Bad Moviethon #37 – He’s All That

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YEAR
He’s All That [2021] 30%
[An influencer who specializes in makeovers bets that she can transform an unpopular classmate into a prom king].

I am back! The world has gone all sorts of crazy in my absence, but I’m not going to talk about that.

I just want to talk about shitty movies right now. Although, I haven’t watched a lot of movies lately. Nothing has appealed to me and I’ve mostly been watching TV sporadically.

Life is exhausting, yo.

Anyway, onto He’s All That.

I’m low-key mad they couldn’t get Freddie Prinze Jr to cameo in this. He was the quintessential Nineties heartthrob!

I remember reading the initial reviews about He’s All That and dismissing it. Mostly because a gender bended version seemed unnecessary, as did a remake in general. Most of the criticism seemed to be aimed at the main lead. I’m not on TikTok and I hear she’s very popular on there so I’m assuming I was fortunate enough not to be familiar with her.

Her acting was nothing to write home about… but was it supposed to be? The movie is about an influencer. Their whole schtick is acting really enthusiastic about shit they’ve been paid to promote. Nobody said the acting has to be good.

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The plot is a cut and paste from the original. After being humiliated, Popular Girl makes a bet with her friend that she can find a loser and turn him into a prom king. If she loses the bet…I can’t remember what was supposed to happen. I didn’t really care to be honest.

The movie is nice background noise. Our loser is played by Tanner Buchanan, and his before is pretty hilarious. Bad hair extensions. A hat. Five o’clock shadow.

He barely puts up a fight when it comes to making him over. That would be my only criticism. If the most popular girl in school is suddenly acknowledging my presence, I’m not going to hop on stage and bail her out when she gets stage fright during karaoke. Nor would I attend a stupid costume themed party that requires me to shave and cut all my hair off.

Wasn’t the point that the bet was supposed to be difficult? Popular girl coasts through the movie until they somehow fall for each other. The loser eventually finds out he’s a bet, he gets mad and then there’s an extended dance sequence because hey, why not? It’s just a Netflix movie everyone will forget about in two hours. Oh and there was one in the original (which was kind of corny then too).

By the time they got together, I wasn’t really paying much attention. I also don’t remember the characters names and I’m too lazy to look them up.

Overall, the plot is tenuous at best. It felt like satire that ended up being what it was satirising. We’re given the message that we don’t need to feel pressured to be someone we’re not, especially on social media…but…Popular Girl takes us an an extended social media adventure at the end of the movie.

There was also a scene that had me scratching my head. Loser tells Popular Girl that she doesn’t need all of the make-up – which, fine. However, he starts removing it from her face and I was so taken aback I had to pause my nice game on my phone. I guess it was supposed to be sweet and pro-you don’t need makeup because beauty is within but yeah. There are procedures to be followed, Loser! You don’t just start wiping off makeup in the middle of your studio (Loser was a photographer with a sad backstory).

This is a terrible recap, but all in all I kind of liked He’s All That. Matthew Lillard was a delight and I support him. It was nice to Rachael Leigh Cook as well.

Rating: 5/10

Bad Moviethon – #36 – The Choice

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[The Choice] [2016] [11%]
Travis Shaw (Benjamin Walker) is a ladies’ man who thinks a serious relationship would cramp his easygoing lifestyle. Gabby Holland (Teresa Palmer) is a feisty medical student who’s preparing to settle down with her long-term boyfriend (Tom Welling). Fate brings the two together as Gabby moves next door to Travis, sparking an irresistible attraction that upends both of their lives. As their bond grows, the unlikely couple must decide how far they’re willing to go to keep the hope of love alive.

I made it 11 minutes into this before I started cackling away at Tom Welling. Why is he here? Why did he agree to this? To pay his mortgage I’m assuming because… his screen time overall is probably less than 15 minutes. Which is good for him because his suffering was kept to a minimum.

[Still, how did he find time to do this movie but not put on the Superman suit?]

The rest of the cast… well, let’s get into it. This movie checks a lot of my low budget boxes. The main make lead has a horrible fake Southern accent and a haircut worse than Jared Padalecki’s in the last ten seasons of Supernatural. There are weird forced interactions. You know how you watch those low budget movies and the cast have to act like they’ve known each other for years, but none of them can act and it’s so awkward.

That.

Continue reading “Bad Moviethon – #36 – The Choice”

Bad Moviethon – #35 – Fatale

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YEAR
Fatale 2020 47%
After a wild one-night stand, a successful sports agent watches his perfect life slowly disappear when he discovers the sexy and mysterious woman he risked everything for is a determined police detective who entangles him in her latest investigation. As he desperately tries to put the pieces together, he falls deeper into her trap, risking his family, his career, and even his life..

