Well. I haven’t seen the show since November so all I remember is that Dean was a demon and then he wasn’t. Dean also had a prospective murderer named Cole. Dean was still dealing with the effects of the Mark of Disdain. Dean broke up with Crowley.
And I’m guessing that the main complaint before next season starts will be that Dean never has a storyline.
I AM BACK! And I finally sat down and ripped off the band aid and suffered through the season 9 premiere. And oh, how stupid this episode was. Jared dutifully live-tweeted the whole thing because they’re adding to the shitty factor of the show this season. YAAAAAY.
What This Episode Was Called: I don’t know what this episode was called. I don’t really care.
What It Should Have Been Called: Let’s just go with Rehashville/Sam’s version of IMTOD.
The episode starts off with some shitty road so far set to a song that isn’t too shitty. After the obnoxious NOW subtitle card, we’re with Sam and Dean in the Impala. Sam seems to be okay but I assume that he will he fall over dramatically soon. He bitches about it (the whole angels falling thing, which by the way looked like shooting sparkly jizz shots) being a meteor shower. However, it turns out he’s dying in the real world. YAY.
Show, just kill him already. But yeah, blah, blah, blah, Dean whines, Sam’s in a coma, blah, blah, blah, dying, dying dying until Dean miraculously finds a way to save him so they can go on being martyrs and saving a planet that doesn’t give a shit about them. Their lives are so hard.
Dean eventually flips out and starts praying to Castiel. SHOW THIS IS NOT HOW PRAYERS WORK. STOP IT. Dean then ends up in the chapel and prays to ALL angels. I just…can’t even yell about this anymore. Anyway, ALL of the angels hear Dean and start racing to the hospital.
Sam is stuck a coma dream, but he doesn’t realise until Dean yells WE’RE IN YOUR HEAD repeatedly and it takes Sam another five fucking years to fucking realise that they’re in his fucking head because this show is so FUCKING STUPID AND UNORIGINAL. And there were way too many F-Bombs in that sentence LOL. Sam says some shit about how he ended up here or something, I was distracted. Is Jared having problems learning these lines? Because yeah they’re a crock of shit, but he doesn’t need to say them our like he’s reading them off a screen that has tiny font. It’s okay, Jared, the words won’t bite you. You staying on this mess of a show will, however.
Anyway, Bobby shows up. EVEN IN DEATH AND SAM’S COMA DREAM, BOBBY IS STILL DEAD EX MACHINA. BRAVO, WRITERS. BRAVO. What a great little Dream Team this is. So, apparently, Sam’s subconscious is the Impala with Dean driving and Bobby in the back seat.
No wonder he wants to die.
Over in Castown, CASTIEL IS HUMAN but he doesn’t eat, drink and believes he can FLY, SPREAD HIS WINGS AND TOUCH THE SKYY-YYYY. He soon gets the same reality check that R.Kelly did. I’m not sure why he can’t remember Metatron telling him that he doesn’t have his fucking powers any more. I half watched that shitfest and I still remember!
Bobby and Sam get rid of Dream!Dean somehow and go for a walk. According to Bobby (who is really Sam!!! The show really wants us to know that!!!) Sam has apparently left the world a better place. So basically, Sam’s arrogance just went from Hannah Montana to Twerkin’ Miley. Relatively mild and harmless to THIS WON’T END WELL FOR ANYONE.
BUT YEAH, PLEAAAAAASE. Sam has not made the world a better place. Not even by the show’s standards, LOL. Bobby supposedly is the part of Sam that wants to die (a true martyr’s death, of course) and Dean is the part of Sam that wants to live. This is despite the fact that Dean’s always the one who’s tired and done and Bobby’s the one who didn’t want to go to heaven.
Yeah, that makes complete sense.
Dream!Dean shows up just as Dream!Bobby has convinced Dream!Sam to let go. Fuck you, Dream!Dean. UGH. He stabs Dream!Bobby (YAY!) and then beats Dream!Sam up (DOUBLE YAY!). You know. To really reinforce the whole, you can’t die thing. But Dream!Sam can be bruised. That’s perfectly okay. I skipped that whole scene. And next, Dream!Sam meets up with Death. Sigh.
