Road so far: Jared is a robot. Angels killing each other. Ezekiel isn’t Ezekiel! Abaddon wants control of the angels. Kevin Tran is dead. Kevin Tran is dead. KEVIN TRAN IS DEAD.
Now: Dean burns Kevin’s body as some stupid ballad plays in the background. Are they serious with this song? It was just LOUD, with no resonance to the actual scene. There’s then a ridiculous scene where he stares at pictures on Kevin’s phone and then starts flinging stuff off some table. The editor decided that half of it needed to be in slow motion, adding to the hilarity factor. Dean’s man pain has its uses after all, who knew? It powers tantrums and tabletop disruption!
Next, there is some random popstar called Cory with songs called Baby and Babycakes (and Babyzilla, Babynatural, Babythisshowsucks and others that all begin with ‘baby’). Hmm, I wonder who this caricature is supposed to be a version of…hmm. Joe Jonas, maybe? Anyway, Cory is yelling at the stage lady or whatever and at one point he turns to her is and is like, “Bitch, did I stutter?” in response to her response to him over something. I get the feeling that this is supposed to be funny, but really all I want is for Justin Bieber to go and egg the writer’s house for this sad attempt at humour.
Anyway, Gadreel is waiting in Cory’s dressing room and I’m just zoning Jared out at this point. After a boring conversation about back when they used to know each other or something, Gadreel kills Cory (who is some angel and presumably on Metatron’s list).
Meanwhile, Dean is pretending that he’s ready to kill Gadreel and Sam in the process. And then realises how stupid he is. Cas tells him he was stupid for the right reasons and that they might be able to hack into Samreel’s mind or whatever. They ask Crowley how to do that, but he wants a field trip in return. When Crowley realises that Sam’s gone he’s all like “you’ve lost the big, giant baby again”.
They all pile into Cas’ douchemobile, and Dean makes Cas and Crowley sit at the back and they drive off as rap music blasts out of the stereo. Guys, Cas drives a pimp car and listens to RAP!!!!!! That’s effing hilarious. Not. Jensen sounds extra gravelly this week; this must be to emphasize the depths of his man pain. Anyway, they’re seen by some demon who tells Abaddon. Nothing will come out of that because this is Supernatural, the show where everyone talks themselves to death. Literally.
After that, Gadreel and Metatron are in some bar talking. And…I just don’t know what is happening with Jared. Or why there’s so much forehead on show. I can’t focus on anything Jared is saying. Metatron gives Gadreel another name, they talk blah, blah, blah, Metatron says something about Dean.
Crowley makes Dean stop at some place where gets the lowdown on what’s been happening from someone called Cecily who seems to be some sort of Hell PA. This is so tedious that I won’t recap. She finds the Impala for them and says that she’s playing both sides of the fence when it comes to Team Abaddon and Team Crowley. She’s got boobs so she won’t last long on this show either way.
Gadreel catches up with his next target who is another angel. Convenient. There’s a nostril flare and Jared seems to be acting normally for a hot minute. HAVE A COOKIE, JARED. Anyway, Gadreel doesn’t kill the guy because he’s got a child and they’re (or they were) best friends. Fast forward to the next scene and Jared is back to being RoboAngel with dodgy accent again. They talk about Metatron’s plan and whether or not it’s the right thing/worth it. This recap is awful and I am sorry but this episode is so damn boring and I had a headache the whole time so I selectively forgot some parts instantly.
Now that they have the location of the Impala, Dean finally catches up with Gadreel and Cas knocks him out. In another scene, the Hell PA spills the beans about playing both sides to Abaddon because she’s stupid, lol. She gets herself killed.
Dean and Cas have Gadreel in some sort of contraption. Dean demands that he leaves Sam(‘s body). Sam is locked away in a dream apparently, blending into wallpaper somewhere else. They (or well, Crowley) torture Gadreel. Dean finds it all too much and ~flounces. Bless. He asks Cas how he’s doing. Cas says he’s okay. I fall asleep. Dean and Cas bond over the fact that they’re fucking idiots. I start snoring. Crowley manages to knock Gadreel out but…Gadreel is apparently programmed to reveal his name in his sleep/state of unconsciousness. LOL. This seems rather silly. Upon hearing that it’s Gadreel, Castiel flips out because he has someone new to blame. Apparently Gadreel was responsible for Adam and Eve and some other shit that I don’t care about.
Gadreel wakes up and says that they’ll never find Sam. Dean demands that Cas possess Sam. And how the fuck will that work, Dean? Oh dear. Cas says he can’t without permission but like, can two angels even possess one body even with permission? Seems uncomfortable. And ridiculous. They agree to let Crowley possess him. Dean tells Crowley to say ‘perkipsy’ (or something? I can barely hear what Jensen is growling) which is their code word for ‘drop everything and run’.
In the dream, Sam is legit researching a ghoul that goes after dead cheerleaders. Right. *insert sarcastic laughter* Crowley gives Sam some weird inspirational pep talk about casting Gadreel out [of his body]. Sam remembers everything within two seconds and wonders if he killed Kevin. Crowley says that he didn’t. Gadreel (AS TAHMOH PENIKETT IN AN IMPROVED ACCENT, THANK GOD) appears for some reason and Crowley goes after him. After a poorly choreographed fight scene, Sam manages to cast Gadreel out. THANK GOD AGAIN. I think Jared definitely needs a break from all of that…roboticity.
Back in the real world, Gadreel flies right out of Sam and back into Tahmoh Penikett who so happens to be at the bar where Metatron is. Abaddon shows up and Crowley says that he’ll handle her while Sam, Dean and Cas run off. I hate to say it but Crowley is slightly less irritating this season. We’ll see how long that lasts. Anddddd, he just said “Daddy’s home”. My irritation is back. Anyway, he and Abbadon have some boring conversation about who gets to be Leader of Hell and then he bounces. So…he could have just left the whole time and saved us from that boring conversation?
Seriously, the main problem with this episode is that it’s 90% talking. If all of them just shut the fuck up for five minutes they’d have less problems.
Back with the rest of the guys, Cas waits until they’ve stopped at some bridge over a river to heal Sam presumably because he can’t travel in a car and heal at the same time. Out of nowhere, Dean is all like, “let’s hear it” (as in Sam’s annual HOW COULD YOU, DEAN? speech) as opposed to “hey, Sam, I’m sorry for saving your life by letting an angel possess you because I have issues and can’t live without you blah, blah, blah” because it is time for the midseason Winchester blow up. Dean starts whining about how he’s poison and gets people killed blah, blah, blah, blah, and he says that he’ll kill Gadreel on his own.
Yeah, good luck with that, dumbass.
Sam tells him to go, and then says some shit like, “that’s not even what the problem is” as Dean’s going. When Dean asks what he means, Sam tells him to go again. I have no idea what any of that meant, but okay. Dean does as he’s told while Cas just…wanders around.
Sam, Sam, Sam, that’s not how to send Dean packing. Next season I fully expect you to bob your head from side to side, click your fingers (or wave your imaginary fan) and be all like:
In the mean time, I will pretend that Sam jumped off that bridge and drowned until I watch the next episode.
Thoughts: Dean needs therapy. Sam needs therapy. I also need therapy because I don’t know why I am still watching this shit. Jared and Jensen seemed very disinterested in that final scene, even more so than usual. Jared as Gadreel was just…very odd. I feel like someone could – and should – have told him to tone it down a bit. It felt as if I was watching *Jared as Gadreel* as opposed to watching character itself, which is never a good thing. And yeah, nothing happened in this episode that couldn’t have been compacted into five minutes.
Rating: B for Been there and done that with an extra side of Boring.