I can’t stand TV crossovers

I have nothing to post here (well, beyond a bunch of incomplete movie reviews) so here’s an old post and a random Chris Hemsworth GIF. 

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Look, I get it. We have one show here. There’s another over there and LET’S PRETEND THAT THEY’RE IN SAME UNIVERSE.

They’re already in the same universe.

It’s called make believe.

I first encountered crossovers with Chicago Fire and Chicago P.D. Initially, I’d watch Fire first and then PD, but after a while, I had to start watching one episode of one show and then an episode of the other show. And then they added two new shows plus SVU crossovers and I bounced. I don’t have time for mental gymnastics over a TV show. Plus, this doesn’t work internationally anyway – the shows often air on different networks.

So, what are we supposed to do? Sit there and be like, ‘well, son, I think the TV ate half of the episode!’

I know that US networks don’t care beyond their own ratings but it’s annoying and too much work. Why is watching TV now some kind of puzzle wherein I have to figure out what the order the crossover episodes are in and I have to Google extensively just to understand what I’m watching. And also what if I hate the show being crossed over (SVU and soapy television? Not things that typically go together).

I need this current trend to die. Soon. Please.

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chicago fire: 4×03-05

4×03

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I think they manage to reference Chicago Med at least 50 times in the opening ten minutes. Sigh. I will be watching that on Friday and I shall snark about it, cause that’s what I do best! Well. Actually I think procrastinating wins that contest. Anyway. Onto the recaps (ish).

chicago fire: 4×02

Continuing on from episode 1…

The paramedics are still checking in on the baby that they saved. One of them has baby eyes. SIGH. I hope that I’m not smelling an adoption storyline.

Dawson’s pregnant ass finally tells everyone that she’s pregnant (but it hasn’t been six weeks yet…I don’t trust this show) and gets a super duper magical, immediate transfer to a desk job in Arson. CONVENIENT. Well, Severide put in a good word for her but considering that he just got his ass demoted, that’s awfully convenieeeeeeeeeent.

Jeremy from TVD utters a line about Mad Max and at that point I had forgotten that he was on the show. They mention his douchebag brother, so I guess he’ll be back. And while I’m not exactly #TeamManscaping, I really need him to get those eyebrows plucked. They are ALIVE.

Casey finally finds dead body’s notebook (her name is Katya and she was a dancer at a strip club called Stilettos and she was shot last season by some shady dude working with the owner of the club who’s also looking for the notebook *deep breath*). Said owner tries to shoot Casey but he’s foiled by Sgt Voight. YAAAAAAAAAY. Please let there be no more flashbacks.

Molly’s (the bar) new neighbour is bitchy for no reason. Herman shows up with pie and a promise to keep the noise down and she’s all like, ‘my son is allergic to sugar’ and then she insults his five kids. Needless to say, Herman decides to have the best karaoke night of his life on that same night. Right after throwing the pie at her door. Welp.

Oh and another character from Chicago Med shows up, because you now, NEW SHOW!! CHICAGO TRILOGY WOOO! I can’t wait for the four part crossover with Chicago PD/Chicago Fire/Chicago Med and SVU. I could do without the SVU part, it’s always some depressing shit. The last SVU crossover episode was just unnecessary.

chicago fire: 4×01, jeremy from tvd lives on

My favourite soapy TV drama has returned for another year! (I’m three weeks late but whatever).

So last season, Dawson was pregnant but !!!! she found a dead body in baby daddy’s (Casey) apartment.

I love this show.

That’s all wrapped up in the first five minutes. Casey’s fine and the police catch the bad guys. Oh, but I guess we’re getting flashbacks. Sweet.

The dead body left behind a notebook exposing some seeding people smuggling ring so they’re also looking for that.

FRED LEHNE IS HERE? EW. But anyway, yeah, he’s here to do a employee check or something. They strip Severide (Lady Gaga’s boyfriend) of his rank and replace him with some dude called Texas or Dallas or something. WELP. They can’t just do Severide like that! Rude.

