Empire 2×06: ‘Dollars in the bank’


 

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Okay, for some reason episode 6 opens with Becky and her boy having alone time. Her boy happens to be the HILARIOUS drug dealer from Murder In The First. Good for her, I guess.

Rainbow Abomination are practising when Cookie gets word that Hakeem has been kidnapped. She doesn’t think its real. HONEY, IT’S REAL.

Jamal is singing another depressing song. I still don’t like it. The song also sounds like something I’ve heard before. Oh, well. This scene is too long. Jamal is sad that Michael cheated. Oh. Well. Thankfully Cookie bursts in and shows Lucious the video and they all realise that Hakeem has actually been kidnapped.

…by people with Longhorn tattoos. Hakeem calls them a bunch of cowboys and gets his ass whooped. Lucious is convinced that they will get him back soon because they’re only asking for $40K. They ask for proof of life and get it.

WILLIAM FICHTNER IS IN THIS EPISODE. I love him.

Andre is trying to uh, change the standard of Gutter Life Records. Becky is not impressed.

Hakeem is returned, but asks to be let out of the van and only comes back after…turning up at Anika’s house and…kissing her. WHAT. In what universe does this make any sense?

Anyway, Hakeem blames Lucious and Cookie for him being kidnapped. How anticlimatic.

Meanwhile, Jamal is upset at being marketed as a gay artist. Apparently he’s gay AND an artist. Yeah, maybe you need to figure out what kind of artist you are Jamal. He sings another song. I don’t like it.

WILLIAM FICHTNER (Jameson) SHOWS UP IN AN…outfit that he presumably borrowed from Simon Cowell. He’s all about helping LGBT people. Jameson (is that how you spell it) is a little weird but okay.

Hakeem is…having some kind of post traumatic issue. Bless. He starts punching windows and shit. Damn. None of them could get him some therapy or something.

Meanwhile, Andre is ‘interviewing’ the artists on Gutter Life Records. He wonders if an artist named after the book of Job has considered incorporating the word into his music.

Cookie finallly realises that she needs to hire a security team. Shady concert promoter from the last episodes thinks she should hire the people that kidnapped him. They’re all beauty and no brains on this show. Oh, and shady concert promoter puts the moves on Cookie. Who actually sets up a meeting with the boys that kidnapped Hakeem….who proceeds to pull a gun on them – ‘who you calling a lil bitch noww?’. Yeah, this is straight up stupid.

Job or J Poppa as he’s known is performaing at the club. According to Andre, Job is is archangel Michael. And also he has an issue to Job’s relationship with Becky. J Poppa then spits some lyrics about God. Andre is the only one who approves. Welp. Freda performs and some dude starts trash talking her and everyone lets him. She eventually kicks him in the face. Andre wants to drop her from Gutter Inc and reminds Lucious that he put him in charge of the label. Lucious fires back with, ‘Nope, son, I put you in place.’ Well, that’s him told.

Lucious tries to give Hakeem a beat but Hakeem doesn’t want it. Apparently he offered Hakeem an olive branch and as Hakeem puts it, ‘The pilgrims offered the indians a bunch of blankets’. They argue back and forth until Dre and Jamal show up and offer him an escape route (oh, yeah he’s supposed to be performing). They manage to make him feel better. Aw, brotherly love. He misses his cue and the lead singer of the girl group manages to fix him by aggresively grabbing his face. Lucious looks disappointed. Hakeem’s verse is pretty good here. #DOLLARZINTHEBANK

Lucious tells he Freda that he identifies with her more than any of his sons. He then plays the track he tried to give to Hakeem for her. It’s a sick beat though, lol.

Cookie and creepy concert promoter get it on and……he has the same tattoo as Hakeem’s kidnappers! What a shocking surprise.

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