Empire 2×02: ‘Snitching ass bitch’


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I was ironing while watching this episode, so I’ll see what I remember. I did take down some notes of the part that made me LMAO.

So basically Cookie, Andre and Lil Simba (Hakeem) are now planning on starting their own record company, possibly along with possibly Anika. Hakeem sort of goes a little crazy and decides that he wants to…have his own artists? This is someone with no album, nada. but okay. Andre sort of just looks like he’d rather be praising Jesus with Jennifer Hudson.

The prosecutor with the inappropriate attire is basically withholding Lucious’ myasthenia gravis medication and Ludacris shows up as a really stern guard for no real reason. Lucious spits a couple of bars in the yard – snitching ass bitch – surprisingly one of the songs I liked in this episode. Anything Jamal sings kind of makes me want to stuff my ears with cotton wool.

Ludacris continues to be an ass in jail.

Lucious decides to cut a track in the pen and they somehow manage to get all the tools and also pick up a brand new lawyer for him so that he can get a bail hearing. They cut the track and it’s actually kind of good, only for Ludacris to bust in and ruin the party and confiscate the laptop.

Lucious organises for Ludacris to get his ass whooped and they get the laptop back and the track is dropped. Meanwhile, the new lawyer takes on our inappropriately dressed federal prosecutor and wins…by presenting the judge with pictures of himself [the judge] on what appeared to be a rather wild night.

 

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appropriately and realistically dressed federal prosecutor pictured above

 

Lucious is immediately granted bail. Like I said, empire writers. realism. never been acquainted with each other.

Meanwhile, Michael (Jamal’s ex or…boyfriend now? I don’t know) cooks a meal for an interviewer – I knew he wanted to be chef!!!

Over at Lyon Dynasty (new, spin-off record company), Lil Simba plays both sides, eventually managing to leak his own album when it becomes clear that Jamal and Lucious want him back at Empire. Andre is aghast, most likely because Hakeem is on fire in this episode. He’s got a new Latina boo and big ideas for his girl group. He wants to have one black girl, one latina girl and one white girl and call them…Rainbow Sensation.

Rainbow. Sensation.

This is classic Lil Simba. Cookie wonders if Lucious dropped Lil Simba on the head when he was a young boy. Miss Boo Boo Kitty claims she likes the concept but not the name. Andre later refers to the idea as the Rainbow Abomination, so yeah. He loved it too. It proves to me too much for him and he quits on the spot. Rhonda, his pregnant wife tries to do a little sucking up to Jamal – she lays on the waterworks, pulls the pregnant card. Only for Andre to rock up at the prison begging to come back and Lucious is like, welp, pray to your God for forgiveness because I don’t forgive you.

Andre asks why Lucious hates him and we get a weird flashback of L’s mom (Kelly Rowland) singing to him and kind of getting distant. I think the implication is that she either has bipolar disorder or something else, and Andre is bipolar so…I guess the problem lies there.

Either way, Lu-Lu is out of the jailhouse now so, Andre might have to crawl on back to the dynasty. I’ll see in the next episode.

I enjoyed this episode but didn’t care for the songs apart from snitchin’ ass bitch.

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