Casey says he’s fine, but he’s not fine. Dawson is doing that staring-into-space-thing characters do to show they have a lot on their mind.

Oh boy….there’s a new candidate for the firehouse and it’s a naked and taped up Jeremy from TVD. Jeremy stays losin’, y’all. His name is Jimmy but I will call him Jeremy. He gets his ass fired. But not before he makes eyes at one of the paramedics. SIGH.

Texas brings pizza and they’re all like, ‘Severide can we eat or nah?’ Severide takes a bite and then bounces. What a waste! LOL. Welp. Guess they’ll be beefing this season.

Later, Casey realises that the bad dude probably already has dead body’s notebook.

Jeremy from TVD comes back at the end of the episode and begs for his job back and he GETS IT! Jeremy from TVD wins at last!

Texas is all like, ‘Well, Severide doesn’t like me and skipped my boat party, but that’s his problem.” Alright, dude.

Btw, pregnant!Dawson’s ass shouldn’t be ANYWHERE near fires but I saw her up in there evacuating some old dude! Teratogens, girl. Look it up.

Molly’s (the bar that some of the firefighters co-own) has some new neighbours and they come to complain about the noise. Uh…they moved next to a bar? It was a bar before they moved in! Whaaat. LOL.

Meanwhile, Severide is on his 38939303th love interest since the show started. Oh, and he’s decided to quit Firehouse 51.

EYE ROLL.

The baby that the paramedics helped bring to life survives, yay! They made sure to give the dude from Chicago Med some screen time, ’cause you know, NEW SHOW STARTING THIS NOVEMBER. These spin-offs exhaust me.

At the end, Casey’s all like, ‘Dawson, I love you, let’s get back together blah, blah, blah” and she blurts out that she’s pregnant.

UGH. I cannot stand those two. Anyway.

It ends on that lovely note.

Amusing search terms #3

I always love looking at the search terms in the stats section on here – mostly because the stuff that people put into Google is kind of funny. Some of these might be repeats from #1 (I can’t find the post!) and #2 because WordPress has screwed around with the stats page. Siiiiigh.

First of all I have to start with this:

mitch pileggi eyebrows

Why? Why would anyone search this? His eyebrows are terrifying. Someone could literally write a horror movie with his eyebrows as the monster and we would all be genuinely scared. No points for you, anonymous searcher!

Oh, Chicago Fire. And pigeons.

Did you really need to start the season off like this?

OS: NBC’s Undateable (plus Chicago Fire/PD thoughts) and more.

[the featured image doesn’t not belong to me.]

I am in a snarky mood, so…I will try and do a recap this week, maybe an earlier episode because I don’t have time for any Metatron tomfoolery right now. And I heard that they made Garth a werewolf? AND ALSO APPARENTLY DEAN’S A DEMON NOW? I’m probably going to wrap my head in cotton wool before attempting the finale, because Lord knows that I’m going to be bashing it into the wall. Over and over and over (and over) again.

In the meantime here is an informative graph.

A graph showing the acting level of Jared, Jensen and Misha in season’s 1-8 This is what I do in my spare time. It’s sad.

In all fairness to Misha, he’s probably at a 40 in season 4, but somehow I got more personal satisfaction by grading him with zero for everything. I must be a hater. 😛

Anyway…

I came across Undateable by accident. I was searching for something else (I have no idea what) and I saw it and I looked it up and decided to check it out. Mostly because it’s a sitcom and those are twenty minutes long. I used to think that sitcoms were for stupid people who didn’t have the attention span to sit through a 40 minute show, but then I realised that I was a stupid person who no longer has the attention span to sit through a 40 minute show (and it’s sad, bro). And I kind of miss having a sitcom that I genuinely love, like I did with Happy Endings. Trophy Wife was good but it wasn’t great and How I Met Your Mother stopped being funny a while ago, and the ending doesn’t sound to promising. Modern Family is still decent but it lacks the spark of its earlier seasons. Anyway, the premise of Undateable sounded kind of terrible. A bunch of misfits who are deemed not to be dateable by society or whatever  because they’re this and that (read: either socially awkward or emotionally stunted).