Dean goes to visit Crowley, who’s in his trunk. Sigh. Two angels show up and duke it out until Dean kills one. And then the other one, after unleashing what has to be the WORST accent I have ever heard, drops unconscious.
IT IS THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORST ACCENT EVER. My brain was weeping in distress.
Back in Castown, Castiel finds a lady friend. Zzzzz. He calls Dean and apparently all the angels are trying to kill him and Dean tells him to be wary. His lady friend proceeds to knock him out. When he comes to she tells him that she wants his vessel. Oh, naughty. They have some day trip and some shit happens. There’s a car crash. Yawn. He finally bins that coat and drinks water and yay who cares.
Worst Accent Ever guy is an angel called Ezekiel. He says some shit and Dean says some shit. Ezekiel should be able to save Sam, but Sam is so WEAK, GUYS. HE MIGHT DIE. Just like that other season where he might have died. And the one before that. And the one before that.
And the one before that.
Angels show up at hospital. Which is basically all Dean’s fault but hey, who’s asking? Dean runs through a hallway of flying glass just to pull the fire alarm despite the fact that they’re all fucking escaping anyway, and the movement should have triggered it already. CLEVER. He then yells every body get out…into an empty hallway. Sigh. After that, HE’S BEATEN UP BY ANGELS. YAYY. At one point he says, “any one ever tell you that you hit like an angel.”
And he does some mojo and gets rid of them. Ezekiel says that he can fix Sam from the inside, through possession. Dean says no. And then he says he’ll consider it if Ezekiel let’s him see how bad it is. Because a coma Sam won’t wake up from isn’t evidence enough LOL. Anyway, Ezekiel tunes him into Sam’s Head FM. Sam wants Death to make sure he stays dead forever. Y’know, like a normal person. Dean doesn’t get it. He says Sam will never say yes to Ezekiel. Ezekiel says Sam will say yes to Dean. Dean tries to persuade him, and I actually aw’d because Dean was like, “There’s ain’t no me, if there’s no you [Sam]”. And just. Fuck you for that Dean. Ugh.
Now back to hating him.
Dean manages to get Sam to say yes. So…another season of lies are ahead. WOO!!! Samzekiel says that Sam can reject him at any time blah, blah. Dean says he won’t tell Sam about any of it until he is sufficiently healed. The memories of the hospital are erased. Sam wakes up as himself. Dean says some shit. Sam says that they have work to do.
Uh..yeah. The same fucking work y’all had to do last time you said that Sam. Getting rid of demons. The angels are basically demons on this show. UGH THIS SHOW SUCKS.
And thankfully it ended there.
Notes. I like Jared’s acting in the earlier seasons. I do. And I feel like he hasn’t had the material later seasons hence why his acting has felt flat. But…him as an angel is just…not working. It was just hilarious. The tone of his voice. The facial expressions. Lmao. They’re just too obvious and FORCED and un-angel like. He sounds like he’s doing an impression of a 17th century British Aristocrat. Lmao. I was just dying. So yeah. Sorry Jared. Well. Not really. How is that the guest stars who play angels are WAY more convincing than Misha and Jared. Lol fuck this shit.
Firstly, I went gif crazy again. YOU LOVE IT. I can’t resize them because they go static otherwise. 😦
I can understand why people were horrified by this episode, by the time I got around to watch it I mostly didn’t care enough to get angry. But uh, I was when it aired. So there’s that. Plus I was squicked out by some scenes, so I have plenty to rage about. I did come across one particular fan who apparently knew exactly what was going on in the minds of Jared and Jensen. They were sick while filming this episode!!! So, they couldn’t object to it because they were too feeble and broken down. OH AND THE EPISODE TITLE WAS A PLAY ON JENSEN’S WIFE’S CANCELLED TV SHOW! A show that….mostly passed everyone by. Presumably that person had never, ever heard of the term ‘Friends With Benefits’ before. LULZ!
