7.01 – Meet The New Boss (or the one where Misha Collins has more screen time than he should)
This episode picks up exactly where we left off from the season 6 finale. So Sam looks spaced out, Dean looks confused. Bobby looks confused. Castiel looks deranged. This pretty much stays the same throughout the episode.
Cas tells them to BOW DOWN because he’s God now. After pulling some hilarious constipated faces all three of them attempt to but he stops them. THEY DON’T REALLY MEAN IT, Cas cries. Yeah, I have no idea what he’s saying.
Castiel goes on a killing/healing/more killing rampage. It ends up being fucking hilarious.
I’m not sure WTF is going on with Sam, Dean and Bobby.
Anyway, in the end Castiel is…full of leviathans now. New big bad. SO EVIL THAT GOD BANISHED THEM TO PURGATORY YET SOME DUMBASS ANGEL HAS JUST SWALLOWED THEM ALL WITH EASE. Uh, whatever bro.
He somehow turns into Cas again and apologises to Dean for fucking up Sam in about 30 seconds. He can’t fix it though. HE CAN’T FIX SAM AND….WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS SAM SHIT ALL THROUGHOUT THE SEASON? Oh boy. Worst Sam girl ever.
LE SOB. In hindsight though, this episode is as awful as the rest of the season because of how awful the Leviathans ended up being. Sam’s hair was so pretty though.
God, where do I start? I hate this stupid show. I can’t even look at Sam and Dean right now so I’m using weird, yellow smileys to convey my emotions in this post. DON’T JUDGE ME. Judge, away. I don’t give a fuck anymore.
What it should have been called: This Episode Is Not Fit For Human Consumption, Do Not Watch It.
Usually at this point, the writers ignore the previous 19 (or in the this case 20) episodes and decided to dramatically change the entire plot of the season due to the fact that there’s been no actual plot thus far.
This basically means that they’ll bring the angels back in to fuck everything up. JUST SHOOT ME SOMEONE. PLEASE.
Shorter snark today because this episode is too lame for me to tell you what happened. If you really want to know, go subject yourself to it. DON’T SAY THAT I DIDN’T WARN YOU.
The episode is called Party On, Garth. And ugh. Just UGH.
1) Garth (DJ Qualls)
Is extremely annoying.
Has his own catchphrase for hunting called “Garthed” or something
Are we really supposed to believe that he’s a hunter? I mean. Seriously. Because I just can’t. I don’t care if he’s quirky. WHAT WAS THE JUSTIFICATION OF THIS NONSENSE? And breathe.
Is not funny
Had far too much screen time
He’s REALLY not funny
Made me want to shoot myself
Had a talking sock puppet called “Mr Fizzles” THAT MADE ME WANT TO SHOOT MYSELF REPEATEDLY.
REALLY, REALLY ISN’T FUNNY AT ALL
Needs to be “Garthed” as soon as possible. I volunteer. I VOLUNTEER!
And, because of these attributes I know that he will probably be back at some point. Maybe they can kill him next time. They better fucking kill him and make sure that he doesn’t come back afterwards.
2. You had to be drunk to see this week’s monster. Enter some 7 year old girl taking a sip of one of her parent’s drinks and WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH, GURL BE DRUNK AND CAN SEE SAID MONSTER. Show, you’re a moron.
3. Sam used a talking board to see if Bobby was still around? And, uh. With his scrambled brain and all he was able to tell. That makes perfect sense. No, really.
4. BOBBY RETURNS! Everyone was gushing about how it was so awesome that everyone kept this a SECRET! And how it was a big SURPRISE!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? If you were surprised then you’re an idiot. Supernatural and subtlety have never been acquaintances. But yeah, spirit!Bobby is still hanging around for some reason. I didn’t care the first time he left, and I won’t care when he eventually fucks off for real.
To conclude, fuck this show.
I’ll see y’all on April 21st, when maybe I’ll feel up to actually writing a full on snarkfest. Thank fuck for heavenatus.
This episode was down as Cas’ big return. His chance for redemption! HIS GLORIOUS…something. But…it’s apparently about Sam ending up in a mental hospital.
