Amusing search terms #3

I always love looking at the search terms in the stats section on here – mostly because the stuff that people put into Google is kind of funny. Some of these might be repeats from #1 (I can’t find the post!) and #2 because WordPress has screwed around with the stats page. Siiiiigh.

First of all I have to start with this:

mitch pileggi eyebrows

Why? Why would anyone search this? His eyebrows are terrifying. Someone could literally write a horror movie with his eyebrows as the monster and we would all be genuinely scared. No points for you, anonymous searcher!

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Continue reading “Amusing search terms #3”

stupid and senseless: the fraud chronicles

Yes, Jared Padalecki is at it again. This time he’s put his role as an Airline Justice Warrior aside and is taking on Verizon for alerting him to the fact that someone opened a fraudulent account under his name and suggesting that he alert the authorities. How dare they?! Continue reading “stupid and senseless: the fraud chronicles”

Supernatural’s renewal is a good thing!

So the show’s been renewed for an eleventh season, just like we all knew it would be. For the past few seasons my reaction to its baffling renewal each year has been:

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snarkview: 10×05, hell on ears.

s-v

 So…Supernatural reached its 200th episode.

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Continue reading “snarkview: 10×05, hell on ears.”

snarkview: 10×03, a lesson in mediocrity

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whatepwascalled
Soul Survivor
[Insert something witty]
Bad

 

JENSEN DIRECTED THIS EPISODE!!!! Do we care? Not really. But this still calls for some

ccake

!!!!!!

Continue reading “snarkview: 10×03, a lesson in mediocrity”

snarkview: 9×23, dean winchester wants you to hear him roar-oh oh oh oh oh oh

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Finally!!! I will start off with the recap of the season (based on what I remember, which is not a lot). In the premiere, Sam was in a trial-induced coma, and sadly, Dean brokered a deal that unleashed the horror of Jared Padalecki as Gadreel as Ezekiel on us. Dean acted like a dog for an episode. Kevin died and Dean was sad about it. Sam finds out that he’s been possessed by an angel while Dean remains sad. They get into the annual midseason fight. Kevin’s mom gets her revenge and Ghost!Kevin tries and fails to be the voice of reason re: the annual fight. At some point Dean takes on the Mark of Cain so he can seek revenge on…everyone, or something. Dean starts to lose the plot. There as an abysmal spinoff attempt. Dean continues to lose the plot. And then his batshit-o-meter reaches 100% and he declares that he’s a dictator and loses his damn mind.

Continue reading “snarkview: 9×23, dean winchester wants you to hear him roar-oh oh oh oh oh oh”

snarkview: 9×22, it’s gonna be dean

Why am I still torturing myself with this show? That’s the question I ask myself every time I sit down to do one of these. And then I realise that I won’t get the answer to that question until someone tells me what exactly the writers are smoking, because clearly, the fumes have gotten to me via my screen. Apparently season 10 sounds interesting….just like season 9 did, and season 8 before that, and season 7 before that, and season 6…I think we all know how season 10 will go. It will start off shit, get shittier, improve for one episode, and then begin a rapid descent into farcical territory.

What the episode was called: Stairway to Heaven (How clichéd!)

What it should have been called: Hallway to Bullshit/The Hilarious Case of Jensen Ackles’ Face

Continue reading “snarkview: 9×22, it’s gonna be dean”

march madness, indeed.

Snooki was on Supernatural everyone!! Yay! She joins an elite range of guest stars that include Paris Hilton and Mitch Pileggi’s Eyebrows. Someone get her a cookie! AND SOMEONE GET JENSEN A RUBBER DUMMY TO MAKE UP FOR THAT EMMY THAT HE’S NEVER GOING TO GET. Jared will make do with a piece of plastic carved into the shape of a rectangle.

Jared’s also up to his usual shit on Twitter*. CAN SOMEONE JUST PUNCH HIM EVERY TIME HE OPENS UP THE TWITTER APP? RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS MASSIVE FIVETIMESFOURHEAD.

(*ONTD link is no longer working so here are the tweets in question. JUST IGNORE MITCH PILEGGI AND HIS EYEBROWS – 21/05/15)

Please. He always has something negative to say about everything. The only time he has positive things to say is when it’s directly related to Supernatural, which is a fucking joke in itself. It is so tiring. I vote that we send him into the wilderness and leave him there until he learns how to function like a normal person (and gets a hair cut).

Anyway, the real madness happened with Ty Olsson, who decided to turn up at a convention drunk (and not for  the first time, apparently). Not only was he drunk, he was being so inappropriate that they actually booted him from the con. A simple ‘I’m sorry for screwing up’ probably would have sufficed by way of an apology but Ty went one better and produced a response on his website (which seriously looks like it took about ten minutes to produce).

