snoredom: if sam and dean were real and existed in 2011



Dean: Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home for a while

Sam: Dude, he’s fine.

Dean: What I’m telling you is that he’s been gone for two weeks.

Sam: So?

Dean: Are you high?

Sam: No, I just – this is going to sound really weird.

Dean: Please, what can you possibly say to me that sounds weird, our lives are weird. We defined weird.

Sam:….okay, you can stop saying weird now

Dean: Whatever.

Sam: Anyway, so….some random person sent me these DVDs. [walks over to cabinet and rummages around]

Dean: Supernatural? What the hell is this shit?…does it have any hot chicks in it? Is this like, ghost porn?

Sam: Dude!…there’s ghost porn? How is that even possible?

Dean: Meh, so what are the DVDs about?

Sam: Us.

Dean: Come again?

Sam: They’re about us! Our lives! Everything. There’s even fanfiction about us, some where we’re like, romantically involved.

Dean: [splutters] WAIT, WHAT? Even though we’re brothers?!

Sam: That’s the best part apparently.

Dean: Dude…

Sam: Anyway, the first episode started off like this, and I go with you and we start hunting and — just see for yourself.

********************A week later*********************
Dean: Wait so you mean to tell me that, in the near future you’re going have sex with a wolf, have sex with a demon, have sex with some hot doctor, have sex with some hippie lady, have SINK SEX with cuff action and have a deleted sex scene with an annoying barmaid?

Sam: …uh.

Dean: Meanwhile, I get to have sex with Cassie – who’s is portrayed by some sucky actress by the way – and….a freaking angel? Oh, and eye sex with a MALE angel? How is that fair?

Sam: Huh?

Dean: As the oldest, I should be the one having more onscreen sex!

Sam: Is that all you care about? What about the fact that we BOTH go to hell? That Dad goes to hell? That we go to heaven?

Dean: I don’t know, I stopped paying attention to the plot past season 4

Sam: Why?

Dean: Because it fucking sucked. You know these DVDs are a blessing. Instead of having our lives turn into some, poorly thought out TV show on a crappy network where we’re stalked and fangirled by some insane girl who MARRIES YOU SAM. MARRIES YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT, we should just quit the job. Head up to Vegas and hit the tables.

Sam: But we have lives to save!

Dean: At what cost? We’ll just be fictional characters that are bitched about or drooled over by a bunch of females or dorky dudes who need to get laid more. Is that what you want in life?

Sam: Well no, but…I don’t want to end up in a ditch in Vegas either.

Dean:….it’s like we’re not even related. Maybe I remind you about Lisa? MY CLOSE ENCOUNTER?SAM, I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THROUGH THAT.

Sam: Can’t we at least live through season 1 – 3, I liked my hair in those seasons. Styling can be a bitch in real life.

Dean: What are you a girl? Also, no way – I go to hell at the end of season 3!

Sam: Oh yeah.

Dean: Oh yeah? Is that all you have to say? Isn’t your girlfriend supposedly dying in 3 days?

Sam: Nah, I broke up with her.

Dean: Oh. So…

Sam: NO, NO YOU CAN’T HOOK UP WITH HER, YOU ASS. I liked you better when you were drunk and whiny in season 7.

Dean: Asshole.