jensen’s been eating gravel again

dead7

snarkview: DEAD 7 (AKA The Backstreet Boys and [not really] Nsync movie)


Yes, as promised I am going to sort of recap and review Dead 7 for my one reader. Which is me, so. Self – this is for you. I took about 36 different screenshots during this shit, so this post will be image heavy. There are some NSFW ones, so that will all be under a cut. Sigh.


vlcsnap-2016-06-02-03h48m13s47

Nick Carter provides us with a helpful voiceover that I sort of didn’t listen to. He’s playing someone called Jack and Joey Fatone is called Whiskey Joe. Oh, and Nick’s wife is in this too. Hopefully her acting is better her than it was on their reality show. There’s some kinda theme song that’s kinda cool. The villain appears to be a bald woman….thing…I don’t know, but she is called Apocalyptica.

 

vlcsnap-2016-06-02-02h57m47s250

boo!

 

She kills some dude that she has locked in a cell. She kind of pulls some faces at him and turns him into a zombie by giving him what looks like a bite of a human kidney. Apparently he’s now the flesh of the undead. There is some evil laughter.

Oh…and this movie has chapters? Alright, Nick, I’mma let you begin at least.

STORY BY NICK CARTER. #WhatAboutEvilBlessingsNick?

AJ Maclean is riding around on a horse yelling, ‘Come on, we’ve got people to eat’. Somewhere, Brian and Kevin are just sitting back, silently thankful that they’re not in this mess. AJ Maclean and his band of zombies attack some kind of tavern. AJ’s idea of evil is basically manic laughter and white face paint. All that’s missing is a ‘Y SO SERIOUS?’. While AJ’N’Zombies are going crazy, a lone ranger is running around taking on zombies one at a time until his gun jams and someone called Daisy Jane (his girlfriend?) turns up to save him.

DAISY JANE? I’m surprised Nick didn’t call her Candy Cane, as a nod to Aaron. AJ shows up and  cackles incoherently. I can’t understand a word he’s saying because it’s just ‘mumble mumble he he he he he he he he he’. The lone ranger and Candy Cane gag him and…take him with them as opposed to killing him. In the jail house, AJ is talking coherently but saying all of the usual villainous guff and he he he he he he heeeee *bangs head on wall*. I’m 12 minutes in and that laughter is already REALLY annoying.

This is already worse than the five minutes of Minotaur that I had the misfortune of seeing. That was the same day my Tom Hardy marathon ended, FYI. It was some Meatloaf kind of realness. I’d watch anything for my crush-of-the-moment (but I won’t watch that).

Click ‘Continue Reading‘ for the rest of the post.

(more…)

nsync1-702x336

snarkview: 10×07, no strings attached


s-v

divider

whatepwascalled

Girls, Girls, Girls

[Insert something witty]

Hurls, Hurls, Hurls

Smile!

Smile! I watched both Thor movies over the weekend, and this scene always cracks me up.

Anyway…onto the episode… (more…)

Automatic hand dryer adventures, Empire and One Big Happy (plus an update on the recaps)


Some don’t work. Some require you to do some sort of inverted, jazz hands for at least thirty seconds before they come on (at which point you’re already frustrated and about to leave and then you have to wait for another thirty seconds now that you know that it is actually working), and some are just kind of crazy. Every time I use one of the exuberant hand dryers I forget what it was like the previous time and ending reacting like this:

image

(Jared’s padanormous turbo charged nostril flare would probably cause the same reaction. :P)


Empire

Empire isn’t really my kind of show. I have an aversion to anything where people break out into songs, usually because I have a very bad attention span and it startles me LOL. I actually do really like the show though. Which is surprising given all the hype surrounding it! The only reason I even watched it now is because I had no internet so I was stuck with nothing to watch and I happened to have the first few episodes on hand. I might post a longer post on it later but if you’re thinking of checking it out, it’s pretty good.

