Recently, I sat down and watched all nine seasons of this show (and now I’m offloading this post. Feel free to ignore it, it’s mostly for my own benefit, lol).
The first thing I thought was:
Ah, back when there were black people on The CW!
It’s true, though. The CW literally whitewashed itself.
Anyway, onto the plot:
While their men try to hone their gridiron talents on the field, the wives and girlfriends of pro football players sharpen their own skills behind the scenes when it comes to the power plays they have to use to get their guys the best agents, the best endorsements, the best merchandising deals — even the “in” charity. And then there’s the groupies around every corner, and the oh-so-helpful “image consultants” ready and eager to perform a makeover for any player in trouble
The show is more or less what the summary says with the addition of a whole host of stereotypes. However, the first three seasons were relatively funny. I think my favourite thing was Rick Fox playing himself. The main issue I had was with Melanie, the show’s main character for the first five seasons. She moves to San Diego over going to medical school at John Hopkins and doesn’t hesitate to let anyone else know (earning the name ‘Med School’). She’s dating Derwin Davis, the church-going, innocent rookie that’s just joined the fictional San Diego Sabers. She’s rude, judgemental and extremely annoying. Why is there always a lack of reasonable, relatable female characters on TV? They’re either a hot mess or overachievers. And annoying
I need a sort of lukewarm mess that has a unique outlook on life that I can relate to. Is that so hard?
Well, then again, maybe I should stop relating to fictional characters? That might be a plan.
After some back and forth, Derwin ends up cheating on her with Drew Sidora and everything spirals from there. They break up and get back together. They break up and get back together. They get engaged and break that too. Rinse. Repeat. I’m sure the fans loved them but I was over it after the second season. Skip along to the third season and Derwin’s ex-girlfriend is pregnant. It only got worse from there.
Other characters include Tasha Mack, who seemed to become more of a caricature as the show progressed. Her catchphrase was POW POW POW! That’s not a joke. She was a teenage mom and now manages football players, thanks to her son’s role as a quarterback for The Sabers. Her son Malik is worthy of a post himself, but I’d rather not. Think girls, girls and extravagant parties. Although, there was one hilarious scene of him and another player (who happened to be in the closet) dancing and singing along to ‘Bed’ by J Holiday, before the player walks up behind him and says, ‘I want to put you to bed, Malik’.
SO. MUCH. CRINGE.
Of course, Malik flips out and becomes a raging homophobe until the power of children’s TV heals everything (again, not a joke).
It was an ambitious storyline, but somehow the player went from crushing on Malik to having this long term boyfriend in the space of one episode. It was very confusing. And then it was like it never happened.
The irony is that in the previous episode, just before the Bed scene, Malik’s ex-wife Robin Givens tells everyone that he’s gay and this happens:
#60 is the player who tries to put the moves on him, lol. I can’t.
Anyway like I said, ambitious storyline.
There’s the controlling Jason Pitts who lives with his white wife Kelly, and is one of those self-hating black men. At first his humour made me uncomfortable, but it grows on you. Kind of like a fungus. He’s also extremely tight with money, which makes for some hilarious scenes. He’s the only character on this show that didn’t have a personality transplant at some point.
Anyway, The CW years were good. Season 3 was questionable, but it was a standard sitcom and enjoyable for the most part.
And then it was cancelled because The CW changed wanted to focus on hour long dramas with pretty white people. After two years, the fourth season eventually aired on BET. In that time, production moved to Atlanta and all of the sets were changed (at least it looked that way). The show was also noticeably different.
It was just bad. The laughing track was all over the place, the characters were all over the place, the plot was all over the place and well, you get the point.
Other highlights include:
- A love triangle between Tasha, Rick Fox and Pookie (an old acquaintance). Yawn.
- Jason Pitts daughter manages to age up from 8 to 15 within two years. One can only assume that she took the same steroids that Jason did in the year that he won the championship.
- The Sabers getting a new QB halfway through the season (how?)
- Derwin Davis deliberately ending another player’s career (points upward) because there are two Derwins. Regular Derwin and Derwin by any means necessary. I think I cried with laughter at that line.
- Malik Wright (the QB) sleeping with the team owner’s wife and not getting fired
- We find out that Melanie had an abortion off screen (but obviously during a period covered by an earlier season) and that the father was someone she hooked up with before her and Derwin got back together – and this is the reason why she can’t have kids. It was a convoluted plotline to say the least.
Eventually, Melanie and Derwin left. Derwin’s final episode contains some of the best-worst acting I’ve ever seen. Anyway, they left and the show got even worse.
- Malik’s sexy assistant gets a storyline after many, many episodes of nothing, just in time for Malik to get beaten up for daring to stop the assistant’s baby daddy from laying hands on her
- Malik damages his arm and may never play again but wait! He opens a burger joint called Phatty’s (again, not a joke), meets a magical trainer who we’re led to believe is a lesbian. Until we discover that she’s bi and then oh no, that means Malik has to have sex with her. That happens and IT WAS SO BAD. SO, SO, SO, SO, BAD. After that conscious coupling, Malik falls in love but wait, how can it be true love when he’s not crying after they make the beast with the two backs? Eventually, the tear comes but he screws it up by forging her signature on papers that say he’s fit to play again.
- Tasha getting pregnant but not knowing who the father is
- Tasha becoming more and more stereotypical
- Rick Fox’s continued presence on the show
- Rick Fox being accidentally shot by Pookie
- Jason deciding that he’s in love with his old wife, Kelly, while in the middle of renewing his vows with his second wife.
- Jason’s second wife Chardonnay becoming some kind of walking, talking cliché. She went from season 1 RHOA Nene Leakes to season 5 RHOA Nene Leakes within two seasons.
- Tee-Tee (Malik’s best friend, owns a food truck) selling bad chicken, killing a 90 year old man and then almost committing suicide over it before Tasha interrupts him because she’s in labour (this scene was particularly fucked up because it vanishes from the plot? All we get is a line about how the baby saved his life… can a bruh get some therapy? Being made bankrupt and liable for someone’s death isn’t really funny).
- Malik in general
- More than one conversation about Keira and Blue’s (who I won’t mention again due to poor character development) pooping habits
- Ridiculous misunderstandings
- The team being bought by Kelly’s former sugar daddy, who allows Jason to remain as head coach on the condition that he… gets to watch them having sex?! (This is all true, I swear).
- Silliness x 100
By the end, the show was less of a sitcom or drama and more of a shitshow. Only watch it if you’re as bored as I was. Or if you desperately want to listen to some good R&B tunes. The soundtrack was it’s saving grace. Well, until the last few seasons.
I read that they filmed the last two seasons all in one go…I suppose that explains the poor quality.
Rating: 6/10…I won’t even explain why because six is generous.
Clearly I’m not thinking straight.