I haven’t done one of these since I watched Playing For Keeps. Wait. It was Desperados I did last, I just forgot to number it!

Anyway, it’s Valentine’s Day, so you get two movies – a thriller and a straight-up romance.

First up is Fatale, a relatively new movie released at the end of last year.

This movie has a 47% so it meets my below 50% requirement. It may change when more people review it, but…I always have time for Michael Ealy (and it’s still a bad movie. Sorry, Michael).


The beginning of the movie is all very sleek and shot like a never-ending music video. These are well-off people living a decent life.

Except, our leading man Derek and his wife, Tracie, are having trouble. Naturally, his best friend takes his ring at a Vegas party and encourages him to have a fling.

Somehow, Derek is intrigued by Hilary Swank’s terrible dancing. They proceed to dance terribly together and even though there is limited chemistry, something sparks and they spend the night together. Next morning, she puts his phone in a safe and refuses to tell him the combination until he gives her ‘more’.

Instead of calling security and getting the heck outta there, he obliges. See now, Derek, anything else that happens to you after this point is your own damn fault.

Continue reading “Bad Moviethon – #35 – Fatale”

Bad Moviethon #24: Batman vs Superman: Dawn Of Justice

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YEAR
Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice 2016 28%
Bruce Wayne, a billionaire, believes that Superman is a threat to humanity after his battle in Metropolis. Thus, he decides to adopt his mantle of Batman and defeat him once and for all.
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Review exercept: A movie that beats you into submission and makes you wonder if the sun will ever come out again.


I love Batman so I was like, let’s watch all of the movies! I did the Nolan trilogy and Batman Forever and I was going to take it all the way back and do the Keaton’s movies but I decided to watch Batman vs Superman instead.

The Ultimate Edition.

Imagine my horror when I saw that it was three hours long.

Spoilers ahead.

Continue reading “Bad Moviethon #24: Batman vs Superman: Dawn Of Justice”

Bad Moviethon #5 – Daredevil (2003)

Daredevil | 2003 | IMDB

Synopsis: A man blinded by toxic waste which also enhanced his remaining senses fights crime as an acrobatic martial arts superhero.

Rotten tomatoes score: 44℅

Review excerpt: 

Torn between moody grandiosity and cartoonish mayhem, Daredevil tries to have it both ways, and succeeds at neither.


Batman & Robin continues to elude me but I caught this on TV last week was inspired to blog about it. Sort of. 

I don’t even need to recap. This movie is garbage

I used to think that people were being unnecessarily harsh about it, but no, it’s bad. The only thing I liked was hearing Won’t Back Down by Fuel in the closing credits. That’s my song! Teenage me probably loved the movie’s soundtrack but overall, the film itself was a mess. It was boring and somewhat nonsensical. Colin Farrell was really cheesy as Bullseye. I have no idea what that first ninja battle scene with Elektra and Daredevil was. Or whichever one happened near that kids playground. I was just shuddering due to the cringe. Not to mention the whole ‘stay‘ thing as it’s raining buckets. UGH. 

The movie is basically like one long Evanescence music video, complete with the soundtrack. 

I don’t even know how Daredevil managed to survive after Elektra almost killed him. Or how he managed to catch up with the Kingpin. It was like time slowed down for me but not the movie? If that makes sense. It barely held my attention.

On the flip side, I suppose it isn’t completely worthless. The visual effects weren’t bad. It makes for good background noise/minor entertainment and there are probably worse movies out there. Like Playing It Cool (I’m still processing just how bad that movie was). 

Anyway, based on this, I can only imagine how bad Affleck’s Batman is. I haven’t seen Batman vs. Superman but I hear that it wasn’t great. How surprising. I suppose the upside is that Affleck still has the perfect jawline for the role. 

Bad Movie Marathon #3: ‘Playing It Cool (2014)’ or the one where I abandoned the recap. 

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(POTENTIALLY)

BAD MOVIE MARATHON #3

…in which I examine if bad movies really deserve their woeful rotten tomatoes score

[previous movie]

I was going to watch Gigli next but I literally burst into laughter and repeated ‘I can’t do it’ about four time so. Expect a recap of that. I have issues. But right now my next pick is Batman & Robin!


This is the slowest marathon ever, I apologise.

Anyway! Continue reading “Bad Movie Marathon #3: ‘Playing It Cool (2014)’ or the one where I abandoned the recap. “