lol

snarkview: Hit The Floor, seasons 1-3 (VH1), part two


This is longer than intended so I need at least one person to read all of it. You’ll get a prize!

The series follows Ahsha Hayes (Taylour Paige), the talented yet naive daughter of single mom Sloane Hayes (Kimberly Elise). She joins the NBA cheerleading/dance team called the Los Angeles Devil Girls. She quickly discovers that her mother lied and kept secrets involving life as a Devil Girl herself. Unsure whom to trust, Ahsha must navigate her own way through the dangerous and temptation-filled world of pro basketball. Derek Roman (McKinley Freeman) tries to lure Ahsha away from her boyfriend, German Vega (Jonathan McDaniel). The more she resists his advances, the more persistent [and tempting] he becomes as German’s insecurity overwhelms him. Ahsha’s teammate, Kyle Hart (Katherine Bailess), tries to bring him to his senses and reveals her own agenda as she explains how the world works and how she’s making that world work for her. Ahsha’s father, Pete Davenport (Dean Cain), knows firsthand how difficult that life can be as a former all-star player for the Devils. He becomes the new head coach and discovers that his past is even more complicated than he thought. Players and dancers are forbidden to date, which only makes breaking the rules more tempting as history seems to repeat itself. Devil Girls’ team captain, Jelena Howard (Logan Browning) is dating player Terrence Wall (Robert Christopher Riley) flouting the rules as the classic “mean girl” trying to keep Ahsha off balance because she sees her as a threat

Oh, where do I start! I’ve been joking that I could just post this with a blank page and it would make no difference but that’s mean and incorrect. This show has an abundance of plot. It’s just that most of it was… well, let’s get into it.

First of all, this is one of those shows where I’m instantly hardwired to dislike the main character. The actress is fine (for VH1, lol) but the character is just, well talented but naive is an understatement. She’s just stupid and annoying.

I love you, stupid

Season 3 sees Raquel now married to Kyle for green card purposes (this is after Kyle spends all of season two ripping people off so she can get her divorce papers from some loan shark, but okay).

Oscar is in jail due to Sloane handing in a recording that incriminates him in a murder case.

Lionel is running the team but… Jelena and Terrence are trying to buy it from her. Or the League are forcing a sale. I have no fucking clue.

Anyway, also, Zero and Jude get back together, go public and they’re very cute, but oddly (haha, well, sort of) disconnected from all of the other characters bar Lionel and Jelena. It was like having a show within a show. On one hand, it’s good because they seem to be the only characters living on Earth and having normal interactions, on the other, it mean that they had little screen time. Ruuuuude
(more…)

snarkview: Hit The Floor, seasons 1-3 (VH1), part one


This is longer than intended so I need at least one person to read all of it. Part one and two. LOL.

The series follows Ahsha Hayes (Taylour Paige), the talented yet naive daughter of single mom Sloane Hayes (Kimberly Elise). She joins the NBA cheerleading/dance team called the Los Angeles Devil Girls. She quickly discovers that her mother lied and kept secrets involving life as a Devil Girl herself. Unsure whom to trust, Ahsha must navigate her own way through the dangerous and temptation-filled world of pro basketball. Derek Roman (McKinley Freeman) tries to lure Ahsha away from her boyfriend, German Vega (Jonathan McDaniel). The more she resists his advances, the more persistent [and tempting] he becomes as German’s insecurity overwhelms him. Ahsha’s teammate, Kyle Hart (Katherine Bailess), tries to bring him to his senses and reveals her own agenda as she explains how the world works and how she’s making that world work for her. Ahsha’s father, Pete Davenport (Dean Cain), knows firsthand how difficult that life can be as a former all-star player for the Devils. He becomes the new head coach and discovers that his past is even more complicated than he thought. Players and dancers are forbidden to date, which only makes breaking the rules more tempting as history seems to repeat itself. Devil Girls’ team captain, Jelena Howard (Logan Browning) is dating player Terrence Wall (Robert Christopher Riley) flouting the rules as the classic “mean girl” trying to keep Ahsha off balance because she sees her as a threat

Oh, where do I start! I’ve been joking that I could just post this with a blank page and it would make no difference but that’s mean and incorrect. This show has an abundance of plot. It’s just that most of it was… well, let’s get into it.

