what not to do at the gym


WORMS, Germany (FOX11) – Firefighters in Worms, Germany were called in to help free a man who got his body part stuck in the hole of a 2.5kg (5.5 pound) weight at a gym. With the help of a grinder and a hydraulic saw, they were able to break the weight into 5 parts, freeing the man’s penis.

No snark necessary but how does this even happen? Did he just slip into it? I can’t picture the scenario at all. And on top of that, he had to watch and listen as they used a grinder and hydraulic saw. He must have been a complete mess (on top of being an idiot). I’ll file this under ouch. 

[source]

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Surround Sound Gone Mad


I was perusing my favourite gadget and beauty products website when I saw this:

First question: what kind of douchebag would use this thing?

Yeah, but why does it have to go around the neck? Why not just normal speakers? No one on this Earth needs neck speakers. If we want to pick up audio things that we’ve missed, that’s what earphones are for.  

Look at how ridiculous he looks! So douchey. It looks like some kind of hipster neck pillow. 

Netflix and chill gone mad. I’m telling you. They could at least come up with a double neck speaker option. This looks so stupid. If I catch any of you with this…

Not to be outdone, Panasonic seem to be vying with Sony in the dumb gadgets stakes. 

….

Or people could just wash their clothes. What difference does it make if you leave something festering overnight. It’s still going to stink and why spend four hundred dollars when you can just Febreze it later (and that’s only if you really don’t want to just wash it). 

This has to be one of the dumbest, most useless things I’ve ever seen. A deodorising hanger. I’m convinced that this site is just trolling at this point. 
 

Takes 5-7 hours to clean a garment

I rest my case.

#TakeAKnee


I’m tired of coming up with new ways to insult Trump. I think calling people who respect themselves and want to be treated equally ‘sons of bitches’ really just sums up what a cantankerous, ill-mannered, orange faced, lying sack of useless bullshit Donald Trump really is. 

‘Disinviting’ Steph Curry and co is just sour grapes on his part. Lebron summed it all up in two words. ‘U bum’. 

I’m with everyone who took a stand against him today. 

Here’s the thing about racist jokes


They are racist first and foremost. 

They say a lot about your character. If you are not that race, it will be perceived as racist. If you don’t think it’s racist, it’s probably racist. 

As someone who lives in a predominantly white country, but a mixed city, you see this casual racism everyday. We see it and most of us say nothing because we already have institutional racism going against us. Most of us are not about to get the label of crybaby or whatever else added to our list of issues. It’s not good, but it’s what happens. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. 

Fortunately for us, there’s always one person who tries to do the right thing. 

The latest incident here is regarding the now former England Women’s Football Manager. He was sacked today after weeks of controversy regarding a comments he made to different players. I don’t even care about that right now. The entire English FA is a joke. 

What I care about is the reaction. People are saying that they stand by him (do you even know him?) and that it’s pc gone mad (classic racist logic) and he shouldn’t be fired for a bad joke. 

A bad joke? 

Mark Sampson, the manager of the England women’s football team, is alleged to have told one of his black players to make sure their Nigerian relatives did not bring Ebola to a game at Wembley, according to extraordinary new evidence the Guardian can present as part of the Eni Aluko hush-money case.

That’s not just a bad joke, it’s racism. Yes, there was an Ebola crisis in certain parts of Africa at the time, but not in Nigeria. And even if there had been, it’s still not funny. The worst part is that people think that any black person should be okay with this joke. I think I read that the player laughed in disbelief because she didn’t know what else to do. 

It’s a very strange situation when people (with or without authority over you) make these statements and it’s a choice between speaking out and not being labelled as sensitive or easily offended and keeping quiet and feeling like you’re betraying yourself in your gut. 

So, the next time you think about making a racist joke – don’t. 

It’s that simple. 

I should note that he technically wasn’t fired because of his alleged racist statements but because of his behaviour in a previous role. So, I’m sure he’ll have another cushy job in less than six months. 

stupid and senseless: curated by Jared and Jensen


Let me just start off by saying that my language is colourful in this post. I could edit it out but I want everyone to see just how ridiculous I found this when I saw it.

So, I accidentally clicked onto my Twitter timeline and I saw this:

I clicked onto her tweet and LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF.

“CURATED.”FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS?

Value: Priceless

I was really tickled pink.

That was before I saw what the unlucky (and stupid) fan will be paying for:

Is this a joke?

Swag, memorabilia and….Personal Polaroid pictures taken from set (why the addition of the word personal? Are they sending dick pics?).

You might as well save your $4k. 

