I’ve decided to write my own CW-esque teen drama


Or something like it. I will remember you all when I make it big. So far, there’s no plot but that’s only secondary here. Everyone knows that you don’t need any plot.

Here’s my first episode!


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UNTITLED UNREALISTIC TEEN DRAMA 
EPISODE 101
'NEW GIRL ON THE BLOCK'
by
supernaturalsnark

INT. HIGH SCHOOL DAY

FADE IN:

We are in a random high school corridor, littered with a bunch of adults pretending to be high school kids

SKYLET
(standing by a random locker)
Hi!! I'm new, so. You guys are totally free to judge me until it stops being fashionable and I inexplicably forgive you.

QUEEN BEE
(gives Skylet a disparaging look)
Ew! FYI, even though you haven't done anything wrong, I'm going to be a total bitch to you!

SKYLET
(smiles anyway)
Oh. Well. I'm just going to keep talking to you anyway because the script calls for it.

QUEEN BEE
(snorts)
Whatever, Violet!

SKYLET
(frowns)
It's...actually, it's Skylet.

QUEEN BEE UNDERLING #1
(valley girl giggle)
OMG WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THAT?! Like, skylight? WHO NAMES THEIR CHILD A THING!

QUEEN BEE
(ignores her underling)
But yeah, what she said. Plus I'd like to know so that I have more ammunition for my unwarranted and relentless upcoming campaign of rudeness towards you.

SKYLET
Well. My dad wanted to call me Sky. And my mom wanted to call me Violet and well, they left it up to our au pair and she just merged the two names together.

SARCASTIC UNCOOL KID
(gives Skylet a disparaging look)
Oh, great. One more square roaming the halls.

RANDOM GUY
(rolls eyes at sarcastic cool kid)
Aren't you like, thirty? What are you doing here?

SARCASTIC UNCOOL KID
(shrugs)
Hey, man. This is the only CW show I could get onto. Beggars can't be choosers.

SKYLET
(claps hands as the crowd in the hallway starts to thin out)
Well! Now that's out of the way, I need to find a boy to fall in love with before the end of the day! Yay!

INT. HIGH SCHOOL DAY

BACK TO:

Skylet is walking down the hallway in slow motion

HOT GUY
(bumps into Skylet)
Sorry. I thought I had enough time to cut across you because you were moving pretty slowly.

QUEEN BEE UNDERLING #1
((whispers to herself))
OMG, NEW GIRL IS TALKING TO HOT GUY WHO IS QUEEN BEE'S EX BOYFRIEND! I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE!!

HOT GUY
(holds out his hand)
I'm Hot Guy. Are you new here?

SKYLET
(valley girl giggle)
Uh. Yes! I started today. I was actually just waiting around to see if I can find a guy to fall in love with me.

HOT GUY
(grins)
Oh. I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday. And I'm hot. So, I'm free to fall in love with you if you want?

SKYLET
(valley girl giggle x 100)
I don't know you and you might be a completely arrogant douchebag, but I'm sure you will change your ways for me. I LOVE YOU, HOT GUY!

HOT GUY
I love you too, Sandra.

SKYLET
(frowns)
Actually, it's Skylet.

HOT GUY
(sexy frowns)
Scarlet?

SKYLET
(frowny frown)
No - SKYLET. S-K-Y-L-E-T.

HOT GUY
(sexy frowns some more)
Skylet. Got it. Soon everyone will be calling you Mrs Hot Guy so the fact that your name is stupid won't matter.

SKYLET
Wait, what?

HOT GUY
(smirks)
Never mind. Let's go make out in private - but somewhere public enough that we'll be seen.

SKYLET
(valley girl giggle x 100)
OKAY!!!


EXT. COURTYARD DAY

DISSOLVE TO:

Skylet and Hot Guy are making out in full view of everyone in the courtyard. Queen Bee stares on angrily.

QUEEN BEE
(glares)
This is a joke. My life is over. Hot Guy is supposed to be crying and struggling to get over me, not kissing the new girl. Ew!

QUEEN BEE UNDERLING #1
(blinks)
Fuck, I forgot my line!

DIRECTOR
(rolls eyes)
Just say something agreeable!

