5 More Extravagant Gifts

I am officially DONE with 2020, so what better than browsing through my favourite online Japanese store?

Lotte High Blood Pressure Gum
Everyday use blood pressure control chewing gum

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Expecting from a chewing gum to help lower your blood pressure might sound like a lot but the Lotte High Blood Pressure Gum promises to help fight this health condition. Through the use of an ingredient called monoglucosyl hesperidin, which is glucose added to fruit polyphenols, this gum can help build up a defense mechanism against hypertension and the problems that go with it.


I mean, what could go wrong? Being bloated, getting the runs and general stomach issues all the name of lowering your high blood pressure!

 

Ice Cream Cone Fan
Portable, USB cooling device

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Portable fans are one more of those things that help the Japanese fight the humid, sticky weather that descends on the country between mid-July and late August. The usual problem with these gadgets, though, is that they look too awkward or techie, especially for the more fashion-conscious user. If you would like the benefits of a portable fan that can be charged through a USB port, works for hours, and doesn’t look like, well, a portable fan, then take a gander at the chic, cute, and convenient combo that is the Ice Cream Cone Fan.

This is cute!…but in what way do regular fans look awkward or too techie? Issa fan. What is it supposed to look like? As long as it’s blowing some much needed cool air, who is that bothered by the appearance of a fan?

All-White Rubik’s Cube
Tactile version of the popular puzzle

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You’d have thought that after being around for 45 years, the Rubik’s Cube would have been saturated as an idea. But Japan says “no” and reinvents the now legendary puzzle, giving it a whole new, well, spin: touch. The All-White Rubik’s Cube has the same color on every side – namely, white – but each has a different texture, meaning you must solve the puzzle without the aid of visuals!

 

….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.


Loading Circle Online Meeting Emergency Escape Machine
Gadget for faking a frozen screen

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We all know the feeling of being trapped in a Zoom meeting or online drinking party where you want to escape or disappear for a while. Perhaps you need to go answer a call of nature? Perhaps you are just bored and need a break? From the inventive mind of designer Marina Fujiwara, the Loading Circle Online Meeting Emergency Escape Machine is the solution to our woes that nonetheless has its tongue firmly in its cheek. At the flip of a switch, it throws up a physical replica of the loading circle icon, allowing you to pretend your screen is frozen. Meanwhile, you can click to log off and escape being on camera. Just remember to hold your facial expression steady or you risk giving the game away. All right, so this is what they call in Japan a chindogu – a useless gadget.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I need one of these for real life! Like, someone will be talking to me and I’ll just hold it up, slowly back and away and then run. 


Noodles Towel
Face towel in Japanese noodles bowl design

Ramen noodles have become a hit pretty much all over the world but anyone who delves deeper into Japanese cuisine knows that soba buckwheat noodles and udon wheat noodles are other two parts of Japan’s Holy Noodle Trinity. Regardless of where your loyalties lie, the Noodles Towel lets you have your favorite dish of noodles hanging in your bathroom or, on a hot day, around your neck for the whole world to see!

I am confused, but I’m going to be nice. I own donut shaped earrings, so…I guess I can’t talk. If I saw a donut scarf, I’d probably buy it.

 

blue mist and leg angels

Oh no, they say he’s got to go go go Godzilla
Oh no, there goes H20 go go Godzilla

–originally by Blue Öyster Cult with one word changed because…

What. The. Actual. Fuck. 

What a weird combination. Godzilla, who destroys buildings and air moisture, which destroys your stuff if you don’t deal with it.
Seriously, though, a Godzilla humidifier that breathes blue mist. On one hand, it is kind of cool, but on the other…

Why? It’s creepy. LOOK AT THE FEET. 

Also, a humidifier is like a bladder for your house (or wherever). It collects water. It doesn’t need to be fancy, it just needs to be a container of some sort. 

Onto the beauty section and….

Leg shaping? Is this a real thing? Do people wake up one day and think I need to reshape my legs? 

Light, as if your leg is floating? 

That doesn’t sound remotely pleasant. That sounds like something I’d go to the doctor for.  Uh. Just wear tights, it’s cheaper and less headache inducing. Or do leg exercises. Oy. 

Surround Sound Gone Mad

I was perusing my favourite gadget and beauty products website when I saw this:

First question: what kind of douchebag would use this thing?

Yeah, but why does it have to go around the neck? Why not just normal speakers? No one on this Earth needs neck speakers. If we want to pick up audio things that we’ve missed, that’s what earphones are for.  

Look at how ridiculous he looks! So douchey. It looks like some kind of hipster neck pillow. 

Netflix and chill gone mad. I’m telling you. They could at least come up with a double neck speaker option. This looks so stupid. If I catch any of you with this…

Not to be outdone, Panasonic seem to be vying with Sony in the dumb gadgets stakes. 

….

Or people could just wash their clothes. What difference does it make if you leave something festering overnight. It’s still going to stink and why spend four hundred dollars when you can just Febreze it later (and that’s only if you really don’t want to just wash it). 

This has to be one of the dumbest, most useless things I’ve ever seen. A deodorising hanger. I’m convinced that this site is just trolling at this point. 
 

Takes 5-7 hours to clean a garment

I rest my case.