CW teen-esque drama – episode 4


SORRY FOR ANY TYPOS, I WILL FIX ‘EM LATER.


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UNTITLED UNREALISTIC TEEN DRAMA 104

“JUST THAT FABULOUS”

by

supernaturalsnark

1. INT. HALLWAY DAY

FADE IN:

We open with a scene in the high school hallway. There’s general chatter but the focus remains on Hot Female Teacher and Bad Guy who are walking past each other in slow motion. Dramatic music plays in the background.

Skylet appears and accidentally bumps into Bad Guy.

SKYLET

(laughs nervously)

Sorry! I didn’t realise that you were walking in slow motion!

BAD GUY

(shrugs)

It’s fine.

SKYLET

Shouldn’t you still be in the hospital?

BAD GUY

(manly shrug)

I discharged myself. I only had a couple of bruises.

SKYLET

You can barely tell that they were there at all.

DIRECTOR

(offscreen)

You can’t even get a fake bruise around here. Go figure.

SKYLET

Look, I’m sorry for thinking that you were cheating on me. It was stupid.

BAD GUY

Look-

SKYLET

(interrupts)

It was stupid of me to blame you for us almost being together. I mean, we were like, totally in a messed up place so I get why you cheated.

BAD GUY

We were never together.

SKYLET

I know. But we were ALMOST together. That totally counts!

Bad Guy rolls his eyes and is thankfully saved from Skylet by Queen Bee. Queen Bee proceeds to give Skylet a dirty look before she drags Bad Guy into an empty classroom.

BAD GUY

(startled)

Do you mind?

QUEEN BEE

(rolls eyes)

I just wanted to know if you were okay. Hot Guy told me that you were in hospital. And I’m the only character that knows that you were in rehab, so I’m stuck making sure that you haven’t relapsed.

Skylet is listening outside and she gasps when she hears the word ‘rehab’.

BAD GUY

I’m fine, okay. How did Hot Guy find out anyway?

QUEEN BEE

Miss Wet Blanket. And he told me because you and I used to date. He thought I’d give a shit. Apparently, this is the scene where everyone finds out that I’m not a complete bitch. Even though I am for this season.

BAD GUY

Look, I had a messed up fling with Hot Female Teacher. And I might have been her drug supplier. But everything is fine. I can handle this by myself even though I’m like, not an adult yet and everything I’ve learned about drugs came from TV shows.

QUEEN BEE

What? That’s messed up. We should tell someone.

BAD GUY

(manly shrug)

It’s over now. I told her that I was done. She’s probably going to listen to me even if precedent says otherwise.

QUEEN BEE

Whatever. Either way, I’m checking you into rehab again. I need you to be healthy for when I take that bitch Skylet down.

BAD GUY

She’s not THAT bad.

QUEEN BEE

She’s single handedly ruined my life and she’s been at this school for a week. She’s going down.

Skylet gasps again and runs away crying.

2. INT. SKYLET’S ALL PINK BEDROOM DAY

CUT TO:

Skylet is at her desk, updating her blog.

SKYLET

(voiceover)

I was crushed. Even though Queen Bee was right about me sabotaging her life since my arrival, the fact that she wanted to take me down was a surprise. I decided that I had to fight dirty. I was giving up on trying to be BFFs with her. I was going to take her down before she took me down.

Skylet picks up her phone and calls Hot Guy

HOT GUY

(on phone)

Hello?

SKYLET

Hi, Hot Guy!!! It’s Skylet.

HOT GUY

Oh. Hey, Scarlet!

SKYLET

Skylet. S-K-Y-LET.

HOT GUY

That’s what I said!

SKYLET

Anyway, what are you up to?

HOT GUY

Flexing some muscles and admiring myself in the mirror.

SKYLET

Okay. Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to get back together. I need people to take me seriously and the best way to get that is for me to have a long term boyfriend.

HOT GUY

Sure. I mean, I need to have at least two indiscretions a day, but a long term girlfriend would totally get my football coach off my back. He thinks that my playboy ways are affecting my performance.

SKYLET

(disinterested hum)

Okay, cool. I’ll meet you in the parking lot tomorrow so we can announce our relationship by walking into the building in slow motion.

