stupid and senseless: aaron carter (na na na na na na na na)


Oh, Aaron, what are we going to do with you? That video is still one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever seen, lol.

Anyway!

Ooh Wee

Aaron was in the news recently for his DUI arrest and subsequent fifteen minutes of fame. He milked that arrest like it needed to be delivered the next morning. Damn. He called Nick out (this is all Aaron does when it comes to Nick, but that’s related to other shit), he said people were body shaming him. We didn’t know the truth. The truth would come out.

This statement had me rolllllllling. Arrested for being a celebrity? Oh and he wasn’t under the influence even though…

arresting officers witnessed the Aaron’s Party singer ‘driving all over the road and running into the median’ while operating a white Chevy Suburban with no tags

Alright, boo.

I know that you’re all dying to see a close up of that neck tattoo so here it is!

(more…)

Obligatory ‘why is Supernatural still on?’ post.


Comic Con and Supernatural are two things I actively avoid, but apparently my news app (ironically called ‘SmartNews’) is having a funny turn today.

Just reading this article gave me a headache. Castiel is dead but not dead dead. Mary is gone but not gone gone. Dead Bobby is dead dead but might come back anyway. Sam and Dean won’t agree on something or other. Crowley is definitely gone (LOOOOOOLLLLLLL at the article and the comments).

The show is dead in the water but not truly dead in the water.

Jared Padalecki, knocking it out of the park and showing that he’s the CW’s FINEST! And the answer to the question is: make fun of your hair. 

Somehow they managed to pay Kansas enough money to perform, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

To conclude, nothing has changed and if you value your time, avoid the show. If you’re someone who has time to waste or problems letting go of fictional characters and/or poor judgement, by all means continue. (more…)

Spice(r) Up Your Life


Sean Spicer says that his six months serving in the White House was an honour and a privilege. 

Mr Spicer resigned suddenly from his top White House post this week, citing concern with Donald Trump’s decision to hire Anthony Scaramucci as White House communications director.

For those of you who were around during my The Real World: Trump Administration days, you’ll know that Spicer was a regular feature. Hell, he was all we could talk about. Gaffe after gaffe, mistake after mistake, idiotic comment after idiotic comment. 

I think for the sake of his health and also the competency (hahahahaaa) of the administration, his resignation is the best thing for all. I am sure that we will look back on this day and see this as the moment he saved himself from impending doom. 

So long, Spicey. You’ll be missed. Sort of. 

Waiting For The End


Whenever someone who had a huge musical impact on me dies, I always have their song lyrics in their head. I’ll never claim to be someone who memorises lyrics but you never forget the ones that resonate with you.

Linkin Park have so many songs like that for me.

I won’t pretend that their albums post Meteora are my favorites but Chester (and co) always wrote at least one song you could relate to.

Waiting For The End is one in particular. I’m not sure if it was released as a track or not but it’s one of my favourite songs and it was all that was in my head when I heard the shocking news. It’s hard to believe that we won’t hear that voice again. 

It’s yet another tragic loss of life and I hope he finds the peace he was looking for.


RIP, Chester.

Iron-Woman


Hello, snarklings. I hope you are all having a good weekend.

I was going to post about that Donald Trump Jr. fiasco that broke this week but I already knew that he was an idiot. That we now have evidence is just a mere footnote. Okay, well, not really. ‘I LOVE IT!’? And Kushner and Manafort were there too? I think I just heard an echo of Putin laughing away evilly in the distance.

Oh and Kellyanne…

When will you stop embarrassing yourself on TV? I’d say that agreeing to meet the Russians in order to collect dirt on Hilary sounds a lot like collusion. (more…)

OMFG, We’re Shadows! Part 2


It’s getting far too serious around here, so here’s some humour for you!

I started this before I became more active on WordPress, so to explain, it’s like a mock supernatural themed TV show that isn’t solely based on Supernatural (the show that my blog was originally about).

Part one is here. This series kind of fell by the wayside, but good news! Untitled Unrealistic Teen Drama is on it’s way back. I just need to write it and stuff, but… yeah, watch this space. Or casually observe it from time to time.