No, seriously. How did I not know this? Sure I don’t go looking for spoilers but all I heard in the run up to this episode was CAS, CAS, CAS, CAS – and oh Sam has a breakdown. On another note I refuse to call Lucifer “Hallucifer”. What is wrong with you people?
So, this episode was Sam-centric. That’s usually code for “It’s about Sam, but there will be limited Sam POV or it’ll be mind numbingly boring”.
It starts with Sam running from Lucifer or something. He’s in some alley way or something and idk he does drugs or something but there are drugs. More running. Well it’s more jogging that running. And, oops. Sammy boy jogs in front of the slowest speeding car in the history of television.
He’s in a mental hospital, due to the fact that…I don’t know, perhaps he said some stuff about Lucifer and they were like, “A-ha, he’s one of them” and there’s some stuff about how he’s on the verge of death, how the longest someone went without sleep is 11 days. I’m pretty sure that those things called ‘sedatives’ are supposed to help Sam with that. But apparently Sam’s immune to all kinds of medication because they don’t work.
WELL, DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. THIS IS SUPERNATURAL
So Dean goes off looking for a cure and it’s so fucking tedious. He calls every number Bobby has and finds nothing but idk Theoretical!Spirit Bobby drops some book that magically reveals a card with a number on it. Dean calls the number and speaks to this guy (I could not understand a word this man said) and he tells Dean all about some healer called Emanuel that cured his eye).
Dean goes looking for this Emanuel, but not before he ganks a demon. OH DEMONS ARE BACK. HURRAY and when Emanuel does arrive, whaddya know bitches, it’s Castiel.
Meanwhile Sam’s in hospital and NGL, he looks hot. But it’s just the standard stuff, Lucifer being snarky, playing grating songs, making maggots appear in his sandwich. MAGGOT FILLING. It’s like a throw back to season 3.
Oh wait. But seriously, he must be the most toned and bulked up person who’s wasting away. I love how they can have him remain awake in an episode where he’s drugged up and not like, have him be asleep the whole time. It’s almost as though he didn’t spend a quarter of an episode in a closet that one time. Or almost as though he wasn’t in that one episode for 5 minutes that one time. Or almost as though he wasn’t in an episode for 30 seconds that one time. THE ONE TIME LESS SCREEN IS JUSTIFIED, AND…WE GET THIS.
There’s some girl called Meredith or something, who just happens to stroll into Sam’s room and just happens to be haunted by her dead brother. And, if she was a hallucination it’d be a good way to maybe justify that screen time. BUT SHE’S REAL. SAM IS GOING TO HUNT WHILE SLEEP DEPRIVED AND ON THE VERGE OF D-D-DEATH. It’s so effing tedious. There’s this one particularly scene where she gives Sam some candy bar or energy bar and he can’t open it. My. Heart. Bleeds. I’m the worst Sam-girl ever, lol.
MEANWHILE, Emanuestiel has agreed to help Dean save Sam and they’re in the car and Dean tells Emanuestiel all about how Cas betrayed him and “broke his brother” and did I mention that Emanuestiel doesn’t remember anything past strolling out of the river butt nekkid. It just makes Cas that much more annoying and I want to throw something at the screen.
Dean goes to buy something from the store and is upended by some more demons. I was kind of expecting a scene ala “Let It Bleed” where Dean goes all Steven Seagel and beats the shit out of them and kills them without actual moving but alas, he gets himself thrown into a glass freezer door or something. AND, DRUMROLL…Meg appears and saves the day. For the love of Sam, stop. Stop bringing her back. Stop ruining the character even more than you have already. STOP. But yeah, she says some stuff. I can’t actually understand a word she says. But apparently the demons and therefore Crowley want Castiel for some reason and…she’s tagging along. Whatever it was I can guarantee you that it was stupid and made no sense okay. So maybe I wasn’t listening. 🙂
Back in the car there’s an awkward scene where it’s meant to be awkward in the car. But it’s just painful for everybody. Dean looks uninterested, Meg is just smirking and Cas is all *CONFUSED FACE*. But they make it back to the hosp and somehow Emanuestiel realises that he’s Cas (I think Meg tells him that he’s an angel, that’s what it sounded like). Dean’s all like, “You have the juice to kill all these demons”. Oh, yeah. There’s a bunch of demons randomly scattered at the hospital. They obviously never consider the fact that the demons could be INSIDE doing something to you know, that other guy Sam. But whatevs. Dean gives Cas the trenchcoat, and he puts it on despite the fact its covered in blood and all sorts and seriously. Ew.
