24 (Season 1)

I have seen the first season of 24 before, but I don’t remember anything except a certain death. I think it holds up well enough… the only problem is that after a while the format holds the plot progression back. For instance, I had to watch more Misha Collins scenes than I’d like.

There are a lot of repetitive scenes (Senator Palmer and his wife). There’s a lot of Jack Bauer angrily yelling, ‘THIS IS AGENT JACK BAUER!’ down his 2001 era flip phone. There’s a lot of shifty eyes, as the show tries to keep us on our toes about the CTU mole.

Continue reading “24 (Season 1)”

The I-Land (Netflix)

SPOILERS AHEAD (not that anyone should care). This show has a justified rating of 8% on Rotten Tomatoes!

Anyway, here’s the synopsis straight from Wikipedia because I’ve forgotten everything but how much this show sucked.

Ten people wake up on the beach of what appears to be a deserted tropical island. None of them have any memory of who they are or how they got there, and each takes on the name that is printed on their clothes tags. The group make initial attempts to band together, but differing priorities and strong personalities cause some of them to clash. In particular, Chase, who wants to investigate the island, doesn’t get along with KC, who is suspicious of Chase’s ability to find resources, and Brody, who attempts to rape Chase.

When Brody is murdered, the group assume Chase is responsible and knock her unconscious. Chase wakes up in a prison facility, where she learns that she and the other nine people are violent crime prisoners, and are part of a “rehabilitation simulation”. Their minds have been put in the computer simulation of the island to test if they’ll resume old behavioral patterns. Anyone who dies in the simulation dies in real life. Chase is returned to the island simulation, where the avatars of two prison marshals arrive to deliberately cause the group to fight and split up. Additionally, the prisoners’ memories start to return, which causes further friction and confusion.

I don’t really know what to say about this show.

It’s like The Matrix, but on a tropical island.

Usually, I’m all for lambasting terrible shows, but I do give points for watchability (new word!) and I made it through the season. Meaning that I was reasonably entertained.

I even stuck around after Kyle Schmid’s character was killed and he was the only reason I watched the show.

Unfortunately, the main character is Chase, who annoyed me right off the bat. She’s in prison for murdering her mother, but it turns out her husband did it and framed her for it. And somehow landed himself in jail too? She does all the Mary Sue type things that end up justifying her release. Yawn.

Next, there’s KC, a cold woman who murdered her young children and tried to kill herself. Her character arc was weird and unsettling. They try to make her come off sympathetic, but… it didn’t work.

Kyle Schmid’s character, Moses, is an extremist who accidentally killed people when he blew up a gas pipeline.

… and every other character is completely terrible too.

There’s not a redeeming quality in sight.

I feel like we’re supposed to get to get the end and feel sorry for Chase (who truly is innocent), but I merely wished the entire island had vanished off Earth (the scenery was beautiful, though).

I’m yet to understand several things.

  1. How the show was made. Like, did a whole bunch of people read the scripts and think wow, this is amazing!
  2. Why it was seven episodes long? It all went left after the third episode when we find out none of it is real.
  3. Why Alex Pettyfer is in this – I know he’s a douche, but is he really struggling for roles?
  4. Why Kyle’s character didn’t have his trademark hair! I’ve never been so disappointed. 😂

Anyway, yeah.

Avoid this one, snarklings!

Desperados (2020)

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[Desparados] [2020] [15%]
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[A panicked woman rushes to Mexico — with her reluctant friends in tow — to try to delete a ranting email she sent to her new boyfriend.].

I forgot to roast this movie back when I watched it.

It was a lesson in watching a movie for one person. One that I seem to need constant reminders for (looking at you, I Give It A Year! I still love Simon Baker, though). In this case, I’d just seen Upload and decided I wanted to watch everything Robbie Amell was in.

I made it far as Desperados and realised I’m not that desperados to watch anything else he’s in that’s not Upload. Sorry, Robbie!

It’s by far one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen and how I made it to the end, I’ll never know. Not only is it not funny, it makes light of paedophilia for the sake of jokes that don’t land (and even if they did, it wasn’t on the planet and Mars probably rejected them too).

The premise is so stupid that I don’t know how the movie was made at all. I’m pretty sure they use Gmail in the film and it’s had an ‘undo’ function for at least ten years now.

I mean, really?

Somehow it has a 5.1 rating on IMDB.

My rating is 0/10. I watched it during lockdown and it was still a waste of time.

TV: Cobra Kai (YouTube Red)

Cobra Kai – Season 2 – Episode 205

Thirty four years after events of the 1984 All Valley Karate Tournament, a down-and-out Johnny Lawrence seeks redemption by reopening the infamous Cobra Kai dojo, reigniting his rivalry with a now successful Daniel LaRusso.


I’ve only ever seen the first Karate Kid movie, but it’s iconic.

I’ve seen Cobra Kai around, but never really paid much attention to it. I ended up reading an interview with Ralph Macchio and he seemed like a nice guy and made the show sound so watchable that I watched it…

… and I loved it!