Omfg, We’re Shadows 2

FADE IN:

INT. APARTMENT DAY

Tactless is eating his breakfast while Senseless completes his ‘How To Win Her Back’ paper. Senseles happens to be wearing a labcoat

TACTLESS

(sexy frown)

Hey, Dexter, what’s with the lab coat?

Sensitive ignores Tactless and takes a sip of his kale and spinach smoothie.

Tactless grabs a bread roll and throws it at Sensitive

SENSITIVE

Dude, what are you, twelve?

TACTLESS

FYI. My childish antics add to my sexiness levels. Anyway, we can talk about me later. Explain the coat

SENSITIVE

Sometimes I can’t believe that we’re related.And I’m getting ready to make some more visibility elixir because SOMEBODY keeps using it to get laid

TACTLESS

I have it on authority that I’m God’s gift to women. Using that elixir is me doing everybody a great public service

SENSELESS

You have no shame. Need I remind you of Jill?

TACTLESS

(sexy frown)

There’s no H-O-T in shame. So yeah, you’re right about that.Besides, Jill was a special case. What if she and Jack are the convenient legend that we’re yet to determine?

2.

SENSITIVE

I’m still looking into those two. Now…are you going to help me make this elixir?

TACTLESS

Last time I helped we were neon for a week. There’s a reason why you’re the smart one. And even though I’m secretly envious,I’m going to wait until the most inconvenient moment to bring it up. Right now, I’m gonna head to the gym and work on me guns.

Tactless flexes his biceps and barely manages to duck when Sensitive lobs the bread roll back at him.

INT. GYM

CUT TO:

Tactless is doing his soon to be patented sexy-wink walk on the treadmill

He’s smiling at a random woman when he catches sight of a familiar head of blonde hair

TACTLESS

(sexy, angry eyes)

Jill?

Jill looks up, her eyes widening when she sees Tactless. She takes off, leaving Tactless to splutter unintelligently

TACTLESS (CONT’D)

(sexy frown)

HEY, GET BACK HERE!

He tries to run after her but forgets that he’s on the treadmill. He goes down like a ton of bricks and ends up in a heap on the floor.

TACTLESS (CONT’D)

I am far too good looking to have these kind of complications in my life.

EXT. SHADOW UNIVERSITY GARDENS

CUT TO:

3.

Sensitive is sitting on a picnic table, talking to his girlfriend Stacey when Tactless walks up them. Stacey is still a humanoid carrot, although they’ve finally figured out how to make her look less orange.

TACTLESS

Oh, hey, Gi–Stacey? How’s it going?

STACEY

Fine. I guess I’ll leave you two to talk. I know that I’m probably not hot enough to be in your presence

TACTLESS

(smirks)

Hey, if I was into humanoid carrot chicks, I wouldn’t turn you down.

Stacey flips him the bird and kisses Sensitive goodbye and leaves.

SENSITIVE

Dude, what have I told you about speaking to my girlfriend?

TACTLESS

I have no idea. Besides, she hates me for no reason.

SENSITIVE

(eye roll)

You’re the reason why she’s a humanoid carrot thing. You can’t just expect her to forgive you because you’re ‘hot’.

TACTLESS

Whatever. I have a bigger problem. I just spotted Jill. You know the crazy chick that pushed me down a hill. We have to do something!

SENSITIVE

Like what? Take on a murdeeous sibling duo by ourselves?

TACTLESS

Yes, but only after we go through an extended training montage.

SENSITIVE

Wait, what?

4.

INT. GYM

FADE TO:

There’s a long montage of Sensitive and Tactless working out. Tactless flirts incessantly while Sensitive looks uncomfortable. This compelling montage lasts for five unnecessary minutes.

INT. APARTMENT NIGHT

Tactless and Sensitive are sitting in their living room, researching shadow stuff.

TACTLESS

(peers at laptop screen)

According to this one hundred percent factual website, there are a group of people called the Shadow Twisters. They trick Shadows into doing their bidding and increase their strength at the same time.

