snarkview: 9×09, you don’t bring kevin tran to an angel fight.


Hi! I finally got around to watching this episode so here we go! I haven’t seen an episode since the premiere but I doubt that it’ll take much for me to catch up with the show’s complex and exquisitely well crafted plot. Yup.

So. There’s a recap of all this shit. Angel’s jumping in vessels, Castiel is human. Blah. Blah. Sam is possessed by an angel with robotic, baby blues. That probably explains why he’s more terminator than Angel.

At the start a bunch of people are facing off against each other. FACE OFF! That movie is awesome. Unlike Supernatural. Anyway. It’s a bunch of bikers vs a middle-aged Glee club. Oh and look, the middle-aged Glee club are the ones who won! Look at them, all covered in blood and looking all homely and shit! HA HA HA HA HA. Angel beef over and done. Next.

Samzekiel is saying that Sam is almost healed and I CAN’T WITH JARED AS THIS ANGEL. IT’S SO HORRIBLE. He sounds like he’s swallowing coins. Samzekiel switches back to Sam, who proceeds to start bitching. He’s missing time, blanking Dean’s whining out etc. Seriously, Sam, you should be HAPPY. Dean says it’s the trials.

It’s like I haven’t missed the last seven episodes.

Sam and Dean are working a case as FBI agents (because that isn’t old yeeeeet). And oh, surprise surprise, Castiel is there, ALSO posing as FBI angel. Agent. Whatever. Dean says some shit. Sam stands there. Cas declares that “Cas is back in town.” Gosh. SHOOT ME NOW. IT’S ONLY BEEN SIX MINUTES. They’re investigating the whole angel death thing and Cas says they’ll find who’s responsible. I assume that it’s this Bartholomew guy and his cronies. I don’t know who he is or who they are and I just don’t care. They’re trying to take heaven back from Metatron. Oh please. Get Kurt Russell to deliver his speech from Miracle, then get out there and TAKE IT.

GREAT MOMENTS ARE BORN FROM GREAT OPPORTUNITY, Y’ALL. But yeah, there’s an angel pissing contest. Some angels die. Some live.

Back at some bar, Cas says that someone called April (apparently she was a reaper that he banged, which Dean stabbed. Boy, am I sad that I missed that.) told him that Bartholomew is trying to reverse the spell and take heaven back. Yes. We know this. Next. Next. Oh, Cas is schlammered after one beer, guys and it is so DAMN HILARIOUS.

Not.

Sam becomes Samzekiel and Dean says “oh boy”. I agree. Jared sounds like he’s trying to sound like an upperclass European person who is trying to impersonate Colin Firth impersonating Madonna’s fake British accent. But…it is so hard for Jared so I guess he’s trying. WAIT. He just said “SERTINN” instead of certain. Lord have mercy. Anyway, WAIT WHAT. Metatron shows up when Samzekiel goes to get something out of the car and says that he knows who Samzekiel is….apparently he’s not Ezekiel. So he knows who he is but he’s choosing to say who he isn’t. Talk about obvious commercial set up.

Dean tells Cas they can’t work together because Sam isn’t doing so great. Meanwhile, Metatron reveals that Samzekiel is actually an angel called Gadriel…who I’m assuming is one of the more douchier angels. My oh my, what a surprise. What a HUGE game-changer. Jared is just doing all these deep breaths and shit. I don’t know why. Has he forgotten that he’s an angel here and not Sam. Anyway. Metatron says some shit. He wants to be Gadriel’s friend. Gadriel used to be an imprisoned angel. Oh dear. Metatron wants to rebuild Heaven so that there are no more stupid angels. Yeah, good luck with that buddy.

The angels killed at the start were apparently a born again biker gang. Laughing. On. The. Inside. Nowhere. Sam and Dean talk about Bartholomew’s boys and some other shit that I don’t understand or care about.

In the latest addition of Dumb People In The Woods, a bunch of people are killed by more angels just as they’re giving themselves to Malachi. I don’t even know.

Later, Samzekielgadriel is back talking to Metatron (I’m surprised that Dean lets Sam out of the house!). He says that Sam is a mess and asks if Metatron wants to be the new God. Instead Metatron says that he’ll be known as X when the time comes.

X.

X?

I am disappointed that there wasn’t some sort of triple X joke in there somewhere.

