Iron-Woman


Hello, snarklings. I hope you are all having a good weekend.

I was going to post about that Donald Trump Jr. fiasco that broke this week but I already knew that he was an idiot. That we now have evidence is just a mere footnote. Okay, well, not really. ‘I LOVE IT!’? And Kushner and Manafort were there too? I think I just heard an echo of Putin laughing away evilly in the distance.

Oh and Kellyanne…

When will you stop embarrassing yourself on TV? I’d say that agreeing to meet the Russians in order to collect dirt on Hilary sounds a lot like collusion.

Girl, let me fix this for you.

That’s better.

Anyway, onto more important things.

Today, I present to you the…

Face Iron II
Skin care warm bath beauty tool
Price: US$ 314

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Face Iron II gives you a 42°C (108°F) warm steam bath sensation that will rejuvenate your skin. Simple to operate, just place it over on face and press the button once for the low setting, or twice for the high one. As the name suggests, it is shaped like a mini iron, making it very easy to hold.

 

…. shaped like a mini iron? Oh hell no. Look. As someone who has ironed their hands multiple times, the last thing I want is a face iron. The idea alone terrifies me. Which sane individual would willingly iron their face in the first place? The fact that it’s shaped like an iron should be a deterrent. It’s basically a warning sign.

I wonder what happened to the Face Iron I. Was it recalled due to customers suddenly developing some common sense and getting rid of them after one use?

Also this thing requires 4 hours charging time for 2-4 hours of use. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound right to me. I have to wait four hours to iron my face and get half of that time out of one charge? Sure, I’m supposed to use it for 2-3 mins at a time, but still. For over three hundred dollars it should come with five years of charge, twenty thousand cubic zirconia rings and a cape.

Apparently, it’s not just the face that requires ironing…

I present to you the…

Neck Wrinkle Iron
Anti-aging, sagging beauty gadget
Price: US$ 160

This is the face of a woman who’s happy with her life choices

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fight sagging chin and neck wrinkles with the Neck Wrinkle Iron. Made by beauty and health specialists Omni, the device uses EMS and radio waves with a heater to produce a triple rejuvenating effect on your neck. Strap the comfortable item around you neck and select which setting you want. This leaves you free to do other housework or just relax while the Neck Ring does its magic

 

Hold. Up.

Free to do other housework? With that thing on my neck? I don’t think so. She looks like she can’t even move her neck let alone conduct the movement required by housework. The only person who could do housework with that thing on is C-3PO and he ain’t gotta worry about no wrinkles.

Is it a bird, is it a plane? No, it’s the long lost Face Iron I!

EMS and radiowaves? A triple rejuvenation? Forget the housework, why don’t I just call the emergency services and ask for Mulder and Scully. We can call the resulting mess the X-Wrinkles Files.

Anyone buying these gadgets has got more money than sense.

[Both products are from Japan Trend Shop]

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