television

5 Reality TV Shows That Need To Happen


1. iVain

Join us as we follow six individuals who are in love with themselves! Including this preppy millennial who’s planning to propose to herself. 

Preppy millennial: 

I just decided one that that I’d finally met the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. They were right in front of me all along. That person was me. Is me. Yay! I’m funny smart, talented and an independent women. I like all of my own oictures on Instagram. I take over fifty selfies a day. I LOVE ME AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT! I DO!

2. CrazYCLISTS 

Join us as we talk to reckless cyclists who continue to endanger themselves and others! Who do they do it? 

Random cyclist: 

It’s not my fault that people are too slow and that cars are too fast! I’m a proud member of the Lycra club! SUCK IT! 

PRODUCER’S NOTE: This show was renamed Crazy Lists because no one gives a fuck about crazy cyclists. 

3. Fantelevision Island

For those of you that can’t stand to be away from your television screens. Forget, binge watching. You now have the chance to be IN your favourite shows. Forever.

Random fan:

“They told me that I’ve never be able to marry Dean Winchester, kiss Sam Winchester or boink Castiel! Thanks to Fantelevision Island, I was able to do all three! Over and over again. And again. Apparently the same shit repeats itself on Supernatural. Who knew? 
Somebody save me please?”

4. Gut Instinct

Join us as we follow six people who DIDN’T follow their gut instinct. 

Including Jenna from Ohio who grudgingly accepted a parcel for her neighbour and was surprised to find out that inside the box was a fire breathing dragon! 

Jenna from Ohio:

“He burned his way out of the box and then destroyed my house. I still have singed hair to this day. My left eyebrow will probably never recover.”


5. The Opinionator

Tired of having people disagree with you all the time? Don’t worry, this show gives you the opportunity to choose one lucky person to sit under The Opinionator! This is a top of the range machine that uses shock therapy, aggressive Japanese pop music and more to sway people’s opinions to your liking. It will turn to your chosen person into the Yes-man that you so desperately need!

Say goodbye to political arguments at Christmas and apply to be on The Opinionator today! Terms and conditions apply. We will also not be paying for any resulting medical costs or provide legal representation when you’re sued for every penny you’ve got. 

Random stupid person: 

I used to have the same arguments with my boyfriend every night until I signed up for the show. Now he agrees with everything I said! It’s awesome. So awesome that when I jokingly said that we should break up he agreed! Wait. Is there any way to reverse this procedure? 

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snarkview: The Quad & Zoe Ever After (BET)


Note: this was orginally written and forgotten about in May. I’ve decided to set it free, lol. 

Before I start, I just have to ask. What would it cost for BET to have one sensible show. Just one. One. It’s bad enough that you have to pick through a sea of whiteness to find a POC character on other television networks. The one network where that isn’t a problem should have at least one decent show, but no. We get neck rolls and stereotypes. If I wanted to watch that, I’d stick to VH1’s reality line up.

Anyway, I digress.

Zoe Ever After | 2016 | BET (more…)

A brief aside about ‘The Shield’


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Am I the only one who constantly has (or had to given that the show is old now!) to suspend belief when the Strike Team (which consists of four cops) manage to take on multiple gangs(and these guys are usually violent, dangerous and armed) successfully…usually without backup? Occasionally there are so hiccups for plot purposes, but really…? They couldn’t make the team six guys or something?

It’s still a good show but…my belief is still suspended.

 

One Lamp To Live – Fight Edition


or…a collection of cheesy, stupid clips from One Life To Live!

I know, I know – I’ve reached a new low.

I have no idea how I ended up inside this One Life To Live YouTube black hole but it happened and I am dealing with it. Sort of. I think I might have to go back to recapping Supernatural. I might as well provide my one reader with topical snark. Although, #4 is kind of topical in the sense that I shoehorned in a Supernatural reference.


1. [link]

NOT THE LAMP!!!!

In this first clip, I have no idea what these two woman are fighting about. I love how dramatically they take each slap. And I hope to hell the blonde one was wearing clip on earrings. ’cause damn. I would not sacrifice my ear lobes for no bitch. NEVER.

Hilariously, the guy saves the lamp and sort of stands there watching them. Except it’s hilarious in that it’s really, really, really AWKWARD.

