Empire 2×06: ‘Dollars in the bank’

 

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Okay, for some reason episode 6 opens with Becky and her boy having alone time. Her boy happens to be the HILARIOUS drug dealer from Murder In The First. Good for her, I guess.

Rainbow Abomination are practising when Cookie gets word that Hakeem has been kidnapped. She doesn’t think its real. HONEY, IT’S REAL.

Jamal is singing another depressing song. I still don’t like it. The song also sounds like something I’ve heard before. Oh, well. This scene is too long. Jamal is sad that Michael cheated. Oh. Well. Thankfully Cookie bursts in and shows Lucious the video and they all realise that Hakeem has actually been kidnapped.

…by people with Longhorn tattoos. Hakeem calls them a bunch of cowboys and gets his ass whooped. Lucious is convinced that they will get him back soon because they’re only asking for $40K. They ask for proof of life and get it.

WILLIAM FICHTNER IS IN THIS EPISODE. I love him. Continue reading “Empire 2×06: ‘Dollars in the bank’”

Empire 2×05: ‘Angels running for cover’

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This was in my drafts, so here it is! I took a break from the show after episode 6, LOL. I shall recap the rest if I remember, if not then, you’re probably going to be thankful, haha.


The case against Lucious has been dropped now that Vernon’s death is being treated as a suicide. Andre rocks up at Empire looking like a kid on their first day of school. Within the next five minutes, after being told that he’s now the head of Gutter Inc Records, he looks like that kid four weeks later when the homework is piling up. He doesn’t fare well during his welcoming party either. He seems a tad uncomfortable as some of the artists grind up on him. His next move is to try and organise his baptism. What a natural progression. Continue reading “Empire 2×05: ‘Angels running for cover’”

Empire 2×04: ‘Hakeem’s the dream’

The episode opens with Jamal singing his heart out as the FBI raid Empire. I have a question. Are TV FBI raids indicative of how they actually are in real life? Surely making all of that mess is counterproductive. They could potentially conceal something Super Serious™. Or not. What do I know?

Lyon Dynasty is also raided, as is Casa Lucious. He makes that sure our charming federal prosecutor sees him in his birthday suit. Continue reading “Empire 2×04: ‘Hakeem’s the dream’”

Empire 2×03: ‘Mirage a Trois’

We open with the federal prosecutor giving a statement outside court. Apparently Lucious is a dangerous sociopath who shouldn’t be allowed in public. Oh, and she wants to be attorney general. #GOALS You would think that she would pick an easier target than someone that she herself admits is her sociopath – and someone who is overwhelmingly popular, but okay. I’mma let her finish.

Lucious is ready to reclaim his Empire. He makes some grand statement that I didn’t hear but I’m sure it’s the same as the last two and the same as the next three.

Over at Chateau Hakeem, his new girl, Valentina, is looking for her pants even though he has to be on Sway in the Morning. Cookie basically drags his ass out of there. Lil Hakeem’s Sway performance is actually kinda good. Apart from the random shirt grab – bruh this isn’t your music video. Lil H wants to call his group Mirage a Trois…

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Continue reading “Empire 2×03: ‘Mirage a Trois’”

Empire 2×02: ‘Snitching ass bitch’

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I was ironing while watching this episode, so I’ll see what I remember. I did take down some notes of the part that made me LMAO.

So basically Cookie, Andre and Lil Simba (Hakeem) are now planning on starting their own record company, possibly along with possibly Anika. Hakeem sort of goes a little crazy and decides that he wants to…have his own artists? This is someone with no album, nada. but okay. Andre sort of just looks like he’d rather be praising Jesus with Jennifer Hudson. Continue reading “Empire 2×02: ‘Snitching ass bitch’”

Empire 2×01: ‘You done now, lady!’

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I’m not sure if it’s my computer but the recap proceeds at 2x the speed in certain parts, almost as if the writers don’t really want us to remember the…finer details.

Anyway, last season – lots of shit happened, but Cookie testified against someone and then Lucious ended up in jail. *dramatic music*


We open with a #FreeLucious concert. And then, Cookie emerges from a gorilla suit. That is, a gorilla suit…while trapped in a cage. She starts to talking about how the prison system is flawed and basically biased against young black men. The words all sound right and I agree but…she literally just emerged from a gorilla suit in a cage. I don’t think that went down very well when it aired, lol. It was a tad unnecessary.

Al Sharpton pops up. I won’t comment. Don Lemon pops up. Sigh.

Jamal sings at the concert, Lil Hakeem sort of raps. Cookie is doing some schmoozing and Andre looks…important. Meanwhile, Lucious does some light exercise in prison. Chris Rock is playing someone called Frank Gathers. He’s also in prison. Oooh. Continue reading “Empire 2×01: ‘You done now, lady!’”