SENSITIVE

(SEXY FROWN)

That makes no sense. According to the Shadow Book Of Shadows–

TACTLESS

The what now??

SENSITIVE

Oh, sorry. The Shadow Address Book. Alternatively, we can call it the magic book?

TACTLESS

No. No we can’t.

SENSITIVE

You never support my name choices.

TACTLESS

What are you, twelve?

SENSITIVE

I’m just saying.

TACTLESS

You’re too sensitive, buddy.

5.

SENSITIVE

And you’re too tactless. Anyway, like I was saying, the Shadow Address Book says that only shadows can control shadows. Which would mean that…

TACTLESS

Shadow Twisters are shadows!

SENSITIVE

And–

TACTLESS

Jack and Jill are like, dark side shadows! We need to find someone to stop them from hurting innocent people.

Sensitive raises an eyebrow.

SENSITIVE

We ARE the someone!

TACTLESS

I know that I’m supposed to be the dumb one but you need to reboot that sentence.

Sensitive rolls his eyes and gestures towaeds the laptop.

SENSITIVE

We are the ones who have to stop Jack and Jill, this is our destiny.

TACTLESS

But we’re REALLY bad at saving people.

SENSITIVE

You know what they say, it doesn’t matter if you fail, so long as you try to succeed.

Tactless blinks.

TACTLESS

Nobody says that.

SENSITIVE

Well, they should. I tried really hard on my How To Be A Bad Boy paper and I got a B+. What kind of grade is that?

This time, Tactless rolls his eyes.

6.

TACTLESS

A decent one?

SENSITIVE

I’m the smart one. TV history dictates that I shoukd be getting straight As!

TACTLESS

The past five minutes indicate that you were lucky to come away with a B+.

SENSITIVE

Like you can talk.

TACTLESS

I’m just saying!

CUT TO:

EXT. APARTMENT DOORWAY

Tactless is trying to sneak out of the apartment undetected.

Sensitive detects Tactless.

He switches on the porch light and glares at Tactless.

SENSELESS

(sexy glare)

Where do you think you’re going?

TACTLESS

Out.

SENSITIVE

With the elixir that I spent the entire morning making?

TACTLESS

Uh…Maybe.

SENSITIVE

I hate you.

TACTLESS

Save it for episode 3, Sens. Shirtless fight, remember?

SENSITIVE

I still hate you.

7.

Sensitive snatches the bottle of elixir from Tactless and slams the door shut.

TACTLESS

Dammit.

BACK TO:

INT. APARTMENT DAY

Sensitive is eating breakfast and working on his “What Kind Of Flowers Should I Get Her?” paper when Tactless stumbles in. His face is pale and his hair is stuck up in a million directions. He coughs slightly and Senseless wrinkles his nose.

SENSITIVE

Dude, are you getting sick?

TACTLESS

(SNIFF)

No. I’m just a bit poorly because someone stopped me from getting laid last night.

SENSITIVE

Seriously?

TACTLESS

I told you that getting laid was my superpower, Sens.

SENSITIVE

You’re an idiot.

TACTLESS

I’m not denying that, but even idiots need to get laid at some point.

SENSELESS

Look, let’s just deal with Jill and Jack–

Tactless interrupts.

TACTLESS

It’s Jack and Jill

SENSITIVE

Does it matter?

TACTLESS

Yes, you heathen, it matters!

8.

SENSITIVE

Do you even know what heathen means?

TACTLESS

Not really

Senseless sighs and leaves the room.

EXT. PARKING LOT NIGHT

Senseless and Tactless are loading their trunk with weapons that will be ineffective until the last minute.

TACTLESS

So what’s the plan?

SENSELESS

The plan is that we have no plan.

Tactless frowns and pauses.

TACTLESS

So we’re just winging it?

SENSELESS

That implies that we don’t have plan.

TACTLESS

That’s what you said!

SENSELESS

I said that we have no plan, not that we didn’t have a plan.

