Well. I haven’t seen the show since November so all I remember is that Dean was a demon and then he wasn’t. Dean also had a prospective murderer named Cole. Dean was still dealing with the effects of the Mark of Disdain. Dean broke up with Crowley.
And I’m guessing that the main complaint before next season starts will be that Dean never has a storyline.
This will probably be all over the place. Like always. It’s what the show deserves.
The recap starts with Dean’s extra gravelly voice playing over clips of Deanmon.
We’re off to a bad start already.
The recap then takes us through a list of monsters they’ve hunted. Hmm, I wonder if this episode will have a shapeshifter in it….
I’m really glad I didn’t see the fish taco scene/episode because I don’t know what that was, but I know that I hate it sight unseen.
A butler is instructing two maids on what their duties. One of them asks why she has to clean the toilets or something. Guuuuuuuuurl, you better get your life.
Is it me or are the extras in SyFy movies more talented than the ones they find for Supernatural? Oh and yeah, the lady (or something who looked like her…) who owned the house pushes one of the maids over a bannister when she catches her wearing one of her necklaces. Instead of a blood splatter, we get shattered glass. Yay!
The butler appears and chimes in with a rather pointless, “What have you done?”
I missed the title card, but Sam’s just getting back from getting them coffee that’s ‘freshly brewed’ and in a tiny cup, leading us into a perfect opportunity for Dean to let us know how Masculine™ he is. Apparently, ‘Real men don’t drink out of cups this small.”
I wonder how he feels about sperm banks.
Dean has miraculously found one of Bobby Ex Machina’s old phones. Bobby knew someone, which is relevant somehow (I wasn’t really paying attention). Bobby had a lot of secrets, according to Dean, who seems to know for a fact that Bobby was into Tori Spelling. Dean is sad about the fact that her husband, Dean, cheated on her. There’s literally an awkward pause.
I’m at a genuine loss for words.
Sam and Dean end up at the house from the beginning, and they’re salivated over by a bunch of blonde women. The one with the most lines introduces everyone in the room because that’s important, I guess. I didn’t really hear any of what she said. They all appear to be related somehow. Yay.
Hair check. Sam’s hair looks absolutely ridiculous. He keeps flipping it and just. Why. Can someone just buy him a hair net and strongly suggest that he wear it at all times?
The butler basically kicks Sam and Dean out of the house, after giving them some kind of cross left to Bobby in a will. They think it might be worth something, but it turns out to be covered in a cubic zirconias. Oh and it’s secretly a key!!
Random man 1 is upset about Blonde Woman 3/his wife ‘sexting’ someone. She claims it’s her mom but, her husband doesn’t think there’s anything innocent about her texting her mom a ‘peeling banana’ emoticon.
Welp. Shoot me now.
He promptly gets his head sliced off by some kind of ghost/spirit/
shapeshifter thing. I don’t know. OR DO I?
Sam will read it out for us in a few minutes, I’m sure.
Sam and Dean come back to the house.
After getting a snide remark from the butler, a detective comes over and asks if they were here earlier. For some reason Sam and Dean look like this:
Why is Sam’s hand like that? O_O I really don’t know what Jared was doing here, but anyway, they’re now murder suspects! Yay!
I have no idea what any of this is about. It’s literally just a bunch of terrible actors all in one place, basking in the stench of an increasingly poor script. At least they didn’t throw in the token ‘diverse’ actor. That would just add insult to injury.
So, Sam and Dean think there might be a case here…blah, blah, blah. Blonde Women 2 seems to be enamoured with Sam. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.
Sorry, I meant, ‘Ew.’
Sam deduces that no one seems to be sad that someone’s died. The guy he’s talking to says they all hated each other and that ‘all families do, right?’. Sam literally says “Mine don’t”.
LMFAOOOOOOOOOO. That’s 100% true, right?
Okay, Sam. I’mma let you have this one. I’m too tired for this.
Meanwhile, Dean is doing his best Murder, She Wrote impression and he finds a bookcase/hidden door type of thing and OMG, I LOVE THOSE!
