I can’t stand TV crossovers


I have nothing to post here (well, beyond a bunch of incomplete movie reviews) so here’s an old post and a random Chris Hemsworth GIF. 


Look, I get it. We have one show here. There’s another over there and LET’S PRETEND THAT THEY’RE IN SAME UNIVERSE.

They’re already in the same universe.

It’s called make believe.

I first encountered crossovers with Chicago Fire and Chicago P.D. Initially, I’d watch Fire first and then PD, but after a while, I had to start watching one episode of one show and then an episode of the other show. And then they added two new shows plus SVU crossovers and I bounced. I don’t have time for mental gymnastics over a TV show. Plus, this doesn’t work internationally anyway – the shows often air on different networks.

So, what are we supposed to do? Sit there and be like, ‘well, son, I think the TV ate half of the episode!’

I know that US networks don’t care beyond their own ratings but it’s annoying and too much work. Why is watching TV now some kind of puzzle wherein I have to figure out what the order the crossover episodes are in and I have to Google extensively just to understand what I’m watching. And also what if I hate the show being crossed over (SVU and soapy television? Not things that typically go together).

I need this current trend to die. Soon. Please.

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Bad Moviethon #14 – Red Dawn


in which I examine if bad movies really deserve their woeful rotten tomatoes score

Red DawnIMDB

When North Korean troops invade U.S. soil and take over the city of Spokane, Wash., a recently returned Iraq War veteran (Chris Hemsworth) and a group of teens (Josh Peck, Josh Hutcherson) flee to the woods and form a band of freedom fighters. Dubbing themselves the Wolverines, the youths launch guerrilla attacks against the invaders — but how long they can sustain the fight in the face of the enemy’s superior numbers and firepower remains in question. (more…)

Thor: Ragnarök (2017)


First things first, while I ended up really enjoying the movie, the opening scene had me like…WTF. I guess they were trying to ease us into the new Thor, but having watched the first two recently, it was really weird. I guess Team Thor was supposed to help with that… welp.

Secondly, I’m surprised that the critics are all over this movie. Yes, it’s very funny and enjoyable but there are some issues with it. Major ones that I’d expect a critic to point out. I was on IMDB looking at reviews and it’s a sea of 10/10. Initially, I gave it a 9/10 but I’ve since downgraded it to a 8/10 and by the time I’m done it might be even lower, lol. I’m getting a The Dark Knight Rises feel about this. That movie was so long that I thought it was amazing until I got home and I was just thinking…”…Wait a minute….”

Anyway Spoilers from this point forward!

(more…)

stupid and senseless: the tone deaf edition


I don’t bother with stupid and senseless much anymore because anything Supernatural related has been declared persona non grata for some time. I am not interested anymore.

That being said, any opportunity to call out the continued assholery and hypocrisy of the fandom and actors is good with me. The sooner these people disappear from the internet, the better. (more…)

snarkview: Lie To Me


 

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The world’s leading deception researcher, Dr. Cal Lightman, studies facial expression, body language and tone of voice to determine when a person is lying and why, which helps law enforcement and government agencies uncover the truth. But his skills also make it easier for him to deceive others.

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You know, my parameter for bad shows is usually ‘is it better or worse than the crap that the Supernatural team have been putting out since season 6?. It’s not difficult to be better than Supernatural. It really isn’t. A reality show based on Vanilla Ice living with Eskimos for six months would be better than Supernatural.

That being said, Lie To Me now has the distinct honour of being even worse than Supernatural. Sort of. Season 1 is great. I have no complaints about season 1. The science was a bit… well, they basically used screengrabs to convey microexpressions which seems iffy to me. There’s a fifty percent chance between it being a genuine microexpression and a well timed screenshot. Someone should let shippers know that, though. Anyway, season 1 reminded me of my second favourite show ever (yeah, despite it’s flaws, Supernatural is still my favourite show purely because it got so bad that I vowed never to get heavily invested in another show. So it still occupies that spot), The Mentalist. It was a typical procedural.

Just not typical enough apparently.

Shawn Ryan took over for the second season and everything went downhill. I guess he wanted to put The Shield in Lie To Me because the main character goes form nerdy scientist to rude Englishman. So he went from speaking like a reasonable person to call everyone a wanker and yelling ‘oi!’ every five minutes. He went from being a consultant to barging into people’s houses, getting into people’s faces. Being waterboarded and tortured by freaking Jason Dohring and coming out unscathed. It was quite the transformation.

Apparently Tim Roth didn’t like the science aspect of the show, so they just abandoned it. It was just Lightman determining who was lying and who wasn’t. And I could deal with that. Except, the acting became really bizarre. I was convinced that Tim Roth was either sick or had a drinking problem but apparently that’s the characterisation.

He flops about, jerks around erratically, pulls faces and can’t sit still. I can’t believe that no one told him how stupid it looked. It killed the show for me. I can sit through silly storylines (like some guy marrying a new woman every six months after cutting deals with the ex-husbands), but not a character being so weird and uncomfortable for no good reason. He even becomes slightly sexist and inappropriate around any female character on-screen except for his teenage daughter, Emily.

That’s another thing. In the first season, he was at least civil to the other main characters. By season 3, he’s just nasty. I couldn’t make sense of it. Was it had writing or just bad acting? They all seem annoyed with each other. Like they all got on the same bus during rush hour and they were on it until the last stop. Pure misery.


