OS: I Heart Nick Carter (1×01) + some spn related waffle

I know what you’re thinking. Who wants to watch a show about Nick Carter? The answer is probably a surprising number of people. He has some crazy fans. Last I heard, they’d raised money to fund a movie he was doing called ‘Evil Blessings’. I’ve heard nothing about said movie since. But that could be because I unfollowed him on Twitter. However, he’s still the hottest Backstreet Boy, and I’m still a Backstreet fan, so…here I am. Anyway, onto the show!

Nick and his fiancee Lauren are…taking some of his stuff from storage. He whines about how he wants all of his stuff. She whines that it’s junk. He wants to take all of it but she says that he can only take what he can carry with his hands. Apparently it’s a metaphor for his life. At this point, I lost any interest in recapping. But I will go on. She goes on about how she doesn’t want to be a celebrity (yet she’s… on this show), she was blown away on the first date (which was a blind date!!). Some of his fans hate her, she doesn’t want to be famous or in the spotlight blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine. Either VH1 is giving her a shitty edit or she’s kind of a sourpuss.

She says that she sometimes think that Nick will grow tired with her when she’s not young and fresh anymore. She basically sort of…kung-fu’s him into calling management to set up their wedding date. She apparently hates it when someone says they’ll do something and they don’t do it. Nick just looks at her like, ‘Thanks for throwing me under the bus!’.

Lauren’s best friend was dumped by some guy who was always on tour. This inspired her to quit her job, because she would have never seen him otherwise. So now she’s financially dependent on him or something. Despite the fact that her best friend literally did the same thing and ended up with nothing. That makes perfect sense. Though I think her and Nick started up some fitness thing a while back. I hope her name is on the paperwork.


Meanwhile Nick is worried that he’ll lose his groupies fans if he gets married. He even says that he has to worry about whether or not his fans will be okay with him being married. I can tell that this marriage is going to end well. VH1 even hires a bunch of fans to ask Nick if he really has to get married. It is extremely awkward to watch these random, grown woman claiming that him being single meant that they still had a chance.

Next they’re at a BSB show. Lauren is complaining about the paparazzi and fans. He wants her out in the audience and she doesn’t want to go. Nick is upset because all the other wives are there. She’s basically told him that she doesn’t know or care for their music so I can’t blame her. They’ve been together for five years and OH MY GOD IT’S HOWIE D. He’s trying to give Nick some advice and basically tell him that what his crazy fans want means fuck all. Nick is worried that 10,000 Twitter followers will go down to 300. Yes, that’s what’s important, Nick. Howie somehow manages not to roll his eyes.  Can we turn this show into the Howie show instead, please? I love Howie.

Nick has a truck drive by wherever they’re at with their wedding date on it because VH1 need to make them seem interesting. It’s March 1st! YAY! Naughty Nick didn’t square it with management first and is big talkin’ about how they just have to accept it.

He tells his management and they all just stare at him in silence. Apparently that date clashes with their European tour and Nick Carter doesn’t understand the concept of calendars. Nick eventually backs down and they manage to decide on April 12th. Nick is saying things like ‘I’ and ‘me’ and Lauren is all like ‘It’s us’…girl, after five years you must know that Nick Carter has the biggest ego ever. Everrrrrrrrrr. He also did say that he never wanted to hear you say that you wanted it that way.

There’s a preview of the entire season, including one of Nick and Aaron on a boat talking about life. I don’t know why but it amused me. At the end there’s this outtake where they’re asked to write down the name of the Backstreet Boys’ first hit song. Nick writes ‘Quit Playing Games’ and she writes ‘Bye Bye Bye’. Which is an N’Sync song…Nick doesn’t seem too impressed.

Thank God that this shit is only 20 minutes long.  

Speaking of boy bands, I decided to give this whole daily prompt thing from WordPress a go, five days ago but eh, who’s counting? Lol

You’ve just been named the casting director of your favorite television show (or movie franchise). The catch: you must replace the entire cast — with your friends and family90s boyband members. Who gets which role?

Sam Winchester would obviously be played by Nick Carter. They both have questionable hair (well, 90s era blond-curtains-Nick did). They’re the youngest of their groups (though Sam and Dean are more of a dynamic duo, who don’t understand the meaning of duo unless they’re having heartfelt roadside conversations in the middle of nowhere). They both say stupid shit. I don’t how smart the show claims Sam is, I refuse to believe it anymore. They both qualify for six degrees of Paris Hilton. They both have annoying brothers (sorry, Aaron!) and questionable taste in women.

Dean would be played by Justin Timberlake, simply because Jensen and Justin were both rocking frosted tips/ramen noodle hair at the same time.

Bobby (and all iterations of Bobby) would be played by Joey Fatone. Do I need to explain this one? I will anyway. I know Joey Fatone’s name. I know what he looks like. I just don’t know what purpose he actually served in the band. The only difference is that I stopped caring about whatever purpose Bobby served.

Castiel…hmm…probably AJ McClean from The Backstreet Boys. Or rather, AJ’s fishnet mesh vest from the Drowning video. They’re both very visible even though you’re desperately trying to ignore them.

My eyes!

Considering that Bobby was played by a whiskey flask for half of a season, inanimate objects are admissible.

John Winchester would be played by Kevin Richardson simply because they both have facial hair. And they both left the band/show. Though Kevin came back. So. Just pretend that my reasoning makes sense.

That’s pretty much all I can be bothered to cast.

In an ideal world, I’d either recast Thor and replace Natalie Portman with myself. Or recast This Means War, get the script re-written, before firing Reese Witherspoon and replacing her with myself and seeing about reducing the size of Chris Pine’s head on the promotional thing (and actually in an ideal world, This Means War would not have been made).

However I haven’t ‘acted’ since I was 10 years old and have no real desire to, so I’ll just keep dreaming.

5 thoughts on “OS: I Heart Nick Carter (1×01) + some spn related waffle

  1. “I know Joey Fatone’s name. I know what he looks like. I just don’t know what purpose he actually served in the band.” Lmao that’s too funny and true. He currently hosts a cheap cooking show on a low rate do-it-yourself type network and does a pointless voiceover for Family Feud. He unnecessarily says “This is Joey Fatone,” who the fuck asked? “It’s time to play… FAMILY FEUD!” no shit, like the giant logo didn’t clear up any misconceptions that this could possibly be The Price Is Right. “Here’s your host… Steve Harvey!” That’s unnecessary because as soon as Steve Harvey walks out, he always introduces himself. And you don’t even see Joey Fatone, he’s just a phantom voice my mother mutes everyday when the show comes on.
    Ramen noodle hair is never a good idea, neither is wearing a fishnet mesh vest. I’d forgotten about that thing eww lol.


    1. Aw, poor Joey Fatone! Hahaha. The voiceover gig must be good. They probably make him introduce himself just in case the audience forgets who he is.

      Justin Timberlake’s N’sync hair literally makes my eyes well up. It was so BAD. The Backstreet Boys still make bad fashion choices. When I saw them they managed to wear rhinestone jackets and fuchsia suits. I was just crying on the inside.


  2. “Considering that Bobby was played by a whiskey flask for half a season” LOL. Yeah, he was such an integral part of the show he was replaced by a canteen, then written out completely for nearly 3 seasons.

    Didn’t Joey Fatone complete on “Dancing With The Stars”?


    1. Bobby’s character assassination on the show was terrible. They’ll probably find some way to shoehorn him into this season as Dean’s subconscious or something.

      Wikipedia tells me that Joey Fatone came SECOND on DWTS…all of those synchronized dance moves from the 90s must have paid off haha.



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