Continue reading “TV: Cobra Kai (YouTube Red)”

The Lookout (2007)

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The Lookout 2007 87%
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Chris, an athlete has a freak accident and loses his capacity to remember things for long. Things go from bad to worse as he realizes he is being framed into doing a bank robbery.

When I decided I was going to have a Joseph Gordon-Levitt marathon this was the movie that came to mind first. It’s probably the film that made me a fan. JGL has an interesting filmography, not going to lie. The fact that I’ve seen a lot of it is a testament to my fannish ways (and the fact Premium Rush is on. All. The. Time). I’d say Inception is my favorite movie of his, with…Snowden currently being the worst. I decided to watch it and after a full of week of insomnia…it sent me to sleep!

Thank you, Joseph Gordon-Levitt! 

Anyway, unnecessary rambling aside, let’s get into the movie. 

I’m surprised it has such a high rating! However, it is a good movie. Basically, Chris Pratt (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is a hockey player who gets into a car accident one day. Two of his friends are killed, his girlfriend loses her leg and he’s left with impaired memory function. Continue reading “The Lookout (2007)”

Bad Moviethon #33 – Playing For Keeps

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Playing For Keeps 2012 4%
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A former sports star starts coaching his son’s soccer team as a way to get his life together. His attempts are met with challenges from the attractive soccer moms who pursue him at every turn.

Review from RT:

Smarmy. Dopey. Sloppy. Lazy. Creepy. Tone-deaf. Predictable. Embarrassing. Lousy.

This is without a doubt, one of the WORST movies I have ever seen. It is up there with Playing It Cool. I might just avoid all movies that begin with ‘playing’ from on.

The best way I can summarize it, is Gerard Butler plays a deadbeat dad/washed up soccer player. He wants to become a sports broadcaster. He continuously disappoints his son. UNTIIIIIIIIIIIL, one day he helps his son’s soccer team out and all the parents want him to be their coach. He agrees.

For some reason, Dennis Quaid becomes BFF with him.

All the soccer moms want him to kick a ball into their goalposts (if you catch my drift…).

He sleeps with a couple of the soccer moms, because why not? Oh, and one of them has connections to ESPN. Thus begins a bizarre chain of events in which he continuously disappoints his son, tries to win his ex-wife back (…even though she’s getting married to someone else). He bails Dennis Quaid out of jail. Disappoints his son some more before he FINALLY vows to be a good father and then….

He gets a job and he’s like BYE LOSERS!

…and then he has a change of heart and everyone lives happily ever after. I mean, he’s slept with half of the soccer moms on his son’s team, and he’s back with his ex-wife, but why would that be awkward?

Anyway. The cast of this movie is confusing. Jessica Biel and Gerard Butler – say no more. However, Uma Thurman? Catherine Zeta-Jones? Dennis Quaid, even, because even he is too good for this.

My head still hurts from watching this nonsense. I think I rage quit in the last five minutes, because I don’t remember anything past the point where I wrote BYE LOSERS! Thank God for Wikipedia.


Overall Rating:

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0.5/5

Project Power (2020)

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YEAR
Project Power 2020 60%
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A former soldier teams up with a cop to find the source behind a dangerous pill that provides temporary superpowers.

Project Power is full of excitement and superpowers galore, but unfortunately, it never quite hits it stride.

THAT BEING SAID – JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT! Continue reading “Project Power (2020)”

TV: Illicit (2017)

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Illicit 2017 N/A
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A couple finds out that starting an extramarital affair is a lot easier to do than ending one when they both are seduced into outside situations.

This isn’t part of the Potentially Bad Moviethon because I don’t think it was released anywhere (seems like a BET movie).

First things first, when I saw David Ramsey I was literally like, ‘YAS IT’S THE DIGGLER!’

…and I did that the whole way through. Please note that I didn’t even make it through one full season of Arrow.

Basically, The Diggler is a parole officer who has an affair with one of his parolees. At the same time, his wife sleeps with some kind of knock-off Uber driver.

Both of the people they cheated with turn out to be…well, crazy. The parolee stages some elaborate blackmail plot so he can fast track her probation period and skip town (aight) and Knock-off Uber turns out to be a swinger. Dean Cain was one of the swingers too, which. Absolutely not.

As one of the three IMDB reviews states: Just entertaining enough not to be boring.

are you lost, baby girl?

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…in which I examine if movies deserve their rotten tomatoes score.

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365 Days 2020 0%
Massimo is a member of the Sicilian Mafia family and Laura is a sales director. She does not expect that on a trip to Sicily trying to save her relationship, Massimo will kidnap her and give her 365 days to fall in love with him.

I don’t think this movie even warrants a recap or review, yet here I am. To be honest, it was TERRIBLE.

A huge, hot ass mess. Continue reading “are you lost, baby girl?”

TV: Defending Jacob (Apple TV+)

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A family’s lives are irreparably disrupted when the son is accused of murdering a fellow classmate in this dramatic legal thriller.


This is the first Apple TV show I’ve watched and my general thought was this would be better as a movie. There are eight episodes. They move quite slowly until the end when it’s all over very quickly. The suspense was lacking, but ultimately, it wasn’t a bad show. Continue reading “TV: Defending Jacob (Apple TV+)”