are you lost, baby girl?

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…in which I examine if movies deserve their rotten tomatoes score.

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365 Days 2020 0%
Massimo is a member of the Sicilian Mafia family and Laura is a sales director. She does not expect that on a trip to Sicily trying to save her relationship, Massimo will kidnap her and give her 365 days to fall in love with him.

I don’t think this movie even warrants a recap or review, yet here I am. To be honest, it was TERRIBLE.

A huge, hot ass mess. Continue reading “are you lost, baby girl?”

Bad Moviethon #31- Sleepless

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…in which I examine if movies deserve their rotten tomatoes score.

YEAR
Sleepless 2017 25%
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Entrepreneur Stanley kidnaps policeman Vincent’s son after he and his partner, Sean Cass, steal a cocaine shipment from him. Vincent must return the package and rescue his son before time runs out.

Continue reading “Bad Moviethon #31- Sleepless”

the great white dilemma

I don’t know why I keep on engaging with people on Twitter, but I do.

This time, it was a tweet about how white people are too scared to say they don’t care about black lives matter.

…at first, I was like, scared where? It’s all over Twitter, and then I remembered that Twitter is hardly indicative of real life. We’re all sharing stories on Twitter and they’re getting thousands of likes and retweets, but there are millions of people around us offline who probably feel how the tweeter does.

According to them, ‘a lot of people feel this way’.

GOOD!

Chances are the vast majority don’t give a shit. They’re out and about pretending to be nice. Overcompensating. Telling us how great we are. Stroking our egos.

Newsflash – it’s usually obvious within a conversation. Some white people will do their best to bring up race somehow and either double down on how much they love something (usually, our hair) or make a questionable comment and qualify it by saying that another imaginary black person thought it was okay/funny.

Or, they will use microaggressions –

brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioural, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative prejudicial slights and insults toward any group, particularly culturally marginalized groups.

Microaggressions will have you scratching your head. Just off the top off my head, I’ve been told that I look ‘softer’ and ‘more approachable’ with my natural hair, that black women in weaves look like they want to ‘fight’. Someone told a black woman I know that she looked like a drag queen (but that was okay because they LOVED drag queens).

It’s always very obvious when someone has a problem.

They don’t like us and they don’t care. WE BEEN KNEW! They’re not fooling anyone – they might as well live their truth.

All black people are asking for is equality. Not to be liked.  White people don’t even need to care. They just need to deal. We’re here, we’re not going anywhere and one day, we will be treated with the fairness and respect we deserve.

In a way, being too scared not to say something is kind of privileged in itself, right? They’re only scared because it’ll make them look like selfish, racist people (which, I guess some of them are?).

In terms of things to be scared of – that’s a pretty good break.

the oppression olympics

OPPRESSION

…because some people want to be oppressed so badly. They see oppression and instead of having empathy – they want sympathy for themselves.

BAME is a term used in the UK (and elsewhere) that simply means: black and minority ethnic. There is widespread evidence that BAME people in the UK are disadvantaged compared to white people, but predictably some refuse to believe this.

Instead, they believe that BAME people are the ones with privilege.

From March 2020:

Millennials from black, Asian and minority ethnic (BAME) backgrounds are at greater risk of being in unstable employment than their white peers, a study has shown.

They are 47% more likely to be on zero-hours contracts and have a 10% greater chance of having a second job. BAME millennials are also 5% more likely to be doing shift work and are 4% less likely to have a permanent contract than white workers.

Continue reading “the oppression olympics”

Bad Moviethon #30 – Fantasy Island

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YEAR
Fantasy Island 2020 8%
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The enigmatic Mr Roarke makes the secret dreams of his lucky guests come true at a luxurious but remote tropical resort, but when the fantasies turn into nightmares, the guests have to solve the island’s mystery in order to escape with their lives.

Spoilers ahead.

Fantasy Island was originally a TV show and I’m surprised it’s taken so long to turn it into a movie.

It has 2009-era slasher film written all over it.

Instead we got this slick, glossy version and…it did not disappoint. I was thoroughly entertained by how silly Fantasy Island was.

I’ve decided to be a better reviewer and actually look up the characters’ names, so hopefully my recap will make some sense.

