CW-esque teen drama finale


WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE’S THE REALLY BAD FINALE THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REST OF THE SHOW. I’m also writing a mock CW supernatural/vampire drama now. Clearly the CW is inspirational.

Previous parts are here.


UNTITLED UNREALISTIC TEEN DRAMA 106

‘FINALE’

by

supernaturalsnark

FADE IN:

INT. PRIVATE JET NIGHT

Previously on Untitled Unrealistic Teen Drama – HOT TWEEN BOYBAND guest starred. Queen Bee and Skylet reached a detente of sorts and Hot Guy was STABBED! Now on the season finale, we find out who the likely suspects are!

In the jet, Hot Guy is somewhere in a corner. Queen Bee is filing her nails and Bad Guy is pacing around sexily. Hot Tween Boyband blink owlishly before retrieving a set of forms.

HOT TWEEN BOYBAND MEMBER #3

(sexy frowns)

So we need all of you to sign release forms so that we can put all of this in our new music video.

BAD GUY

(sexy frowns)

You’re kidding, right?

HOT TWEEN BOYBAND MEMBER #4

We’ve already tweeted that we would release a teaser of our next music video. We were going to film something generic at the dance but our manager has decided that a cool murder mystery is even better!

BAD GUY

He’s not dead yet. We’re slowly building up to a fade to black ‘WILL HE LIVE OR DIE?’ cliffhanger, but still. Have some respect for the almost-dead.

HOT TWEEN BOYBAND MEMBER #4

(confused)

…I’ll have to okay that with our manager.

Bad Guy barely manages to restrain himself from strangling Hot Tween Boyband Member #4.

QUEEN BEE

(shocked)

I didn’t know we were being filmed! Underlings – hand me my make up bag!

BAD GUY

They’re not here.

QUEEN BEE

(crying)

WHAT?! I need to make sure that my hair and make up are on point, what do you mean they’re not here?

BAD GUY

There wasn’t any room left on the jet. Plus, most of them passed out when they saw Hot Guy passed out on the floor.

HOT GUY

(groans)

I’m too hot to die

BAD GUY

Dude, shut up. You’re supposed to be unconscious.

SKYLET

(dramatic sob)

WHO WOULD STAB HOT GUY?!

QUEEN BEE

(outraged)

So, we had room for HER but none of my underlings?! FUCK THIS.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

(steps into view)

Language, Queen Bee.

QUEEN BEE

When did YOU get here?

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

It would be highly irresponsible for me to let a bunch of underage teenagers onto a private jet without any adult supervision.

QUEEN BEE

Oh, please.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

Anyway, the way, I see it, we all had a motive to stab Hot Guy.

Everybody starts to protest. HOT TWEEN BOYBAND look on with blank expressions due to their manager’s strict ‘no thinking’ policy.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

LIKE I WAS SAYING! WE ALL HAD MOTIVE AND NOW WE ARE ALL GOING TO CUT TO FLASHBACKS BECAUSE THEY MAKE IT ALL SO DRAMATIC!

QUEEN BEE

What exactly was my motive?

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

I don’t know. But I know that you have one because you’re one of the suspects. So just look shady for a few minutes while the camera gets a close up shot.

BAD GUY

What possibly motive could I have? He’s my stepbrother.

Before anyone can answer Bad Guy, HOT TWEEN BOYBAND stand up and burst into some synchronized dance moves. They begin to lip sync to their latest hit single.

Queen Bee claps sarcastically when they’re done.

QUEEN BEE

(angry)

Did your manager tell you do that too?

HOT TWEEN BOYBAND MEMBER #3

(nod)

Yeah. We have to break into our routine every three hours. So that we don’t forget.

QUEEN BEE

Can we throw them out of the jet?

BAD GUY

Right. THAT’S what we need – five more half-dead guys.

HOT GUY

(stammers)

I’m too hot to die.

EVERYONE

SHUT UP, HOT GUY!

HOT GUY

Even though I’ve lost a lot of blood, I’m still awake and conscious. There’s also enough oil on my abs for maximized glistening opportunity.

QUEEN BEE

Can we throw him off the jet?

HOT GUY

What? No! I mean…t-t-oo hot to die.

QUEEN BEE

I hate my life.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

SHHH! It’s time for the flash backs. I need all of you too look super focused while I get all of the close ups. Of myself mostly, but I’ll get some good background shots with the rest of y’all.

They all begin to look super focused while Hot Principal artfully tousles his hair.

FADE IN:

EXT. QUEEN BEE’S POOL DAY

FLASHBACK

Queen Bee is sipping a cocktail by the pool even though she’s supposed to be in Algebra class. Hot Guy is sunbathing on a deck chair.

HOT GUY

(grin)

I’m hotter than the sun.

