I’m recapping Gotham! This probably won’t last long but I love this crazy show. If you’re someone who has impossibly high standards, Gotham isn’t the show for you. The first half of season 1 was excellent, well-paced, etc. Fox then ordered eight more episodes and….they weren’t as excellent but they were all hilarious. The phrase ‘0 to 100’ comes to mind. The finale was absolutely ridiculous but I loved it.
Last season: Almost everyone on this show lost their damn mind and either killed their parents, destroyed their offspring in the name of science or just straight up killed a shit ton of people.
Now: Penguin is running the the streets. James Gordon is a traffic cop and all booed up with his girl, Lee. Harvey Bullock is tending bar, because you know, shit happens. Crazy!Barbie AKA Barbara checks into her five star stay at Arkham Asylum, where she locks eyes on Joker-In-Waiting.
What a helpful montage…
Some weird dude drinks a weird substance and gets himself arrested by James. At the station, James bumps into Nygma, who has an argument with himself in the mirror because he lost his mind last season too.
Commissioner Loeb is trying to force James out of the force because you know, James solves a lot of cases with A-HA moments and he’s immune to bullets. And he’s not corrupt. And he has a very smooth looking leather jacket and nifty hair cut.
I may or may not have a crush on James Gordon.
Anyway, James loses his job.
After a random scene with the dude who was arrested snoring, we see the title card almost nine minutes in.
I hate that shit.
After that, James and Lee talk about his job. Can we get some clothes up in this joint?! Happy couples have no place on this show – look at Crazy!Barbie! She went from James to Montoya to a serial killer. She stays losing!
James wants to do whatever is necessary to get his job back, Lee wonders why he keeps beating a dead horse. (Hello, he’s a badass? Badasses don’t walk away unless they need to be brought down a notch or two and have someone remind them that they’re a badass. TV logic, folks.
Well, damn. Look at Crazy!Barbie.
Back in Arkham, Joker-In-Waiting and Crazy!Barbie have a nice chat about killing their parents and some rich millionaire who is also in there. J-I-W draws her attention to some goon who’s drooling all over her, and she enlists him as her protector. J-I-W claims his friend can get her anything she needs. I don’t get any of this. So.
Back at Penguin HQ, Selina Kyle is present.
Penguin seems to like her. Apparently it’s like ‘having a cat around the house’.
Funny but, I was expecting them to retcon their retcon out of the show. How did she go from being a streetkid to working for Fish Mooney to working for Pingu? What kind of life is this? Anyway, James wants to call in a favour from Penguin. You know, because he single handedly saved Penguin from death, Liam Neeson style during the most ridiculous gun battle I’ve ever seen. Anyway. Pingu wants James to collect a debt for him in return for his help. James is like, ‘That’s fair, but nah. Congrats on becoming King Pingu!’
Back at Harvey’s bar, James has done a complete 180. He’s throwing shots back and singing ‘Fuck da Police’. Or something. Harvey is selling James the civilian life – he’s been sober for 32 days. He’s all booed up. He lives in a house.
Y’know, stuff that James managed to do even as a cop.
James shows up at Wayne Manor to tell Batman-In-Waiting that he can’t help him find his parents killer anymore. Why he did is a mystery to me. He also reveals that the only way he can get his job back is if he collects a debt for Penguin.
Lil Bruce give James a rather passionate speech about doing bad shit for the greater good…it seems to work. For Lil Bruce, who decides that guessing the code for the secret Bat-Lair is futile and proceeds to smash the keypad.
Steady, Lil Bruce.
Back in Arkham, Todd Stashwick (the millionaire – idek his name) and Crazy Barbie have a pointless conversation about her needing a phone.
James goes to collect Pingu’s debt. His hair is flawless and he somehow manages to knock a few people out and demands the money. He gets the money.
They chase him out and he ends up shooting the guy he stole from. SHOOTING HIM DEAD.
OH HELL NO.
Not my Jimmy!
Lil Bruce wants to build a bomb and blow in the door. I’m guessing that smashing the keypad didn’t work. What are these characters smoking?? Ban it. Or give me some.
Alfred’s just like, ‘You’re a CHILD’ but even he knows that Lil Bruce pulls the strings here.
Killer!James realises that Pingu tricked him all along. Welp. That’s what happens when you accept pep talks from a thirteen year old boy.
Crazy Barbie calls Jim from Arkham.
WHY HAVE I BEEN CALLING HIM JAMES THIS WHOLE TIME?
Anyway, Crazy Barbs is like ‘I didn’t tell Lee that I killed my parents’ (She did). “I didn’t attack Lee, she attacked me (Not true!). After Jim hangs up, Crazy Barbs calls their house phone is all like, ‘Hi, just wanted to let you know that I hope you die screaming bitch.”
Uhm. You know what. Let’s move on.
Jim confesses that he did a ‘bad thing’. Hell, he’s even talking like a thirteen year old now. YOU PUT A HIT ON COMMISSIONER LOEB! BE HONEST.
…and Pingu and Victor Zsasz (crazy hitman dude) show up at Commissioner Lone‘s house, all like, ‘So…we beheaded all of your guards. Let’s talk.” Apparently, Commissioner Loeb has no vices for Pingu to exploit so the only option is to kill him. Unless he reinstates Jim Gordon.
YAS, COME THROUGH PINGU!
Gotham PD hire a choir to serenade Commissioner-No-More. LOL. That was some funny shit. Some new bad dude shows up to give a speech. Commision-No-More Loeb is just like, ‘Bitch, I don’t know you’ but New Bad Dude continues.
At Arkham, the crazy dude that Jim arrested at the beginning strolls in during story time and eventually collapses. He sort of manages to poison everyone with this blue vapour that pours out of his mouth.
Jessica Lucas strolls in.
Every single show that she’s on gets cancelled. Welp. Good luck, Gotham.
Lee isn’t happy with Jim, though he is happy with himself. He got his job back! DADDY’S BACK! The new Commissioner chooses that moment to reveal that a bunch of people have escaped from Arkham, including Crazy Barbs. And NEW BAD DUDE IS BEHIND IT.
His name is Theo Galavant. He gives his whole bad guy spiel. Oh and apparently, Jessica Lucas is his sister. Well. Anyway.
Theo wants to build his own team of fighters or something. ASYLUM ASSEMBLE!! Crazy Barbs’ millionaire friend gets himself killed by speaking out of turn. Welp. Jessica Lucas slaughters him like he’s a damn prized cow.
Meanwhile, Alfred and Lil Bruce set off their bomb. You know…they could have just called a locksmith? I imagine that there are a lot of them in Gotham. Oh well, Lil Bruce has billions to spend! In the secret Bat-Lair, Lil Bruce finds a letter his father wrote him. It’s nice and heartfelt but…apparently the entry code was BRUCE.
LIL BRUCE, WHY DIDN’T YOU TRY YOUR OWN DAMN NAME? LMAO.
Actually, he’s a baby, so. Alfred, dude. You didn’t try ‘Bruce’? Oh dear.
Anyway, his father says some shit about a true calling etc, Lil Batman, vigilante etc etc.
The episode ends with Jim staring at his own reflection.
I imagine that he was doing some soul searching about his new behaviour. I’mma let you have this one body, Jim, but please don’t kill anymore non-police work people. I need Harvey to talk some sense into him.
Ridiculous. Hilarious. And thoroughly enjoyable. That’s about it really. Until next week!