One Big Happy

I know that I wrote a whole post on how terrible this show is but the following two episodes have been a lot better. It’s actually kind of funny in a quirky, offbeat kind of way. I’m still not feeling Nick Zano’s hair though. 😛

Recaps

I still haven’t watched an episode past the last one I did (the musical episode) and that won’t change for a while. At this point, I’d say there’s a 70/30 chance that I’ll do some episodes over the summer hiatus or just skip straight to the finale or something. I think this is the longest I’ve ever gone without watching the show, which is either awesome or sad, I haven’t really thought about it much, lol. I certainly don’t miss being visually and aurally assaulted by Sam’s haircut and Dean’s addiction to gravel. If all else fails, I will snark about the final *sniff but yay* season of The Mentalist (which I also can’t quite bring myself to watch just yet. Mon dieu!).

And the results are in!


snarkawardbanner

 

People actually voted, which is cool. Thanks! I have some results to present in the form of a gold cupcake that I uh, borrowed from Google Images. Please don’t sue me, oh great creator of this cupcake.

*drumroll*

(more…)

vlcsnap-2014-10-26-02h17m52s65

snarkview: 10×03, a lesson in mediocrity


s-v

 

divider

whatepwascalled

Soul Survivor

[Insert something witty]

Bad

 

JENSEN DIRECTED THIS EPISODE!!!! Do we care? Not really. But this still calls for some

ccake

!!!!!!

(more…)

vlcsnap-2014-10-18-23h27m11s141

snarkview: 10×02, esca(k)e to sandwi(t)ch mountain


s-v


Quick note: natewinchester is posting his remixes here this season (because I’m probably going to do a vanishing act at some point!) so be sure to check them out 🙂 [10×01 | 10×02]


Considering that last season I watched the first episode and then skipped the next nine or so, I have no idea why I’m watching this one. Probably because they managed to keep Bobby out of the episode.

Anyway, yesterday I got caught up in a Cristiano Ronaldo inspired Youtube black hole. And I came across this video, specifically the 3:55 mark. I was amazed. Not by the free kick but by the commentary. I don’t know who he is but I am inspired. Usually when commentators lose their shit over a goal it’s just unintelligible noise but for this guy, it was a dream. And not just any dream.

“This is not just a dream, it’s a wet dream of orgasmic proportions!” 

Once he had time to regain his composure, he turned his attention to the replays and remarked: “This has got more curves to it than Jessica Rabbit on steroids!” 

nene-laughing gif

I can only imagine how he’d describe Sam’s hair. Probably something  along the lines of, ‘An oil drenched wanton hairball that spreads in a Japanese fan-esque semi-circular arched wave‘.

(more…)

vlcsnap-2014-10-11-23h46m47s134

snarkview: 10×01, dean winchester’s got a hot pocket where his heart used to be


s-v

I have a snazzy new layout this year for no real reason at all. I’m sorry.

To recap last season: Sam almost died but Dean arranged for an angel to possess him and we got the amazingly awful pleasure of seeing that. Eventually he wasn’t possessed anymore and he spent the rest of the season looking at Dean as if he’d lost his damn mind. Dean…well, he was sad about Sam and ended up taking on some demonic mark and losing his damn mind – and his life (YAY!!). Castiel is irrelevant at this point, but he did some angel shit and probably lost his damn mind as well.

Basically Sam and Castiel think that Dean’s dead but he’s not. He’s a demon. My YAY!! was shortlived. The day Dean dies for real, I’m going to make a cake. It seems fitting at this point.

Anyway, because nobody cares about the fourth wall anymore, Jensen’s pretty much confirmed what we knew all long. This isn’t the year of Deanmon, it’s three episodes of Deanmon!!!!!!!

(more…)

This looks like a promo for a SyFy Original movie.


Dreaminlace made me watch this ‘Year of the Deanmon/Deanmon Rises’ trailer. More like Dire-mon Rises…jeez.

(more…)