Bad Moviethon #7 – The Perfect Guy


(POTENTIALLY)
BAD MOVIE MARATHON #7

…in which I examine if bad movies really deserve their woeful rotten tomatoes score

The Perfect Guy | 2015 | IMDB

Plot:

With a fulfilling career and a loving relationship, lobbyist Leah Vaughn (Sanaa Lathan) seems to have it all. Things come crashing down when Dave, her long-term boyfriend, questions her future plans for marriage and a family. The resulting breakup leaves Leah heartbroken, until she meets the charming and handsome Carter Duncan (Michael Ealy). Soon, the budding romance turns dangerous as Carter reveals his volatile nature, forcing Leah to turn the tables on the man she thought was Mr. Right.

Rotten Tomatoes score: 19%

Review excerpt:

The unsure tone screams that this is a director embarrassed by the film he’s making.

First of all, Michael Ealy.

Secondly, Sanaa Lathan’s hair and wardrobe were on point.

The movie begins with Leah being all domestic with her boyfriend before she breaks up with him because he’s not ready to propose. Sometime soon, she bumps into some guy callee Carter at a coffee shop. Well. More like she turned around and he was grinning at her creepily. It was like he was paid by smile and crazy eyes because there was a lot of that in the opening half an hour. Although, Michael Ealy’s smile and crazy eyes would probably work on me too. Anyway, there’s so iced coffee related flirting stuff (I think that’s what it was supposed to be).

Anyway, after that, Carter saves her from some douche at a bar. They have dinner and things progress. They go dancing and they end up hooking up in the bathroom (recipe for disaster and also unsanitary) and they begin dating. Carter charms her parents, her friends, her cat. Everybody in nearby distance.

At one point I’m sure that someone dreamily says that he seems too good to be true. 

That all falls to pieces when he beats up a guy at the gas station just because he was talking to Leah. She freaks out, cries etc. Carter says he loves her, wants her to have his kids. Whoa, slow down. Yeah, should have thought about the violence and whatnot first, bro.

She breaks up with him, or tries to. She says she doesn’t know if she loves him and he gets angry. He starts calling her, showing up at her house, calling her work, stalking her etc.

She goes to police, but surprisingly they’re no help.

He leaves her a card that says,’IF I CAN’T HAVE YOU, NO ONE WILL.’ Printed nicely and everything. How original.
He’s served with a restraining order at work, and his boss tells him to go. Is that a thing that happens in real life? I guess it’s like a real time background check.

Anyway, he goes from easy stalker mode into expert mode. He dons gloves, breaks into her house and…drinks from her discarded wine glass. Dude, if you’re thirsty (why am I saying if ? this guy is the embodiment of thirsty) bring a bottle of water with you. Simple.

Carter is some kind of IT whizz, so he clones her computer so he can access her emails and everything.
–At this point, I fell asleep–

Somehow, Dave is back on the scene and he confronts Carter. Alright, Dave, I see you, the writers needed to spice things up a little. Anyway, after Dave threatens to kick Carter’s ass if he doesn’t leave Leah alone, the police haul him (Carter) in again.

They let him go again.

He goes over to Leah’s house (again) but he’s busted by the neighbour, who he proceeds to chase to her house, breaks in and pushes her down the basement stairsz killing her in the process.

At that point I was like damn. 

Following that, Carter takes his Peeping Tom skills to the next level and watches Leah and Dave as they shower. Not via camera but RIGHT THERE, THROUGH THE GLASS.

THROUGH. THE. GLASS.

Once they’re done, he hides in the closet and proceeds to listen to everything. This dude is doing too much.

Next, Leah gives Dave a watch for his birthday. He says he’s never going to take it off. Ever. Ever. EVER.

#foreshadowing

Leah goes running and finds a bunch of ‘Lost cat’ posters with her picture on them that she didn’t put up. Carter has had her cat this whole time? Welp.

The police tell her that Carter Duncan isn’t his real name. They also get around to finding the decomposing body of her neighbour. Oh, and meanwhile Carter emails a video of Leah and Dave having sex to everyone listed on her work account, including a Senator. She’s suspended, but really, the Senator probably enjoyed it.

Next, Dave is in Malibu with a client, and of course, Carter is there, fresh off tampering with Dave’s car. Dave proceeds to crash said car. Dave is still alive as Carter shows up and helps him along the way (by that I mean, that he kills him) before taking the watch.

Leah gets the bad news that evening and spots the watch on her nightstand. She takes it to the police who tell her that he wasn’t wearing it at the scene of the accident.

So, Carter’s just killed her boyfriend, he’s been arrested before, he has bipolar devolving into psychosis, he killed the neighbour…

I slept through all of that. That should tell you how exciting this movie is…

Leah finally realises that Carter’s known where her spare key was all along. Girl, c’mon.

Anyway, the police detective more or less tells her to get a gun. After that she pops up on Carter and another girl and warns the girl off. She then proceeds to follow Carter. She goes to his house, destroys his computers and files another restraining order (somehow he managed to change his name again and get another job, and he’s just randomly stopped stalking her now). He’s fired immediately, and this all leads to a standoff at Leah’s house.
They tousle and she shoots him with a bean bag, lies and says she has two more rounds. He advanced towards her and she shoots him again. He dies and she reports that she shot an intruder.

The End.

First of all, everyone involved in this movie is better than this. This was…I don’t know how. It didn’t suck but it also wasn’t very interesting. It was like a Lifetime movie but with more black people (Lifetime is white as bread, just realised!). I was hoping for a laugh at least but instead I fell asleep. That kind of says it all.

Verdict: 5/10. Predictable but not offensively bad. Probably deserving of it’s woeful Rotten Tomatoes score.

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