The life of a reformed argumentative bitch.

I was just thinking the other day that’s been a long time since I’ve gotten into a really SERIOUS argument. Two years ago, it wasn’t a good day for me unless I argued with someone. Eventually I realised how draining it was and attempted to cut out certain people temporarily, a situation which kind of blew up in my face. Despite that, I learnt a valuable lesson and decided not to argue with people anymore. So I am now an expert, obviously. And I am here to pass on my wisdom to you all. LOL!

How To Argue With Idiots

1. Determine if they’re an idiot. Usually you can do this based on the topic that isn’t worth the argument. For example: a TV show, sports team etc. If they are an idiot you should probably step away slowly and tell yourself that you have better shit to do. If you don’t have that much self control you should…

2. Decide how long you’re will to talk about said topic. If you’re having a good day and don’t mind entertaining this person, take it easy and reply calmly. If you don’t really have the time – do not engage. If you DO engage…

3. State your point once. If the person continues to state theirs repeatedly despite the fact that you don’t agree, inform them that you ‘accept their opinion’ and throw in a couple ‘agree to disagree’ and imagine lobbing a banana at their head. If the person is not willing to do that….

4. Explain your point. And then explain why you think their point is stupid. Sorry, why you ‘disagree’ with their point. If they fail to be reasonable, just go with it and say some shit about people having different opinions…and then RUN.

5. Forget about having the last word. This one is important because often when by the time I’m all amped up and ready to deliver my final blow, the person will be done with the argument, so just forget about it. And then go and tell someone else about the idiot you just wasted your time on.

How Not To Argue With An Idiot

Of course, the alternative is just to not get into argument with someone. That’s something that I have a lot of trouble with because I just hate it when someone says something so utterly stupid and expects you to say ‘oh yeah, I agree with that!!’ instead of ‘use your brain’. So you can imagine how long I’ve been in arguments for. Hours, days, weeks, because I didn’t get the memo that arguing with an idiot is a waste of MY time because you can’t fix stupid.

How To Argue With Friends

When it comes to arguing with friends, things can become difficult. You get friends that can take the truth and some that can’t and I’ve found that the best thing to do there is to stop the conversation before it gets out of hand. When it doubt, shut it down! If they keep bringing it up, blank them and change the subject. Listen to the Backstreet Boys for an hour (you should just do this one anyway).

However if someone gets personal and uses stuff that you’ve shared in confidence against you – ARGUE YOUR BUTT OFF. You know they’ll keep doing that bullshit again if you don’t say anything so give as good as you get, but don’t sink right down to their level. After you’ve dished out your, uh, home truths, take the moral high ground and wish them well.

Someone should honestly work on making bullshit and idiot detectors though. Life would be so much easier!