I love how the Rama goes from fighting to blackmailing the lamp dude seamlessly.

From searching the web, I got an explanation (kind of) for this fight. What stood out was….

They soon found out Rama wasn’t pregnant after Robert Ford accidentally poked Rama’s water-ballooned pregnant belly.

Water balloon??? AMATEUR. (more…)

This is the only Days Of Our Lives storyline that I will ever remember.


The possession story line will always be hilariously delightful.

Marlena goes to Louisiana in search of John but is captured by a criminal mastermind, Stefano DiMera. He forces her to call her husband, Roman Brady, and tell him that she is with John Black. This is the final end to Roman and Marlena’s marriage. John and Marlena escape, but Stefano also returns to Salem. He begins giving Marlena mind-altering drugs. Marlena completely switches personalities, and it is soon revealed that she has been possessed by the devil. John Black, who was a priest at the time, is forced to perform an emergency exorcism

I kind of wish that I had the patience to find the episodes and watch the full storyline but until then, YouTube clips will have to suffice. 😀

UnREAL (Lifetime)


 

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Unsurprisingly, the first I heard of UnReal was when I saw that it was on Amazon. With ten episodes in its first season, I figured that it would be the perfect antidote to my Sons of Anarchy marathon, which was a nightmare in itself.

This show, though. I feel like everyone likes it because everyone else likes it. I’d watched 4/5 episodes before I saw any reviews and my reaction was, ‘whaa’. It has a 98% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The critics have spoken!

It started off well but then I realised it was just another show about terrible people doing terrible things, and oh look, something sad happens and…they go back to being terrible. The aspect that intrigues people is probably the whole Bachelor (which I’ve never watched) scenario. However, the show mainly focuses on the nasty shit the producers do and acts like some kind of expose. The showrunner apparently worked on The Bachelor, so I guess she’s in her element here. However, is it really an expose when anyone with some common sense knew exactly how much the producers manipulated things? It’s not rocket science.

Either way, I’ll probably continue to watch the show because of Michael Rady. I’m weak. I’ve also seen some interesting commentary on the second season, so…watch this space.

snarkview: 9×20, supernatural: flatlines


I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that Jared finally got a haircut that didn’t involve him standing in front a mirror with a beanie, a pair of blunt garden shears and shitload of tears.

The bad news is that he’s still an idiot.

Onto the spinoff episode! I’ve been told that it’s worse than all of the worst episodes of Supernatural combined. This doesn’t surprise me. No one with any common sense saw the need for a spin off or a way in which it wouldn’t be completely abhorrent and stupid, but well, nobody said that The CW had smarts.

What this episode was called: Bloodlines

What it should have been called: Flatlines

(more…)

It’s Monday so…


…everybody needs to watch Almost Human tonight. Just do it.

You know you want to.

For season 2 (THEY BETTER RENEW THIS SHOW!!) they should probably just do a whole new set of promo shoots.

what is happening with jared’s face here?


season 8 of Faux-Macho-Natural, premiering this October on America’s BEST NETWORK!!!! It’ll be an unmissable event, guys. 

Actually, what’s happening with all of their faces? Jared looks like someone is denying him food (STEAK, OBVIOUSLY) and dangling it in his face from a distance. Jensen looks like he isn’t sure what facial expression he’s supposed to have and Misha looks discombobulated.

Don’t get me started on Jared’s hair. Sigh.

How wonderful.


I haven’t watched the episode (or any since the last post I did) but someone (for some reason) just told me what happened. All the angels have been expelled from HEAVEN!!!! Wooo!!! What an interesting development!!!! Such a great plot twist. I had no idea that this would happen, and it just makes me so excited for season 9! Here’s to another season of Cas whining about how hard his life is, while Dean whines about how hard his life is, because he’s sacrificed so much, yet people keeping letting him down, and none of it is his fault. Sam will just…be there, somewhere, with his hair looking ludicrous. Depending on what mood the writer is in, we may get a line or fifty about how Sam just wants a normal life/wishes he could save people again. So basically, CAKE!

Also, how great of them to bring Sarah Blake back just to kill her off. Sam’s PEEN’O’DEATH STRIKES AGAIN…just, it took a long while in her case. Oh well.