Anyway, he uses Bobby Ex Machina’s key to open the door and finds a room full of rope, creepy dolls and junk. And a dead body wrapped up in carpet. Oh and a maid called Olivia (the one from the beginning who didn’t die) who was locked in the room by the butler. She tells him that Bonnie’s (the woman who owned the house) ghost killed Collette (the other maid).
Aw, a missed opportunity for Dean to yell ‘IT WAS THE BUTLER, THE BUTLER DID IT!!’
What a shame.
He tells Sam, because exposition means they don’t need to write in anything decent. Sam runs off to search for the Butler and the detective stands at the foot of the stairs, calls Sam’s name and asks where he’s run off to…
Great detective work there.
Upstairs, Sam is approached by Blonde Woman 2 who proceeds to make sexual advances towards him…and I think I pulled as many faces as Sam did because that was uncomfortable viewing.
Dean finds the Butler. I can’t work out if Jensen is having a sinus problem or if his throat is sore from all of the growling.
And oh! Sam also finds the Butler!!!!
Dean is thrown against a wall and dun dun dun, he makes a discovery…shed skin, which can only mean one thing!!!!!
IT’S A SHAPESHIFTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a shocking turn of events and Dean just said, ‘I guess we can rule out ‘The Butler did it’.
Sigh. We knew it was coming.
I looked away to reply something and tuned back into to hear Sam telling Blonde Woman 2 to come on over because the ‘water’s warm’…while Blonde Woman 1 is draped all over him…
EW. EW. EW. EWWW. BRAIN BLEACH.
Dean seems to be on Shapeshifter Watch. Thank god. And…wait, Blonde Woman 3 is making out with someone she’s related to (BIL, perhaps. Don’t know. Don’t care). Anyway. Dean makes them touch silver and YAAAY, they’re not shapeshifters! Blonde Woman 3 asks if they pass the test.
Ay dios mio!
Elsewhere, Blonde Woman 1 is running her hands through Sam’s hair. She might need a towel for whatever crap they put in it.
We’re spared from anymore of that when they find the detective drowned in the toilet. There’s a lot of irritating, pointless talking about who killed who, before they all point fingers at Sam and Dean….the two strangers they didn’t care about before.
Dean says that they’re not the bad guys here and some guy called Dash (the BIL cheating with Blonde Woman 3) says, ‘I beg to differ. You’re wearing flannel’.
Haaaaaaaaaaa, so funny.
Oh, here comes the gay joke. Sam and Dean are trailer trash homosexuals according to Blonde Woman 1 & 2. That was random and unnecessary.
It turns out that the maid (Olivia) is Bonnie’s child. Apparently she’s been hiding in the attic all of these years….blah, blah, sob story, blah, blah. The butler locked her back up after she killed the other maid (oh yes, that was her), but the ‘cute, dumb one’ [Dean] let her out.
Well, damn. The writer of this episode isn’t pulling any punches.
Bonnie had an affair with a shapeshifter and ended up pregnant with Olivia. The shapeshifter was killed by Bobby Ex Machina. Bobby then came after Olivia. Bobby agreed not to kill Olivia if Bonnie locked her up. And supposedly, Bobby was supposed to care of her if anything happened to Bonnie, hence the rhinestone key.
Sam listens to all of this and says, ‘Bobby spared you? You should be grateful’…
Sam’s brain cell is probably failing at the moment, poor thing. There’s a weird bit where he’s hiding behind some kind of cupboard, looking like he has marbles inside his mouth.
Thankfully Dean shows up and kills her. Oh, and just so we know that the Mark of Disdain thing isn’t over he uses more bullets than necessary™. YAY!
In the regular end of the episode conversation™, Sam asks Dean ‘what was up with all of the extra shots?’ LMAO. I don’t know why, but the way he said it was hilarious.
After some more stupidity, Dean asks, ‘Why am I even explaining this to you?’ (because the writers needed to pad out the episode) and drowns Sam out with the radio/his music.
If only if was that easy to drown this entire show.
I feel mentally exhausted.
This episode was stupid filler that served up some fresh, steamy bullshit. Well, actually, nix the ‘fresh’; it was as stale as fuck. Ugh. Show, I haven’t missed you. At all.