Inherit The Earth
Inherit The E-xposition And Talk Us Into Boredom-arth.
Why am I doing this?: Well. Before 2020 went to shit, I said I would. And also because I was always going to watch the end. Just to make sure it’s really over.
I haven’t seen Supernatural for five years. The last episode I watched was The Hunter Games.
Not a single episode since, and honestly? Before watching this episode, I thought I was going to throw up. I was sweating. SWEATING! I’m not sure if it’s just because the show is over and I’m like, ha, this show was actually a huge part of my life once upon a time or I’m just naturally repulsed by the show. Or the heat from my laptop.
Probably the latter.
Hey, maybe the sock I ate is doing a victory dance in the deepest depths of my stomach. I’ll let you know.
Anyway, onto the recap.
First of all, I have to make my obligatory comment about Jared’s hair and I am speechless.
I’m practising this whole if you have nothing nice to say… mantra, so I’m just going to move on.
In the recap, there’s something about how everyone is going to die.
And NOW! as Sam puts it, ‘Everyone is gone’. Cass is dead. Everyone is gone. They’re just going over that for the first few minutes and — can someone get them some cough drops? JEEEEEEEEEEZ!
Why are they Batman growling at us? Why do they sound like they’ve been screaming for fifteen years straight?
Oh, and the title card is horrific and I still feel sweaty. My hands are clammy. Clammy! Clammy like Sammy. Let’s do a Jimmy Jammy. Oh, and everyone is gone gone, like up and vanished halfway through a football game gone.
The streets are empty. I feel like we see the same empty street a few times from different angles.
The budget for this episode probably went directly to Jared’s wine cellar and Jensen’s life elixir chamber (I know he has one!).
I have no idea who Jack is, but he seems upset that Castiel is gone (which I heard about and HOWLED WITH LAUGHTER OVER).
Apparently, Sam’s to blame for all of this. Yes, yes, I agree. It’s all his fault.
Also, Sam just said EVERYBODY’S GONE for the fiftieth time and it’s only been five minutes. We get it. And even if we didn’t, it’s been documented.
Let’s turn the broken record off, eh, Sam.
Chuck shows up (apparently, he’s to blame for all of this) and refuses to put everything back the way it was. And holy smokes, maybe it’s the five years, but both Jared and Jensen sound the same to me and I don’t like it.
Well, if I cared, I wouldn’t like it.
Chuck is expositioning for the people in the front who are following the plot. Which I’m not because, you know, it’s been five years.
Back at the bunker, Dean’s in an alcoholic stupor (some things never change!). This Jack kid is sensing something (the fact he’s the only one talking normally on the show?). No, he says it’s a presence and on the way there, they find a dog. Dean calls him Miracle. And keeps the dog.
[Insert your own Awww because I don’t have one to spare.]
And LOL it turns out the dog is immediately vanquished by Chuck. Fair enough, show. You get one barely-there chuckle from me.
They drive to another location – this time it’s what Jack was sensing (aren’t they at all concerned it’s a trap?).
It’s Michael (in Adam’s body). Sam asks about Adam (I’m assuming he hasn’t in the last five years, so screw you, Sam!). And also, HI JAKE ABEL, I HOPE YOU DON’T SUCK IRL.
There is more exposition for the kids at the front. Michael ignored them when they asked him for help. He says he’s ready to help now that he’s turned his back on Chuck.
Is Jared okay? Like, did he lose his voice and just show up to work anyway. Is this what he sounds like for real? I refuse to believe he activated Gravel Voice Mode ™. I refuse.
There’s a book that they can’t get open. Yawn.
Dean gets a call from Castiel (and obviously it’s not him) and races up to let him in and it turns out to be Lucifer saying ‘wasuuuup’. I know for a fact that Mark Pellegrino sucks IRL. Fuck him. And his 2003 era ‘wassup’. Is this a joke? No one is here for a genuine recap anyway–so I didn’t pay attention to most of what he said.
Although, somehow, Lucifer has a reaper and he kills her in front of them.