Not even a set visit? Fucking FaceTime? What if you don’t have an iPhone or iPad? That’s a serious question. So I have to find someone and borrow their device because I’ve paid four thousand dollars for a video call that’s usually free. Lol. Fuck outta here.

Although, anyone silly enough to drop four grand on this foolishness would probably buy an iPhone if they don’t have one already.

The sheer brazenness of these people is disgusting.

What’s a fan got to do to get some real face time, though? Donate a kidney (+ transportation and their own medical costs?)

The replies are full of people saying they can’t afford it because they’re:

  • Broke
  • Not rich
  • Paying for cons already

The last point had me rolling my eyes. None of these people have any common sense. They will be crying about con tickets while paying exorbitant prices. It was quite funny but sad at the same time.

WHERE IS THE LOGIC?

How can you complain when you have shown these people that you have bottomless pockets. Some of you will borrow money from people to spend one minute in the presence of these people and listen to them talk about their lives for two hours. Some of you will work multiple jobs to afford this shit. Some of you will complain after attending these things only to go again the next year. 

One strategically tweeted #SPNFamily and everyone is rushing forward with open wallets.

All Jared and Jensen see is dollar signs. So excuse me for not having any sympathy.

What is wrong with you people?

Why are you entertaining this madness? You have been donating money to these people on a monthly basis for years now. Years. They will not stop taking your money until you stop giving them your money. Meanwhile, their money (mostly) isn’t going anywhere but the bank. The bank. Please have some respect for yourselves.

Like my friend put it:

Fools and their money. The guys probably came up with this scheme to pay for half of a teeth bleaching session.

Someone will have to tell me what the final bid was but $4k is probably what Genevieve spends on one ugly blouse per shopping session. Why would you donate money in the name of people who don’t value money in the first place. For all of the money fandom has collectively donated, how much have the guys and the wives donated? Have any of you demanded receipts?

Do any of you have at least one functioning brain cell?

If you do – please use it. I don’t really care, I just hate being exposed to such stupidity. Just seeing it makes my head hurt. If that makes me a hater, feel free to let me know. I will wear my title with pride.

Note to Jared and Jensen: 

Please curate Supernatural’s cancellation charity raffle (at this point you might as well bleed fandom dry). Haven’t we all suffered enough? Let the show die a peaceful death already. Please. 

To conclude: UGH.

American Assassin (2017)


American Assassin | 2017

I saw this last week Thursday and thought I’d write about it. I also just accidentally posted a YouTube video. Ignore it!

Spoilers ahead!

There seems to be mixed feelings about this movie but… I’m not sure why. No, it’s not going to set the world on fire (well…) and maybe a movie about terrorism isn’t what we need (but were any of the others needed?) but it’s called American Assassin. People get shot. Shit blows up. There are car chases. That’s all you can expect.

Anyway, the plot was fairly standard:

Mitch Rapp and his girlfriend are on vacation in Basque, Spain, when a radical Islamist jihadist cell lands on the beach and begins to attack the civilians with assault rifles. Amid the carnage, Rapp frantically attempts to find his girlfriend, but is unable to prevent her death at the hands of the terrorists.

Eighteen months later, Rapp, now consumed by his desire for vengeance, frequents an internet message board where the terrorist responsible for his girlfriend’s murder quizzes Rapp on aspects of Islam and jihad. Having secured an invitation to meet him face to face, Rapp prepares to take his vengeance on the man responsible for his girlfriend’s death.

When Cold War veteran Stan Hurley takes CIA black ops recruit Mitch Rapp under his wing, they receive an assignment to investigate a wave of random attacks on both military and civilian targets. After discovering a pattern of violence, Hurley and Rapp join forces with a lethal Turkish agent to stop a mysterious operative who wants to start a global war.

Thoughts:

The opening scene.

What. The. Fuck.

I’m torn between it being absolutely recklessly realistic and it being well, realistic. It definitely hooks you into the movie.

Even if I was slightly uncomfortable by that and what came after, it was interesting to see the terrorist cell stuff. If the entire movie had been about that, then, I’d complain but it was over fairly quickly. We moved onto the usual someone wants to build a nuclear weapon schtick blah, blah, blah and actually the movie sort of fell flat after that point.

The middle. Basically the CIA turn up and Rapp is trained into a super spy assassin kind of thing. His test scores are off the charts etc. Anyway, once we move off that we’re introduced to Ghost, a former protégé of Michael Keaton (who leads some kind of special ops team or something). Ghost has just obtained some plutonium for some Iranians.

Sigh.

Anyway, the action moves to Italy and we discover that Ghost is really angry at the US and Michael Keaton because he was left behind on the battlefield. Something about him not following orders.

After a gratuitous scene in which fingernails are extracted and an ear is bitten, it transpires that he has built a nuclear bomb in order to take out some kind of warship in the ocean. Ooookay.