Lemme go back to Sam for a sec, the usual stuff has been happening and he somehow manages to help the girl get rid of her brother. I see he’s can work a lighter but not open a candy bar. The lights smash and he tells the girl to run and then the workers come in and take him away. Electric shock therapy. ‘Cept, worker doing that is…a demon. Ouch. But hey, Sam’s hair looks good.
Outside, Cas manages to remember how to gank a demon long enough to remember everything in about 2. 3 seconds. He should be dead, he bleats afterwards. Blah, blah, blah. SHUT UP AND GO SAVE SAM!
Inside he kills the demon currently shocking Sam. Sam however looks up and sees Lucifer instead and tells Cas that he’s not real. Cas is just like “Oh Sam…” I’m more like, zzzzzz.
To cut a long story short, Cas can’t heal Sam (I’m 100% sure that we knew this already? Or it might have been that he didn’t have the juice to do it back whenever, can’t remember). But…he can maybe shift it. So he does. To himself.
There are some shitty effects that are like red bolts of electricity on Sam and Cas’ eyes. But well, Lucifer is in his [Cas] head now and, seriously I hope we don’t have Lucifer/Cas scenes. DOESN’T MARK PELLEGRINO HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH HIS LIFE? But yeah, they leave loony!Cas in there.
Sam and Dean stroll out of the hospital and…Sam’s all like, “We’re just going to leave him there”. Ah, now I remember why I love him. BUT YES SAM, YOU DAMN WELL ARE. I’d say permanently but the writers of this show are morons and are already bringing him back this season. *YAWN*
Well there was another scene after but it was Meg and I don’t give a shit.
So Sam’s finally got a hospital scene and it’s in this episode. Minus points for that. What a disappointingly abrupt end to a storyline that should have ended a long time ago. I would have expected it to be resolved over the course of two episodes but no. It seems as though whoever did the research for this episode as well didn’t really do their homework properly. Cas’ inclusion was annoying to be honest. Watching him not remember was made worse by the fact that he did remember so quickly. I really hope that Ghost!Bobby never ever materialises. Screens may be damaged. Meg 2.0 seems to just pop up randomly when she’s not needed.
Jared was pretty awesome in the episode too. Kudos Jared!
At least Sam’s okay, I guess. I’m spoiler free for the next few episodes, something I should rectify because surprises with this show are NEVER good. NEVER, EVER, EVER.
CLOWNS, UNICORNS AND SHARKS, OH MY! — Sam (Jared Padalecki) is forced to confront a childhood fear when a case takes him and Dean (Jensen Ackles) to Kansas to investigate Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie, a local pizza chain that hosts children’s birthday parties. Sam and Dean discover that the victims’ children had recently been to the restaurant and drawn a picture of their worst fear, which then came to life to kill their parent. While Dean confronts the man behind the magic, Sam is left to deal with some very angry clowns. Mike Rohl directed the episode written by Andrew Dabb & Daniel Loflin.
Firstly, “CLOWNS, UNICORNS AND SHARKS, OH MY!”
Secondly, this title “Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie” is fucktarded. It wasn’t funny when I first heard it and it still isn’t funny now. So, it won’t be funny during the episode. As the name of a pizza chain. What sane person goes into a pizza chain called Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie? I don’t feel sorry for those parents and thus would rather Sam and Dean investigated something else. So, my give a shit rating of this episode is already ZERO.
Thirdly, “…which then came to life to kill their parent”. Excuse me but this is basically a reworking of Everybody Loves A Clown but with a variation of other bullshit.
So. Fucking. Original.
Lastly, “…written by Andrew Dabb & Daniel Loflin”.
Suspend belief and lower your expections to zero because these two suck majorly when it comes to writing.
FUCK YOU GOOGLE. This rainbow pony gif is so inappropriately appropriate.