So, to sum up the first week of this reality shit show:
There’s a National America Done Fucked Up Day
Lies by Trump’s surrogates will no longer be known as lies but as ALTERNATIVE FACTS
…otherwise known as delusions.
Legitimate news is hereby known as fake news.
The Wall™ is happening. Yes, billions of tax dollars will be spent on a wall as opposed to spending them on the people who pay the majority of that tax (hint: this group does not include Trump because he’s ‘smart’ and his friends are equally as smart. And rich.)
The Muslim Ban™* isn’t a Muslim ban, but you know, the priority will be Christian refugees.
People – including refugees – were being detained at airports simply because of where they’re from. But that’s fine because you know, ‘fuck them.
Green cards now mean fuck all if you’re from the seven lucky countries.
However, the courts are currently shutting Trump’s nastiness down so, you know, some Muslims are still permitted to walk on US soil. Gosh, the horror.
Trump’s response to his behind the scenes scheming: It’s working out very nicely. You see it at the airports, you see it all over, its working out very nicely, and we’re going to have a very strict ban, and we’re going to have extreme vetting, which we should have had in this country for many years
We…We see it at airports? I saw people being detained for no good reason. I saw protests. I must have missed the flashing neon sign that read: YAY WE’VE ERADICATED TERRORISM IN ONE DAY!
He then told his scriptwriters that they were fired because no-one has written any lines for him that don’t automatically reveal his ineptitude.
The producers (as played by Germany) had to let Trump know that the Geneva Convention is a real thing that he has to abide by.
The UK showed up and decided that they were Trump’s bro.
Theresa May claimed she’d be frank about his conduct with woman but ended up holding hands with Trump awkwardly.
Job done? I reckon so. The job was to kiss his ass and she kindly obliged. Thanks, Tee-Tee. You saved an entire nation from being nuked.
But waaaaaait, the cogs have turned and apparently the hand holding was due to Trump’s fear of stairs. Fear of stairs. This must be an alternative fact.
However, there was a further cruel plot twist.
After realising that everyone was turning against Trump, Theresa May received a temporary backbone transplant (I expect more fawning from her in the near future) and finally condemned this latest act of idiocy and cruelty.
Phew. Recap over.
I also expect more drama next week y’all.
1. This post contains sarcasm.
2.**On a serious note, deciding to ban people from entering the US because of where they are from is one of the most disgusting things that Trump has done yet. We all rolled our eyes and said he wouldn’t do it, but we didn’t count on Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell and whoever else bending over and asking Trump how hard he’d like to fuck over the country. Trump might have won the election but being the leader means that you have to compromise. Half of the country did not ask for this. This means that he doesn’t represent them. And based on this week, I am sure they don’t want him to. The blatant disregard of human rights and common decency shouldn’t be so surprising, but somehow it is. That the USA has stooped this low is horrific.
When Iran manages to be the voice of reason, you know that you’ve fucked up.
Most world leaders rallied round to condemn Trump. The PM of my country was too busy jumping into bed with Turkey (that’s another story) to say anything that wasn’t nothing. Fuck her. Fuck Trump and his Pumpkin coloured face.
Fuck Pence. Fuck anyone that thinks any of this is okay.
3. Image header found here