Castiel PRAYS to someone (read: angels, because he’s fucking stupid) for help. Ugh. An angel shows up. Some other douchebag angels show up and beat the shit out of Cas and his new angel buddy Muriel. Bad guy monologue, check. Does Muriel die? Check. Castiel taking the moral high ground. Check. In between the bad guy talk, the angel who took Cas reveals that a bunch of angels died, including Ezekiel. Cas frowny face? Check. More angel bullshit? Check.

Kevin is still deciphering shit. He’s either always screaming about how hard his life is and/or deciphering shit.This episode is awful. I’ll just say that now while I wait for this—OH, JOY. Castiel just stole some other angel’s grace. SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS!! AGAIN! He calls Dean to tell him that the leader of the opposition is called Malachi. Does anyone give a flying fuck about this stupid political angel bullshit? Anyway, Cas tells Dean that Ezekiel is dead and Dean realises how motherfucking stupid he is. He wants Kevin to find a spell that allows him to talk to the human that an angel is occupying. Kevin whines about how hard his life is.

Meanwhile…Sam/Gadriel agrees to be Metatron’s second in command. Oh boy. Metatron tells Gadriel that before that can happen, he has to slay a bunch of people. He gives him a name of a piece of paper but we don’t see it. Sigh. The suspense is killing me.

Back at the house, Dean tells Sam what really happened when he was in his coma. LOL. This is hilarious. Sam is outraaaaged. OUTRAAGED. Lmao, Dean tells Sam that he has to expel the angel possessing him. And then when Dean tries to stop him from leaving, Sam (or WHOEVER) knocks Dean out.

AND THEN HE KILLS KEVIN!!!!!!!!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

nog

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

He then declares that “THERE IS NO SAM.”

YESSSSSSSSS.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Samnotzekiel apparently heard Dean and Kevin talking about a bunch of sigils that they put up (so that Dean could talk to Sam without Gadriel hearing) and altered them. And basically the name from before was KEVIN TRAN. So yeah. Bye Kevin. Bye Sam. BE GONE, BITCHES.

Dean calls Kevin’s name a couple of times and cries and finally the episode comes to an end. Aw, Dean. You don’t bring a Kevin Tran to an angel fight, you bring another angel. Oh wait, that didn’t work either. Oh well.

Episode rating: A for Ain’t Nobody Got Time For This Angel BS. Let it go, writers. Seriously.

Thoughts: I really don’t know what Jared is doing but it’s distracting and not in a good way. Jensen seems to be doing well at not giving a shit and phoning it in unless he has to a bromangst (I AM TRADEMARKING THIS) scene. I wish Jared would follow suit. I don’t really know what’s happening with Misha. One minute he sounds normal, then he’s doing the Cas voice…then he sounds normal. So yeah, this episode sucked as usual but CELLO BOY/KEVIN IS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!

…I wonder if they’ll bring him back somehow because omg this is SPN and no one stays dead and omg that’s what makes the show so awesome!!!! dead ISN’T dead!!!!!!!!!

Oy vey.

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9 comments

  1. I CAN’T WITH JARED AS THIS ANGEL. IT’S SO HORRIBLE. He sounds like he’s swallowing coins.

    LMFAO YES!!!!!! That’s exactly what it sounds like!

    Jared sounds like he’s trying to sound like an upperclass European person who is trying to impersonate Colin Firth impersonating Madonna’s fake British accent.

    And yes again!! And there were interviews where Jared said he was so excited about playing this. SERIOUSLY DUDE?? Texas dude wanted to try out some sort of European accent for a change, I’m assuming. Otherwise… no, Jared. I don’t get you.

    Does anyone give a flying fuck about this stupid political angel bullshit?

    Not me. And at times it seems like I’m one of the very few on my flist who doesn’t. Honestly I’m sick of the cheerleaders who think that everyone involved with SPN shits rainbows. It’s now at the point where I can tell who the cheerleaders are and happily skip past their posts.

    Heh, I have to admit that ‘Sam’s’ purple rage in that scene was hilarious in a pathetic way.

    I love bromangst – you have to copyright it!!

    Like

    1. LOL. Everyone I’ve spoken to agrees that Jared is very robotic this season. The accent just makes it worse. I know that they do sound tests and whatnot so he must be happy to sound like an idiot. His problem LOL. It’s like chalk on a blackboard, ugh. Easily the worst thing about this episode.