HOT GUY

Better yet, we can do that at the dance. It’s next week. And that gives me time to make out with more girls before I’m officially off the market.

SKYLET

There’s a dance?

HOT GUY

Yeah. Queen Bee is head of the committee. She always goes with a Hollywood theme. Apparently her dad is super rich.

Skylet grins to herself and hangs up without saying goodbye to Hot Guy.

SKYLET

(voiceover)

Hot Guy had given me what I needed. Not only was I going to take over this dance, I was going to leave Queen Bee at the bottom of the social ladder. I was going to destroy her once and for all.

3. INT. REHAB DAY

CUT TO:

Queen Bee is visiting Bad Guy With A Heart Of Gold.

BAD GUY

(sexy frowns)

You didn’t have to drive me here and stick around.

QUEEN BEE

(shrugs)

I kinda did. If Daddy finds out that I’m paying for your rehab, I’m going to have to like, explain the whole process to him.

BAD GUY

I’ll pay you back, I promise.

QUEEN BEE

With what? Depressing mixtapes and poppers?

BAD GUY

Too soon.

QUEEN BEE

Look, even though you’ve been coveting with the enemy, I’m doing this because you’ll owe me.

BAD GUY

I thought you were genuinely concerned about my welfare.

QUEEN BEE

(waves a hand dismissively)

Yeah, yeah, but anyway, you’re clean now, right?

BAD GUY

I’ve been here for two hours.

QUEEN BEE

Oh. So…how long will it take?

BAD GUY

I’ll probably be here for a couple weeks.

QUEEN BEE

(eyes bulge)

Wow. So…yeah, okay. Well, I might have to check you out sooner than that. I need your help. We need to being Skylet down. ASAP. People are starting to question ME, Bad Guy. And in case you haven’t noticed, I run Generic High School.

BAD GUY

(rolls eyes)

You run our school?

QUEEN BEE

Who do you think paid for the diamond encrusted sinks in the bathrooms?

BAD GUY

Someone who’s never been to the men’s bathroom, that’s for sure.

QUEEN BEE

Whatever. Anyway, I’m going to go and ruin Hot Female Teacher’s life.

BAD GUY

(falls in love)

For me? Uh, I don’t know what to say.

QUEEN BEE

It’s no problem. It’s just practise for when I become a professional life ruiner.

BAD GUY

You’re planning on going into politics?

QUEEN BEE

No, I’m going to become a fashion designer. Or an actor. Someone famous. You know, someone who actually matters.

BAD GUY

(slow blink)

Oookay, then. Good luck with your life-ruining.

QUEEN BEE

Later, loser.

Queen Bee leaves the room while spraying Dior perfume in her wake. Bad Guy falls in love some more even though he hates everything she stands for.

-EXT. HOT FEMALE TEACHER’S HOUSE NIGHT

CUT TO:

Queen Bee is sitting inside her expensive car, with expensive shades on. She’s looking through binoculars and seemingly unaware of how stupid she looks. Hot Female Teacher is in the middle of conducting a drug deal.

HOT FEMALE TEACHER

WHOO! CABO, HERE I COME!

Suddenly there is an explosion of sirens and police activity. Hot Female Teacher looks up and sees them through her window.

HOT FEMALE TEACHER

Dammit. Why do I ALWAYS forget to close the blinds?

Hot Female Teacher is arrested while Queen Bee cackles with glee.

QUEEN BEE

One down, one to go.

4. INT. SKYLET’S ALL-PINK BEDROOM

CUT TO:

Skylet and Twoanna are plotting Queen Bee’s downfall. There is a lot of valley girl giggling.

SKYLET

(bounce)

I can’t wait to be QUEEN SKYLET!

TWOANNA

(frown)

Wait, what? That’s not why we’re doing this. We’re standing for what is right. We are taking our high school back.

SKYLET

(shrug)

Sure, sure. But our main goal is showing Queen Bee what happens when you refuse to be people’s BFF.

Twoanna finally seems to realise that Skylet is a very confused individual.

TWOANNA

Look, I knew that you were a dubious character when you showed up. I mean, you dated Hot Guy, the resident manwhore. And then you moved onto my brother, which I didn’t really like but whatever, this is high school and boyfriend switching is completely appropriate here. BUT, are you serious telling me that you’re doing this just because Queen Bee refused to be your BFF.