QUEEN BEE

(rolls eyes)

Why are you here?

HOT GUY

I’m here to blackmail you.

QUEEN BEE

Why? I paid you a substantial amount of money to do something awful. Clearly you’re a good enough person to not take advantage! Case closed.

HOT GUY

And now that I know that you have enough to pay me to sleep with someone, I’m going to do just that and hit you up for some more cash. I may not be able to read, but I can see the numbers on bills.  

QUEEN BEE

(shrugs)

I’m not paying you.

HOT GUY

If you don’t, I’ll release our sex tape.

QUEEN BEE

(glares)

We don’t have one.

HOT GUY

I took the liberty of heavily editing copies of stock footage just in case. Well, I paid some nerd that you rejected to do it but, still. I gots me a sex tape.

QUEEN BEE

(angry)

Get out of my house.

HOT GUY

(sexy smirk)

My abs are bronze enough so I’ll go. You’ve got my PayPal email, right?

QUEEN BEE

I WILL kill you!!

Dramatic music plays in the background.

HOT GUY

Sure you will.

Hot Guy leaves as Queen Bee throws plastic umbrellas at him.

CUT TO:

INT. BAD GUY’S ROOM NIGHT

FLASHBACK.

Bad Guy is playing a generic video game due to copyright issues. Hot Guy saunters in.

HOT GUY

(smirks)

Sup.

BAD GUY

Get out.

HOT GUY

Just thought I’d stop by and tell you that the cops stopped by. They wanted to know where you were on a specific night.

BAD GUY

I’m surprised that you weren’t too busy oiling your abs.

HOT GUY

Oh, I was but I finished oiling them early. Anyway, I gave you an alibi. But that was before I knew about Hot Female Teacher. She got busted for drugs just as you went into rehab. Just as you were seeing her! That can’t be a coincidence.

Bad Guy starts to look panicked but he remains composed.

BAD GUY

(rolls eyes)

Oh. Looks like your one brain cell has been doing a lot of work. Please don’t strain yourself.

HOT GUY

Whatever. I might be stupid but the writers have granted me one smart moment. So, I want ten grand or I go back to the cops and tell them the truth.

BAD GUY

(splutters)

Ten grand? We’re in HIGH SCHOOL. I don’t have that kind of money.

HOT GUY

You better find it or you’re going to jail.

BAD GUY

I WILL KILL YOU!!!!

CUT TO:

INT. PRIVATE JET DAY

We cut back to present day. Hot Tween Boyband are having a synchronised nap.

QUEEN BEE

(skeptical)

Why do all of the flashbacks end with ‘I WILL KILL YOU!’?

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

(shrugs)

Shh. My flashback is coming up and I need concentration for all of my close up shots.

HOT GUY

(stammers)

T-t-too hot to die…

QUEEN BEE

(groans)

Seriously, can we shut him up some how?

Skylet is watching the scene silently. She’s torn between wanting to console Hot Guy and wanting to offer to suck up to Queen Bee. After a long close up, she decides to do the latter.

SKYLET

I know, right? Hot Guy sucks.

QUEEN BEE

If anything, you had the biggest motive to kill him.

SKYLET

(outraged)

No, I didn’t!!!

QUEEN BEE

He slept with your mom AND you punched him.

SKYLET

I have an alibi. I was getting my ass kicked my Twoanna.

BAD GUY

(winces)

Ouch. She scares me and she’s my sister.

SKYLET

Exactly!

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

Plus, I just realised that you’re not one of the suspects. So, I need you to get out of the scene. We’re about to cut to my close up.

QUEEN BEE

(scoffs)

Oh, please. They just cast you. You’re not the murderer. It’s probably going to be someone who isn’t on the plane.

SKYLET

Hey, maybe it was Twoanna. That girl sure has a chip on her shoulder!

BAD GUY

(sexy, angry eyes)

Not cool, man. Leave my sister out of this.

SKYLET

Don’t worry. She will inexplicably forgive me next season, just before you and I start dating again.

BAD GUY

Over my dead body.

Everyone stops to look at Hot Guy before circling back to Bad Guy.

Bad Guy rolls his eyes and throws his hands up.

BAD GUY

Oh, my bad. I didn’t realise that we all cared about being sensitive to the almost dead guy. Hell, none of us are even applying pressure to his wound.

SKYLET

And we’ve been on the jet for some time. I’m no Einstein but

Queen Bee interrupts with a loud snort.

QUEEN BEE

Understatement. Now be a dear and fan me, please.

Despite being insulted, Skylet obliges.

SKYLET

As I was saying, there’s not way that Hot Guy can

Hot Principal whistles, effectively silencing her and waking Hot Tween Boyband.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

Sorry, but it is time for my flashback now. We’ll cut back to you later.