TACTLESS

I’m starting to see why your girlfriend is so unhappy.

Senseless ignores Tactless in favour of slamming the trunk shut.

CUT TO:

INT. GYM NIGHT

The interior of the gym is quiet and dark. They creep in quietly and use flashlights to see where they’re going

9.

TACTLESS (CONT’D)

(whispering)

Just a quick question. What makes us so certain that Jack and Jill will be here? Wouldn’t somewhere less public be a better lair?

SENSITIVE

Hey, would ya keep it down!

TACTLESS

I was quiet!

SENSITIVE

You were practically yelling

TACTLESS

I was WHISPER yelling. There’s a difference, Sens.

SENSITIVE

Don’t call me that

TACTLESS and SENSITIVE continue to argue and miss the fact that Jack and Jill have crept up behind them.

Jack takes out Tactless with a frying pan successfully. Jill attempts to take out Sensitive with a unicorn slipper and fails.

SENSITIVE (CONT’D)

(snorts)

Really? A fluffy slipper. That’s your weapon?

Jill shrugs and sucker punches Sensitive in the face. He goes down like a lead balloon and she dusts off her hands gleefully.

JACK

Someone needs to tell these pitiful shadows that they talk too much.

CUT TO:

INT. GYM BASEMENT NIGHT

SENSITIVE and TACTLESS are bound by their wrists and ankles. For convenience, their mouths have not been taped shut.

TACTLESS

I blame you for this.

10.

SENSITIVE

How is ANY of this my fault?

TACTLESS

You’re supposed to be the smart one.

SENSITIVE

That’s true, but hey, even Batman has an off day.

TACTLESS

(gasp)

Take that back. Don’t disrespect Batman like that.

SENSITIVE

You’re aware that Batman isn’t real, right?

TACTLESS

La la la la la can’t hear youuuu

Sensitive rolls his eyes and turns away. He sniffs at the air suddenly and his eyes widen.

SENSITIVE

Can you smell that?

TACTLESS

You mean, my cologne, Passionately Dim? It’s meant to last twelve hours.

Sensitive wrinkles his nose in disgust.

SENSITIVE

Yeah, that’s probably it.

A minute or so of silence passes by before Tactless sniffs at the air.

TACTLESS

Okay, yeah, that’s NOT coming from me. Dude, what’s wrong with you?

SENSITIVE

Look, I slept through my Noxious Smells class, okay? I can’t automatically know everything.

TACTLESS

Yes you can! That’s the very definition of being the smart one. Now, let’s just assume that they are trying to poison us, what do we do?

11.

Sensitive stares at Tactless blankly.

TACTLESS (CONT’D)

Oh, so you want me to get us out of this mess?

SENSITIVE

It’s not like you do much else. I make the potion. I get us out of trouble. It’s time for you to step up.

TACTLESS is confused.

TACTLESS

Look, either you get us out of here, or we die. It’s that simple. You have to think about Gina.

SENSITIVE turns to glare at Tactless.

TACTLESS (CONT’D)

Sorry, I mean Stacey.

SENSITIVE

Too bad. I’m on strike.

TACTLESS starts to cough heavily, and Sensitive follows suit seconds later.

They both fall unconscious.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Maybe it’s time to let white people say the ‘N-word’*


This was in the news here yesterday. 

Conservative MP Anne Marie Morris has been suspended from the Conservative party after she was taped using the phrase “n****** in a woodpile” in a discussion about Brexit.

These days whenever I hear that [insert white person with some kind of public role] has said the word nigger (at this point, why bother using asterisks?), I always chuckle to myself. 

Not because it’s funny but because we [black people] know that white people say it behind closed doors. We know that white people won’t be happy until they can say the word whenever they want without any repercussions. Slavery wasn’t enough. The Jim Crow era wasn’t enough. They want to take the word back. 

You guys can have it. Seriously. Say it all you want, and if there’s some blow back, know that you knew what you were signing up for. Maybe we can brand the letter R on the hands of all the white people who want to say it. 