SKYLET

Yes. Nobody puts Skylet in a corner.

TWOANNA

Yeah, so, I’m done here. CUT!

5. INT. HALLWAY NIGHT

CUT TO:

Skylet is dressed in all-black. There are a stack of flyers her hand that read ‘THE SECRET THAT BAD GUY DIDN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW!!! HE’S IN REHAB!!!’ in sparkly pink font. She proceeds to plaster them on each and every locker.

SKYLET

Ha! No one will EVER suspect me even though my face isn’t concealed and there are security cameras EVERYWHERE!

6. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY DAY

FADE TO:

Queen Bee is texting furiously on her phone when she looks up and sees all of the flyers.

QUEEN BEE

What the f—

DIRECTOR

(hands in hair)

How many times? KEEP. IT. PG. Or you’re fired.

QUEEN BEE

(rolls eyes)

Bitch, please. I’m the Blair Waldorf of this show. It ends when I say it does. Or when I find my own Ryan Reynolds and directors willing to overlook my lack of talent.

DIRECTOR

(confused)

So, you’re the Serena van der Woodsen of the show too?

QUEEN BEE

No offence, but I’m pretty to be seen talking to you, so can we like, go back to the scene?

Skylet appears suddenly and hugs Queen Bee tightly.

QUEEN BEE

Oh, god. Make it stop.

SKYLET

It’s not fair what everyone is saying about you!

QUEEN BEE

What are they saying?

SKYLET

That you’re the evil bitch who betrayed Bad Guy and revealed his secret.

QUEEN BEE

Please. I have several witnesses that can attest to my whereabouts last night.

SKYLET

(sly look)

How do you know it was done last night?

RANDOM EXTRA

Because she did it! HEY EVERYONE, LET’S ALL STARE AT HER SO THAT SHE CAN DO AN AGONISINGLY SLOW WALK OF SHAME.

Everyone stares at Queen Bee but there’s no agonisingly walk of shame.

QUEEN BEE

(shrug)

Like I care what you losers think of me anyway. None of you are invited to my birthday party.

QUEEN BEE UNDERLING #1

What about me and the other underlings?

QUEEN BEE

Get me the security camera footage from the past twenty four hours and I’ll think about it.

RANDOM EXTRA

Wasn’t it your birthday last month?

QUEEN BEE

Everyday’s my birthday. I’m just that fabulous.

Skylet senses that people are not as angry with Queen Bee as they were two minutes ago. She takes out her phone and taps some keys. Despite the fact that she’s the only character with her phone out, only one person sees her with it.

Everybody’s cell phone chimes in unison.

QUEEN BEE UNDERLING #2

O-EM-GEE! It’s a video of Bad Guy making out with Hot Female Teacher! I heard that she got arrested last night for drug dealing. Supposedly the school will be looking into all of the teachers now.

Despite the fact that he’s a grown man, Hot Male Teacher has been listening to the altercation and eating buttery popcorn. He promptly chokes on said popcorn when he hears what Queen Bee Underling #2 has to say.

HOT MALE TEACHER

Hey, Super Rich Kid? If I give you an A on your paper, will you buy me a one way ticket to Mexico?

SUPER RICH KID

Uh. Well. My parents are never around so an A won’t do me much good.

HOT MALE TEACHER

What if I give you a masterclass on how to pick up girls?

SOLD!

Queen Bee finishes watching the video and turns to glare at Skylet.

QUEEN BEE

Bad Guy will never believe that I did this!

SKYLET

Actually, when he sees that the message was techincally sent from your phone, he will,

QUEEN BEE

(splutters)

How dare you?!

SKYLET

(sing-song voice)

You shouldn’t have pissed off the IT Nerds!

RANDOM IT NERD

Hey, not cool – we have names you know?

Queen Bee doesn’t wait for Skylet to respond to that as she rushes forward and grabs Skylet’s hair.

ENTIRE HALLWAY

CATFIGHT!!!!

7. INT. HOT PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE. DAY

FADE IN:

The Hot Principal is currently glaring at Queen Bee and Skylet. He holds up an iPad with the video playing.