CUT TO:

INT. HOT PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE NIGHT

Hot Principal is in his office. It’s late at night and he’s pretending to do paperwork just in case people are still around. After it reaches eleven pm, he decides that no one should be around. He reaches for a comically complicated remote control and presses a red button. The futon in his office folds into the bed position and a bathroom appears.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

No one will ever know that I’m secretly living in my office!! And that I’m an impostor! Ha!

Hot Guy has just finished making out with someone by the bleachers. He randomly happens to be walking past the principal’s office. He perks up when he hears Hot Principal talking to himself.

Hot Guy enters the office.

HOT GUY

(smirks)

I want ten grand and straight As for the rest of the school year.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

(surprised)

Why would I do any of that? And why aren’t you wearing a shirt?

Hot Guy looks down and shrugs.

HOT GUY

I’m too hot for a shirt.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

You’re an idiot.

HOT GUY

(sexy frowns)

You’re supposed to ask me if I’m hot temperature wise or attractiveness wise! That way I can say both!

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

Why are you here?

HOT GUY

I’m blackmailing you.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

LOL!

HOT GUY

Why are you LOL-ing. You’re too old to LOL!

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

Get out of my office.

HOT GUY

What about my money? I’ll do it. I’ll tell everyone that you’re an imposter. And that you sleep in your office.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

You tell anyone and I will kill you. And that might be a disproportionate reaction but, I really want to win an Emmy award one day so I’m going with it.

Hot Guy runs out of the office.

CUT TO:

INT. PRIVATE JET NIGHT

Queen Bee, Skylet and Bad Guy are staring at Hot Principal.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

What? No one gave you judgey eyes after your flashbacks!

HOT GUY

(almost dead)

T-t-oo cold to die.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

Wait, what?

QUEEN BEE

Forget him, at least we are who we say we are! You’re an impostor.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

Actually, I’m an undercover cop. I have reason to believe that there’s a huge yet to be determined corrupt thing happening at the school. I couldn’t let Hot Guy blow my cover.

All eyes circle back to Hot Guy. And then back to Hot Principal.

QUEEN BEE

(rolls eyes)

That doesn’t make any sense.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

It’s TV. It doesn’t have to make any sense.

QUEEN BEE

So, will we find out who almost killed Hot Guy?

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

Next season. And I’ll be debuting my fresher, younger look, so yeah, I’m definitely not the almost killer.

SKYLET

(blinks)

I’m a wet blanket so it DEFINITELY wasn’t me!

HOT GUY

(surprisingly alert for someone who is almost dead)

That leaves Queen Bee and Bad Guy.

There are a lot of dramatic close ups. Mostly of Hot Principal.

QUEEN BEE

It wasn’t me!

BAD GUY

It wasn’t me either. He’s my brother!

HOT TWEEN BOYBAND

(in unison)

It wasn’t us either!

Everyone turns to look at HOT TWEEN BOYBAND.

BAD GUY

Wait, no one was accusing you?!

HOT TWEEN BOYBAND

Our manager says that being part of the hiatus #whoalmostkilledhotguy campaign will prolong our shelf life by six months.

BAD GUY

(sexy, angry eyes  )

I say that we throw them off the plane! Assholes.

There’s some commotion as the pilot and co-pilot exit the cockpit with parachutes in hand.  

PILOT

Yeah, so, the plane is leaking fuel and whatnot, so. It’s best that y’all get out of here somehow!

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

(sexy, angry eyes)

We’re in the middle of the city! a. You can’t just allow the jet to crash into buildings and b. We don’t have parachutes!

PILOT

I’m sorry but, we can’t let common sense and safety protocol get in the way of a JUICY storyline! Adios, amigo!

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

(shakes his head)

Fuck.

The pilot and co-pilot exit the private jet as Hot Tween Boyband blink at them owlishly.

SKYLET

(nervous laugh)

So, who’s flying the plane? And uh, is it me or are we going down rather quickly?

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

Don’t worry, I’ll save the day!

SKYLET

That won’t work. You’re too old to save the day. On TV, the sexy, young character always proves that inexperience comes in handy when you need it the most.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

Fine. Bad Guy, our lives are in your hands.

BAD GUY

Gee, thanks for nothing, Skylet.

EVERYONE

(to Bad Guy)

DO SOMETHING!!

With a long suffering sigh, Bad Guy enters the cockpit. The group stare silently when the door shuts.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

(pouts)

I better win some kind of award for this.

QUEEN BEE

I’m sure there’s a Tweeples Choice Nomination out there with your name on it. And by ‘out there’, I mean nowhere.

HOT PRINCIPAL/DIRECTOR

Quit being a hater, Queen Bee.