OS: almost human, sleepy hollow, mentalist, cfistupid & scene of the week, and almost sleepy appreciation!

Am I doing a weekly non-Supernatural TV post now? I think I might, seeing as how I’ve declared myself a one person fandom. My 52 viewers per day can rejoice with me or whatever!

THIS SCENE FROM ALMOST HUMAN

IT’S BEEN FIVE DAYS AND I’M STILL LAUGHING AT IT.

There was some SPN/Sleepy Hollow crossover last week when Orlando Jones live tweeted the episode. Funny stuff, even though SPN still sucks. His tumblr is particular entertaining. His “[insert name] be like…” comments are hilarious. And Road To Hollow. The Sleepy Hollow cast are turning out to be awesome.

Speaking of Sleepy Hollow.

 

That scene made me LOSE IT. Like, I was just laughing so hard at him going the wrong way. Haha. I need to remember that I am snarkster. Dammit.

I’m gonna talk about the shows themselves below, but some of my fave Sleepy Hollow scenes so far are:

THIS | THE FISTBUMP | ICHABOD VS BOTTLED WATER

And like, this is just going to be a complete FANGIRL post. I will snark about Chicago Fire down below or something. It’s my default snark show now that I’m too smart to watch SPN. Though I hear that this week’s Supernatural didn’t suck. They just made John Winchester even worse then he already was.

Re-fucking-Hashville. But hey, at least it didn’t suck.

I WANT THIS

They are adorable.

Onto the reviewy recap stuff.

The Mentalist

I read a comment along the lines of “anyone expecting the Red John case to come to some sort of serious conclusion will be disappointed” and that’s basically this entire season. They are going to show us life after Red John which will be interesting. But if only we could erase these few episodes. The last episode was just nutty, it was like watching Street Kings and Supernatural sucks less than that movie did. Oh dear. This week’s episode is called Red John…I look forward to it, haha. I’m expecting an evil twin brother or previously dead but now undead character to show up at least once. Don’t let me down, Heller. 🙂

Chicaaaaaaaago Fire

Yeah. It actually didn’t suck this week. And my mind literally went blank. But Treat Williams seems to have discover that he has an extra child in every episode. Also, Casey is now a model parent or whatever.

Almost Human

This show, guys. This freaking show. YES. It’s set in 2048 in a world where crime has increased by 400% (LOL). We start off in the middle of a raid where some shady group have turned on the cops and killed a whole bunch of them. Detective John Kennex survives the raid but loses his leg. 17 months later, he’s made to go back to work, because there’s a lead on the shady group. He’s been trying to remember what happened, but there’s been no real progress. He gets an MX (android cop partners that are now compulsory), but it asks too many questions and he throws it out of his car lol. Back at the lab, Rudy, the tech guy gives him a DRN in replacement. DRN’s are an old type of Android cop, they’re programmed to feel or “the crazy ones” as John says. John’s DRN is called Dorian and they go and do cop stuff. They clash at first, but Dorian saves John’s life and they become friends and catch the bad guys. That was the first episode, which was all serious business.

The second episode was a lot better. And just, watch it if you haven’t already. 🙂

Sleepy Hollow

My new favourite show! This weeks episode was really good. I loved the reveal of the horseman’s original identity, Captain Irving getting involved and JOHN FREAKING CHO. I’m seriously really impressed with the show. I’m glad that I didn’t pre-judge it too much, because it really is the highlight of my week.

this has been a really lame recap post but I’ve been a bit under the weather. I’ll be back next week with something a lot more coherent hopefully 🙂

OS: chicagofireisstupid, sleepy hollow and the mentalist

THIRD POST. IT IS YOUR LUCKY DAY, GUYS. Just kidding haha.