People are saying that nigger in a woodpile is an old fashioned term and that it’s inoffensive. Yeah, now (and that’s HIGHLY debatable). Back then it obviously had a wider connotation. Either way, it’s still a phrase that needs to be left behind. However, if you’d like to say it, I have my R brand ready for you. 

Anyway, my tongue in cheek suggestion aside, there’s been the usual response. 

  • Why are these people so offended?

Excuse me? Who are these people that you’re referring to. Black people? Why are black people offended at the use of a historical term that was used to denigrate them? And that aside, I personally wasn’t. I can’t think that too many of us are. Unsurprised, that’s for sure. 

  • These people have come and taken our jobs. We should send them back to where they came from. 

LOL. Lazy response. Do better. 

  • Black people often use the ‘N’ word about themselves

    What’s your point? It’s been explained to the death why it is that some black people use the word. I used to take the Oprah stance on the word before I realised that black people have earned the right to take back the word if they please. I don’t look down on anyone that says it. Unless you’re not black. If you’re white you can’t say it. Simple. There’s no magic sparkle that happens when you say it. I promise you. 

    • PC in this country has gone so far we have disappeared up our own arse.

      This is always the default response people have when they’re told off for being offensive idiots. It’s not PC gone mad, it’s just that you’re still a dick. Deal with it. 

      • They call us names too

      Really…how many of ‘them’? And do they have the same historical connotation and racist background? No? I didn’t think so. 

      I can’t think of anything more tiring than debating whether or not white people can say nigger when the answer is glaringly obvious. 

      Stick to saying it behind closed doors. 

      Or maybe don’t say it all. 

      (*just to clarify – I’m being facetious.)

      Bad Moviethon #8-9: R.I.P.D. (2013)/Space Jam (1997)


      (POTENTIALLY)
      BAD MOVIE MARATHON #8-9

      …in which I examine if bad movies really deserve their woeful rotten tomatoes score

      R.I.P.D. | 2013 | IMDB

      Veteran lawman Roy Pulsifer (Jeff Bridges) works for the R.I.P.D., a legendary police force charged with finding monstrous spirits who are disguised as ordinary people but are trying to avoid their final judgment by hiding out among the living. When Roy and his new partner, Nick Walker (Ryan Reynolds), uncover a plot that could end all life, they must discover a way to restore the cosmic balance or else watch the tunnel to the afterlife start sending angry souls back to the world of the living.

      Rotten Tomatoes: 13%

      Review excerpt: So generic a cut-and-paste job is the film’s every aesthetic cue, it’s surprising to even find a director’s name surface in the closing credits.

      FINALLY. This was supposed to be #2!

      Verdict: I had to quit after half an hour because whatever Jeff Bridges was doing gave me a headache and it was just boring. 

      Also, why can’t Kevin Bacon ever play a good guy? The Following does not count.
      Anyway, the writing was on the wall when the opening scene was some nonsense about an orange tree and Ryan Reynolds frolicking in bed with his girl. That’s nice and all but not really the best way to entice the viewer.

      Next, we hear about how Ryan Reynolds can’t keep the gold that he and his partner (Kevin Bacon) found. So, not only have they not turned this gold in, they’re contemplating keeping it? And Ryan Reynolds sees no issue with telling said – and now potentially corrupt – partner that they have to turn the gold in. Not only that, he then goes back on the road with him and surprise surprise – his partner kills him.

      From there the movie takes a drastic turn. Ryan Reynolds becomes an RIPD rookie, T-Bone from Prison Break shows up. From whatever the fuck Jeff Bridges was doing (is that how he sounds or was this accent put on for this movie? You know what, I don’t even want to know) to the fact that they appear as a busty blonde woman and an old Chinese man back on Earth – I quickly realised that this movie is deserving of it’s status as a bad movie.

      I think I sat through more of the horrible Point Break remake which is saying something.

      Moving on….

      Yo, this movie is either the worst film ever or the best worst film ever but I enjoyed it.
      Anyway, let’s get the formalities out of the way first.

