Rockin’ At USA High!

USA High | USA Network | 1999-2000

Does anyone else remember this show? It’s not the most memorable, but you guys already know that I have questionable taste. 

Funny story. I’ve been trying to remember this show for years. YEARS. I’m sure that I’ve come across it and dismissed it during my search because my memory is more photographic than anything. The name USA High meant nothing to me. All I remembered that the headmaster had a daughter at the boarding school and that there was a cafe with some kind of orange/red seating and that there was a token black girl on the show. 

If you were around in the 90s, you know that basically sums up every single teen show. It was basically the same dude making them (think Saved By The Bell). I searched high and low anyway because it bugged me that I couldn’t remember and then one day it happened. 

The black girl I remembered popped up on a brief scene on The Fresh Prince (which I just happened to be rewatching). I have no idea how I knew it was her, but I was literally just like THAT IS THE GIRL FROM THE SHOW I DON’T REMEMBER! 

Her name is Marquita Terry. I looked her up and voila, there it was. 

USA High

After such a soulful journey, I couldn’t even hate the show. It’s terrible. It’s somewhat skeevy, and it’s full of ridiculous stereotypes about Brooklyn, Germany, British people and you know, black people (she just had to be the aggressive kind that threatens to beat people up a lot), but somehow it still manages to retain its nineties charm. 

That being said, I still have some snark. 

Let’s take a look at the plot:

Six suitemates at an exclusive American high school in Paris become friends and have the time of their lives.

 …so basically this is a show about nothing that just happens to be set in an American high school in Paris

Paris in this case = mentioning The Louvre, Champs Elysées and Eiffel Tower at any opportunity possible. If they didn’t mention Paris now and then, you’d hardly know where it was based. Hell, they even pay for everything in dollars, lol. 

Let’s take a look at the main characters (season 1 only because it’s not the same without Lazz). 

Bobby ‘Lazz’ Lazzarini

  • He’s from Brooklyn, and so he says ‘Youse’ and other Brooklynisms at any opportunity
  • Has a strange obsession with meat
  • His parents are… ice clowns
  • He’s the short one who never gets any girls… until he does. 
  • He’s the wheeler dealer of the group and despite the fact that he’s always coming up with money schemes, he seems to be able to order very expensive meat whenever he wants. 

    Jackson Green

    • Resident douche – sorry, heartthrob
    • Plays guitar, sings cheesy love songs that are at odds with his sketchy exterior
    • Is highly sensitive. Literally, every time he has an argument with someone he said, ‘I don’t want anything to do with you!’ which is dramatic because he lives in the same suite. That’s kind of impossible, bro. 
    • Daddy issues
    • Mommy issues
    • Surfer bro dating his ex issues
    • At one point he had frosted tips. I’m so happy that look died down.  It’s horrifying. 

    Winnie Sue Barnes

    • Stereotype City 101 right here
    • She’s loud, aggressive, lots of attitude
    • She threatens to beat someone up at least once per episode
    • Somehow she managed to have a long lasting relationship with Christian that’s partly based on fear. 
    • Like I said, unfortunate stereotypes. 
    • That being said, there are some nice scenes with her buried under the steaming pile of stereotypes. 
    • I particularly like her catchphrase ‘H.O.T.T HOTT’. 

    Christian Mueller

    • The dimwitted, muscled German
    • At the start of the sshow his behaviour was creepy and weird but he ended up being sweet albeit in a really dumb way
    • Eye candy x 1000000
    • Uh. Well. Clearly he’s one of the more nuanced characters. 
    • I think he’s secretly snarky but hides behind his dim exterior for reasons unknown. Just go with my theory, dammit. 

      Lauren Fontaine

      • The pretty one
      • Uh… That’s it really.
      • I can’t remember too much and I’ve been watching this shit on a daily basis. Welp. 
      • I looked the actress up and she seems to be married to some sort of Scientology weirdo. This doesn’t surprise me at all. What’s creepy is that she looks exactly the same. 

          Miss Dupree

          • Pretty teacher
          • Teaches 57 different subjects because this school only has two teachers, a headmaster and a cleaner. 
          • Has no real purpose on the show apart from every male character leering at her. 

          Mr Elliot

          • Stuffy headmaster who spends most of his time hitting on Miss Dupree or handing out restrictions (detention)
          • Should have been handed at least 59 sexual harassment suits within the first twelve episodes. The teenage characters gawping at Miss Dupree is at least in character… Watching a grown ass man do the same thing isn’t all that funny.
          • Even with the British accent. Sorry. 