God, where do I start? I hate this stupid show. I can’t even look at Sam and Dean right now so I’m using weird, yellow smileys to convey my emotions in this post. DON’T JUDGE ME. Judge, away. I don’t give a fuck anymore.
because that’s completely original and omg!quirky. Ugh.
FELICIA DAY (“THE GUILD,” “EUREKA”) GUEST STARS – Dick Roman acquires Frank’s hard drive that contains sensitive information about the Winchestersand gives it to an unsuspecting brilliant hacker named Charlie (guest star Felicia Day) telling her she has 48 hours to crack the firewall or she is fired. Sam and Dean are tipped offthat Dick has the hard drive and race to get to Charlie before she breaks the code. Meanwhile, Bobby tries to help the brothers, but his rage towards Dick for killing him starts to get in the way. John MacCarthy directed the episode written by Robbie Thompson.
Now I’m writing one bullet point for each section of text that I bolded and italicized. Because you may not have realised that. Yes.
SENSITIVE INFORMATION? Oh, I’m sure Dick Roman would be left disappointed either way.
Ugh. Bobby. More fucking Bobby. How about no.
Robbie Thompson just means that the episode will suck. So, I’m glad I saw this beforehand
Ugh, what a mental image. The Bobby part that is. With Sam and Dean, well…it’s understandable. But still pretty fucking weird. And, seriously, this is all that I took from the episode if I ignore Booby-Bobbeh and every scene he was in.
Episode title: Of Grave Importance
What it should be called instead: The One Where You Almost Die of Boredom. Again.
I think it started off with two dumbass teenagers in a haunted house. “Oh, this is wrong we shouldn’t be here” “I know, but we’re dumbasses in the opening of a Supernatural episode – death lies ahead” “YAY!!”. It didn’t go exactly like that but I can assure you that my version is much more entertaining.
leviathan-esque title card in a season with about three non-filler episodes. go fucking figure.
After the opening, Sam and Dean are in a diner talking. Dean mentions Dick Roman, I stare at Sam’s hair…I wonder where they get these fugly shirts from…I wonder what I’m having for breakfast. I realise that I don’t even eat breakfast. Oh. Oh. Sorry! I’ll get back to the episode now. Dean gets a call from Annie. She’s some hunter that the boys know, y’know. One of those we-have-so-much-long-winded-history-together-even-though-we-have-never-called-on-you-for-help-or-acknowledged-your-existence-until-this-episode kind of people that they “know”. Please, show. Don’t insult me. The other fans, sure. But not me. So yes, she asks for help on a hunt and Dean’s all, “Yeah, sure. Fine! I know that this episode will suck so let me end this phone call and move onto one of our more humorous moments” Again, it may not have gone like that exactly but far more entertaining than what he actually said.
Sam: You know that she and Bobby had a thing, right?
WE DON’T NEED TO KNOW. DEAN DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW AND WE DON’T NEED TO KNOW.
And then Dean’s all like, I mighta had a thing with her too. Eventually Sam admits that he has too and, lol this Annie check gets around doesn’t she. Sam’s explanation was pretty funny that. “She was stressed, and I, I, I…..didn’t have a soul?” of course it also made me realise that
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DEATH BY SAM WINCHESTER’S PEEN’O’DEATH WOULD BE HAPPENING*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But after the next scene, I’d say that she deserves it. She walks into the house where the dumbasses were with no weapons (sigh). Looks around, spots the bodies and the *DIES. (Told youu). Now usually this would be the part where we never see this random woman again but….
It’s all about ghosts and…ghost!bobby and, does anyone actually still give a shit? Sam and Dean get radio silence from Annie and decide to look for her. Of course this is all prefaced with scenes of Bobby screaming “YOU FUCKING IDJITS. Y U NO SEE ME EVEN THOUGH I’M A GHOST. IDJITS! LOOK AT ME! I’M IN A PINK TUTU! LOOK AT ME!!!” or something, like they can fucking hear him. Dude, shut the fuck up already. Dean momentarily leaves the flask (I’ll get back to that) behind but the remembers it meaning that (spoiler alert: BOBBY HAS BOOBS. Joke. That was a joke) Bobby’s coming too.
