Bad Products, cont. 


Just in time for… whatever major holiday is coming next? 

Anyway, let’s dive in. 

1. Asahi Clear Latte Coffee-Flavored Water (Pack of 12)
Espresso extract and milk taste
Price: US$ 21

I don’t have a copy of the description but clear flavoured water that tastes like coffee? No. No. No and no. Nope. I can just make a mug of coffee and then refill my cup with water and voila. Coffee water. Why would anyone even want to drink coffee flavoured water anyway?! I reject this water on…coffee grounds (pun intended).

2. WEMO Wearable MemoErasable slap bracelet notepad

Price: US$ 21

The WEMO Wearable Memo means you will never be forced to write down a note on your hand ever again – nor will you need to whip out your phone to type a reminder. Just wear this slap bracelet-style notepad and always have a portable memo (literally) on you. Being waterproof and erasable, this is a superbly practical tool that is ideal for various kinds of working scenarios, particularly nursing staff or people outdoors. There are four colors, each with a varying background design: the blue version has lines; the beige has rulers and grid dots; the white is plain with a rule along one side; and the green has white grid dots.

K. This one is kind of cool, but you know. I’m good with paper. Plus what happens when you run out of space? How would you even read everything? You’d have to do wrist yoga or something. I can practically feel how awkward and uncomfortable it would be. 

3. Mizuiro Vegetable CrayonsColoring crayons made from food

Price: US$ 29

The diversity of its cuisine is probably Japan’s best kept secret and one of the things that make the cuisine special is its variety of vegetables. Add the Japanese passion for freshness and you end up with an unbelievably rich palette of colors at every produce department in every store. From there, coming up with the idea of using these striking colors to create drawing materials was only a small step further and this is how the Mizuiro Vegetable Crayons were born.

…are they edible, though? The last thing you want to do is buy your kid crayons made out of actual food and still have to worry about them sticking it into their mouths. Come on guys. Just make edible crayons already. 

4. Samurai Umbrella

Price: US$ 89

As featured on CNN!

There’s a lot to like about umbrellas – they keep you dry while letting you wear whatever you want, they don’t get clammy like raincoats, and they’re a great excuse to put your arm around a lady. That said, an umbrella is about the least manly accessory a guy can have…until now.

The Samurai Umbrella replaces your boring umbrella grip with a Japanese sword handle, into a dashing, rainproof road warrior. We’ve even included a shoulder case for the umbrella, so you can carry it bandolier-style and free up your hands.

….how insecure in your manhood does one have to be to find an umbrella unmanly. Considering that men these days either have hipster buns or fades to protect, I don’t see any of them shunning umbrellas.

Anyway, I feel like anyone brave enough to carry this in public is asking to be arrested.  When it’s closed it really doesn’t look like an umbrella and I don’t think the police would waste time waiting for the owner to open it. The only exception is if they’re cosplaying in the rain (oh, what a glorious day…) and even then, no, you’re just looking to catch charges. 

5. Sushi Socks

Raw fish design leg wear
Price: US$ 56

The Sushi Socks are just how they sound: socks that look like Japan’s most famous food. The colorful leg wear fit almost all sizes and are based on actual popular sushi. This is a set of six, kind of like when you get a mori-awaseplatter in a sushi restaurant. They can be folded up to look like pairs of sushi on a plate, the white part of the sock looking like the rice, while the “fish” being the colored patterns.

Japanese people love anything that looks like food damn. A set of socks arranged to look like a sushi platter? That’s dedication. Expensive dedication. I’ll stick to plain black, thanks. It’s what my sock vanquishing washing machine deserves. 

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7 comments

  1. Wrist yoga 😂😂

    The Umbrella thing is actually pretty cool, though, unnecessary, but still.

    The crayons? Nope. Thank-you. Especially as its a kid that’ll be using it. There’s so much to bother about them adding this to your worries.

    The socks? No.

    Wrist pad? Cooling could get it as one of those things you see at the book store and just get “just because”, but it has to be cheap.

    Coffee water…who are these people??

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ew at #1. What the heck?? Flavored fruit water, okay. But coffee flavored water? That is a travesty!

    That slap bracelet would so not work for me since I write sloppy and big when I take down notes.

    Crayons made from food… why, though? XD Is the color supposed to be better because it comes from real food?

    I am on board with the samurai umbrella! It looks really cool.

    And the sushi socks. I wouldn’t wear them but hey, they could be a fashion statement for some people.

    Liked by 1 person

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