The movie opens with a women being captured in the woods (or something similar). We cut to the beautiful island (lots of overheard shots, etc). Five people turn up at the mysteriously, beautiful island where they will be granted their fantasies. They’re told by Mr Roarke (played by Michael Pena who was an…inspired casting choice) that they have to see the fantasies through no matter what happens. Continue reading “Bad Moviethon #30 – Fantasy Island”

Bad Moviethon #28 – Lockout (2012)

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YEAR
Lockout 2012 37%
Emilie Warnock (Maggie Grace), the daughter of the American president, leads a humanitarian mission to MS One, an outer-space prison in which the 500 most dangerous criminals from Earth are kept in a state of artificial sleep. Just as Emilie arrives, the now-awakened prisoners stage a violent rebellion, and she and the MS One crew are taken hostage. Emilie’s only chance for salvation lies with Snow (Guy Pearce), a wrongly convicted agent who has been promised his freedom if he saves her.
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I absolutely loved this movie and I don’t usually love anything.

The fact that I came across this movie on a whim is probably why it has a 37% because I would have been all over it if I’d heard about it before.

A vigilante agent who has to defeat everyone and save the day?

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That’s not even the best part of the movie. Guy Pearce playing a wisecracking badass is everything I didn’t know I needed.

Even Maggie Grace playing someone’s kidnapped daughter again wasn’t a problem. Instead of being the whimpering damsel in distress, she turned out to be a badass in her own right and I was here for all of it. Continue reading “Bad Moviethon #28 – Lockout (2012)”

Bad Moviethon #27 – Paycheck

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YEAR
Paycheck 2003 29%
Michael Jennings (Ben Affleck) is a top-notch reverse engineer. Corporations pay him to crack the secrets of their competitors’ products. When the job is done, he has his memory of it erased. Rethrick (Aaron Eckhart), head of a company called Allcom, hires Jennings to reverse-engineer a secret government device. After the job, Jennings wakes from the memory erasure to find himself being chased by various agencies. He soon realizes that the fate of the entire world may be in his hands.

I don’t know why this movie has such a bad score? I say that as someone who doesn’t care for Ben Affleck.

It’s basically what the synopsis says.

I don’t even have much to say about it. It’s a standard action movie. The ~big reveal~ is that Jennings machine can predict the future – and it predicts that the world is going to fall apart while Rethrick becomes super rich (which I’d have scoffed at until I saw that major corps are still making bank during the COVID-19 pandemic). Rethrick wants to take out Jennings – so he doesn’t spill the beans I guess? And all Jennings has is a parcel that he mailed to himself full of random items.

It turns out that he uses them all to get past various obstacles – that he knew about because he saw the future.

In the end, he wins 90 million dollars and lives happily ever after with Uma Thurman.

It’s not the greatest movie, but I’d give it a 5/10.

Something New (2006)

Legit Movie Review #2


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Something New 2006 61%
Career-minded Kenya McQueen (Sanaa Lathan) is set up on a blind date with architect Brian Kelly (Simon Baker), but backs out when she realizes that he is white. Impressed with his work on a friend’s mansion, McQueen hires Kelly to design her new garden — and he sweeps her off her feet. But, after her friends introduce her to executive Mark Harper (Blair Underwood), McQueen must choose between the type of man she always dreamed she wanted and giving in to life’s little surprises.
something new 2006

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOjaWfhRtX0

This movie was…something else. 

First of all, I’m a huge Simon Baker fan so I don’t understand why I haven’t seen it before.

Secondly, hearing Simon Baker say, “is it because I’m white?” and every other line about his whiteness was such a trip. It was even worse when his character asks Sanaa Lathan if her hair is real. Continue reading “Something New (2006)”

Memento (2000)

Now that we’re all being told to stay indoors, I figured I’d do some legit movie reviews alongside my long running and soon to be continued Bad Moviethon series (Batman vs Superman, anyone? UGH).

The criteria for the legit movies is a Rotten Tomatoes score of 60% or more.

First up is… Continue reading “Memento (2000)”

stupid and senseless: covid-19 edition

(…and before anyone calls me insensitive, I’m here to complain about other people’s insensitivity – stupid & senseless so happens to be the perfect way to do it).


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Something worse than Supernatural (post season 5) is upon us – COVID-19 – a globe trotting virus that simply doesn’t give a fuck.

In usual fashion, people have taken this opportunity to show us how much they suck.

I’ve decided to give you a nice little round up.

First up we have the UK government whose plan for the virus has to be the most insane thing I’ve ever heard – until I realised that there’s basically no money.  They’re not testing every case because they can’t afford to and they simply don’t have the means to either. How could they when the same government have been cutting service for the past ten years? So they’re basically like, ‘if you catch it, you’re on your own and hey, maybe you’ll be immune?’.

God save us all. Continue reading “stupid and senseless: covid-19 edition”