They get there and Annie meets up with Ghost!Bobby and blah, blah, blah. But, lol they both fail at being ghosts and can’t touch anything or see anything. BOBBY HAS BEEN A GHOST FOR A MONTH, GUYS. HE HAS DRUNK BEER, HE HAS MOVED BOOKS, HE HAS…DEFILED PAPER (PROBABLY), HE EVEN SAVED A FALLING ROBOTIC CAT FROM A TREE. WHY CAN HE SUDDENLY NOT DO ANYTHING? But no he can’t and we’re treated to Ghost 101. Boring!
Some ghost called Victoria tells them that this other dude is evil and killed them all blah, blah. Annie by the way is like an Ellen 2.0. Just what this show needed.
After Sam and Dean leave to do research. They end up back in their motel room at some point and Dean’s in the shower. IN THE SHOWER. I may have gotten a little excited. BUT THEN WE SEE HIS ARM AND HEAD FOR THREE SECONDS AND…THE CAMERA PANS TO….Bobby.
He writes a message in the mirror after Dean (who’s looking pretty good post-shower, yum) is all like, “Who’s there” and Bobby helpfully writes “Bobby”. Awww. Sam and Dean make some shocked faces for a few minutes. I assume that that’s all they did, I got distracted.
They go back to the house and somehow see Victoria who tries to tell that that they’re about to burn the wrong bones (or whatever) and that it was the other mean!ghost who killed all of them blah, blah blah. But then mean!ghost (who’s been listening in, clearly Vicky, Bobby and Annie were too stupid to realise that he’d fucking hear everything) comes over and…kills Victoria…again. Oh well. And then (and pay attention here), he puts something of his in Sam’s pocket – BOBBY AND ANNIE SEE THE ENTIRE THING – and then is attached to Sam and Dean when they leave to kill him (again) or whatever. Leaving Bobby and Annie behind…sigh. But then Bobby’s like, “HE MUST HAVE PUT SOMETHING ON THEM”. WHAT. MUST? MUST? YOU JUST WATCHED HIM DO IT! Ugh, what is this shit. Also…really, ghosts are bound to a physical object that has to be close to someone to be able to haunt them/follow them around. LOL, oh show. We have six other seasons that say otherwise. Fail.
They drive somewhere. The mean!ghost attacks Sam for a few minutes and Sam’s all, “OMG! OWWWWWWWW! DEAN MAKE IT STOP, OUCH. DAMMIT, OW!” and…well mean!ghost eventually dies.
They go back to the house and RING-A-DING-DING they can see Bobby! “You can see me?” You don’t fucking say. Bobby goes to get rid of the other ghosts or something, and tells Dean to keep the flask safe.
OH YEAH, even though I cottoned onto this like, 500 episodes ago and thought it was stupid. Sam finally realises that the flask is what’s keeping Bobby around, and that’s why he couldn’t find Bobby when he tried to use a talking board to contact him. Well done Sam. Now toss the flask into FIRE. Do it! /wishful thinking. Sam and Dean say some shit about maybe tossing it into fire behind his back and Bobby tries to defend himself, saying that he stuck around to help them. Blah, blah. Dean gets pissed and says something about natural order (I’m pretty sure that argument will always fail when it’s coming from Sam or Dean) and how Bobby should have gone (hear, hear) and Bobby goes off in a huff.
Maybe something else happens, but I have no idea.
Thoughts: DULL, DULL, DULL, DULL, DULL. I don’t CARE about Booby any more. Nor did I find the whole Bobby, Sam and Dean sleeping with the same chick thing funny. Sam’s hair was just, simply not up to my standards. The ghost plot probably would have been better if they hadn’t fucked up what they’d established about the ghosts before. They used the house from Playthings, which was a much, much better episode. WHY. Also, really? Another filler episode? Apparently having an extra episode this season means that we need 5 more filler episodes that we had last season. It’s sad when the only memorable scenes of an episode are Dean in the shower and Dean after his shower.
Next week: I’m pretty sure I’m going to be bitching about Felicia Day. How sure is pretty sure? Really pretty sure.