Verdict: 8/10 for the first season, 5/10 for the second season (just because I like that episode with all of The Shield characters) and 0/10 for the third season.

Ghostbusters (2016)


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First of all, I have to admit that when I saw the trailer, I laughed my head off at the Chris Hemsworth part. I will also admit that for all of the shit that this movie got, I was of the mind that they probably should have just created a completely different franchise. Or even come up with a all-female spoof. For the most part, though, I didn’t really care. I can’t really understand why a silly movie about ghosts offended so many people before it was released (oh, wait…)

That being said, I was fully expecting this movie to be awful, but it was only partially awful. The writing is probably what lets the movie down. It’s bad. So, so, so bad. That being said, the two people I liked the most were Leslie Jones and Chris Hemsworth. Both played stereotypical characters – sassy, black woman and airhead, but it made me laugh…? I can’t complain about the token casting because let’s face it, it was the only way we were going to get a sister in the movie. At least she was there. It’s a movie about ghosts, I don’t need to be represented by any of the characters, so I guess that was nice of them. There was also the token Asian character whose only role was buying soup so, I think that was probably worse.

The plot of the movie was basically – a bunch of women team up to fight ghosts unleashed by some crazy guy who hates people. I didn’t really follow it very closely. I just looked up whenever I heard Chris Hemsworth speaking. That being said, I started paying attention when he got more screen time and the movie was fine. It was silly, fluffy and the jokes were hit and miss but it’s a Ghostbusters movie. Did anyone expect more?

Anyway, this movie is worth it just for the police dance scene and end credits. And Chris Hemsworth.

I can’t believe that they cut the dancing out of the released version. Whoever they left in the editing room messed up. Dancing always saves the day. Mostly.

 Verdict: 7/10. Someone needs to cut a Chris Hemsworth scenes-only version and I’ll give it a 10/10. Just saying.

huggable life companions


Here at Supernatural Snark, I’ve posted about many different things. 

There were three seasons of Supernatural recaps. 

There was a recap of the Killer Pet Dog SyFy movie (which is a surprisingly popular post of mine). 

I snarked about Trump for a good three months. 

I’ve even spoken about BET shows. 

It’s been a mixed bag. Somewhere along the line, I discovered Japan Trend Shop and from time to time you’ll see me post the items that I can’t quite wrap my head around.

Today is no different. 

Today I present to you the Japanese Cotton Wife.

Japanese Cotton Wife

Bride-shaped foam cushion by Bibi Lab

Price: US$ 428

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Looking for that special someone to snuggle up to? Look no further than wacky Japanese home items maker Bibi Lab and their new Japanese Cotton Wife. This bride-shaped cushion feels realistic to the touch, so you can hug and dress her up to get a unique household companion experience.

What. The. Hell. 

What is this? More importantly, why? Why would someone want a wife made out of cotton? What happens when you spill something on her? You’d have to dry clean your wife. That’s grounds for divorce. Irreversible differences. 

You know what would make this even better? Bad jokes.

Keen-eyed observers will spot that this is essentially a parody of real “hug pillows”, which are often decorated with sexy anime characters. The Cotton Wife comes in a washable, skin-colored spandex cover and in two sizes. Needless to say, the taller version has a larger, well, bust than the smaller model.

Bigger fake boobs. Wow. Imagine that. There’s room for improvement, though. How about…a video?

This video made me lose it. THE DANCING. THE MUSIC. I was terrified and amused at the same time.

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This is unbelievably creepy. I can’t understand why any sane or rational thinking person would buy one of these. Just get a teddy bear?

That being said, I can see a scenario where some Supernatural fan buys two of these and creates their own huggable Jared and Jensen. Or [insert crazy fan] creates their version of [insert object(s) of affection].

Welp.

Not to be outdone, Bibi Labs have come up with another design in the same vein. I hope that this one DOESN’T have a video.

Cotton Wife and Husband Hug Pillows

Huggable life companions

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Called in Japanese the Wata Yome and Wata Danna, the Cotton Wife and Husband Hug Pillows by Bibi Lab are unique companions for whenever you need a hug. We’ve seen plenty of hug pillows in Japan before but these have the most attractive and, well, huggable designs so far. These spouses have limbs and a torso, while the springy materials are really addictive.

Limbs and a torso…what the…well, that makes these sex cushions perfectly normal then.

These unique pillows are nearly life-size too. Dress them in clothes for the most realistic results. Then you will really get the benefit of hug when you are lonely and you’ll never be short of a dinner partner again. The set includes a brown, anti-static fleece cover.

Imagine turning up to a dinner party and your host’s significant other isn’t real. I would be out of there faster than you say ding ding chicken wing.

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I think they’re trying to recreate the spiderman kiss

Oh dearie me. I’m done. 

statistical noise


This video made me laugh SO MUCH so I thought I’d share it here because I have nothing better to post.

Not even because this racist POS is 14% black, but the woman laughing next to him. So freaking funny.

You can say what you like about black people, but we’re an entertaining set of people.

Comic source: here

Send them to Russia


Apparently Supernatural is super popular in Russia and also unites democrats and republicans (because people’s political affiliations have something to do with their shitty taste in television…?). 

So, I think the best solution is to just send the cast and fans to Russia, that way they’re automatically regarded with suspicion and we can ignore them until the New York Times tells us not to. 

Either way, welcome to another craptastic season of Supernatural. 

Please reserve your complaints until May 2018 when it’s been renewed for a fourteenth season and you’re excited but ‘hope’ that the writing is better this time around.