One Lamp To Live – Fight Edition


or…a collection of cheesy, stupid clips from One Life To Live!

I know, I know – I’ve reached a new low.

I have no idea how I ended up inside this One Life To Live YouTube black hole but it happened and I am dealing with it. Sort of. I think I might have to go back to recapping Supernatural. I might as well provide my one reader with topical snark. Although, #4 is kind of topical in the sense that I shoehorned in a Supernatural reference.


1. [link]

NOT THE LAMP!!!!

In this first clip, I have no idea what these two woman are fighting about. I love how dramatically they take each slap. And I hope to hell the blonde one was wearing clip on earrings. ’cause damn. I would not sacrifice my ear lobes for no bitch. NEVER.

Hilariously, the guy saves the lamp and sort of stands there watching them. Except it’s hilarious in that it’s really, really, really AWKWARD.

I love how the Rama goes from fighting to blackmailing the lamp dude seamlessly.

From searching the web, I got an explanation (kind of) for this fight. What stood out was….

They soon found out Rama wasn’t pregnant after Robert Ford accidentally poked Rama’s water-ballooned pregnant belly.

Water balloon??? AMATEUR.


2. [link]

Wait, so the redhead had a baby with blonde’s fiance. And also, she’s in love with him. And someone killed the redhead’s husband? And also Blonde locked Red in a basement and tried to kill her?

Jessica, who at the time was currently her alter personality, Tess, decides to seek revenge and kidnaps Natalie and Jared, leaving them in a room with a bomb

Oh.

Luckily someone has written the world’s longest paragraph on Wikipedia about this mess.

Brody pressures Natalie to start a relationship with him but Natalie still wants John. After sharing a kiss with John; she asks him for another chance but John tells her he could get past all of it but he has to respect that Brody is Liam’s father and can’t just raise him as his own. Disheartened, she gives in to Brody’s pressure and begins sleeping with him. Jessica returns and catches them in the act and Brody cruelly tells Jessica he doesn’t want her anymore. Natalie is clearly embarrassed and doesn’t really love Brody but since she couldn’t have John; she decides to make it about Liam and she and Brody make their relationship more serious despite the hurt it causes John and Jessica.

All of this fuckery and they’re standing stationary for six minutes. Oh, hell no! Less yapping and more fighting!!


“It’s not a party until something gets broken.”

You always know shit is about to go down when a character is standing right in front of a Christmas tree.

3. [link]

Michael and Marcie adopt a little boy they name Tommy, after Michael’s deceased father. Marcie’s friend (and Tommy’s godfather) Rex Balsom soon discovers that Tommy is actually Todd Manning’s son, who had been kidnapped by Dr. Spencer Truman and was presumed dead. Familiar with the McBains’ devotion to Tommy and knowing that they would be devastated if he were taken away, Rex decides to keep the secret. Adriana and later Michael himself become part of the conspiracy to keep Tommy with the McBains. Rex goes as far as faking a death certificate for Todd’s missing child to get Todd to give up the search.

ajj0k_s-200x150


4. [link]


I was going to skip this one until I got to 2:18 and the dude with the Bieber hair is like, “I should have killed you when I had the chance.”

-gulp- -dramatic music- -dramatic CLOSE UP-

If only the acting was convincing.

After the dude with the hair claims that he played the other guy ‘like a bad piano’, he gets PUNCHED IN THE THROAT. And then the other guy reveals that he poisoned Bieber hair dude! With arsenic. DAYUM. Like, tell him about the poison and then punch him in the throat. It’s just simple logic.

I’m not even looking up an explanation for this one. Both of these men are clearly murderous psychopaths.

It’s like watching Sam and Dean, but ten years in the future with Supernatural going from CW teen show to ABC Family 6’s midday line up.


Bonus clip….and I’ll throw in a NSFW here, because it is not safe to be drinking water while watching any of this shit.

5. [link]

 

David and Dorian later attend the premiere of their film Vicker Man at the Palace Hotel, where Dorian gets into a confrontation with Ionia because they are wearing identical dresses. David helps break up the fight between them when David has the film’s director Markko send Ionia home in a cab. David and Dorian’s film premiere is unfortunately upstaged by porn producer Rick Powers, when he switches the Vicker Man film with his porno film Hold The Diploma, which stars local Llanview teenagers Nate Salinger and Deanna Forbes

I can’t remember what minute it is but THIS DUDE LITERALLY SAYS ‘I’LL PROTECT YOUR OPENING’ WITH A STRAIGHT FACE. The twelve year old in my LOL’d. Hard.

@ 5:45 “These weiners are getting cold.” Can they stop. Pls.

The writers were really having a field day with ‘Vicker Man’ movie… Apparently it stars Harrison Ford and Mel Gibson. LOL, well, at least they have a sense of humor.

And there’s MORE!

6. [link]

HOLD THE DIPLOMA????

“My daughter-in-law and son had no idea they were exposing their unborn child to this X-rated smut”

*dead*

And then right after that….

My diploma is so big, it’s like double majoring” LMAO.

michael-jordan-laughing

I am speechless. LOL. This shit is hilarious and not in a good way.

I almost can’t believe that this was an episode on television that people actually watched but then again, Supernatural’s still on!

Anything is possible.

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