Anyway, the build up to that scene was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen. Rapp somehow finds a car underground, drives it through a tunnel in order to break open a gate. And the the car gets stuck and causes a huge fireball…. WHILE THE PLUTONIUM IS METRES AWAY. That entire building should have been toast. Anyway, somehow, they manage to switch between a housing project to the ocean in about two minutes.

It was very confusing.

Rapp and Ghost have this really odd fight on a boat. I could see that they repeat he same sequence a few times. The fight was also oddly anticlimactic. However, it was what came next that was really baffling. Rapp throws the nuclear bomb into the water and it goes off. Everyone should have been toast. Instead there was a huge water vortex that lasted for a minute and a helicopter was blown about until it wasn’t. Everyone lived! Except for Ghost.

Okay then.

The ending shows Rapp going after another Iranian who was also involved in the plutonium deal. I wonder why the director included that. Or the writer. It’s not like the sequel (if any) is going to pick up there. Minor issue, though.

The main issue with the movie is the lack of character progression. We know Rapp is messed up, but we don’t see it. It’s all tell, tell, tell with little showing. I personally would have made the whole terrorist cell thing a very minor backdrop and focused on seeing his life after his girlfriend died and in general after the attack (he was shot several times but made a full recovery!). Watching him punch someone excessively wasn’t enough. With regards to the villain – Ghost is just plonked in the movie and boom, this is the bad guy. It was, well, bad. The Turkish agent also had some stuff going on but by that point, the plot was so convoluted that when she killed herself I forgot that she even existed.

Anyway, Michael Keaton is always a delight. I don’t care that all he did was yell a lot. IT’S BATMAN! Sanaa Lathan did her best with the limited script. Dylan O’Brien is definitely one to watch. I thought he was really good, probably the best part of the movie even though he was limited by the unadventurous script. And I’m glad to see he’s doing okay after his accident on the Maze Runner set. Taylor Kitsch… well, at least he’s still getting work?

Verdict: 6/10. Entertaining but predictable. However, it wasn’t overly long or worse than your typical action movie. There are some really nice scenes in terms of the cinematography and fight/action scenes. Also – Dylan O’Brien isn’t hard on the peepers. 😝

I’m also going to check out the books as well now, so there’s that. Yes.

Thank you for reading!

Idiot(s) of the Day 


1. The dickhead who did this.

A manhunt is underway after nearly three dozen commuters were injured following an explosion at Parsons Green underground station in west London, which police are treating as terrorism.

Witnesses described seeing people with burns from the blast and other wounds caused when passengers rushed to escape the station.

Thank God that no one died. As someone who takes the train/regularly sees the stations during rush hour, it’s not difficult to get anything on them. The small stations don’t have any security or many staff. That’s a very scary thought, but here’s hoping that the intelligence agencies get better at stopping this kind of thing.  (more…)

Lethal Weapon (FOX) 


Rebooting the hit movie franchise of the same name, “Lethal Weapon” follows Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh as they combat crime in Los Angeles. Following the death of his wife and their unborn child, ex-Navy SEAL Riggs moves to California in search of a new start at the LAPD, where he is paired up with Murtaugh, who recently suffered a near-fatal heart attack. The newcomer’s tendency to not look before he leaps clashes with Murtaugh’s more considered technique, but when they look past the surface friction, they see the partnership might give them what they need.

Technically, this is snarkview. I saw adverts for the show on TV, but it wasn’t until I actually saw the promo on YouTube randomly that I was sucked into watching it. 

The show is, well, charming in its own way. The pilot episode was absolutely horrible, but there’s enough in it to make you continue. That being said, there’s only so much disbelief that I can suspend. 

That the LAPD would continue to allow Riggs and Murtaugh to work together is ridiculous. That we’re supposed to be okay with the whole Riggs wants to die/or does he?! thing is just as ridiculous when his half of his recklessness is just random. I get that he’s the crazy one, but it’s a lot easier to digest in a two hour movie. The entire show is ridiculous. Depending on where you look, people either love it or hate it. 

Take this review on IMDB (where this show has a rating of 8.7/10? LOL)…

I always read the 1/10 reviews because they’re entertaining. And much less annoying than those 10/10 reviews. 

