible teacher in this movie was some odd woman who has a crush on one of the students, is generally incompetent and serves no real purpose in the movie.

    11. At the end of the movie, something ‘drops’ out of a book that Sam’s father gave her. His original will. This just conveniently happens after she snags herself a boyfriend. Apparently Chad Michael Murray is the key to finally being able to claim your inheritance, who knew? It seems odd that she’d have that book for years and never drop it, but that’s just me seeing things through my clumsy lense.

    All of that being said, the movie is still entertaining and I feel like it aged well. It deserves way more than 11%! I’d give it 50 at least. I mean, the epic kiss at the close of the movie ENDED THE DROUGHT! You’ve got to give them props for that. True love conquers all. Even the weather.

    Verdict: 5/10

    Bad Moviethon #8-9: R.I.P.D. (2013)/Space Jam (1997)


    (POTENTIALLY)
    BAD MOVIE MARATHON #8-9

    …in which I examine if bad movies really deserve their woeful rotten tomatoes score

    R.I.P.D. | 2013 | IMDB

    Veteran lawman Roy Pulsifer (Jeff Bridges) works for the R.I.P.D., a legendary police force charged with finding monstrous spirits who are disguised as ordinary people but are trying to avoid their final judgment by hiding out among the living. When Roy and his new partner, Nick Walker (Ryan Reynolds), uncover a plot that could end all life, they must discover a way to restore the cosmic balance or else watch the tunnel to the afterlife start sending angry souls back to the world of the living.

    Rotten Tomatoes: 13%

    Review excerpt: So generic a cut-and-paste job is the film’s every aesthetic cue, it’s surprising to even find a director’s name surface in the closing credits.

    FINALLY. This was supposed to be #2!

    Verdict: I had to quit after half an hour because whatever Jeff Bridges was doing gave me a headache and it was just boring. 

    Also, why can’t Kevin Bacon ever play a good guy? The Following does not count.
    Anyway, the writing was on the wall when the opening scene was some nonsense about an orange tree and Ryan Reynolds frolicking in bed with his girl. That’s nice and all but not really the best way to entice the viewer.

    Next, we hear about how Ryan Reynolds can’t keep the gold that he and his partner (Kevin Bacon) found. So, not only have they not turned this gold in, they’re contemplating keeping it? And Ryan Reynolds sees no issue with telling said – and now potentially corrupt – partner that they have to turn the gold in. Not only that, he then goes back on the road with him and surprise surprise – his partner kills him.

    From there the movie takes a drastic turn. Ryan Reynolds becomes an RIPD rookie, T-Bone from Prison Break shows up. From whatever the fuck Jeff Bridges was doing (is that how he sounds or was this accent put on for this movie? You know what, I don’t even want to know) to the fact that they appear as a busty blonde woman and an old Chinese man back on Earth – I quickly realised that this movie is deserving of it’s status as a bad movie.

    I think I sat through more of the horrible Point Break remake which is saying something.

    Moving on….

    Yo, this movie is either the worst film ever or the best worst film ever but I enjoyed it.
    Anyway, let’s get the formalities out of the way first.

    Space Jam | 1997 | IMDB

    Swackhammer (Danny DeVito), an evil alien theme park owner, needs a new attraction at Moron Mountain. When his gang, the Nerdlucks, heads to Earth to kidnap Bugs Bunny (Billy West) and the Looney Tunes, Bugs challenges them to a basketball game to determine their fate. The aliens agree, but they steal the powers of NBA basketball players, including Larry Bird (Larry Bird) and Charles Barkley (Charles Barkley) — so Bugs gets some help from superstar Michael Jordan (Michael Jordan).

    Review excerptVisually, it’s a mess: the attempts to blend 2- and 3-D animation with live-action and computer-generated images produce scenes that are fuzzier than the storyline.

    Rotten Tomatoes %: 37

    ~

    This movie doesn’t make much sense from the offset. In fact, it’s a little slow to begin. We see a young Michael Jordan say that he wants to win championships and baseball. We see him flying and various clips of his career, we see his retirement announcement and the beginning of his baseball career and then suddenly…

    We are transferred into the alien theme park, wherein, the boss wants the Looney Tunes to be his latest attraction. He sends these tiny aliens to capture the Looney Tunes. After LOLing at them, the tiny aliens show that they actually have some serious juice… Just not enough to go up against the Looney Tunes in a basketball match. So the aliens steal the talent of some top basketball players. And the Looney Tunes steal Michael Jordan.

    There is lots of breaking the fourth wall in this. In one memorable scene, Daffy and Bugs gripe about how they don’t see any money from the Looney Tunes lunch boxes or merch, which means that they need to get better agents. LOL.

    Oh and the acting… well….good thing that MJ decided that Hollywood wasn’t for him. His lines were delivered with about as much gusto as my first words of any given day before I’ve had coffee. Stiff and awkward. Everyone else is just as bad.