      Space Jam | 1997 | IMDB

      Swackhammer (Danny DeVito), an evil alien theme park owner, needs a new attraction at Moron Mountain. When his gang, the Nerdlucks, heads to Earth to kidnap Bugs Bunny (Billy West) and the Looney Tunes, Bugs challenges them to a basketball game to determine their fate. The aliens agree, but they steal the powers of NBA basketball players, including Larry Bird (Larry Bird) and Charles Barkley (Charles Barkley) — so Bugs gets some help from superstar Michael Jordan (Michael Jordan).

      Review excerptVisually, it’s a mess: the attempts to blend 2- and 3-D animation with live-action and computer-generated images produce scenes that are fuzzier than the storyline.

      Rotten Tomatoes %: 37

      ~

      This movie doesn’t make much sense from the offset. In fact, it’s a little slow to begin. We see a young Michael Jordan say that he wants to win championships and baseball. We see him flying and various clips of his career, we see his retirement announcement and the beginning of his baseball career and then suddenly…

      We are transferred into the alien theme park, wherein, the boss wants the Looney Tunes to be his latest attraction. He sends these tiny aliens to capture the Looney Tunes. After LOLing at them, the tiny aliens show that they actually have some serious juice… Just not enough to go up against the Looney Tunes in a basketball match. So the aliens steal the talent of some top basketball players. And the Looney Tunes steal Michael Jordan.

      There is lots of breaking the fourth wall in this. In one memorable scene, Daffy and Bugs gripe about how they don’t see any money from the Looney Tunes lunch boxes or merch, which means that they need to get better agents. LOL.

      Oh and the acting… well….good thing that MJ decided that Hollywood wasn’t for him. His lines were delivered with about as much gusto as my first words of any given day before I’ve had coffee. Stiff and awkward. Everyone else is just as bad.

      All in all this movie is like a bad acid trip, but the final basketball match is quite funny. My favourite part is when Bugs Bunny tricks the rest of the  Looney Tunes into taking ‘secret stuff’ to help them improve on court, but it’s only water.

      It was funny because I didn’t realise it was water until a harried Michael Jordan was informing a clueless Daffy Duck. 😂 In my defence, I was half asleep… lol.

      The Looney Tunes manage to win the game, but only with the help of  some HILARIOUSLY bad special effects and Bill Murray.
      Verdict: 8/10

      Yeah, you read that right. It should have a 50% RT score at least!

      How Not To Stay Out Of Politics


      Hello! 

      It’s been a quiet around here hasn’t it? I am extremely behind on everything. Damn. Time flies even when you’re not having fun. 

      Like, I predicted, the G20 summit was lit. 🔥

      In all of the wrong ways.

      He was an uneasy, lonely, awkward figure at this gathering and you got the strong sense some of the leaders are trying to find the best way to work around him

      “He has no desire and no capacity to lead the world.

      “[He] barks out bile in 140 characters, [and] wastes his precious days as President at war with the West’s institutions like the judiciary, independent government agencies and the free press.”

      Yup,yup and yup.

      The main talking point:

      A Russian official at the G-20 Summit tweeted, then deleted a photo of Ivanka Trump taking her father’s seat alongside world leaders that sparked critiques of the first daughter’s role at the summit.

      Svetlana Lukash, who is serving as a Russian emissary at the summit, tweeted on Saturday that Ivanka “replaces Pres Trump at the #G20 table as he leaves for bilateral meetings.”

      The tweet was deleted around 10 am ET.

      Look. I’m not American. I’m not even sad that America has been shunned by the rest of Europe and other major countries as the defacto leader when it comes to tackling issues. The one good thing to come out of Trump being President is the end of US dominance. It’s time for y’all to let someone else fuck up for a change. At least until you get rid of Le Pumpkin. 

      That being said, who the fuck does Ivanka Trump think she is? Girl, why are you even at G20? I don’t care if your husband is a government official, at least we didn’t see pictures of him in what looked like an awful prom dress, or pictures of him sitting in for the President.