QUEEN BEE UNDERLING #1
(frowny frown)
That Skylight chick is such a bitch!

SARCASTIC UNCOOL KID
(snorts)
Look who's talking?

QUEEN BEE
(notices him)
Ew. Shouldn't you like, be in a retirement home or something

QUEEN BEE
(walks over to where Skylet and Hot Guy are passionately making out and pushes them apart. )
What the hell is going on here?

SARCASTIC UNCOOL KID
(huffs and storms off)
I'm not paid enough for this bullshit.

HOT GUY
(sexy frowns)
I have a new girlfriend now. We're in love. She's totally appreciative of my hotness unlike you.

QUEEN BEE
(scoffs)
In love? You've known her for thirty minutes!

HOT GUY
That's all I need, baby!

QUEEN BEE
(screams)
You won't get away with this. Well. Okay you will because I'm going to blame Skylight instead!

HOT GUY
Actually, it's SCARLETT

SKYLET
(clears throat)
Actually, it's SKYLET

HOT GUY
(waves a hand dismissively)
Whatever. I love you.

SKYLET
(valley girl giggle x 100)
I love you too. Let's go somewhere else to make out.

HOT GUY
If we're lucky, we might get a montage of our love.

SKYLET
What?

HOT GUY
Nothing. Come on, I know a spot. It's private but not private, so we should get all the attention that we desperately crave.

SKYLET
(valley girl giggle x 100)
YAY!

QUEEN BEE
(growls)


Two hours later, Hot Guy has set his sights on someone else.

SKYLET
(grabs Hot Guy's hand)
So, what should we do after school?

HOT GUY
(squirms)
Actually, I have something to tell you. I'm...I'm not in love with you anymore.

SKYLET
(gasps)
WHAT? BUT WE WERE SO IN LOVE JUST FIVE MINUTES AGO?

HOT GUY
(brooding pensive look)
I know. That was then. I'm a different person now. And we want different things.

SKYLET
(frowns)
Are you fucking kidding me?

DIRECTOR
WHOA. Let's keep it PG, folks.

SKYLET
(angry)
I've put so much into this relationship. And I singlehandedly maintained your shitty man-whore reputation. Now you're breaking up with me!

HOT GUY
(sexy frowns)
Things were just getting too serious for me.

SKYLET
(dramatic sob)
After two hours and twenty five minutes?

HOT GUY
(smirks)
I'm sorry. It was nice making out with you and stuff. Bye.

Bad Guy With A Heart Of Gold has just overheard that conversation and he decides to console Skylet.

SKYLET
(crying)
How will I survive this? I CAN NEVER COME TO SCHOOL AGAIN!

BAD GUY WITH A HEART OF GOLD
(walks over to Skylet)
Hot Guy is an idiot.

SKYLET
(whines)
But he was so hot. An average kisser but so, so, so hot! Now no one will think I'm cool and stuff.

BAD GUY WITH A HEART OF GOLD
(realises that Skylet is possibly an idiot)
Uh. So. Wow. You're just the same as the rest of them.

SKYLET
(frowny frown)
I'm new, and I clearly have no idea how high school works, so...please don't judge me.

BAD GUY WITH A HEART OF GOLD
(sexy frowns)
I'm playing hard to get so I kind of have to judge. See you around!

Skylet watches him go with sad look on her face.

SKYLET
There goes my hopes of achieving High School Cliches bingo on my first day.

We cut to a montage of Skylet driving home, set to 'White Flag' by Dido.

END
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4 thoughts on “I’ve decided to write my own CW-esque teen drama

  1. That was brilliant!

    All it needs is some not-so-subtle pandering to the inevitable hotguy/badguy slashers, (while denying it publically) and a guest appearance by Jensen Ackles as the “hot teacher”, just ignore the wrinkles.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! 😉

      Of course. Hot Guy and Bad Guy will soon bond over Hot Guy’s Hot Car before falling out over Skylet. Which ship name is better? HotBad or BadHot? LOL. Jensen has to be the principal now that he’s over 30. Hot Teachers have to be fresh out of college so that they can have an affair with one of the students that’s partially squicky as opposed to being completely gross. nods

      Like

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