QUEEN BEE

Oh, please. It’s not like this is on HBO. I’m only stating the obvious.

SKYLET

(valley girl giggle)

Wait, this is the part where we say nice things about each other because we are about to almost die.

Queen Bee and Hot Principal roll their eyes.

Suddenly the jet lurches violently and they are thrown out of their seats. Hot Guy finally falls unconscious.

FADE IN:

INT. COCKPIT NIGHT

Bad Guy is fiddling with the controllers and swearing to himself. A voice comes through from the control room.

CONTROL ROOM PERSON

(frantic)

This is air control, are you aware that you’re about to crash?

BAD GUY

MAYDAY, MAYDAY, MAYDAY!!

CONTROL ROOM PERSON

Okay, listen to me carefully and I’ll talk you through this.

They communicate back and forth for a few minutes. It seems like the jet is back on track when suddenly, there’s a sharp decline.

BAD GUY

(manly shrug)

Here goes nothing!

He presses a large red button and the screen fades to black.

A hashtag flashes onscreen.  

#WHOALMOSTKILLEDHOTGUY?

FADE OUT

END


Some bonus script information/tips/ramble.

  • Fun fact about me: I used to want to be a screenwriter, but the closest I got was writing my own scene for Death Of A Salesman (not by choice) and an online course that I’m yet to finish. ONE DAY, THOUGH, ONE DAY. I WILL WRITE A LEGIT SCRIPT. ABOUT BOYBANDS. Probably.
  • There are a bunch of errors in my ‘scripts’. Mostly because I sort of cheated and half wrote things in Word and half used an app
  • The scene transitions should come before the SCENE HEADER (that’s the INT PLACE DAY/NIGHT). So where I’ve written ‘Fade In’ etc is incorrect and should be above. I did think it was weird that I was transitioning after setting the scene but meh. You learn something everyday!
  • Voiceovers are denoted by -CHARACTER ‘(V.O.)’ – but as you can see, I overdid the parentheses! Which leads me to my next point…
  • Typically, the character’s action is decided by the director, so where I have ‘sexy, frowny eyes’ a million times would probably be blank in an actual script. I put them in there because I’m convinced they are in all of the CW scripts and I was trying to be funny, but typically they’re not used much.
  • You can intercut scenes — where was that tip when I needed it for the flashbacks?? It made sense to just use a new header and a ‘Back to’ but intercuts are a tidier way to do it.
  • From the BBC, here’s a really good screenplay template. And there’s a lot more coherent and articulate information about screenplays/scripts on the web! /toolazytolink.gif
  • Industry recommended apps are usually Final Draft, Celtx and a few others. I had another one that I used for two minutes before my laptop crashed. I haven’t been able to log on to it since, so…it is probably good that I can’t remember the name, LOL.
  • I also used an old android app called myScreenplays. I’ve had it for years but never used it much. It’s limited and buggy but a really decent starter app. And to clean everything up, you just export as .DOC (there are other options but this one provides the least headache) and you can edit that in Word, GDrive etc. There’s probably a better app out there by now, though! Maybe someone can direct me to one.

Of course, this is all for fun so…if anyone wants to write their own teen drama, I’d love to read it! 🙂

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6 comments

  1. Brilliant! Loved the promise of a “younger, fresher look”. I hope he does something about the eye wrinkles. Although, a scene of Queen Bee making fun of his bowlegs would be nice.

    How many of Tween Band are going to die? And will Bad Guy have to take one of the band’s place for the Big Show?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!

      It’s always a younger, fresher look until season 3 when the producers realise that it’s unlikely that the audience will buy that these human beings have looked exactly the same for three years.

      Tween Band will probably survive and die in a metaphorical sense when the record label confines them to NoOneRemembersWhoWeAreVille. Lol, Bad Guy does has future ‘Indie Band You’ve Never Heard Of’ member written all over him. 😛

      Like

      1. “Lol, Bad Guy does has future ‘Indie Band You’ve Never Heard Of’ member written all over him.”

        With a side order of College Hipster In an Ironic Fedora as well. Hot guy will be aging jock wondering what happened, Queen Bee will be a wannabe Real Housewife, while Skylar will write a whiny blog.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes! We can’t forget the ironic hat wear. And the unnecessary scarf. There’s always a scarf.

          Ha! There’s nothing worse than a wannabe Real Housewife! I had to take a break from RH after I watched them debate whether or not some dude had cancer or not (he didn’t, but how sad is it that they all agreed to go down that road?). Too much blonde. not enough brain cells.

          Like

    1. Thank you! I’m happy that you enjoyed it! LOL, right? The CW must have all of those in their scripts. It is the only explanation for the…acting that happens! The sexy frown close up should be patented by them at this point. Haha.

      Like

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