HOT PRINCIPAL

Which one of you uploaded this video?

SKYLET

(points at Queen Bee)

She did!

QUEEN BEE

Keep pointing that finger at me and I’ll turn it into mincemeat.

HOT PRINCIPAL

Is this true Queen Bee?

QUEEN BEE

Look, you can check my grades for Computer 101, or whatever that stupid class is. I can barely switch on my laptop, let alone upload a video. That’s what hot guys are for. Like I would operate my own machinery. Ugh. Ew.

HOT PRINCIPAL

Uh…

SKYLET

Well, then how do you explain the fact that it was posted from her account?

HOT PRINCIPAL

(clears throat)

Actually, it wasn’t. It was posted from a fan account.

Queen Bee smiles to herself. She decides that she needs to recruit more underlings and promote the current ones to people that she can be seen with in public.

SKYLET

You have fan accounts?

QUEEN BEE

What can I say? I’m just that fabulous.

DIRECTOR

(offscreen)

We’re just ad-libbing now?

SKYLET

In fairness, the Queen Bee totally needs her own catchphrase. She’s Queen Bee!

SKYLET

Wait…

QUEEN BEE

(smiles)

Like, I said, I’m–

HOT PRINCIPAL

Yeah, we heard, you’re fabulous and you can be fabulous in detention.

QUEEN BEE

Dammit. What if I offer you a Groupon for a 2 for 1 spa day?

Hot Principal stops to ponder this.

SKYLET

Dude, you can’t seriously be considering this?

HOT PRINCIPAL

Did you just call me ‘Dude?’

SKYLET

I meant ‘sir’ — you’re way too old to be a dude anyway.

HOT PRINCIPAL

(to Queen Bee)

I accept your offer. Clearly my skin isn’t as supple as it could be.

QUEEN BEE

Awesome! Well, I have a lunch appointment to head to, so I’ll be seeing you.

HOT PRINCIPAL

It’s not even ten yet. And you have class. Although, judging my your records, you’ve been skipping them for several lunch appointments.

QUEEN BEE

(starts tapping on her iPhone)

It’s not like I come here to learn. I mean, ew. Learning sucks. It’s not like any of the students ever have anything that resembles an actual class on TV high school anyway.

DIRECTOR

(offscreen; weary)

Can we keep the fourth wall stuff to a minimum, please? I want to be a movie director someday, thanks.

HOT PRINCIPAL

Hey, me too! Heck, they’re letting me direct the season finale.

DIRECTOR

Oh, god.

SKYLET

Wait, so…Queen Bee isn’t going to get in trouble for uploading that video?

HOT PRINCIPAL

(confused)

We’ve already established that it came from a fan account. And also, the IT guys ratted you out almost immediately. Plus, I saw you putting the flyers up on the security camera footage. You really didn’t do a great job of covering your tracks. And I just wanted to make you sweat a little. For dramatic TV purposes.

SKYLET

Fuck.

DIRECTOR

You know what, I quit.

QUEEN BEE

Looks like you failed, Skylet.

SKYLET

Dammit. Look, I’m going to give you one more chance to be BFFs with me. Literally the choice is BE MY FRIEND OR GET TAKEN DOWN!

QUEEN BEE

I’m not sure that there’s a difference.

Hot Principal laughs because he’s totally down with the kids. Queen Bee grabs her purse and exits the principal’s office.

SKYLET

I guess I’ll never be BFFs with her. My life is over.

HOT PRINCIPAL

(grins)

It’s about to get worse. The show just cast your parents. Guess who’s secret older brother is the secretly the Hot Principal?

SKYLET

(puts two and two together, ends up with seven, does the calculation again and finally lands on–)

Oh, hell no!

END

COMING UP NEXT: Bad Guy With A Heart Of Gold returns with a brand new attitude and shit goes down at the dance. Special appearance by HOT TWEEN BOYBAND and INDIE HIPSTER BAND YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF.

 

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4 thoughts on “CW teen-esque drama – episode 4

  1. It just keeps getting better and better. I can just see the Hot Principal’s self-directed episode – all closeups of him. Not that I’m basing that assumption on a real-life example, coughJensen Acklescough.

    Like

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