shitty tv writers yo

The Game (The CW/BET)


Recently, I sat down and watched all nine seasons of this show (and now I’m offloading this post. Feel free to ignore it, it’s mostly for my own benefit, lol). 

The first thing I thought was:

Ah, back when there were black people on The CW!

It’s true, though. The CW literally whitewashed itself. 

Anyway, onto the plot:

While their men try to hone their gridiron talents on the field, the wives and girlfriends of pro football players sharpen their own skills behind the scenes when it comes to the power plays they have to use to get their guys the best agents, the best endorsements, the best merchandising deals — even the “in” charity. And then there’s the groupies around every corner, and the oh-so-helpful “image consultants” ready and eager to perform a makeover for any player in trouble

The show is more or less what the summary says with the addition of a whole host of stereotypes. However, the first three seasons were relatively funny. I think my favourite thing was Rick Fox playing himself. The main issue I had was with Melanie, the show’s main character for the first five seasons. She moves to San Diego over going to medical school at John Hopkins and doesn’t hesitate to let anyone else know (earning the name ‘Med School’). She’s dating Derwin Davis, the church-going, innocent rookie that’s just joined the fictional San Diego Sabers. She’s rude, judgemental and extremely annoying. Why is there always a lack of reasonable, relatable female characters on TV? They’re either a hot mess or overachievers. And annoying

I need a sort of lukewarm mess that has a unique outlook on life that I can relate to. Is that so hard?

Well, then again, maybe I should stop relating to fictional characters? That might be a plan. 

After some back and forth, Derwin ends up cheating on her with Drew Sidora and everything spirals from there. They break up and get back together. They break up and get back together. They get engaged and break that too. Rinse. Repeat. I’m sure the fans loved them but I was over it after the second season. Skip along to the third season and Derwin’s ex-girlfriend is pregnant. It only got worse from there. 

(more…)

We’re waiting for a train


…and it just won’t come.

Even though we all knew it would happen, season 13 is officially a go. WOOOOOOO!!!!! And many more charity campaigns will be on the way too, I’m sure. Congratulation$, fandom.

I’ve lost interest in drumming up any outrage over this show, so I’ll leave any willing takers to do so on my behalf.

Or not.

At this point, we all have better things to be doing!

How To Bore Your Audience (As Told By ABC’s “Secret & Lies US”*)


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*This post is based on season 1. Spoilers ahead!

Season 2 is shaping up to be just as silly but some of my favourite people are in it. DORIAN (Michael Ealy). O’LAUGHLIN (Eric Winter). PETER MILLS (Charlie Barnett). LEM (Kenny Johnson). Wait. Those are fictional characters. Anyway.

Ben Crawford is a self-employed contractor, married to Christy with whom he has two daughters, Natalie, 16, and Abby, 12. His best friend, Dave, lives in their summer house. They have a neighbor, Jess, who is estranged from her husband Scott, who is in the military. Jess and Scott have a five year old son named Tom.

While out for an early morning run, Ben discovers Tom’s body; he was evidently taken from his bed into the woods and killed by six blows to the head from a flashlight.

Detective Cornell is convinced Ben is the killer, Ben cannot prove his innocence because he suffered a blackout after going out drinking with Dave following a fight with Christy over her suspicion of an affair with Jess.

Here’s how to bore your audience.

1. Lull us into a false sense of Ryan Phillippe being attractive enough to keep us watching 

He’s not.

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How To Screw Up A TV Show (as told by ABC Family’s “Twisted”)


I’m about three years too late but this show was supposed to be easy viewing for me…but I ended up hate watching the last half of the season due to the foolishness.

Anyway, here’s how to screw up a show as per Twisted.


1.Have a decent plot

When charismatic Danny Desai returns to his hometown after spending five years in juvenile detention, he sees that things are no longer as he remembered them. His mother’s socialite status has plummeted due to his incarceration, and his childhood friends Jo and Lacey have grown apart and are at opposite ends of the social spectrum. Lacey is popular and dating the captain of the soccer team, while Jo struggles to put the trauma of the past behind her. Jo wants to give Danny a second chance, but when she asks for answers about the motive behind his crime, he won’t — or can’t — reveal the information. When a fellow student is found dead in her home, the town spins into a frenzy of suspicion and mystery — with Danny as prime suspect. Jo and Lacey must decide if their childhood friend is guilty or just a victim being persecuted for his twisted secrets.

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CW-esque teen drama finale


WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE’S THE REALLY BAD FINALE THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REST OF THE SHOW. I’m also writing a mock CW supernatural/vampire drama now. Clearly the CW is inspirational.

Previous parts are here. (more…)

Empire 2×05: ‘Angels running for cover’


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This was in my drafts, so here it is! I took a break from the show after episode 6, LOL. I shall recap the rest if I remember, if not then, you’re probably going to be thankful, haha.


The case against Lucious has been dropped now that Vernon’s death is being treated as a suicide. Andre rocks up at Empire looking like a kid on their first day of school. Within the next five minutes, after being told that he’s now the head of Gutter Inc Records, he looks like that kid four weeks later when the homework is piling up. He doesn’t fare well during his welcoming party either. He seems a tad uncomfortable as some of the artists grind up on him. His next move is to try and organise his baptism. What a natural progression. (more…)

‘Hand Of God’ (Amazon Original Series)


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Hand of God follows Pernell Harris (Ron Perlman ), a corrupt judge who suffers a breakdown and believes God is compelling him onto a path of vigilante justice.

This has to be one of the most unintentionally hilarious shows I’ve ever seen. And it really isn’t funny, but in its attempts at seriousness, it just fails on every level. The first scene literally shows this naked judge standing in a fountain, speaking in tongues. Fast forward a few scenes and we learn that that is all a reaction to his son shooting himself. And that before that, his son was forced to watch as some thug raped his wife.

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The judge comes across a young preacher and somehow leaves that interaction believing that he is Solomon. He starts to hear messages from his comatose son that supposedly lead him towards the rapist. He believes that God is using his son to help him find the culprit. Somehow, by the end of the first episode, he’s basically figured out that a cop is the rapist. He goes as far as having the cop strip down so that his son’s wife can identify his nether regions. Yes, that actually happened.
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Sons of Bromanarchy


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Sons of Anarchy ¦ FX

A man in his early 30s struggles to find a balance in his life between being a new dad and his involvement in a motorcycle club.

Well. This will go down as another show that didn’t live up to the hype. Not even during some of the earlier seasons. I can only hope that this show was just less idiotic when watched on a weekly basis. I’m not the best binge watcher, so it has taken me about 3 weeks to get through the first six seasons. Right now I’m on season 7. Imagine my shock when I saw that the first episode’s run time was 1 hr 15 minutes. Marilyn Manson showed up as a prisoner. And Courtney Love as a preschool teacher. Goodness. There has been a lot of fast forwarding to say the least. (more…)

Empire 2×04: ‘Hakeem’s the dream’


The episode opens with Jamal singing his heart out as the FBI raid Empire. I have a question. Are TV FBI raids indicative of how they actually are in real life? Surely making all of that mess is counterproductive. They could potentially conceal something Super Serious™. Or not. What do I know?

Lyon Dynasty is also raided, as is Casa Lucious. He makes that sure our charming federal prosecutor sees him in his birthday suit. (more…)