            Ashley Elliot

            • The actress who played her adopted what has to be the worst English accent of all time. Instead of ‘speshul’, she pronounces special as ‘spessial’. So wrong. 
            • I guess the writers were going for the barmy Brit stereotype because she’s freaking nuts. 
            • My favourite Ashley scene is when they’re parachuting out of a plane and she’s extremely excited… only for another character to point out that she’s wearing her backpack and not the parachute. 
            • NGL, I wouldn’t have minded if they’d killed her off. Her accent is soul destroying. 

            All in all this show is hopelessly stupid, but hey, the theme song is catchy. 

            #tbt – that time I wanted to FedEx my diary…

            I am always finding old diaries of mine and they have one thing in common. Pages and pages and pages and pages and pages of nonsense about Supernatural. Where I found the time, I don’t know. However, in between the facepalming, there’s always some good laughs to be found, such as this passage:

            Linkin Park ‘Shadow Of The Day’s is such a rad song! I love it. Hehe. I just had an idea. I could fill up this book and like FedEx it to Jared and Jensen. Ha. It’s very unlikely but it’s an idea, right? AAGH. I’m going insane. I want to watch SPN.

            I think watching SPN was part of the problem. Continue reading “#tbt – that time I wanted to FedEx my diary…”

            This is the only Days Of Our Lives storyline that I will ever remember.

            The possession story line will always be hilariously delightful.

            Marlena goes to Louisiana in search of John but is captured by a criminal mastermind, Stefano DiMera. He forces her to call her husband, Roman Brady, and tell him that she is with John Black. This is the final end to Roman and Marlena’s marriage. John and Marlena escape, but Stefano also returns to Salem. He begins giving Marlena mind-altering drugs. Marlena completely switches personalities, and it is soon revealed that she has been possessed by the devil. John Black, who was a priest at the time, is forced to perform an emergency exorcism

            I kind of wish that I had the patience to find the episodes and watch the full storyline but until then, YouTube clips will have to suffice. 😀

            Throwback Thursday – Justin Timberlake’s initial ‘mirror, mirror’ moment

            I see that Justin Timberlake was in the news this week for getting into a ‘twitter feud’ and not seeing the problem with his attitude to certain things. I think the real conundrum is that anyone thinks he’s intelligent and self-aware enough to see anything that he does wrong.

            He laid it all out for us back during his Nsync days!

            I recently heard this song for the first time in what has to be well over 10 years and it’s so fucking ridiculous. NGL, it is still one of my fave Nsync jams but the amount of arrogance in this song…

            Continue reading “Throwback Thursday – Justin Timberlake’s initial ‘mirror, mirror’ moment”

            Throwback Thursday

            So I’ve been on an old music kick of late, and when digging through old CDs, I found an old copy of Beautiful Soul and thus began my week of listening to every single Jesse Mac song ever to be made.

            Naturally, I migrated to YouTube where I stumbled upon this:

            This song used to be my jam, but the video never fails to amuse me. It’s like a four minute road safety video without the car crash. I especially like the part at the 1:59 mark when Ludacris shows up….holding chains connected to two different moving cars….as he stands on another car. Quite what message we’re supposed to take from the video I don’t know. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the concept meeting. The car theme seems to come up in a lot his videos even though he still looks like he’s not tall enough to reach a steering wheel. 😛

            The story so far: once upon a time, Jesse wanted you and your  beautiful soouuuul His blond bowl-cut hair is kind of hilarious. And there was that time he lived because you lived. And then he just wanted you to know, that he’s right where you want him, because he can’t let you go. Oh, and there was the was the whole Disney thing (the lip syncing is quite funny in this one). And then he was leavin‘, but not before letting you know that he didn’t speak Japanese, Spanish or French but your body language definitely made sense.

            We also can’t forget that time that you were his (and the rest of Dreamstreet’s) sugar rush! LOL at the kid with the red glasses…oh and something happened every time down on Dreamstreet. Apparently. The end of the video makes the song seem a lot less innocent than advertised…hahahaha.

            laughing gifMost recently, Jesse’s moved onto some girl who’s Superbad, presumably because beautiful souls aren’t very 2014. His fans don’t seem to like this new Jesse, because the old one actual had morals or something. It’s all very amusing.

            Typical comment to be found on each video: OMG JESSE MCCARTNEY SHOULD BE WHERE BIEBER IS NOW. Be careful what you wish for JMac-ers (I think I cried internally at this term still being a thing. I thought we left it behind us in 2008!)

            Ah, these videos make me feel old, lol.