Empire 2×03: ‘Mirage a Trois’

We open with the federal prosecutor giving a statement outside court. Apparently Lucious is a dangerous sociopath who shouldn’t be allowed in public. Oh, and she wants to be attorney general. #GOALS You would think that she would pick an easier target than someone that she herself admits is her sociopath – and someone who is overwhelmingly popular, but okay. I’mma let her finish.

Lucious is ready to reclaim his Empire. He makes some grand statement that I didn’t hear but I’m sure it’s the same as the last two and the same as the next three.

Over at Chateau Hakeem, his new girl, Valentina, is looking for her pants even though he has to be on Sway in the Morning. Cookie basically drags his ass out of there. Lil Hakeem’s Sway performance is actually kinda good. Apart from the random shirt grab – bruh this isn’t your music video. Lil H wants to call his group Mirage a Trois…


LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. No. Okay. He also says that they have some great new music or whatever and Sway’s like, ‘o rly? Bring ’em on the show then!’ Cookie is just like, ‘what, STFU!’ but Hakeem does what Hakeem wants because he deserves to be king.

And he just can’t wait to be king. Go ahead, Lil Simba.

Lucious and Jamal have invited the rest of the family over to eat, drink and be awkward. Lucious says he will forgive the leaked album and hostile takeover if Cookie & Co dismantle Lyon Dynasty. Cookie is like, ‘Nah, we cool but I want to save our sons’. Lucious gives us a nice recap along the lines of: ‘My ex-wife is working with my ex-CFO, my ex-son who wants to be a rap artist and my ex girl thing’ — ex-son? That’s cold – damn, he’s not playing.

Cookie doesn’t want to hear anymore and as she stands to leave, she takes the entire tablecloth (food and all) with her. I can’t.

Lucious invites his ex-girlfriend over. The one who slept with his youngest son, Prince Hakeem. Yeah. Anyway, he needs her help with dismantling Lyon Dynasty. I assume she tells him to go to hell, but I don’t know, I wasn’t listening.

Next up, Prince Hakeem is producing his girl group’s song and he just wants to produuuuuuuce and is all kinds of bratty when Cookie tells them to sing the hook again. Valentina (Hakeem’s latest plaything) is also acting bratty and Cookie tells her ‘bitch just sing’. LOL. The song isn’t that bad. I wouldn’t put it on my ipod per se, but I’d play it while doing planks or something. I hate planks.

Andre and Lucious are having lunch. Andre is giving Lucious that look your parents gave you when they told you had 30 minutes to spend in McDonalds’ but you still had half of your food left after 40 minutes.


Andre wants to come back to Empire, despite the rejection he received in prison. Lucious says that Andre needs to bring him a unicorn in order to come back.

Chris Rock’s daughter turns up at Empire Records. Lucious tells Jamal to sign her up because ‘musically she’s his everything’. After she walks out of a meeting with him Jamal is apparently upset that her ‘evil, little ass’ is his father’s musical everything. .Oh and then he calls her a ‘random hoodrat’. Don’t hold back ‘Mal. LOL. He’s crazy. He also thinks that Lucious gives a crap about his career but well. Who can blame him?

Anika basically wants to hurt Lucious and she enlists Cookie’s assistance, I guess. Turns out he’s throwing a party in honour of himself.

Pitbull shows up at said party because Pitbull turns up anywhere. He’s probably performed at Amish proms. I am pretty sure that Pitbull has also been to the moon. There’s some granddad level dancing happening during this scene. Jamal is the guiltiest party. Oh dear. Thankfully, Cookie takes over the party. LOL. Literally. It’s now a Lyon Dynasty party and Hakeem performs. His rapping is slowly growing on me. Useless character but the talent is there. Pitbull approves, not that we need his approval. Timbaland shows up…we didn’t need him either.

The next morning, Sway is excited about their take over. M-mirage A Trois are arguing amongst themselves. Andre shows up and starts yammering about Empire…why you here, bro? Cookie tells him to use his unborn child as leverage to get back into Empire but he doesn’t want to.

Fast forward to the next scene and he apparently has a very quick change of heart. Lucious is like, ‘what about your bipolar?’ but Andre doesn’t think it runs in families. We get another flashback to Lucious as a kid with his moms. Yeah, we get it. She had BPD. This is a weird angle to take. Lucious also sees what Andre is doing and calls him out on it. Welp. I need Andre to come into the light and just go where he’s wanted. Jeez.

Lucious shows up in the ‘hood, where Frieda (Chris Rock’s daughter) is battling another rapper. Literally, she pulls out a gun after he spits his bars and asks her if she’s going to cry. As Lucious is leaving the scene…the federal prosecutor appears out of nowhere. LMAO. Lee Daniels, pls. She says all of the usual menacing, threatening things, blah, blah, dressed inappropriately, you’re going to jail. She’s messing with the wrong one.

Jamal is whining about producers because that’s his thing this season. Becky tells him to call Cookie but Daddy won’t allow that. Jamal just wants to be a superstar. Sigh.

For some inexplicable reason,  Cookie is doing Mirage a Trois’ choreography. They mess up and she makes them do push-ups and laments that the push-ups aren’t in sync. Lol, I would probably watch a show that was just 40 minutes of Cookie tbh. They’re meant to perform on Sway’s show (again) – does Sway not have a schedule prepared weeks in advance? I see you, $way.

The performance doesn’t happen.

In Lucious words, ‘Y’all keep acting like you don’t know me’ and he announces that he’s signed one-third of Mirage a Trois. Hakeem’s girl no less. Sway doesn’t give a crap that a girl group was supposed to perform and he lets her perform.



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