Daman Wayans is a hack who should never have been picked to play Murtaugh.
1/10 | 5 Jul 2017
This show is a sad attempt to imitate a fairly decent movie franchise. Clayne Crawford is barely adequate as Riggs. He’s not even remotely convincing as a bad ass, despite the show’s desperate attempts to portray him as such.
And that accent is just plain annoying. Also, the hair. WTF is that hair about? Speaking of hair, or rather, lack thereof, Daman Wayans was a horrible choice for Murtaugh. He minces and prances through the show like a drag queen reject. His treatment of his new partner reeks of outright contempt, nothing like the grumpy, but ultimately good-natured Murtaugh of the movie. He also is not remotely convincing as a cop. He wouldn’t be convincing as a meter maid. Face it, he’s just a bad comedian who’s also a bad actor and it’s a shame that a fine character like Murtaugh was wasted on this hack. This show needs to be cancelled and the creators need to apologize for ever making it to begin with. But then, that’s me.

I love the last line. Anyway, let me address the most important part. 

Riggs’s hair….

When a character spends half of the time flicking back their hair, it’s distracting. Especially if their haircut kinda sucks. 

Anyway, that review is harsh. I probably wouldn’t have cast Damon Wayans, but he isn’t bad on the show. None of them are except for maybe Hilarie Burton, but that’s only because I feel like she sucks the life out of everything. 

Murtaugh on the show can’t seem to decide whether or not he likes or loathes Riggs. I’m not sure if all episodes aired in the correct order but it was weird for him to be all we’re family in one episode and then the man is nuts in the next. I practically had whiplash. 

Anyway, to sum up season 1:

  • Riggs’s heavily pregnant wife dies while he’s in the middle of investigating a drug cartel related to someone called Tito Flores
  • Six months later, he’s a mess and clearly unfit to work but transfers to LAPD anyway (something to do with his father in law yadda yadda).
  • Murtaugh has heart issues and is just returning back to work, he also has a baby daughter and two kids
  • They argue, Riggs jumps out of buildings a lot. Riggs drinks a lot
  • They’re family
  • They hate each other
  • —-(Therapy sesh x 200 because they wanted to be seen as taking the whole thing seriously (despite making it a running gag – somehow it worked better in the movies)).—
  • They’re fam–no, wait, they hate each other
  • ‘We are faaaamilyyyyy but I want a new partner!’
  • ‘We will save Riggs’s alcoholism with our love!!’
  • Christmas episode – maybe Riggs’ wife’s death wasn’t an accident? Maybe they killed her because he was going after their drug cartel. The cartel leader says ‘You’re [Riggs] not that important’. I was hoping that they would leave it at there but nope.
  • It turns out that the cartel did kill her, but only to get to her father who’s the state attorney (or something) in LA. It was very convoluted. 
  • Along the way, Riggs meets Hilarie Burton and they fall in lust blah blah blah blah. 
  • Murtaugh and his family are cute
  • …. and, after Riggs learned that his FIL knew who killed his daughter the entire time, he turns him in and then goes to Mexico to kill the cartel leader. 
  • Before all of that Riggs kidnaps some guy called Gideon (who is a torturer for the cartel) from police custody. He takes him to his RV, and then up to a cabin and shit gets real and Murtaugh shoots Gideon. Gideon falls down a huge waterfall and washes away. 
  • Two scenes later, Gideon is fine. I honestly thought maybe he had a twin brother but no. The whole gunshot and drowning thing just super turbocharged him. 
  • The finale was crazy bad basically. 

    That’s fine but…

    • Murtaugh, who has three kids and wife decides to follow an unhinged Martin Riggs to Mexico.
    • Bruh. 
    • After spending the entire season bitching about how this dude is going to get you killed you follow him?
    • Even with your three kids. 
    • Your wife.
    • Your pacemaker. 
    • YOUR PACEMAKER. 
    • It was ridiculous but #family
    • Oh and Riggs makes a point of calling the cartel guy to let him know that he’s going to kill him. Doesn’t seem like a smart move but I’m sure Riggs knows Mexico better than the cartels do. They’ll never find him!

    All in all it was entertaining.  I’d recommend it if police procedurals don’t drive you nuts and you’re not someone who’s too good for network TV (you’re only edgy if you’re always watching something on Netflix 😂). 

    Verdict: 6/10

    Side note: I think McG loves CGI explosions almost as much as I love boybands. 

    Karma Alert


    Milo Yiannopoulos says his house in Miami has been destroyed by Hurricane Irma.

    Posting a picture of the roof having been torn off a building in the city’s West Brickell area, he commented: “MY HOUSE IS GONE”.

    Sucks for him, but….

    Last week, as the storm hit the Caribbean, he wrote on Facebook: “In more positive Irma news, Richard Branson’s Necker Island has been devastated.”

    And, as the hurricane headed towards the impoverished Caribbean island of Haiti, he said: “Irma is about to finish what Hillary started: leaving Haiti in ruins.”

    What can I say?

    What a reprehensible human being he is. 

    [source]