      “I try to stay out of politics,” Ms Trump said, when she was asked what she advised her father regarding his seemingly knee-jerk use of Twitter.

      She’s a Trump, so we shouldn’t be surprised that she fixed her mouth to lie about staying out of politics. The fucking White House rats don’t even stay out of politics, let alone someone who has an office and security clearance.

      This is one thing that would be baffling if we couldn’t smell the stench of nepotism a mile off. I saw Trump supporters trying to compare Trump hiring family members to the Royal Family (of England). LOL, yeah, no, monarchs are a different ballgame. Try again.

      What does Ivanka know about politics? Did she read Politics for Dummies? What are her qualifications? At this point she’s like the Jaden Smith of the family. Trying to follow in her father’s footsteps but failing miserably. It’s kind of like that Graham Norton clip where Will Smith and Alfonso Ribeiro did the Jump On It dance from The Fresh Prince and for some reason Jaden joined them. On one hand you’re like, aw he’s trying but on the other…I just wanted him to get out of the way. It’s meant to be Will and Carlton, I didn’t vote for Jaden.

      Anyway, yeah, the fucking nerve of this woman. I don’t care who your daddy is. Go find something else to do. Like steal more designs. Or hire slave labour to make said designs. It beggars belief, it really does. If my father was a brain surgeon, I wouldn’t turn up in my scrubs and ask if I could join in. Or agree to if my father was crazy enough to ask me to.

      That’s the issue, though. At this point, the sanest member of the family is Barron and that’s because he’s what, 12? His brain is still developing. The rest of them? Donald Trump Jr seems to be brainless (your Twitter will never be as interesting as your father’s buddy, deal with it and stop trying so hard)? Eric, well, he needs to ease up on the hair gel and Ivanka? I used to think she was the smartest one but clearly I was wrong. I know there’s another sister but I know nothing about her thankfully.

      They’re all cut from the same box of Crayola, so nothing they do is a surprise. I heard that Melania was trapped in her hotel which I’m sure was fine for her. How’s the cyber bullying campaign coming along, sweetie? It’s not? Oh, okay.

      In other news, Trump claims he…

      Just twice?? A kid who desperately wants to open the food their parents just bought at the supermarket presses more times than that. Not impressed. Try again (unless of course he stopped at twice because he knew it was redundant anyway).

      Another tweet that caught my eye…

      What the fuck have the Republicans been doing for the past seven years? They had all of that time to start coming up with something. It’s almost like they were so busy complaining that it just never occurred to them that having a plan in place might be the smart thing to do. Sorry. I used ‘smart’ and ‘Republican’ in the same sentence. My bad.

      Meanwhile in the UK…

      Twas London Pride this weekend and Theresa May had a message for everyone.

      If only she hadn’t just given £1bn to a political party who are raging homophobes.

      Theresa May was booed as her speech at Pride in London was played to crowds weeks after she struck a deal with the DUP.

      Some revellers appeared disgruntled while the Prime Minister’s message was read, thought to be over her deal with the Northern Irish party.

      The DUP has been widely critised for its right-wing stance on social issues including gay rights

      [via Evening Standard]

      Also Brexit is still an embarrassing mess. Everything costs twice as much as it did last year but uh…that impending trade deal between the UK/US will probably help with that.

      Right?

      A trade deal between the UK and the US would not be enough to offset the damage caused by Brexit, a cabinet minister had admitted.

      David Lidington, the Justice Secretary and Lord Chancellor, said even a “big new trade deal” with the US would not replace the benefits of being in the EU single market and that deals with other countries would be needed too.

      [via Independent]

      What a surprise….

      The G20 summit is going to be lit 🔥


      Or something. I am behind on Trump news, but I’m keeping up when I can. 

      I see that the US are still trying to hold Germany to ransom.

      Wilbur Ross is the kind of man who is easy to underestimate. Approaching his 80th birthday in November, he seems slow at times and occasionally nods off during longer meetings. And sometimes, he does so even when his boss is holding an important speech only a feet away, as he did recently in Saudi Arabia.

