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This was in my drafts, so here it is! I took a break from the show after episode 6, LOL. I shall recap the rest if I remember, if not then, you’re probably going to be thankful, haha.


The case against Lucious has been dropped now that Vernon’s death is being treated as a suicide. Andre rocks up at Empire looking like a kid on their first day of school. Within the next five minutes, after being told that he’s now the head of Gutter Inc Records, he looks like that kid four weeks later when the homework is piling up. He doesn’t fare well during his welcoming party either. He seems a tad uncomfortable as some of the artists grind up on him. His next move is to try and organise his baptism. What a natural progression.

Meanwhile, Ne-Yo is helping Jamal with his music and also doing some dates on his tour. Michael is BIG FAN OF NE-YO!!!! Lucious doesn’t think Jamal should bring Michael on tour with him. Oh, Michael. You’re in for a ride. That wasn’t a euphemism.

Tiana, a singer on Lyon Dynasty Records (and previously on Empire), is jacked and they take her bag and send some kind of blackmail video. Cookie says she will take care of it.

Creepy Artist is still hanging around like a bad smell and trying to plant some ideas in Jamal’s head regarding Michael. Creepy Artist is creepy and also doesn’t believe in marriage or ‘heteronormative’ shackles. Michael doesn’t know what heteronormative means. He’s my new favourite. I hate that word. Creepy Artist tries to give Jamal some…sexual favours in a creepy looking tunnel but Jamal turns him down Michael shows up and says nothing. SIGH.

Cookie is pitching Lyon Dynasty to some shady looking concert promoter. The kind of shady that would survive if left for three days in a heatwave. Halfway through that meeting, her old assistant comes in and manages to get her job back. Despite getting her arrested. Well, Cookie is better than me. My first and only answer would have EXIT TO THE LEFT.

The skeezy lawyer asks Andre if he will be willing to get Lyon Dynasty’s finished and unfinished music. Why, though? Being in the rap game is all about the competition. Or it at least it about to be. I think Drake had it right with ‘Twitter Fingers’.

I still don’t like any of Jamal’s music.

Oh and now he’s booted Michael from his tour. WHY CAN’T WE SEE MICHAEL’S ISSUE ON CAMERA? Ne-Yo thinks he should bring Michael. Shut the fuck up, Ne-Yo. You know you can’t talk. Is there a hyphen in Ne-Yo? I have no idea why I’m writing it like that. I also don’t like his hat, but I don’t like the shape of his head either.

The new addition to Mirage A Trois doesn’t want to be passed around. You go, girl.

AND, WAIT WHAT, Jamal walks in on Michael accepting sexual favours from Creepy Artist. Lol, that was crappy of Michael but even worse writing.

Someone tries to steal Cookie’s masters and they say they were sent by Thirsty AKA skeezy lawyer. Thirsty is the perfect name for him. For some reason, concert promoter is there to help her out.

Andre is on his Baptism Tour and admits that he was the one who set up a robbery on Jamal at Ghetto Ass Studios. After dropping that information, he invites them to his baptism. Hakeem agrees to come, Jamal’s decision is pending depending on whether or not the pastor thinks he can pray away the gay. Andre also admits that he also almost killed himself in Lucious office. He must really be sure that murder is enough for Lucious to forget why he didn’t want to take him back in the first place.
He also asks Lucious to come to his baptism. Oh dear.

Meanwhile, Freda is laying her track and Lucious gives her pep talk. She’s pretty good.

Finally, Andre is getting baptised. He says that he’s not a good person. That’s true. According to my subtitles – Ne-Yo with the hyphen is correct. Cookie says ‘if the devil walks in here this whole place might catch fire‘ when she enquires if Lucious is coming. Lee Daniels, you know Lucious has no business being in church. Jamal has it right when he says ‘God help us all‘. Hakeem is also firing some shots – ‘I think I seen some angels running for cover‘. Someone might need to go and check on the thermostat. Cookie and Lucious talk through the entire baptism up until Lucious has a flashback about the time his mom held him down in a tub of water. He bounces but not before sharing a looooooooooooong look with Andre.

Some time later, Hakeem is kidnapping while on a run through the park. So, let me get this straight – Hakeem is running around without any security even after his own mother was almost jacked? Simba needs some street smarts. Kind of weird to tack that onto the end of the baptism scene, but okay.

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