bad captions 


Bad Captions 

‘Cause I like to complain about everything. And I’m bored.

Not THIS kind of caption. Trump’s bad caption would be #TIFU #Covfefe #FakeNews.

I’m talking about social media captions. I’m not the best caption writer, but some people go overboard.

We’ve got:

the random quote

…. Thank you? Half of the time, the quote is completely unrelated to the picture posted. I don’t see what your face has to do with people finding themselves. Do the respectable thing and post a stock photo. Or your own quote. Or none of the above. (more…)

That Girl Is On Fire


I will just jump right into it.

An all-natural treatment for women looking to rejuvenate and tighten their vagina is giving doctors serious cause for concern – ground-up wasp nests.

The Etsy retailer that Dr Gunter found selling the oak galls – Heritage Health Shop – claimed that they could improve sex lives and be used on cuts with a warning that the paste will hurt.

“Here’s a pro-tip, if something burns when you apply it to the vagina it is generally bad for the vagina,” Dr Gunter added.

You can read more about this here if you’re so inclined. I personally have nothing to add because I REFUSE. REFUUUUUUUUSE.  Absolutely refuse to believe that any woman would be this fucking stupid.  (more…)

Common Law (USA, 2012)


I just rewatched Common Law and I couldn’t find anything I’d written about it. Wait. Let me Google it before I speak on it. Nope. There’s diddly squat. I’m sure I did. I’ll look again after I post this.

Plot:

TV has had its share of odd couples through the years, and odd couple is the best way to describe LAPD detectives Travis Marks and Wes Mitchell. Marks is a former juvenile delinquent and a maverick ladies man while Mitchell is a former lawyer who sacrificed his marriage to become a cop. The pair has a seven-year track record as two of the finest detectives in the department’s Robbery-Homicide Division, but the two have a problem — each other. When their bickering starts to have an impact on their work, their new-age captain sends them to couples’ therapy in an attempt to reignite the flame in their “work marriage.” Enter Dr. Ryan, a tough-as-nails therapist tasked with helping Marks and Mitchell understand and resolve their conflicts in order to enhance their ability to continue solving crimes.

Basically buddy-cop with a twist.

The buddy cop genre has been around for a while. There’s Rush Hour. Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop, 48 Hours, Bad Boys (Bad Boys, what you gonna do!), 21 Jump Street.

Tango and Cash.

I haven’t seen that in years.

TV-wise, you have a few here and there. Like the Lethal Weapon show. I want to watch that but after Rush Hour, I need it to be on season 2 first.

Anyway, back onto Common Law.  (more…)

What a typo to be alive


I tend to get a bunch of news alerts while not on my phone, and one I got today was about the horrible terrorist attack in Afghanistan. The numbers I saw were 80 dead and 350 injured. I flicked through my news apps but it was buried under stuff about Trump and climate change, Macron, UK election news etc.

I went on BBC, just to see what else was going on and stumbled onto an article about what ‘covfefe‘ meant.

I was trying to kill time so I saw through it, my frown burrowing as the article got decreasingly funny.

(more…)

What Could Go Wrong?


Picture this.

You’ve just gotten home. You’re bursting to use the toilet. You rush in, there’s no toilet paper and if you’re me, you utter every swear word in existence…

…and mutter something about how stupid humanity is…

omg what is this hair

….before somehow finding one last burst of energy to sort of shimmy over to where the spare rolls are kept.

If you’re one of those people that keeps spare rolls in the toilet, well…you might need to put a BOLO (be on the lookout) on the white thing that’s actually toilet paper.  (more…)

My Discovery of Hick Hop


First of all, what the ever loving Reba Kid Rock Blake Shelton (all the country artists I know) fuck is Hick Hop?

Country rap is a subgenre of popular music blending country music with hip hop-style rapping, also known as hick-hop or rural rap.

Oh.

But…

WHAT IS THIS.  (more…)

He Ate The Best Chocolates


Hello snarklings!

Trump’s big boy trip threw up some more chance encounters. I think I read an article on USA Today that claimed that he had shown discipline on the trip and that the real drama would start as soon as he has access to FOX News again. Discipline? That’s like saying Tom is disciplined when he’s not chasing Jerry. But I admire their optimism.  (more…)

The Game (The CW/BET)


Recently, I sat down and watched all nine seasons of this show (and now I’m offloading this post. Feel free to ignore it, it’s mostly for my own benefit, lol). 

The first thing I thought was:

Ah, back when there were black people on The CW!

It’s true, though. The CW literally whitewashed itself. 

Anyway, onto the plot:

While their men try to hone their gridiron talents on the field, the wives and girlfriends of pro football players sharpen their own skills behind the scenes when it comes to the power plays they have to use to get their guys the best agents, the best endorsements, the best merchandising deals — even the “in” charity. And then there’s the groupies around every corner, and the oh-so-helpful “image consultants” ready and eager to perform a makeover for any player in trouble

The show is more or less what the summary says with the addition of a whole host of stereotypes. However, the first three seasons were relatively funny. I think my favourite thing was Rick Fox playing himself. The main issue I had was with Melanie, the show’s main character for the first five seasons. She moves to San Diego over going to medical school at John Hopkins and doesn’t hesitate to let anyone else know (earning the name ‘Med School’). She’s dating Derwin Davis, the church-going, innocent rookie that’s just joined the fictional San Diego Sabers. She’s rude, judgemental and extremely annoying. Why is there always a lack of reasonable, relatable female characters on TV? They’re either a hot mess or overachievers. And annoying

I need a sort of lukewarm mess that has a unique outlook on life that I can relate to. Is that so hard?

Well, then again, maybe I should stop relating to fictional characters? That might be a plan. 

After some back and forth, Derwin ends up cheating on her with Drew Sidora and everything spirals from there. They break up and get back together. They break up and get back together. They get engaged and break that too. Rinse. Repeat. I’m sure the fans loved them but I was over it after the second season. Skip along to the third season and Derwin’s ex-girlfriend is pregnant. It only got worse from there. 

(more…)

Dumb Moment of the Day


I forgot my name. I’m not even going to go into a long witty preamble. I straight up forgot my name.
Someone asked me and I was like, ‘oh, I don’t have my name tag’. Looked down. 

Tag was there. 

And even if I don’t have the tag, do I need a tag to answer the question? Apparently so. 

So, then I read my name off the tag like I’d never heard it before.  Seriously, it was like, ‘s…n…ark?’ In my defense, the name I go by and the name I’m known by are occasionally different, but truly, there’s no excuse. I’ve given myself so many different names over the years that I should be able to parrot them back at any time.

I used to think I’d make a kick ass super spy hero agent, but clearly not. 

When prompted for my last name, that was a struggle as well. 

It was really hot at the time, so maybe I was just flustered but damn that was a low moment even for me. 

The Real World: Trump Administration: Week 17 – A little less conversation and a little more ignorance, please


wp-1485731527681.jpg

I’m back! Baaaack in the saddle again ~guitar riff~ ~headbang~ ~Tom Cruise-esque jump~

Anyway, let’s get down to it. I’ve missed a lot in my absence, but I’m just gonna cover what I’ve read in the past two days lol. Trump’s trip has sort of shoved all the other news to one side.  (more…)