random

Fish Lips and Repetitive Vowel Sounds


Yes, it’s that time where I wonder why you can buy such nonsense on the web. 

I think the makers of this site are just fucking with all of us. 

Seriously

I gaped at this and was ready to move on when I read the description. Specifically this part.

The makers recommend you say vowel sounds out loud over and over again, producing regular and methodical exercises that will strength the twelve facial expression muscles in a comprehensive way

I’m snarkless at this point. Utterly snarkless. The fact that it looks like fish lips. The vowel sounds. The fact that they instruct you to ‘pop in’ the mold and then make mouth movements

Just. 

Bye. 

Hide your cats, hide your smile…


First of all, I’d like to thank Bow Wow for providing some much needed amusement today. Although, most people laughing away know damn well that they stunt for Instagram as well. That’s what Instagram is for. Showing off and constant pet pictures in case we forget what your cat looks like. 

Anyway, onto today’s discoveries. 
First up is this Cat Food Candle. 

Look. Unless someone wants crispy fried cat, I don’t think this candle is good idea (unless they don’t have a cat and want a cat food candle for some unexplained reason). 

Next we have a smile exerciser mouthpiece? 

This contraption SCARES me. But I guess it beats pumping all kinds of chemicals into your lips. Actually, I think both are terrible. We should be working to outlaw duck face and not promoting it. Since when was it style of face? And why would anybody want to have permanent duck face?

It even looks terrible on Batman

And isn’t the whole point of duck face that you’re not smiling? Maybe they should call this the Smile Evaporator Mouthpiece? 

I…I have officially run out of words. And now I’m making a duck face at my phone. 

Which one of you Googled this?


How dare you? He’s not mean! In fact, I am assured by his totally not biased fans that he is the nicest guy ever who happens to be mean occasionally. There’s a difference.


Note: This cracked me the eff up for some reason. I needed the laugh that day, so thank you random Google searcher. People search for the most random things.

Other noticeable terms are:

  • dean cain fuck you (because of this)
  • stephen amell shit actor (because it’s true)
  • I hate jensen ackles (uh…no comment)
  • LOTS of variations of ‘jared padalecki asshole’ (see stupid and senseless)
  • movie about a dog that becomes a killer* (hahaha)

Surprisingly, there are some that search for me by name. I’m known, y’all. I’ve made it in life. There’s a lot for ‘supernatural season 12 sucks‘ even though I’ve never posted about season 12. How’s it been? Crappy as usual?

I need to start being nice about people! People only end up here when they look up d-bags. I want some positive search terms like, why is X a good guy? Or X saves kittens from trees!

… meh, who am I kidding? Lol.

[*Why do people have SO MANY questions about Night Of The Wild? I barely remember the movie, let alone if the dog died. Plus, if there was ever a movie to leave you with no questions that you need an actual answer for besides ‘WHY?’ it’s this one. It’s hilarious, though.]

Mystery Blogger Award


Even though I’ve had this blog for almost six years (whaaa), I still feel like and newb who is useless at blogging, so being nominated for anything is surprising and awesome at the same time, lol! Many thanks to Adashofjhaee for the nomination. Be sure to check out her blog!  (more…)

Yet another useful invention…


1. Why?

2. $35? Not in this lifetime. I could get a regular cap, glue on a phone case and hey presto. Boom. If anything, this is awakening my creative urges. I’m gonna buy a phone case and stick it onto toast.

Okay, maybe I need to go back to the drawing board. 

3. What happens if it suddenly starts raining? 

4. Seriously, why?!

Tom Hardy, modern day vigilante


So this happened…

Hollywood superstar Tom Hardy chased down and helped snare a moped thief after pursuing him through gardens and across a building site in south west London.

A witness said the Hollywood actor “switched into superhero mode” as he collared the man before checking him for weapons after the chase.

He sprinted through gardens and a building site before grabbing the thief by the scruff of the neck, and declaring, “I caught the c***,” said a witness.

This story amused me greatly, lol. 

My first thought that he was probably method acting or putting some kind of future building climbing movie montage training into action, and my second was that he’s lucky he lives in Richmond (nice, posh, affluent area). You can never be certain what people are carrying on them these days. Hollywood training or not, I’m leaving the chasing and sprinting to the police, thanks.

Anyway, kids, please don’t try this at home! Leave the c*** capturing to Tom! 

Snuff


And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again.

SlipknotSnuff

I wasn’t the biggest Slipknot fan back during my metal/rock days (NGL, the masks were creepy, although Duality was my sooOoooong once upon a time. I really wanted to be metalhead so badly until common sense prevailed, lol), but this is one of my favourite songs of all time. 

Dumb Moment of the Week


I was going to post another long winded rant about something but it’s Easter and I’ve decided to keep things positive for now. The rant will come later because you know, that’s what I do here. Anyway, I thought I’d tell you about my dumb moment of the week. 
I was walking along and daydreaming as I do when I spotted something brown resting on a railing. 

“Huh,” I thought, “what’s that bird doing there? Should it be leaning on the railing like that? Is it okay? Shit, I hope it’s not dead!”

I approached it cautiously because while I was somewhat perturbed, I wanted zero bird action. I don’t play with birds. I don’t mess with them. I don’t acknowledge them. Having a pigeon flap it’s wings in your face leaves mental scars. 

Anyway, as I got closer I discovered that it wasn’t a bird. 

It wasn’t even an animal.

It was an empty beer bottle. 

An empty beer bottle. 

Perhaps it’s time for a trip to the opticians…