    All in all this movie is like a bad acid trip, but the final basketball match is quite funny. My favourite part is when Bugs Bunny tricks the rest of the  Looney Tunes into taking ‘secret stuff’ to help them improve on court, but it’s only water.

    It was funny because I didn’t realise it was water until a harried Michael Jordan was informing a clueless Daffy Duck. 😂 In my defence, I was half asleep… lol.

    The Looney Tunes manage to win the game, but only with the help of  some HILARIOUSLY bad special effects and Bill Murray.
    Verdict: 8/10

    Yeah, you read that right. It should have a 50% RT score at least!

    snarkview: Hit The Floor, seasons 1-3 (VH1), part two


    This is longer than intended so I need at least one person to read all of it. You’ll get a prize!

    The series follows Ahsha Hayes (Taylour Paige), the talented yet naive daughter of single mom Sloane Hayes (Kimberly Elise). She joins the NBA cheerleading/dance team called the Los Angeles Devil Girls. She quickly discovers that her mother lied and kept secrets involving life as a Devil Girl herself. Unsure whom to trust, Ahsha must navigate her own way through the dangerous and temptation-filled world of pro basketball. Derek Roman (McKinley Freeman) tries to lure Ahsha away from her boyfriend, German Vega (Jonathan McDaniel). The more she resists his advances, the more persistent [and tempting] he becomes as German’s insecurity overwhelms him. Ahsha’s teammate, Kyle Hart (Katherine Bailess), tries to bring him to his senses and reveals her own agenda as she explains how the world works and how she’s making that world work for her. Ahsha’s father, Pete Davenport (Dean Cain), knows firsthand how difficult that life can be as a former all-star player for the Devils. He becomes the new head coach and discovers that his past is even more complicated than he thought. Players and dancers are forbidden to date, which only makes breaking the rules more tempting as history seems to repeat itself. Devil Girls’ team captain, Jelena Howard (Logan Browning) is dating player Terrence Wall (Robert Christopher Riley) flouting the rules as the classic “mean girl” trying to keep Ahsha off balance because she sees her as a threat

    Oh, where do I start! I’ve been joking that I could just post this with a blank page and it would make no difference but that’s mean and incorrect. This show has an abundance of plot. It’s just that most of it was… well, let’s get into it.

    First of all, this is one of those shows where I’m instantly hardwired to dislike the main character. The actress is fine (for VH1, lol) but the character is just, well talented but naive is an understatement. She’s just stupid and annoying.

    I love you, stupid

    Season 3 sees Raquel now married to Kyle for green card purposes (this is after Kyle spends all of season two ripping people off so she can get her divorce papers from some loan shark, but okay).

    Oscar is in jail due to Sloane handing in a recording that incriminates him in a murder case.

    Lionel is running the team but… Jelena and Terrence are trying to buy it from her. Or the League are forcing a sale. I have no fucking clue.

    Anyway, also, Zero and Jude get back together, go public and they’re very cute, but oddly (haha, well, sort of) disconnected from all of the other characters bar Lionel and Jelena. It was like having a show within a show. On one hand, it’s good because they seem to be the only characters living on Earth and having normal interactions, on the other, it mean that they had little screen time. Ruuuuude

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    snarkview: Hit The Floor, seasons 1-3 (VH1), part one


    This is longer than intended so I need at least one person to read all of it. Part one and two. LOL.

    The series follows Ahsha Hayes (Taylour Paige), the talented yet naive daughter of single mom Sloane Hayes (Kimberly Elise). She joins the NBA cheerleading/dance team called the Los Angeles Devil Girls. She quickly discovers that her mother lied and kept secrets involving life as a Devil Girl herself. Unsure whom to trust, Ahsha must navigate her own way through the dangerous and temptation-filled world of pro basketball. Derek Roman (McKinley Freeman) tries to lure Ahsha away from her boyfriend, German Vega (Jonathan McDaniel). The more she resists his advances, the more persistent [and tempting] he becomes as German’s insecurity overwhelms him. Ahsha’s teammate, Kyle Hart (Katherine Bailess), tries to bring him to his senses and reveals her own agenda as she explains how the world works and how she’s making that world work for her. Ahsha’s father, Pete Davenport (Dean Cain), knows firsthand how difficult that life can be as a former all-star player for the Devils. He becomes the new head coach and discovers that his past is even more complicated than he thought. Players and dancers are forbidden to date, which only makes breaking the rules more tempting as history seems to repeat itself. Devil Girls’ team captain, Jelena Howard (Logan Browning) is dating player Terrence Wall (Robert Christopher Riley) flouting the rules as the classic “mean girl” trying to keep Ahsha off balance because she sees her as a threat

    Oh, where do I start! I’ve been joking that I could just post this with a blank page and it would make no difference but that’s mean and incorrect. This show has an abundance of plot. It’s just that most of it was… well, let’s get into it.

    First of all, this is one of those shows where I’m instantly hardwired to dislike the main character. The actress is fine (for VH1, lol) but the character is just, well talented but naive is an understatement. She’s just stupid and annoying.

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