In it, he accuses fans of roofie-ing him, while stressing that he’s not accusing anyone of anything (EXCEPT SLIPPING GHB INTO HIS DRINK!). He starts off by saying ‘for the first time I’m experiencing a true dose of “celebrity status “, which means coming to grips that when you make mistakes …people ARE watching

Alright buddy calm down. SPN does not spell NSA.

also…Celebrity status? Is that what you call it when a bunch of overeager fans fill an actor’s head with nonsense?

And then he makes the fatal mistake of claiming that he isn’t playing a role at conventions. “the hardest thing I have ever tried to do is tone down ” me”. silly, goofy , loud, bossy , intense, loving , caring , passionate …crazy me. Why would I try to “tone it down?” …..cause remember …they’re watching …. And not many see the world as I do, we all see the world differently. For me, fans are just friends that I don’t know yet …and conventions aren’t me playing a role, it’s me being me; doing my best to entertain at a big party, with a bunch of friends. And that … For obvious reasons ….doesn’t work. It’s not even my party. It’s your’s – THE FANS.”

I think the hardest thing he’s done here is convince himself that any of this paragraph makes sense

Despite saying that he tones himself down (but doesn’t play a role!), he then goes on to say that he wasn’t himself at the convention. “I deeply regret having taken away from anyone’s experience. I can only hope that those who know me or have spent some time with me know that this would never be my intention. I also hope that those same people recognize that that wasn’t fully “me”.”

So…he has to tone himself down, while not playing a role but at this particular convention he wasn’t himself. Okay.

HE CAN EXPLAIN! ‘Let me explain: The day I was in the Vancouver airport prior to boarding for Vegas I replied to a tweet from a follower suggesting Jim Michaels and I hang out together and keep each other from getting “roofied”. I jokingly tweeted back “I eat roofies like candy! why you think I’m so chill? ‘

He “jokingly” tweeted that back? Uh-huh. Roofies are hilarious, guys.

“Sadly, I’m convinced someone took me up on that challenge of “eating roofies like candy”. The shots on stage were ice tea. (sorry Rich) , and so was the one my handler brought me. So removing those from the equation I had swigs off 3 fan’s flasks prior to my panel and the drink from a fan’s vodka bottle during my panel. That’s it. This amount would never have made me that intoxicated. During the next 6-7 hours of photo ops and autograph signing I had next to nothing, yet I still felt very messed up. I’ve had more to drink during a single hour panel and still skipped thru the rest of my day like I’d just had my first coffee of the morning . I regret that my own embarrassment over my actions from the night before, not being allowed to show up on the Saturday for my signings and panel, kept me from really asking “how did this happen?” until later in the day Saturday. When I finally realized things didn’t add up, I had urine tests arranged as soon as I could upon returning home. Unfortunately one of the more common substances used for this kinda thing, GHB, only stays in the body for 12-24 hrs.”

…..so, you drank from other’s people’s flasks. That’s your own problem, dude. And also kind of gross. He then conveniently only realises that  things don’t add up after the cut  off point for GHB showing up on a test. That’s not suspicious at all.

I am awaiting results for other possible substances. I want to be clear this is not an excuse or reasoning for my behavior. The mistake was mine when I began to treat a convention meant for a 1000 people like my own personal party. Nor am I saying a fan spiked my drink …I don’t know how it happened. I just KNOW that it did. I also know my own stupidity is at fault. No one should be leaving drinks unattended or accepting food or drink from anyone you don’t absolutely trust. No one…. Particularly in Vegas after cracking an “I eat roofies like candy” joke.”

So…he’s not saying that a fan spiked his drink. But then he pretty much goes onto to say exactly that two sentences later. I love how the lesson he’s learnt is not to accept food/drink after cracking a roofies joke as opposed to….NOT CRACKING ONE AT ALL.

He then goes on to say “Regardless if you believe me or not please know that this is a very real, frightening thing that people do. To the huge population of women in this fandom, to my teenage daughters, please please be careful.”….like he wasn’t the one making people feel uncomfortable in the first  place.

There’s some shit about people believing other versions of events but like, how does he go from this “for the first time I’m experiencing a true dose of “celebrity status “, which means coming to grips that when you make mistakes …people ARE watching” to his “drink” being spiked. I’m not saying that it wasn’t just that, it’s a ridiculous claim to make when he was three sheets to the wind anyway.

A simple “sorry for behaving like a sleazy drunk” would have been a lot more sincere than this crap. But once a douchebag, always a douchebag.

~

There’ll be a recap either next week or the week after that. Or the week after that. One of those weeks.