Tag: what the fuck

Fish Lips and Repetitive Vowel Sounds


Yes, it’s that time where I wonder why you can buy such nonsense on the web. 

I think the makers of this site are just fucking with all of us. 

Seriously

I gaped at this and was ready to move on when I read the description. Specifically this part.

The makers recommend you say vowel sounds out loud over and over again, producing regular and methodical exercises that will strength the twelve facial expression muscles in a comprehensive way

I’m snarkless at this point. Utterly snarkless. The fact that it looks like fish lips. The vowel sounds. The fact that they instruct you to ‘pop in’ the mold and then make mouth movements

Just. 

Bye. 

Advertisements

Bad Movie Marathon #3: ‘Playing It Cool (2014)’ or the one where I abandoned the recap. 


pbmm

(POTENTIALLY)

BAD MOVIE MARATHON #3

…in which I examine if bad movies really deserve their woeful rotten tomatoes score

[previous movie]

I was going to watch Gigli next but I literally burst into laughter and repeated ‘I can’t do it’ about four time so. Expect a recap of that. I have issues. But right now my next pick is Batman & Robin!


This is the slowest marathon ever, I apologise.

Anyway! (more…)

My body, mind and soul are ready


SO, SO, SO, SOOOOOOO READY. 

I will be recapping this for my three readers.

LOOK AT THAT FAUXSTACHE. God bless Nick Carter. He will always be the superior Carter brother (Aaron is currently lost, but he will find his way back. I would DM him on Twitter but I’m scared at the prospect of his response – I hear he flashed his bum on some form of social media recently. No bueno).

Howie, boo, I hope you’re debt-free. I will forgive you this one lapse. Well. Second. His 90s goatee wasn’t the best choice.

Joey Fatone. Well. He’s no stranger to SyFy. I remember his three seconds in Jersey Shore Shark Attack. He also looks like a young-ish Jim Beaver on this poster. LMAO.

AJ.  Born to be a villain. But not born to have that awful make-up on his face.

tapatalk_1446251044913.gif

I love that the tagline is LARGER THAN LIFE! I suppose LARGER THAN DIRTY POP! Or I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY! would not have worked as well.

Anyway, it’s okay, Nick. I forgive you…I am sure it is contextual and everything….

….cause that makes you laaaaaaaaarger than liiiiiiiiifeeeeeee!

Jared Padalecki and the evil golden arches


If you’re on a phone, you can see the video: here

So, let’s do a checklist (as opposed to receiving a check for eating McD’s. Sigh):

  • Using the kids as part of his Big Mac Pimpin’ – CHECK
  • Adequate information about whatever the hell he’s promoting? – NOPE
  • Adequate information about himself? – YEP!
  • Statement implying that he’s not just doing this for the money? CHECK. He owns his own business, y’all. I’m not hating on that, I just wouldn’t have put it in the clip if I wanted people to really go out and sample this All Day Breakfast thing, which doesn’t sound healthy but…
  • Some sort of clip hinting that with the right amount of exercise, we can all eat McDonald’s All Day menu and end up with chiseled abs and an excessive amount of beanies. – CHECK.
  • Another inexplicable explanation about how he flies back and forth by his own choosing – CHECK.

(more…)

Night Of The Wild (AKA…The Killer Pet Dog Movie)


I like SyFy movies for what they are – crappy, badly edited but hilarious movies. So when I saw that Rob Morrow happened to be in a SyFy movie I was happy to add it to  my watch list.

With a summary like this, how could I not?

In “NIGHT OF THE WILD”, a large meteor crashes into a quiet town, and pet dogs become mysteriously aggressive. attacking and killing the residents. Teenager Roslyn (Mays) and her old but faithful dog Shep are out camping when the attacks hit. Now separated by the chaos in town and blocked roads, Roslyn and the other members of her family must find each other by fighting back against the blood-thirsty hounds before the dogs take over the whole town and escape becomes impossible.

perfect (more…)