GOTHAM: 2×05, fire and eyes


SNAK

LAST WEEK: STRIKE FORCE

So for my birthday, I was just like, ‘Hm, let’s pick a movie’ and I chose Horrible Bosses 2. No one told me that Chris Pine was in it….. He was doing that weird yelling-talking thing again!!! And I know that he’s capable of speaking normally. I’ve seen Unstoppable! Anyway, yes. I turned it off after ten minutes.

I assumed that Gotham would be more tolerable and…it was certainly something. Sigh.

This week:

I have alcohol and I’m ready.

SEASON 2, EPISODE 5

‘SCARIFICATION’


Pingu is asking Theo for his hand in friendship. Theo is like, ‘Nah, s’cool’ but Pingu wants his moms back. Butch co-signs Pingu.

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Butch and Jessica Lucas are making eyes at each other.

Ew.


Theo says no. Welp. Pingu ain’t happy.


Jessica Lucas is bored of Crazy!Barbs. Already?

Okay.


Theo is sticking with his American accent this week. Guess he got a better vocal coach?


Anyway, they cut off Shady!Wayne Enterprise Dude’s finger.

Uhm.

Yeah, I’m confused.


Elsewhere, Commissioner Thing, Strike Force, Bullock and Jim bust into some cash laundering place.

The bad guys have a rocket launcher. LOL.

michael jordan lauggh

The people they arrest request pants…uhm, why weren’t they wearing any in the first place?

Thing tells them that they can get pants if they reveal where they got the rocket launcher from.

Thing realises that the Merc pays off half of city council and decides that no one gets pants.


Did Ben Edlund write this shit?


Pingu finds out that the cops just raided the townhouse and took all of the money. The messenger gets his ass beat for giving him the news. Well, shit, okay. Oh and now Pingu has an idea.


Back at GCPD, Nygma goes up to Jim and Lee and is all like, ‘I’m dating Ms. Kringle’. They don’t know who she is.

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Anyway, he wants to do a double date with them.

How creepily adorable.

Jim’s like, ‘hell no’ but Lee has fondue pots so the answer is yes. Ugh. Can these two just go away? Ican’t with them making out in the middle of the precinct, LMAO.


Theo and his brand new, constant American accent shows up at the precinct. Apparently he’s been reliving what happened over and over – NO HE HASN’T. But whatever. He wants Jim to endorse him for mayor.

DON’T DO IT JAMES.

Theo continues to sweet talk him but Jim’s like, ‘I don’t do endorsements’. Oh, hell. Theo’s probably going to pull some messed up shit.


Jessica Lucas shows up and Pingu’s lair with a list of addresses that he needs to burn to the ground. She’s wearing the most hideous coat.

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She provides them with the finger from the beginning.


Selina’s got herself some kind of room somewhere creepy. Butch needs her to take him somewhere – to ‘The Pikes’, the best arsonists in town.

Only in Gotham.

Apparently they were loyal to Fish and Fish loved Selina…based on the two hours that they spent with each other.

Bruno, stop.


Selina calls Butch her pet gorilla. Heh.

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Who the fuck are these people? Anyway, the arsonists are stilled pissed off about Fish and are still hoping that she’s coming back. Lemme call Auntie Jada and get back to you on that.

The Pike brothers are dicks to their lil sis, Bridgit. Selina doesn’t look too happy about it. Those guys better watch out. Catbrat does not PLAY! She pushed a dude out of a window last season. She tells Bridgit to be strong.


At the store, the voice over the tannoy requests a price check on brass knuckles in toxic green?

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What kind of shop is this? Oh it’s called Merc….as in mercenaries.

Cute.

Naturally, Jim and Thing bust in. They approach one dude who explodes after Jim shoots at him.

Thing asks Jim what the hell he’s packing.

I’m asking both of them what the fuck is happening, because I have NO idea.


We cut to Nygma’s double date. Oh lord. Nothing interesting happens there. Krinygma are starting to get a little too saccharine for my tastes.

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The Pike brothers are still being dicks to Bridgit. I think they want her to carry out the arson attack. Okay. Thanks for this scene. Don’t care.


Jim and Lee have a scene but whatever Ben McKenzie’s face is all I’m paying attention to.


Oh, Bridgit is planting the explosives. Oh, it wasn’t a finger, it was an EYEBALL??

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EWWW!!

Oh and creepy Wayne Enterprises dude was called Bunderslaw. He was on season 1. Anyway, she uses the eyeball to open the safe and takes out some kind of knife. She burns her leg on her way out and her brothers are like, ‘OH WELL, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PLAY WITH FIRE.’

Charming.

They do four more jobs and Jim and Thing are on the case.


Bridgit is making herself some kind of suit. Oh, which DC character is she supposed to be? Lemme google this shit. Selina shows up and tells her that she’s going to get killed. Apparently, Bridgit’s mom used to bang her ‘brothers’ Dad. Welp. Google tells me that Bridgit is ‘Firefly’. Uh. One for the comic fans I suppose because I have no idea who that is. Anyway, she argues with Selina about wanting to have a family.


Selina steals the knife and presumably gives it to Pingu, because now he’s asking some lady about it.

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Apparently the knife is historic…she tells some long, boring story about five founding families. Basically the Waynes got rid of some family – the Dumas, and wiped them out of history. The Dumas eventually changed their name to Galavan.

….so the Dumas were one of the founding families of Gotham and now Theo Galavan is here to avenge some shit that happened years ago.

Okay.

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All of the buildings burned down were owned by Wayne Enterprises. Well…that seems like a pointless revelation after the last scene but YAY. Harvey and Jim get to stakeout anothr building in the area that hasn’t been burnt down yet.


Pingu is going a little stir crazy without his mom. He seems happy that he has the knife that maimed Theo’s ancestor and he plans to use this to manipulate Theo. He wants Butch to infiltrate Theo’s team by pretending that he’s betrayed Pingu. And…he sets this plan in motion by cutting of Butch’s hand.

There has been way too much mutilation and maiming in this one episode. Eyeballs, arms and hands. Jeez.


Fireball is ready to do her last job but she’s scared of the flame thrower. Jim and Harvey show up and she sets off the flamethrower…well, damn. Fireball damn near burns another cop to death. Luckily for her, Selina is watching the whole thing and gives her an escape route.

Oh, Fireball really did kill that cop. OOPS. Thing says that they will find whoever killed the cop…I feel like he said the same shit about Penguin during the last episode.

Anyway, like I predicted, Theo uses this to get Jim’s endorsement. Sigh. Jim wasn’t this dumb last season.

Back at Theo’s house, some dude is there, looking like Darth/Lord Sidious/Palpatine from Star Wars.

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SPOT THE DIFFERENCE?

Insidious_Smile

His name is Father Creel…I’m guessing he’s Team Dumas.

Apparently the whole family is coming back and the end goal is to kill Bruce Wayne.

Now, wait a New York minute….

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

IS THAT IT?

THAT’S THEO’S PLAN? AVENGING SHIT THAT HAPPENED BEFORE HE WAS EVEN BORN?

SHIT THAT HAPPENED 200 YEARS AGO?

naomi head shake

This show should be set in 1815 then. This is some absurd, archaic kind of shit.

th

astonished

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