      I feel like the writers feel like they have this complex plot that’s so great because it’s the exact opposite of what angels should do. But…that’s been their damn punchline since season 4. Angels are basically people on the show so it doesn’t work anymore and it’s just boring. House of Cards does this political crap better, hell Scandal does it better. With actual humans. Sigh.

      I am writing to the copyright people now haha. 🙂

      I don’t even read other people’s posts anymore because anyone still writing about the show in positive terms is deluded lol. And apart from you and a few other people, I don’t really care what other people think about Supernatural. It’s a waste of our time 🙂

      Like

  2. This recap was so fucking funny! When this episode aired someone I know was distraughtly talking about it and he was saying “They killed off Kevin, oh my god” lol. I found the one person who gave a shit about Kevin!
    I can’t stand Jared anymore, I just can’t, he’s a mess. The acting is supernaturally sad on this show. I’d be willing to bet Kevin will be back before the season finale, ugh.
    You really should look into trademarking “bromangst” before the CW does 🙂

    Like

    1. Thanks! 🙂

      LMAO! Poor, distraught Kevin fanboy! He probably didn’t see it coming on account of Kevin not being female. I hope he doesn’t come back back, but if he does, it should be as a zombie who is all like, HI DEAN, I CAME BACK TO AVENGE MY DEATH BY EATING YOUR GUTS OUT BECAUSE IT’S YOUR FAULT I’M DEAD. Dean crying over zombie!Kevin would be hilarious.

      Oh, Jared, Jared, Jared….he really is. I still maintain that the directors owe to him to tell him to tone it down, but I can see why they wouldn’t.

      Once the CW has paid me substantial damages for the trauma caused by SPN, I’ll drop some bills on a trademark registration hahaha. Until then, I will hashtag it to death. #bromangst 😛

      Like

  3. The first day I discovered your blog I sat there and read EVERY SINGLE POST in one sitting because holy fuckin’ mumble nuts (aka my nickname for Meg) you are an amazing comedy writer. When my passion for Supernatural started to wane I thought I was alone. Maybe I was just crazy. I mean, I would watch my Tumblr become flooded with nonsense just because Misha Collins said/did something on Twitter so there HAD to still be something there right?

    But then I found your blog and realize that NO, the show really IS shit, the actors really DO take themselves WAY too seriously, and the fans really ARE that fucking nuts.

    But I REALLY knew your blog was for me when I got to the two gifs (and yessssssss attached to them) and almost swallowed my tongue with how hard I was laughing. Sometimes when I’m in a shit mood because of a day at the office, I come to this post and read that one paragraph and the world seems a little bit better.

    So snark on, snark sister. Snark on.

    P.S. I realized Misha Collins was a pretentious hipster douche when he made some comment about Russia being the only country putting out decent literature. Not that I hate Russian literature…actually I totally hate Russian literature with an overwhelming passion I can’t quite explain so yeah…that was like the 8th strike.

    Like

    1. Hi! Oh god, haha, at the start there were some weird (read: embarrassing posts), so I commend you for your bravery. Thank you!

      I thought I was alone too, and if you’re on a lot of the big sites like Twitter and Tumblr, you feel even more isolated. It’s crazy. I was actively pretending to like the show for all of season 5 because I thought it would end but…nope.

      But then I found your blog and realize that NO, the show really IS shit, the actors really DO take themselves WAY too seriously, and the fans really ARE that fucking nuts.

      I can’t argue with any of that! It’s sad because all of them started off being decent, then the show hit season 3 (or early season 4, because of the writers strike etc), Misha Collins hit a new level of annoying, the fans decided that the lack of fourth wall = time to amp up the crazy and Jared and Jensen went and lost their damn minds in the midst of all of that.

      LOL. I love both of those gifs. They really did capture my joy at Kevin’s death. If I cared enough, I would have gotten up and given Kevin a farewell “I’m so happy that you’re dead” victory dance. I am really glad that that paragraph cheers you up when you’re in a shit mood. *hugs* (And I totally come back and read some of my own posts when I need a pick me up, there’s something about hating on SPN that makes me happy. I probably need help, lol).

      I will! I’m probably going to do tonight’s episode over the weekend and leave atching 11-13 for later (or never, haha).

      Misha is the worst. He wasn’t this bad when he first joined the show, but having your ego boosted by a bunch of zombie-esque fans will do that to a person. LOL about the Russian Lit, he really does think that he’s the smartest person in the room.

      Thanks for your comment! ❤

      Like

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