The I-Land (Netflix)

SPOILERS AHEAD (not that anyone should care). This show has a justified rating of 8% on Rotten Tomatoes!

Anyway, here’s the synopsis straight from Wikipedia because I’ve forgotten everything but how much this show sucked.

Ten people wake up on the beach of what appears to be a deserted tropical island. None of them have any memory of who they are or how they got there, and each takes on the name that is printed on their clothes tags. The group make initial attempts to band together, but differing priorities and strong personalities cause some of them to clash. In particular, Chase, who wants to investigate the island, doesn’t get along with KC, who is suspicious of Chase’s ability to find resources, and Brody, who attempts to rape Chase.

When Brody is murdered, the group assume Chase is responsible and knock her unconscious. Chase wakes up in a prison facility, where she learns that she and the other nine people are violent crime prisoners, and are part of a “rehabilitation simulation”. Their minds have been put in the computer simulation of the island to test if they’ll resume old behavioral patterns. Anyone who dies in the simulation dies in real life. Chase is returned to the island simulation, where the avatars of two prison marshals arrive to deliberately cause the group to fight and split up. Additionally, the prisoners’ memories start to return, which causes further friction and confusion.

I don’t really know what to say about this show.

It’s like The Matrix, but on a tropical island.

Usually, I’m all for lambasting terrible shows, but I do give points for watchability (new word!) and I made it through the season. Meaning that I was reasonably entertained.

I even stuck around after Kyle Schmid’s character was killed and he was the only reason I watched the show.

Unfortunately, the main character is Chase, who annoyed me right off the bat. She’s in prison for murdering her mother, but it turns out her husband did it and framed her for it. And somehow landed himself in jail too? She does all the Mary Sue type things that end up justifying her release. Yawn.

Next, there’s KC, a cold woman who murdered her young children and tried to kill herself. Her character arc was weird and unsettling. They try to make her come off sympathetic, but… it didn’t work.

Kyle Schmid’s character, Moses, is an extremist who accidentally killed people when he blew up a gas pipeline.

… and every other character is completely terrible too.

There’s not a redeeming quality in sight.

I feel like we’re supposed to get to get the end and feel sorry for Chase (who truly is innocent), but I merely wished the entire island had vanished off Earth (the scenery was beautiful, though).

I’m yet to understand several things.

  1. How the show was made. Like, did a whole bunch of people read the scripts and think wow, this is amazing!
  2. Why it was seven episodes long? It all went left after the third episode when we find out none of it is real.
  3. Why Alex Pettyfer is in this – I know he’s a douche, but is he really struggling for roles?
  4. Why Kyle’s character didn’t have his trademark hair! I’ve never been so disappointed. 😂

Anyway, yeah.

Avoid this one, snarklings!

SNARK WITH ME!

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