First of all, this is one of those shows where I’m instantly hardwired to dislike the main character. The actress is fine (for VH1, lol) but the character is just, well talented but naive is an understatement. She’s just stupid and annoying.

(more…)

What Could Go Wrong?


Picture this.

You’ve just gotten home. You’re bursting to use the toilet. You rush in, there’s no toilet paper and if you’re me, you utter every swear word in existence…

…and mutter something about how stupid humanity is…

omg what is this hair

….before somehow finding one last burst of energy to sort of shimmy over to where the spare rolls are kept.

If you’re one of those people that keeps spare rolls in the toilet, well…you might need to put a BOLO (be on the lookout) on the white thing that’s actually toilet paper.  (more…)

How To Straighten Your Nose In 3 Minutes


1. Buy one of these

2. Come to your senses

3. Embrace your imperfect nose

Or…

4. Pay for the plastic surgery instead of wasting $50

Or…

5. COME TO YOUR DAMN SENSES. 

(side note: people must be buying this thing. Imagine how stupid it must look, lol!)

Throwback Thursday – The Mask Of R Zorro 


Way back in the 2000s, we were graced with a song called ‘Hotel‘ by Cassidy ft R.Kelly. The song was a bop, but the video. The video had a giant pink elephant in it that none of us could ignore. R Kelly in full on pink durag/Zorro mask get up, dancing around like people wouldn’t be wondering what the hell was going on with his outfit.  (more…)

Where did I park my car?


I love bad acting in bad commercials. 

This lost parked car one is hilarious. It’s at some point (00:48 ish) in this clip.

I think I show more concern whenever I lose an earring back (seriously, isn’t that the worst thing ever? It’s Oh No worthy!) 

Dumb Moment Of The Week


I figure that calling out other people’s stupidity means that I should call out my own. And I have many. When you’re accident prone, that’s the life. A few weeks ago I fell on some escalators (right at the top because, y’know, gravity wanted to say hi), I walked into a fence that I go past everyday last week, and stairs are always eventful. Yay me. 

So, sometime during the past week, I took my foolishness to a whole new level. I was in the kitchen washing dishes at an ungodly hour. The light was on but the curtains were drawn so I could sort of see outside but not very well. After a while I looked up and saw a strange man in a suit just standing there watching me. I was freaked out and I calmly finished my washing and kept glancing up to see that the man was there. Eventually, I put the light off so I could see properly and the man was still there. 

I looked closer and…

… I realised it was an advert for The Grand Tour. It happened to be physically placed on a van parked outside, hence why it seemed like some guy was just standing there staring into my window. The man in the suit was actually Richard Hammond’s waistcoat thing. 

I felt like such an idiot. LOL. I was just cracking up in my kitchen like an utter loon because I was genuinely panicked by what I perceived to be this creepy man.Thank God I didn’t start tapping at the window and brandishing a wooden spoon. 

The Girl Who Hates Everything | backtracking 


12. Wait. You hate backtracking or you’re backtracking? 

A little bit of both.

13. Fine. Let’s start with why you hate backtracking. 

I don’t necessarily hate backtracking, I just find it an undesirable quality in certain people. You know, you spend hours trying to say, convince someone to stop using a particular cream that causes a rash. They argue and tell you you’re wrong and then…

Some time later they will inform you that the cream is the worst ever and act like you didn’t even say anything.

It’s basically backhand backtracking.  At least own it! I won’t judge you. (more…)

stupid and senseless: dean cain


So, there I was.

I was wondering what Dean Cain was up to. I discovered that he’s done a shit ton of Christmas movies and that…he was one of those ‘celebrities’ that voted for Trump. TRUMP!

His reasoning:

“I voted for Trump. He has my support. I wanted to change the system. I was not a fan of Hillary Clinton’s. I didn’t like her cadre of people around her, and I don’t like career politicians.”

Sounds legit. (more…)

The Girl Who Hates Everything | inspirational quotes



I’ve decided that there’s no harm in talking about things that I don’t like, so welcome to my latest soon-to-be abandoned blog series. I’m also aware that it should be ‘who’ and not ‘that’ but I’m not changing the picture because I’m lazy.

I’m going to continue from where I left off

7. So…let me guess, you have an issue with inspirational quotes?

8. Care to elaborate?

Nah. 


Coming up next: Backtracking