Chicago Fire, 2×06. Oh Chicago Fire. I don’t really think that holding an artery for up to 12 hours with BARE FINGERS/a clip would really keep anyone alive. Actually, a clip would probably just puncture it. What you’re supposed to is apply PRESSURE TO THE FUCKING WOUND FIRST!!! There was plenty of material available ugh.

And that was only one of the dumb things that happened during this episode.

Sleepy Hollow, 1×06 & 1×07

I JUST. I LOVE THIS SHOW. I don’t know I just do. Episode 6 was really good. They finally severed the tie between Ichabod and the Headless Horseman and JOHN NOBLE showed up as a sin-eater and it was awesome. Also Ichabod called Abbie, “Abbie” (which  is a big deal, okay) and they hugged and ALSO they went to baseball together and yes, it was a very good episode.

Episode 7 was great too. JOHN FRICKIN’ CHO WAS BACK. And he had the line of the episode.

Crane/someone: I thought you were dead!

John Cho: I AM DEAD. 

And Ichabod discovered the internet. And internet porn, which was really fucking hilarious. He slammed the laptop shut when the porn video started it. And then he took another peak and the woman in the video was like, “STILL HERE” and just, it was hilarious. As was his outrage over the fact that people PAY for water.

The plot was good too, they managed to get Captain Irving onside (hmm) and trap the horseman. I can’t believe there’s only a six episodes left! 😦

What a fun little show this is turning out to be!

The Mentalist

I love The Mentalist but this season has been a complete LOL-fest, for all the wrong reasons. We’ve had a twin brother avenging his possibly dead and Red-John disciple brother, a secret police organisation with tattoos and a secret code! Patrick Jane waving a rifle around.

source: thementalistgifs.tumblr.com  

 

Jane packing a gun is just funny to me, LOL.

 

And basically the worst possible way to drag out the identity of Red John. There were seven possible people who they could be. Two of them are dead. There have been six episodes so far. Instead of ruling out one per episode it’s just been drips and drabs of information that don’t even really make all that sense. BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT JUST TO SEE PATRICK WAVING A RIFLE AROUND. I was crying with joy. Also, there needs to be more Cho. Way more Cho. Like, a spin-off or something. Where Cho gives commentary on life. Please.

 

OS: chicagofireisstupidsnark 2.0 & sleepy hollow [episodes 3-5]

This season on Chicago Fire we’ve had…..

AN EX-FIRE-FIGHTER DELIBERATELY SETTING FIRES BECAUSE HE WAS FIRED. Yes. Seriously. And uh, no pun intended.

We’ve had a wannabe-gangster’s  (all he did was smash some glass up, pfft) underling go undercover as a love interest to one of the paramedics who part owns a bar (that the wannabe gangster has 1% of), only for her to find out that he works for the wannabe gangster and then after that it turns out that – SURPRISE! – he’s actually an undercover cop!

We’ve also had the Russian cousin of one of the fire-fighters ask Lady Gaga’s boyfriend to marry her so she can stay in the country. Of course.

There was also an episode that spent 15 minutes mentioning the cinnamon test repeatedly. It then turned into a cracker test, because uh, fire-fighters of all people shouldn’t be doing the cinnamon test? I don’t even know.

There’s also been an incident where the widow of a dead-fire-fighter gets done for drink-driving….after drinks to celebrate one year passing after her husband died or something.

In conclusion: this show is so stupid but I can’t help but watch it. It’s just so entertainingly stupid.

SLEEPY HOLLOW (1.03 – 1.05)

There’s been no John Cho. No headless horseman (though he appeared at the end of episode 5 SO HE MUST BE IN EPISODE 6, RIGHT?) Which I so need to watch! I’m not feeling the whole sister storyline because I AM OVER ALL THIS SIBLING NONSENSE. But I quite liked the Roanoke plot in episode 5! I liked the take on the disease and how the “lost colony” stayed lost. It was pretty clever.

Most memorable line: “What is this impenetrable barrier around this instrument?”

WELCOME TO CLAMSHELL PACKAGING ICHABOD!!

This seems safe.

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