“Wow!” Dean says. “Really? Great!”
…I see the writing is still stellar. What is he even trying to convey here? I’m baffled. Wow. Really? Great!
The dead reaper is the new Death. Okay? I’m just rolling with it now. I have no idea what’s going on.
Mark Pellegrino sounds extra raspy as well. Ugh.
Bitchy Death demands the book from them, leaving Sam and Dean standing around…
I’m regretting my decision to watch the last two episodes when I could have saved myself 45 minutes and just watched the last one.
Betty aka Death Ex Machina has opened the book and she now knows how God ends.
What in the Blasphemous heck?
Death Ex Machina is smoked because Lucifer was working for Chuck the whole time.
Can Mark Pellegrino just go away? I find him irritating and he’s the definition of chewing the scenery in this episode.
Thankfully, Michael kills Lucifer.
Jake Abel has Gravel Voice Mode™ activated too. So, this is a creative choice? Are they editing their voices in post?
Somehow, Sam has pieced a spell from the book (that they couldn’t read at all two hours ago?). The spell will release an unstoppable force that will turn Chuck.
An unstoppable force.
Anyway, it turns out that Michael betrayed Sam and Dean too (who can blame him, look at what they did to his voice!). Chuck is like, ‘Well, thanks and all, but bye!’ and he kills Michael anyway.
Oh and Chuck goes all meta on us and says, “I’m cancelling your show.”
He proceeds to beat the crap out of Sam and Dean, who refuse to stay down because they’re HE-ROES (and freakishly resilient). The sad music tells me I’m supposed to be sad, but Chuck has said “Guy’s that’s enough” each time they get up at least 67 times and I’m just irritated.
Jack shows up again, and I guess he’s developed a power boost somehow. He takes out Chuck and heals Sam and Dean. I guess he’s the new God now?
I’m going to have to pray for forgiveness after this episode because I rebuke ALL OF THIS.
Anyway, turns out it was all a trick. Sam never read the book (and it’s on Michael for thinking Sam was smart enough!).
Oh, Jack didn’t just get a power boost, he’s been a POWER VACUUM THE WHOLE TIME.
This just reminds me of Lana Lang absorbing the Kryptonite bomb on Smallville. It was stupid then and it’s stupid now. Like, how did his human vessel withstand all of this power? Ugh.
In other news, Sam’s hair makes me sad.
Chuck is taking a very long time to die. Like, he’s giving a whole speech and everything and they’re not even going to kill him? They’re going to leave him alone and human to die naturally.
Somehow there are 9 minutes left. How? What else is there left to do? Repopulate Earth?
Oh. That’s literally what’s left to do.
Cue lots of stock footage of PEOPLE! EVERYONE’S BACK!
…and I wish they weren’t.
Except for Backstreet (obviously).
“Way to go,” Dean says to Jack. “I mean it. Way to go!”
… is this really how he’s going to congratulate Jack for bringing everybody back?
Way to go? Ugh. Jensen was probably already on the plane back to Austin in his mind.
Anyway, Sam goes to great lengths to inform us that Jack is in fact, God. According to Jack, he will be in every drop of falling rain and speck of dust.
Oooookay. I’m checking out of this victory speech.
After some more talking, Jack leaves. Sam and Dean look sad. Or pensive. Or brooding.
Or ‘…We only have to do this shit for one more episode‘
Like Dean puts it after he and Sam talk about how it’s all over, they’re “Finally free.”
Oh, and we get a clip show… and why didn’t the show just end here. I can see there’s another episode left, but really? WHY!
…both Jared and Jensen looked like they were counting down the seconds in this episode and I can’t say I blame them.
So was I!
I don’t have much of an opinion. I spent more time recapping than I did watching which says it all.
It was all very anticlimactic and boring. I did like the clip show (the season 1-5 stuff anyway, and weirdly the one clip of Danneel they showed? Idk I’ve mellowed in my old age, guys).
I’ll see y’all on the series finale recap (whenever it comes).