      Ross, though, is U.S. President Donald Trump’s commerce secretary, a key cabinet position, and on Tuesday, he was wide-awake. Standing next to an American flag, he read out a speech that was being transmitted to Berlin via video link. Specifically, it was being broadcast into the ballroom of a luxury hotel where German Chancellor Angela Merkel and several hundred guests of the Economic Council, a German business association that is closely linked to Merkel’s political party, the Christian Democratic Union (CDU), were listening.

      Ross had initially wanted to travel in person to the German capital, but he canceled at the last minute because, he said in the video, “urgent unexpected matters required that I remain in Washington.” The commerce secretary then straightened his glasses and monotonously recited what his president expected of the Germans.

      He demanded that Germany buy raw materials from the United States instead of from Russia, lower tariffs on automobile imports from the U.S. and ensure that America “obtain a larger share” of the European market. Otherwise, he added, the government in Washington, D.C., would have no alternative but to “engage in self-help

      Self-help? Oh, by all means, guys. Start now. Please. In all areas. Preferably away from Twitter and idiot press conferences.

      My favourite part of this is that he went past his ten minute slot. Dude, you realise that they can just turn you off when your bullshit dial swings over to dis tew much.

      Ross had been allotted a speaking time of 10 minutes, but when he still hadn’t finished after 30 minutes, the event participants had heard enough. They turned down the sound and switched off the video link. The U.S. commerce secretary disappeared from the screen, silenced like a political gadfly. Some in the audience laughed.

      Other Trump nonsense this week. There’s some kind of ongoing drama with the Morning Joe hosts. Trump was buoyed by CNN firing three guys who didn’t check their sources and accidentally printed – wait for it – fake news. It’s fitting that it was CNN. 

      Anyway, 

      The hosts of MSNBC Morning Joe said they were warned a tabloid would run a negative story on them unless they said sorry for their coverage of Mr Trump.

      I SAID NO!!

      Trump is like a giant man baby but he’s good isn’t he? We could be talking about the failed healthcare act or the ramifications of the travel ban being allowed to happen (thanks for nothing, SCOTUS!), but no, we’re talking about this silly feud albeit between the President of the United States and some journalists. What he said was fucked up, but still, it’s ridiculous.

      Here’s what Kellyanne Conway had to say:

      The president normally does not draw first blood. He is a counter-puncher,” Conway told “GMA” co-anchor George Stephanopoulos. “I endorse the president’s right to fight back when he is being mercilessly attacked and when the airwaves are filled with raw sewage about him and his fitness for office.”

      Really? He doesn’t draw first blood? Yeah, meanwhile in delusionville, pigs have started to fly.

      When asked to clarify if she was endorsing his [Trump’s] comments, she…well…

      “I didn’t say I endorsed his attacks; I never said that,” Conway said. “What I said was I endorse his ability to fight back when he is attacked.”

      SO, YOU ENDORSE HIS ATTACKS THEN! Just say what you mean, KC, Trump is so unpredictable that he might fire you for defending him too well. You might as well make it count.

      What a bunch of idiots.

      (See also: another reason why the US needs gun control. It’s sad that this keeps happening.)

      Meanwhile in the UK….

      • Theresa May has survived another week after performing several U-turns and jumping into bed with the DUP (at the small cost of a billion quid)
      • The most important U-turn being the public sector pay cap. Tory MPs voted against removing it (it’s something like 1% now) during the week and cheered about it. But now, looks like Theresa is going to scrap it anyway. Hot. Mess.
      • Some other cat wants to cut world aid for the poorest people to raise money for the public sector pay rises. What a charming chap.
      • A white guy (quel surprise!) was jailed for striking a Muslim teenager with an open packet of bacon. Can we just do genetic testing on these kind of people, locate their stupid genes and then come up with some kind of way to block them? Get to it, science.
      • There is now a 100% failure rate in the testing of all high rise tower blocks in the wake of the Grenfell Tower fire. That’s disgusting.
      • Brexit is still a confusing mess

      Siiiiiiigh.

      Have a good weekend, snarklings!